Read Little Masterpieces of American Wit and Humor, Volume II Page 14

  CHARLES GODFREY LELAND

  BALLAD

  Der noble Ritter Hugo Von Schwillensaufenstein, Rode out mit shpeer and helmet Und he coom to de panks of de Rhine

  Und oop dere rose a meer maid, Vot hadn't got nodings on, Und she say, "Oh, Ritter Hugo, Vhere you goes mit yourself alone?"

  Und he says, "I rides in de creenwood Mit helmet und mit shpeer, Till I cooms into em Gasthuas, Und dere I trinks some beer."

  Und den outshpoke de maiden Vot hadn't got nodings on: "I ton't dink mooch of beoplesh Dat goes mit demselfs alone.

  "You'd petter coom down in de wasser, Vere dere's heaps of dings to see, Und have a shplendid tinner Und drafel along mit me.

  "Dere you sees de fisch a-schwimmin, Und you catches dem efery one"-- So sang dis wasser maiden Vot hadn't got nodings on.

  "Dere ish drunks all full mit money In ships dat vent down of old; Und you helpsh yourself, by dunder! To shimmerin crowns of gold.

  "Shoost look at dese shpoons und vatches! Shoost see dese diamant rings! Coom down und full your bockets, Und I'll giss you like averydings.

  "Vot you vantsh mit your schnapps und lager? Coom down into der Rhine! Der ish pottles der Kaiser Charlemagne Vonce filled mit gold-red wine!"

  _Dat_ fetched him--he shtood all shpellpound; She pooled his coat-tails down, She drawed him oonder der wasser, De maiden mit nodings on.

  CHARLES G. LELAND.

  * * * * *

  A neighbor whose place adjoined Bronson Alcott's had a vegetable gardenin which he took a great interest. Mr. Alcott had one also, and bothmen were especially interested in their potato patches. One morning,meeting by the fence, the neighbor said, "How is it, Mr. Alcott, youare never troubled with bugs, while my vines are crowded with them?"

  "My friend," replied Mr. Alcott, "I rise very early in the morning,gather all the bugs from my vines and throw them into your yard."