Chapter 4 - Not Supposed to Happen This Way
It was great fun getting ready; Julie lent her a really smart, low cut frock, with a jacket to cover it up, while they were leaving her house. They locked themselves in Julie’s room and did each other’s hair, or at least Julie did Lizzie’s and she tried to help a bit as Julie did her own. Then Julie got out her make-up and got to work making up their faces. She was obviously highly practised at all this. Lizzie did not have much idea or skill, sometimes she used her mother’s lipstick but that was about the limit.
However Julie had it all, eye shadow, mascara, skin tints and so many colours of lipsticks. They experimented for half an hour and Lizzie found herself thoroughly enjoying this creative fun with her friend. They dawdled away an hour or two until at last it was almost six in the evening and time to go. There was a ten past six ferry from Birchgrove which would take them to Circular Quay and from there they would catch a bus up George Street.
So they called out their goodbyes and slipped out of the house. Lizzie was pleased that she did not have to walk past Lizzie’s parents. They were sitting out the back. She did not lie as easily as Julie did, and she found it much harder to lie when actually looking at people.
It was just coming to seven on the Town Hall clock when they alighted from the bus. There was one of Martin’s friends, Will it was, waiting for them. He led them around the corner into Clarence Street where the car was parked and the others were waiting. There were six of them, Carl and Julie got in the front with Martin and Lizzie went into the back with Will and Dan. The car’s seats seemed huge and incredibly plush and she sank in between the two boys. The engine started and they were away, driving down the city then out along Oxford Street. Soon they were stopping at a big hotel. They all went inside to a quiet corner with lounge seats. The boys ordered beer and she and Julie each had a sherry. Lizzie had barely tried more than a sip of any drink before and she found the sherry strong but sweet and easy to swallow. On her second drink she could feel herself becoming light headed. After an hour they went on again. It was dark now. The lights and the world seemed to float by as they wound their way along a series of roads.
Then they were stopping at a really big house with lots of lights on. Martin took her arm and walked her inside where he introduced her to the host. Carl and Julie followed just behind. Dan and Will were a bit further back, staying together. Martin was good company, he knew lots of people and Lizzie found herself talking to other interesting people, she could feel her tongue loosening as the evening flowed along. There was lots of delicious food, like at her Mum’s party food, but so many more types, carried around by waiters on little silver trays. Now she found herself drinking glasses of champagne, a really good one that Martin had insisted she try. Every time she drank a bit someone filled her glass again. After a while she had no idea how much she had drunk.
But it was fun. Then there was music, Will had her up dancing, even though her feet got a bit tangled, then Martin had a turn, then someone else, then Dan, She could feel herself getting breathless and giddy with all the swinging around. Then Martin got her up for a slow dance and she could feel his strong hard body pushing up against her as they danced really close together. Then it was another wild rock and roll sort of dance. It seemed to go on forever.
Everyone was hot and breathless when it finished. She gulped down her champagne, finishing the glass. Instantly it was refilled and she drank this too because she was thirsty.
Martin led her outside, it was much cooler there. She leant into his arm as she walked along; she found it hard to walk straight by herself. For a minute they stood on the steps, looking out across the street to the harbour beyond, Martin with his arm around her shoulder and Dan and Will a couple steps behind. The world swayed in front of her.
Julie and Carl had drifted off to some other part of the party, she half thought she should go and find Julie and talk to her, but Martin had his arm firmly around her. It seemed too much effort to separate from him.
She felt quite fuddled from all the drinking, but it had been a fun night. She really felt like sitting down and resting, just for a minute. At the back of her mind she had a sense of deja vue, like she had been in this place before but she could not remember quite when. Then it came to her, Sophie, in the dream, had been standing down the path just in front of her. But she was not there now.
Next thing she knew Martin was saying to her, the car is just across the road, let’s go and sit into it for a minute. Holding her firmly around the shoulders he led her down the path and across the road. She had another fleeting memory of the place in the path where Sophie tried to stop her, but she turned her head the other way as she went past to block it out.
When they got to the car Martin opened the back door and eased her in. Then he came in next to her, his arm now around her waist and his chin nuzzling into her neck. It was dark but the street light lit them. She realised he was trying to kiss her; she turned her face to look at him. He had a strange panting and desperate look on his face, like he was looking at her but seeing an object, part her, but not really her. He was also looking intently at the front of her low cut dress; she realised he was trying to look inside her top, and stare at her body. Even in her fuddled state it made her uncomfortable.
Next thing she knew Dan had got into the driver’s seat and Will was in the front passenger’s seat. She did not understand why they were there, but she was not thinking very clearly. Martin was trying to put his hand inside her top. She pulled it out. Then the car engine had started and it was being driven down the road.
She said to Martin, through her fuzzy brain, feeling uneasy. “Where are we going?”
He said, “I thought we would go for a drive to the beach around the corner. It is really quiet there at this time of night, and the view of the harbour is great from there.”
As they drove her unease faded, what was the harm of going to the beach and looking out across the water. Martin was leaving her alone now. He was looking around the street as they drove, as if to see if there was anyone else out there.
Soon they came to a place with a big sign which read “Nielsen Park”. It was an area of parkland and at one end the road curved around to the beach. There was no one else in sight and they had seen no one on the drive. Martin pulled her arm to bring her out of the car. He escorted her to the sandy beach where he sat down. He pulled her down beside him.
Then he pushed her onto her back and was pushing his body on top of her. She tried to wriggle free, but he was way too strong. Now he had put his hand under the bottom of her dress and was trying to pull her panties down. She realised now this was not where she wanted to be and that this was trouble.
She grabbed his hand and pulled it away. She tried to push him away, pushing as hard as she could. His arms were like a vice, and his body was really heavy in top of her, she could barely move.
She said to him, “If you don’t stop now I will scream.”
He just laughed and said. “Boys, she is threatening to scream; maybe we will have to gag her before we finish this.”
Then he grabbed her mouth really hard, crushing her lips together in his hand. He said, “Time to stop fighting or we really will hurt you, much better if you just lie back, open your legs and let it happen. You didn’t think we brought a pretty little poor girl to a party just to admire her did you. Now it is time to reward us back for being nice to you”
She shook her head, she could not just let this happen, she struggled even harder and started to call out for help.
Suddenly all three were holding her. One put tape around her mouth; the other held her from behind; the third picked up her kicking legs and pulled her panties down, part tearing them. He held them in the air. “Look what I have got boys; we might keep this as a souvenir, to remember tonight with Lizzie.”
Martin took his pants off. Will and Dan held her down on her back, with her legs kicking frantically in the air, her dress pulled high above her w
aist and her body naked below. One pushed his finger into the place where her legs met. She tried to bite a restraining hand; the hand grabbed her hair and wrenched it violently. She felt she would pass out from the pain and shame of this. They wrenched her legs apart, leered at her nakedness, and touched her there some more.
“What do you know lads, still a virgin, must be our lucky day!”
Now Martin was on top, pushing into her. It really hurt. She felt something give, like a rip inside. Now he was moving and groaning, as if in huge pleasure. She felt sick. It hurt her inside; it was supposed to be nice, not like this.
After a while Martin stopped moving and pulled off, she could not bear to look at him, she had trusted him. Then Dan took his place and for five minutes he did something like Martin did, finishing with a cry of pleasure. Martin whacked him, “Keep quiet you goose”. Now Will took a turn, by now she was trying to close off her mind and go somewhere else, where she could not feel it and did not let herself believe it.
When Will had finished they all sat there, next to her, congratulating themselves on what a good thing she was, how well they had done to find her and bring her here. She curled on her side, facing away from them, trying to cover herself. She hoped it was over.
But it was just a brief respite. Soon they all decided they wanted second turns. Lizzie was trying not to cry. With her mouth taped closed she could barely make a noise, but little whimpering sobs were coming out of her.
This was so awful, why had she let herself come, why did she think Julie was her friend, why had she not listened to Sophie? She wanted it to end and to get away from here.
Finally it was over; they took the tape off her mouth. They said that it would be stupid to scream now, that no one would believe her if she said what had happened. They would say she was drunk and had agreed and enjoyed it; now she was just trying to change her mind.
She knew it was hopeless and she did not want anyone to know. She dressed and when they were only half watching, in their smug self-satisfaction, she ran off into the dark night.
There was a half shout and someone chased her for a few paces. Then he tripped and fell, grunting and cursing, into the bushes. After that there was just silence as she slowly edged away from where they were. A few minutes later she heard the car start and saw headlights sweep the sky as they drove away.
She walked through the night for hours, only half knowing where she was. Before long she came to a road which she followed, and then another road, walking with no purpose and turning at random.
Dawn saw her at the edge of Centennial Park; from here she knew her way home. She found a tap and washed and cleaned herself as best she could, her dress and outer clothes seemed fine, just a few marks which she rubbed away. Her panties were torn and covered with blood, so she threw these in the bin.
It hurt down there when she walked, but if she went slowly it was not too bad. It seemed to take hours but eventually she found herself at the front of their house in Smith St, Balmain. She knew her Mum and David would be at church, she had heard the church bell ring from the bottom of the street. So she slipped around the back, let herself in, bathed herself and put on clean clothes. Then she lay on her bed and cried herself to sleep, overwhelmed with shame and a hurting body.
She heard her Mum and David come home but begged to be left alone, saying she had a headache. Two hours later came a knock on the front door, it was Julie. She asked if Lizzie was home. Her mother brought Julie to the bedroom and asked her to be quiet because Lizzie had a headache.
Julie closed the door and came and sat next to her on the bed. “Where did you go? Martin and the other boys said you felt sick and decided to catch the bus home. I did not know whether to believe them; there was something funny, a sort of smirk about the way they said it. I was too drunk and fuzzy to really question them. But here you are, safe and sound, so they must have been right. Are you OK now?”
Lizzie turned her face away and buried it in the pillow, what was the use of saying anything? Like they said, no one would believe her. She felt so ashamed, she wanted to pretend that it had never happened; she wanted everyone to go away and leave her alone.
Julie kept trying to talk to her and she kept turning her face away, struggling to hold back the tears. Finally Julie said. “There is something wrong, isn’t there? Why won’t you tell me? I am your friend. I thought you were my friend too; friends tell each other these things.”
Lizzie replied. “I don’t want friends like you, rich spoilt kids, who have never had to work for anything, who think they can do whatever they like and get away with it. I hate you and I hate all your friends. I just want you to go away and never come back. Go now, please, and don’t come back here anymore.”
Julie had a shocked and stricken look on her face. Lizzie realised what she had said had really hurt her; it was not really Julie’s fault what had happened, she just did not understand what it was like to be poor and have to fight the world and all the rotten people who lived in it. Julie trusted people and did not realise how some people were all bad inside.
But now Lizzie was determined to be left alone. Friends like Julie would only cause trouble, and still more trouble. Julie looked like she wanted to plead or ask more. So Lizzie hissed. “Just go, like I said, I don’t want to talk to you again, ever.”
The door closed. Lizzie was alone.
The next day a note came from Julie, saying she was sorry for whatever she had done and still really wanted to be friends.
Lizzie burnt the note, but put her own note inside the envelope. ‘Leave Me Alone!!’ She marked it, ‘Return to Sender’.
After that she did not hear from Julie any more. She also stopped talking to her other friends from school. She did not want to go out; she did not want to see other people.
The next week she started her job in the factory in Pyrmont.