“Right here, Tom,” Rob said, kneeling. Emma Percy, Tom’s little sister, gave a yell and came over to him, sitting on Tom’s other side. She grabbed his hand, crying a terrible fuss.
“Rob,” Tom said again. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean—I was trying to help.”
It sounded young and pitiful to my ears, and I stroked his hair back as tears slicked down on my cheeks. Rob clapped Tom’s hand in both of his and nodded solemn to Tom. “You did well, Tom. You did very well.”
“Tom, no,” Emma said. “No!”
He touched her cheek, but there were a bit of his blood on his fingers and it smeared over her face. “You’ll be all right, Emma. Connor will take care of you. He loves you, Emma.”
She gripped his chest, crying hysterically and tugging him as if she’d keep his soul from flying out. “No, Tom,” she said, over and over.
Tom coughed again and spat out blood, but more caught in his throat, shining at me in the dim light from the torches someone’d lit. “I’m sorry I won’t be there, Emma. To give you to him. You’ll do it, Rob,” he said, looking solemn at Robin. “You’ll give her away?”
Rob nodded, and I saw water in his eyes, not falling down, like it were his will alone that kept it in.
“There, Em,” Tom said, but it were more a gurgle now, quieter too. “You won’t be alone.”
She wailed and clutched him, but I felt it, the moment when his eyes lost their light and his body went still and slack. I felt tears leaking into the seam of my mouth, and I kept petting his head, like if I never took my hands off him he wouldn’t have died.
But then the monks came, and villagers came with a cart, and they took him away. And soon everyone else went away, and it were just me and Rob in the forest still, with blood on our hands. He were in front of me, and then he were pulling me up. “Come on, love,” he said to me soft.
I clung to him, and tears started coming out faster. Not moving more, I sagged against him, and he clutched me tight, letting me cry on him like I weren’t much used to doing. I weren’t used to tears being a thing I could share with anyone, but there in the woods with death still lurking round us, I wanted to give them to Rob.
“We can’t win, Rob,” I whispered after a bit. “We can’t never win. All of these people—they look to us for hope and help and all we do is get them killed.”
“Yes,” he grunted. “And how many more would die if we weren’t here?”
I shuddered, and he gripped me tighter.
“John died,” he breathed in my ear. “But it wasn’t our fault. He was innocent, and the prince killed him. His death isn’t our fault. It’s our banner. Our cause. Our reason to fight, always.” His head nuzzled against me. “And yes,” he whispered. “He’s also the reason I want to give up every damn day. I miss him, Scar. I miss my brother.”
Rob shattered me. I broke into a million tiny pieces, crying in his arms like I never cried my whole life. I cried for John, who hadn’t gotten near enough of my tears. And I looked around the forest and wondered if it would always be like this, tired and broken beyond all putting back together. Every day we lived, and every day it felt like we had a little less to live for.
We went back to the castle, a place it were dangerous and easy to start calling home, and Rob drew me aside, holding my hand.
“Stay with me tonight,” he asked. “I don’t want . . . after today, I just want you in my arms. Any way you’ll have me.”
I thought about how I loved sleeping against him, wrapped into his heartbeat like I could be tucked into his heart, and I shut my eyes against the temptation. In the dark behind my eyelids, I thought again of when I got to the tree and didn’t see him, and had thought for a moment that he were dead. Dead and gone from me forever.
Opening my eyes, I shook my head. “I know,” I said. “But David will have a fit, and soon enough, we will be married.”
“When?” he whispered. “I know we should finish raising the tax, but Scarlet, if we’re going to do it—”
“Eleanor will be here in a few weeks’ time,” I told him. “Maybe sooner. And we should wait for her blessing.”
He sighed. “You’re so adamant about not acting like a noblewoman, it’s a little strange you care so much about her blessing.”
I wanted to tell him. But I wanted to surprise him more than I wanted to tell him. Especially after a day that were so awful, I wanted there to be something wonderful left. More than anything, I wanted to give him this gift.
“Soon, love,” I told him. “Good night.”
He watched me go, and I went outside and into the forest.
The next days were awful. We were all slow moving, slow from all the work our desperate, scarred hearts had pulled from our bodies the day the tree fell. I ached everywhere, and more than that, there were a sadness that had drifted down onto us like a mist. Cutting peat we were all quiet, digging our hands into the cold, hard earth, and we stumbled home at night without much to say about it. Missy, for her part, had told more and more people about the secret wedding, and I couldn’t even fault her. It were clear on the faces of those that knew, shoring them up like holy water.
By the third afternoon, the sun had scared away the chill of the morning, and the woods were warm and bright. One of the women starting singing something, a song I’d heard before but didn’t know the words for. The rest of the women began to take it up, and the children too, leaving their tasks to dance with one another in the sudden compulsion that little ones have. The women kept singing as one of the little boys took a loose clod of dirt and threw it at a girl and she shrieked, and the dancing turned to running and chasing.
I heard a whistling and a low chorus to the song, and some of the women laughed as the men bundled up the road on the cart to load up the peat, responding to their song. Rob came to me and I stood, his body fitting against mine so easy, my shoulder tucked under his, his hip against the curve of my waist. I looked up at him, and he ducked his head to give me a soft, gentle, easy kiss.
It were a husband’s kiss, I rather thought. It weren’t the first kiss, a thing of hunger and new tastes. It weren’t all our sad kisses of leaving and coming back, full of desperation and scared. It were just a kiss. A kiss that felt like he’d done it before, a kiss that knew he could do it again.
Then again, it also sent lightning crackling down my back, and I remembered there were ways we weren’t husband and wife just yet. I felt a blush running up my face and he stroked my cheek, kissing me again.
“I don’t know, Sheriff,” Bess said. I broke away from Rob, surprised. She hadn’t been here a minute ago. She had the baby with her, and Much weren’t far off, but she had a wicked smile. “Keep kissing her like that and I think we’ll all have to go to your wedding fair soon,” she said.
To my surprise, this raised cheers from the women and hollers from the men. I felt myself burn red, glaring at her for even teasing at our secret, and Rob tucked me closer to him. “Mind your business,” Rob said, grinning. “Isn’t there a tax to pay?”
“You’ll never get them to the altar,” Much said, winking at me as he took the baby. “Unless it were up in a tree. Or a prison. Then Scar might attend.”
“Nonsense,” Brother Benedict said, hefting a stack of peat bricks onto the cart. “Lady Huntingdon spends more time in a pew than the rest of you.”
“Leave Scar alone,” Rob said, rubbing my back. “Benedict? Much? How are we doing?”
Benedict rubbed his forehead. “I think we’re coming along.”
Much tallied the bricks with a frown. “If we split the cargo to two different markets we’ll do better for price. Considering that, we’re a little over the tax amount.”
Rob started. “Over?”
Much nodded. “Well, given our luck and the nature of thieves here about, we really have to consider that we’ll lose some of the money somehow. Fortunately, we’re well ahead of the deadline and we have a lot of forest yet.”
“Still, let’s not use that opportun
ity if we don’t have to. One thing we certainly know is there’s always another tax.” Rob looked around. “I know everyone isn’t here, but those of you that are, gather close for a moment,” he called.
People drifted in, and children whooshed past me, bumping me closer to Rob. He kissed my temple.
“Our work is done,” he proclaimed, and everyone whooped and cheered. He grinned. “And now, we need to take all this to market and receive our bounty in coins. But before that,” he said, and people sighed, crestfallen. “I think we need to celebrate.”
Everyone cheered again, and I laughed.
“Anyone who can hunt, you can have one more day to hunt the royal forest, and we will feast tomorrow in Nottingham. Anyone in the shire who wants to come is welcome. We will share what we have, and then we will see what the sustenance of this noble shire really is—hope. And love. And caring for the fate of your fellow man.” He nodded solemn. “We will honor the lives of those we’ve lost and we will toast to those new lives who have just begun.”
Much held up Maryanne in answer as the people cheered.
“Let’s do it in the forest,” I said quick and loud, catching Much’s eye and nodding. Winchester saw this and looked confused.
“Yes,” Much said. “The forest gave us all this, it can host the feast!”
“And Rob, you and I can ready things at the castle.”
“Shouldn’t we be in the for—” he started.
“And Winchester will help us in the forest. You’re not needed, Rob,” Much said, nodding him off.
Rob started to smile and looked at me with a shrug. “I confess I don’t know what’s going on, but I will definitely take a few moments with you, my love,” he told me, putting his arm around me.
“Well, I think we will both have much to do,” I told him, smiling. “But I’m sure we can find a few moments.”
“And maybe,” he whispered into my ear, “with Sir David in the forest, you can stay with me tonight.”
I elbowed him off, beaming at him. “We’ll see about that.”
He grinned. “As long as there’s a chance, I’m a happy man.” I smiled at him, but he grew serious, tugging me closer again, flush against him. “I mean it, you know. Whether you’re never ready, whether we never beat Prince John, whether this never ends—as long as there’s a chance, as long as there is some kind of hope for us, I’m happy.”
I touched his face. “I’ll be ready. And we’ll beat Prince John, and this will end. We deserve more than a chance, Rob. We deserve a happy ending.”
His mouth grazed over mine, like a ghost of a kiss. “Strange words from you.”
“You inspire them,” I told him, rubbing my nose on his. “You inspire me.”
No sooner did his mouth fit over mine than I heard, “My lord, my lady! I must insist!” from David.
Rob twisted me in response, holding me careful and tight in his arms while he dipped me and gave me an awful dramatic kiss.
CHAPTER
I went to the forest as soon as I were able, and Missy and Ellie near jumped on me to keep me from the place we’d been setting up for a wedding.
“Well, what are you two up to now?” I asked. “I thought this was my secret.”
“Not anymore,” Missy said. “Come on, my mum says there’s much to do with you.”
“Your mum?” I asked. From railing against my thievery to thinking I were corrupting her daughters, Mistress Morgan hadn’t ever been so keen on me.
“Yes,” Missy said. “And Bess has a present for you!”
This eased me a bit. At least Bess, I were sure, would prevent Mistress Morgan from poisoning me or some such thing.
“Ladies,” I heard. We turned to see Much and Winchester there.
“His lordship has been quite the help,” Much told me, and Winchester smiled.
“Mr. Miller isn’t aware that I have other motives,” Winchester said. “I seem to rely on Lady Huntingdon’s help to get my own lady to the altar.”
I beamed at this. “She’ll be arriving any day,” I told him.
“And you don’t want to wait for her?” he asked. “Or more importantly, Eleanor?”
My face fell a little. “I’d love for her to be here. But I don’t want to wait a day more to be Rob’s wife.”
He nodded. “Maybe then you’ll start to call me Saer.”
“He calls you Quincy, not Saer,” I told him with a grin. “Only Margaret calls you Saer.”
“Yes,” he said. “Ladies I hold in high esteem may call me by my given name.”
I nodded. “I’ll consider it, Winchester.”
He smiled and bowed to me. “Very well; I will take it as my solemn duty to distract the unwitting groom.”
I laughed. “Thank you!” I told him, and the girls tugged me fast away to Edwinstowe.
Missy brought me back to her house, and it seemed the small home were filling with females. Mistress Morgan scowled at me, looking me over from head to toe and back again. “Well,” she said. “Ellie, fetch some water, and I’ll start scrubbing.”
I looked at my hands, caked with dirt from digging out peat.
Mistress Morgan saw where I were looking. “Trust me, your hands are the least of your worries, young lady.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I told her.
She nodded. “If it matters, I’ve long since owed you an apology. I shamed you for stealing, and all you ever wanted was to help my family. I’m sorry for that.”
My heart swelled up. “It’s never needed,” I told her. “But it means a lot, all the same.”
She gave one final sharp nod. “In the morning, we’ll send the girls for flowers. Perfect time of year for it.”
“Flowers?” I questioned, but she already went to the kitchen, and Bess sat me down.
“You heard her,” Bess said with a smile. “Time to scrub!”
They were at me for hours. I had little idea what they were doing, only that I had no modesty by the end of it. Bess cleaned my hands careful, especially the half hand with the damaged stumps. I told her she didn’t have to, that she should rest, and she just smiled and pushed off my protests.
I’d lost my sister far too early in life, and in running from home with Joanna, I’d given up my only chance at a mother. I’d never had this, females that wanted to be part of my life. That wanted to be part of all my life.
“Thank you,” I whispered to Bess. “Thank you for . . . this.”
She beamed at me. “Don’t be silly,” she told me. “We’re family now. We’ll be family as long as you want it.”
“Even though I’m some stuck-up lady now?” I asked her.
She laughed. “In truth, you’re a lot nicer now than when you were a thief pretending to be a boy. So if it’s the ladyship part of you, I’ll take it.” I frowned, and she laughed again, gentler. “I think you just have so many more people that care for you than you’ve ever been willing to admit, Scar.”
It were strange, and wondrous, and made water push up behind my eyes, that maybe she weren’t wrong.
Missy popped her head round the corner into the kitchen. “Is she done? It’s done!”
I frowned. “What?”
“Yes,” Bess said, toweling my clean, soft hands dry.
Missy hopped into the kitchen with a dress. My dress, sort of—it were made from a blue dress I’d worn the night Rob became sheriff, that last happy night with him—but it were different, the light blue underskirts repurposed to make the whole dress, and the old velvet overlay changed to just bare edge it in dark blue, shot through with silver. The skirt were layers of soft blue fabrics that must have come from still other dresses. The whole thing shimmered and looked soft and sweet.
My breath caught. Were this meant to be something I could wear? Could I be soft and sweet? Were I meant to be, once I were a wife?
“Look,” Missy told me, flipping it round. She stuck her finger through two small loops. “For your knives!”
I laughed. I laughed so hard I started crying
, and I hugged her close to me.
When they finally let me rest, I curled up in a chair by a dying fire. There, in the slow-darkening light and quiet, I finally pulled out Rob’s letter.
SCARLET, 132.
I wish I could paint. I’m awful at it, and I’m sorry. Or even sketch. I’ll try with words, pale though they are.
I left the castle early today. There was frost on the ground, hopefully our last, and the cold made my breath plume out in these big clouds. It seemed like a fairy story, or like Avalon, shrouding me in mist. Like if I just kept breathing, I could will magic into being. I could make things change for us, or I could make you appear to me.
The frost made everything glitter. It was one of those perfect frosts, where every blade of grass looks special and beautiful because of ice like lace on it. Even with the frost, the forest is green again, and this was like a crystal green, like a prism around the green.
We buried John in the graveyard of the monastery, and this morning—like many others—I went to visit him. To talk. To tell him he was right about us all along. He knew I loved you from the first. He said I was being an ass and should just tell you, and I told him to stop meddling—which led to a rather massive fight. You’ll remember it, that first winter—you and Tuck and Much had a hard time pulling us apart. John slugged Much in the face by accident and you wouldn’t speak to him for a week. You two thought we were fighting about one of the tavern girls, and that started the fight—but really, we were fighting about you. And what I should do.
I never told John that I’d said you should marry him. Mostly because I thought he’d take me up on it, and once things were good between us, I never got the chance. So I confessed it to his tombstone. That it should have been him to love you, to marry you. He would have taken you away from Nottingham and gotten started on a family with you straight off.