Read Little Masterpieces of American Wit and Humor, Volume II Page 32

  SOME MESSAGES RECEIVED BY TEACHERS IN BROOKLYN PUBLIC SCHOOLS

  The fact that the "Slab City" parents object to clay-modeling in theschools is illustrated in the following note sent to a teacher in oneof the Tenth Ward schools:

  _Miss ----_: John kem home yesterday wid his clothes covered wid mud. He said you put him to work mixing clay when he ought to be learning to read an' write. Me man carries th' hod, an' God knows I hev enuf trouble wid his clothes in th' wash widout scraping John's coat. If he comes home like this agin I'll send him back ter yez to wash his clothes. MRS. O'R----

  Here is one from a Brownsville mother who objects to physical culture:

  _Miss Brown_: You must stop teach my Lizzie fisical torture she needs yet readin' an' figors mit sums more as that, if I want her to do jumpin' I kin make her jump. MRS. CANAVOWSKY.

  The number of parents who object to the temperance plank in theeducational platform is greater than the number of objectors to anyother class of study in Williamsburg. Here is a copy of a note sent toa teacher in the Stagg Street school:

  _Miss ----_: My boy tells me that when I trink beer der overcoat vrom my stummack gets to thick. Please be so kind and don't intervere in my family afairs. MR. CHRIS ----

  Here is a sample on the same subject sent to a teacher in the MaujerStreet school:

  _Dear Teacher_: You should mine your own bizniss an' not tell Jake he should not trink bier, so long he lif he trinks the bier an' he trinks it yen wen bill rains is ded, if you interfer some more I go on the bored of edcation. W. S.

  In this school the teachers are often compelled to listen to longarguments on the excise question, and the parents who call around toargue become greatly excited when told that the children are taught notto taste alcoholic liquors. One little boy told his teacher that hismother had given him orders to get up and leave the classroom duringthe hour for discussing the alcohol question. The teacher told the boyto ask his mother to call around at the schoolhouse. She wrote thisnote instead:

  _Teacher_: John says you want to see me. I have a bier saloon and nine children. Bizness is good in morning an' aft'noon. How can I come?

  The Pickleville parents as a rule never omit the "obliging" end of anote, as will be seen in the following, sent to a teacher of the WallStreet school:

  _Dear Teacher_: Pleas excus Fritz for staying home he had der meesells to oblige his father. J. B.

  And here is another of the obliging kind:

  _Teacher_: Please excuse Henny for not comeing in school as he died from the car run-over on Tuesday. By doing so you will greatly oblige his loving mother.

  Here is one sent to the Brownsville school:

  _Dear Miss Baker_: Please excuse Rachael for being away those two days her grandmother died to oblige her mother. MRS. RENSKI.

  The child mentioned in the following note was neither German nor Irish.But he is back in school after a battle with the doctors:

  _Miss ----_: Frank could not come these three weeks because he had the amonia and information of the vowels. MRS. SMITH.

  The notes sent are sometimes written on scented paper, and as a rulethese are misspelled. Here is a scented-paper sample:

  _Teacher_: You must excuse my girl for not coming to school, she was sick and lade in a common dose state for tree days. MRS. W.

  In this same school a teacher received the following:

  _Miss ----_: Please let Willie home at 2 o'clock. I take him out for a little pleasure to see his grandfather's grave. MRS. R.

  Still another mother wrote the following:

  _Miss ----_: Please be so kind an' knock hell out of Sol when he gives too much lip to oblige his mother.

  THE TROUT'S APPEAL

  Don't visit the commonplace Winnepesauke, Or the rivulet Onoquinapaskeasanognog, Nor climb to the summit of bare Moosilauke, And look eastward toward the clear Umbagog; But come into Maine to the Welokennebacock, Or to the saucy little river Essiqualsagook, Or still smaller stream of Chinquassabunticook, Then visit me last on the great Anasagunticook.