“Well, then we’re just going to have to figure out a way for you to untell her. She brought the best of you back to life, Jake, and I don’t want to lose that again.”
I grin, hope blooming in my chest for the first time in a long time. “Do you think it’ll work?”
“Only one way to find out.”
Chapter Seventeen
Addison
I couldn’t hack it. Last night was the first night that Jake performed at Seduction since he decided to be a dirtbag and slice my heart open with a rusty knife.
Yes, I’ve become a bit dramatic over the past few days, but that’s exactly what it feels like. I feel bled out. I’m tired, probably because I’m not sleeping, and I’m weak, most likely because I can’t keep food down.
I’m just sad.
And that really pisses me off. I hate that he has that kind of power over me, that he’s affected my mood like this.
So he dumped me. So what? I mean, life goes on.
But last night, when he began playing “Sad,” one of my favorite Maroon 5 songs, I just couldn’t do it. I turned around, waved at Kat, and walked right out the back.
It’s bad enough that I’ve stayed away for the hour or two before he shows up to play so I don’t run into him before he takes the stage. Just the sound of his voice made me panic.
I have Jake PTSD.
“You’re not going to do that tonight,” I say to my reflection in the bathroom mirror as I check my lip gloss and smooth my hands down my high-waisted pencil skirt. “Jake brings in a lot of money every weekend. Like it or not, it’s best having him here for business.” I point at myself and narrow my eyes. “You’re a grown woman. You’re a professional. So pull up your big-girl panties and deal with it.”
“Is that working?” Riley asks as she comes out of the stall behind me.
“I think so.”
She smirks and washes her hands. “You don’t have to be here, Addie. The rest of us can handle it here.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Addie—”
“This is my place too,” I interrupt her with a shake of my head. “I made the bad mistake of falling for an employee, and now I’m paying the consequences. Lesson learned.”
“If you need anything, all four of us are here.”
“I know.” I hug Riley tight. “Thank you.” The fact that my friends have come in when they don’t have to, just because they know that being faced with Jake is hard on me, makes me more grateful than I can say.
“He asked me to give this to you.” She pulls a small white envelope out of her pocket.
“You can rip it up and throw it away.”
“Come on, Addie. Just read it.”
I roll my eyes and take the note.
Addie—
I miss you. Just talk to me.
—Jake
We can hear applause from the dining room. “He’s on,” Riley says. “It’s safe for you to go out there now.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” I sniff and put my nose in the air as I fold the note and shove it in my bra, then walk out of the bathroom, purposefully not looking in Jake’s direction, and begin to make my rounds through the dining room, asking diners if they’re happy with their dinners, and if anyone needs anything else.
I may be avoiding looking at him, but there is no way to avoid hearing him. God, I love his voice. He’s singing a Gavin Degraw song, and his voice washes over me. It’s the most amazing and the most hurtful thing, all at the same time.
But I force a smile as someone asks for another glass of wine and I try to block out that the love of my life is currently on my stage. He won’t take me home tonight and touch me or make love to me. Or simply smile at me or make me laugh.
There is nothing there, yet I can hear him, and it’s my own private hell.
“You okay?” Cami asks as she passes by me on the way to the bar.
“Yes. Can you please get another glass of house white for table fourteen?”
“On it.” She nods and bustles away, as if she waitresses every night. I turn at the sound of my name and smile when I see Christina and Kevin sitting at a table in the heart of the dining room.
“Hi, guys. How are you?”
“We’re fine,” Christina replies, her eyes shrewd as she watches me. “How are you?”
“I’m great.” Fake it till you make it, girl. I smile brightly. “Can I get you anything?”
“We’re great,” Kevin replies kindly. “It’s good to see you, Addie.”
“You too.” I smile again. “I need to check on an order from the bar.” I need to get away from them. It’s too soon to see people that I’d come to really care about who I don’t get to keep in my life. Just as I reach the back of the room, Jake begins to talk.
“This next song is for someone special.” That’s all he says before he begins to sing a cover of “Thinking Out Loud.”
Darling I will be loving you till we’re seventy.
I can’t do this.
My heart literally aches as it beats out of control. I march straight back to the bar, where Kat and Cami are filling drink orders.
“I can’t.”
“Addie—” Cami’s eyes are worried.
“No. I can’t do this. I thought I was strong enough, but I’m not. This is his last night. I’ll find someone else.” I take a deep breath, trying to keep my tears at bay. “I have to go.”
“Go.” Kat tips her chin toward the back door as she pours a beer from tap. “You shouldn’t be here anyway.”
I nod and fetch my purse, then walk straight out the door without looking in Jake’s direction.
I consider that a win.
I’VE HAD “THINKING OUT LOUD” on repeat in my condo all damn day. It’s my one day off, and I’m doing exactly what I want to do: housework and laundry. I have a green mask on my face, my hair in a towel, letting the deep conditioner do its job.
I might shave my legs later, just to make me feel better.
I mean, my heart may be broken, but that’s no reason for a girl to let herself go.
Cami and I met for breakfast this morning, and she told me that before they could tell Jake that he was fired, he quit after his set. That made me sad, which I don’t understand at all.
But really, I don’t understand many of my feelings this week.
Just as I’m about to go rinse my face and my hair, there’s a knock on the door.
“Ms. Wade?” a young woman asks. She’s holding a big white box with a red ribbon around it.
“Yes.”
“This is for you.” She’s smiling widely as she hands it to me. The bottom of it is warm.
“Is it going to explode?”
“No, ma’am,” she replies with a laugh. “Enjoy.”
“Thanks.”
I carry the box to my kitchen counter, pull the red ribbon apart, and open the box, frowning at the contents.
There’s another white box with a red ribbon and a brown paper bag with the most delicious smells coming from it.
I pull everything out, toss the big box aside, and open the bag first. A burger and fries from the lodge at Multnomah Falls.
They deliver?
Inside the smaller box is a framed photo of the selfie that Jake and I took at the falls. He’s kissing my cheek.
On the frame is engraved ALWAYS KISS ME GOOD NIGHT.
And there’s a note.
A—
This was at my second favorite place with my very favorite person. I miss you.
—J
I miss him too, but I’m completely confused. Is he trying to get me back? Or is he just playing with my emotions?
I set the photo on the windowsill above the kitchen sink and lean against the countertop, eating the burger. And how did he get this to me still piping hot? Did he helicopter it in?
And how did he know that I’d be home?
“I HAVE A delivery for Addison Wade.”
I frown at the flower delivery boy who ju
st walked into Seduction. We aren’t even open yet for the day.
“That’s me.”
“Oh, look how beautiful those are,” Daisy says beside me. She’s all heart-eyed as I take the bouquet of yellow roses.
They smell so damn good.
What is he doing?
“There’s a card,” Daisy says as Riley joins us.
“Got flowers?” Riley asks.
“No, I got chicken pox,” I mutter and pull the card from its envelope.
A—
Sixty-three yellow roses. One for every day our friendship grew. I miss you.
—J
“Damn, that’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever read,” Cami says from behind me, startling me.
“Where did you come from?”
“I heard Riley say that you got flowers. That’s very sweet of him, Addie.”
I shrug and carry the beautiful roses back to our office, Cami, Riley, and Daisy following me like little ducklings.
“He’s sending me things,” I mutter with a frown.
“This isn’t your first delivery?” Cami asks, trading glances with Riley.
“No.” I tell them about the photo and the food from yesterday.
“He’s obviously trying to woo you,” Cami says with a romantic sigh.
“Well, it’s not going to work,” I say, not with nearly as much conviction as I’d like.
“Why?” Daisy asks. “He’s hot and, like, totally into you.”
I shake my head. No way.
“You could just talk to him,” Riley says.
“I’ll pass. Kat said it best the other night. The more I talk to him, the more it’ll keep hurting. It hurts enough already. He’ll give up and go away.” I shrug, as though it’s no big deal, but I want to curl up and cry.
And I refuse to give him even one more tear. I have a life to get on with.
“SO, HOW ARE you really?” Cici asks the next day as she takes my nail polish off.
“I’m really sick of answering that question,” I reply, glaring at my friend. “Seriously, we all need to move on.”
“Hey, I haven’t seen you since it all went down, so I get to ask.”
“I’m hurting and I’m tired and I’m pretty sure everyone hates hanging out with me these days because I’m a bitch.” I smile sweetly. “But I’m fantastic.”
“Well, you’re still a smart-ass, so that’s a good sign.”
“A good sign of what?”
“I don’t know, it just sounded like a good thing to say.”
I chuckle and shake my head. “You’re funny.”
“And your nails look like you’ve been clawing at the walls.”
“I cleaned my condo on Sunday from top to bottom with no gloves.” I shrug. “I clean when I’m stressed out.”
“Next time, come clean my house.”
“You have four kids. I wouldn’t even clean your house with gloves on.”
We’re both laughing as Cici’s husband comes into her studio carrying a huge bouquet of pink roses. “Sorry to interrupt, but these were just delivered for you, Addie.”
“Wow,” Cici says with wide eyes. “You don’t send me flowers like that.”
“I don’t think I screw up as big as this guy must have,” he replies with a wink and returns to the main house.
“There are a lot of flowers here,” I mutter, staring at the beautiful pink blooms. “He sent sixty-three yesterday, and there’s more than that here.”
“He sent flowers yesterday too?” Cici asks.
“Yeah.”
She pulls the card out of its plastic holder and passes it to me before burying her nose in the fragrant blooms. “Seriously, my husband needs to pick up his game.”
A—
A pink rose for when I think of kissing your gorgeous lips. Not one for every time because they’d never all fit in one room, but a hundred is a start. I miss you.
—J
“Marry him. Right now.”
I shake my head and tuck the card in my purse, next to the other three notes from Jake. “He’s not mine.”
“But it’s clear that he could be. Aren’t you being stubborn?”
“Yes.” I nod and sit back in the chair. “And you know why? Because when I forgive, I just get my heart trampled on again and again, and I’m not settling for that again. He tossed me away. He doesn’t get me back.”
“I’M GOING TO lock you out of the kitchen,” I warn Mia the next afternoon, right before we open for lunch. “I’m serious, Mia, you need a day off.”
“I took last Tuesday off,” she says stubbornly, glaring at Kat and me. “I need to check on the new appetizer menu.”
“No. You don’t.” Kat crosses her arms over her chest. “Go home, Mia.”
Mia’s dark brown eyes are furious as she spins and stomps out of the restaurant, slamming the door behind her.
“I hate that she won’t voluntarily take days off,” I murmur. “Even one day a week.”
“I know,” Kat replies, her eyes widening at something over my shoulder. “Um, I think those are for you.”
I spin around and am met with a smiling delivery boy—the same one from Monday—and more white roses than I can count.
“For me?” I ask.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“You can just put them on the bar.”
He complies, grins again, then leaves, mentally counting his tips from all the deliveries he’s making to me, I’m sure.
“This is crazy,” I mutter as I press my nose against one of the soft blooms.
“Read the card,” Kat says with a grin. All of the girls have come to love his cards, most likely because of the sweet way he has with words.
No wonder he’s won Grammys for the songs he’s written.
A—
These smell the best, and when I touch them, they remind me of the softness of your sweet skin. I don’t know how many there are, I told them to just send them all. I miss you, so much.
—J
I simply rest my head on the bar, right against the wood, and let the tears come.
“I have to tell him to stop,” I cry. “I can’t do this anymore, Kat. I just can’t. You were right: the more I hear from him, the more it hurts.”
“Wow, Jake,” I hear from behind me. I quickly wipe my cheeks and turn to find Christina gaping at the display of white roses. “He might have gone a little crazy with this one.”
I nod, mortified that she heard my crying. The only thing worse would be if Jake himself heard me.
And I’ll be damned if that ever happens.
“What can I do for you, Christina?”
“I was hoping that you’d have time for me to take you to lunch. I’d really love to chat with you.”
“I don’t really—”
“Sure you do,” Kat says with an innocent smile. “Go ahead and go.”
I glare at her, then turn back to Christina. “So, here’s the thing. I’d love to chat with you, but I don’t want to talk about Jake.”
“Perfect.” She smiles and leads me out into the sunny Portland afternoon. “Actually, do you mind if we just walk down to the park?”
“Works for me.”
We walk in silence. I didn’t realize how nice it would be to be out in the fresh air. It feels good.
“How’s Kevin? It was good to see you guys the other night,” I begin, breaking the silence.
“We both know that’s bullshit,” Christina replies with a kind smile. “Seeing us was salt to an open wound, and I’m sorry for that.”
I shrug. “It is what it is. You’re always welcome in my restaurant, and I’d like it if you came often. I like both of you very much.”
“We like you too.” Christina clears her throat. “Jake says that you still haven’t contacted him.”
“No.” I shake my head. “And I don’t plan to. His efforts are flattering, but I’m just trying to move on.”
“So, you don’t believe in second chances, then?” she asks, putting my
guard right up.
“You don’t know anything about me,” I reply coldly. “You don’t know how many second chances I’ve given to people who have thrown me away like I’m trash, and it turns out Jake was no different than the rest of them. So, no, I don’t believe in second chances anymore because I’m the one who ends up disappointed.”
“He definitely doesn’t think you’re trash,” Christina begins, but I hold my hand up, stopping her.
“I said I would come if we didn’t talk about Jake.”
She takes a deep breath. “You’re right. Instead, let’s talk about me.”
I raise a brow. “Okay.”
“Did Jake tell you how I lost my leg?”
I shake my head, not sure how much I should say, and definitely keeping my guard up.
“I was in a car accident, after Jake and I had a pretty brutal argument. I was irritated with him, but that’s not what caused the accident. It was simply that: a freak accident, and I ended up upside down at the side of a freeway, my leg trapped between the steering wheel and the seat, and the doctors couldn’t save it.
“It was no one’s fault, but Jake stupidly shouldered the blame for a very long time. He was convinced that it was his stupid actions that made me lose my leg. And there are other factors there that he should probably be the one to tell you about.”
“Not that I’m not sympathetic, but why are you telling me all of this?”
“Because I think you’re good for my friend, and I just wanted to give you some insight into why Jake reacts the way he does sometimes. Thinking that you might have been in that accident last week after you’d argued put him in a bad head space. I think he’s trying to make up for that now.”
“Look.” I stand up and begin to walk away. “I understand what you’re saying. I do. I’m sorry that all of you went through that time. But honestly, I feel like I’m being punished for the past. I didn’t do anything wrong, but I was punished anyway, and frankly, I can’t give him the opportunity to do it again.”
I shrug, holding my hands out at my sides as I back away from Christina, who simply looks sad. “I wish you nothing but the best,” I tell her. And with that, I walk away, not looking back.
Chapter Eighteen
Jake
I’m sitting on the bench next to Max at the piano, singing the final few lines of Addie’s song. I finished writing it yesterday and asked Max to come in the studio with me to fine-tune, as only he can. The man is amazing when it comes to the melody, and he took my good song and made it fucking perfect.