The reflection yawned, crossed her arms over her chest and rolled her eyes. ‘It doesn’t matter how many times you blink and wish me away, I’m here to stay.’ She took a deep breath while Rebecca’s breathing started to go shallow and her face went whiter. ‘Hello, Rebecca.’
Without thinking, Rebecca jumped up from the tiled floor and bolted into her bedroom. When she could no longer see the reflection she began to breathe easier. “Okay, that was a hallucination brought on by lack of sleep.” She told herself. It had to be, otherwise she was going mad. She started to pace the room.
‘I’m not a hallucination. I’m your wolf. And I figured it was high time to introduce myself. You are making quite a mess of things, young one.’
It was the same voice that had been ringing in her mind, but the reflection was gone. Thankfully. It was kind of creepy seeing your reflection move in ways you weren’t. Rebecca closed her eyes again, breathing deeply. She was afraid if she didn’t relax a little she would hyperventilate. As she focused on clearing her mind she remembered that Dianna told her being a wolf meant two conscious beings shared one body. Rebecca never imagined the wolf would talk to her.
‘How else do you think I’m going to be able to help you acclimate yourself to this new world?’
She was talking again. The voice was hers, only in her mind. This was the most fantastical thing Rebecca had experienced. It was almost surreal.
‘In general, etiquette dictates that you at least say ‘hi’.’
‘Um, hi?’ Rebecca answered the voice in her mind with her own.
‘Good progress.’
“No, no progress. This is insanity, literally. They lock people away in mental hospitals for talking to themselves.” Rebecca spoke out loud, panic setting back in.
‘That’s why you simply respond to me in your mind, silly girl.’ The wolf’s voice sounded like she was mocking her.
‘There’s no need to use a rude tone with me.’ Rebecca responded internally. It was actually easier to talk that way. This would take some work. It may have been fantastical, but it wasn’t the most incredible thing that had happened to her in the last twenty-four hours. If she was going crazy she would at least keep up normal appearances to the outside world.
‘Good thinking. Now, you’ll get used to me. Just think of me as another sister.’
‘I don’t need another one, thank you very much.’
‘Okay, whatever makes you comfortable, but this was part of the deal. You knew it before you signed on. You can’t get rid of me, so you better get used to me.’
Rebecca shook her head violently. ‘No, this is too much right now. I need some time to think… alone.’
‘Wait; there are things you need to know…’
‘I don’t want to know.’ Rebecca started humming a song out loud, “La la la la la…”
‘Are you trying to drown my voice out? Foolish girl, I’m in your head.’ The wolf laughed, ‘that’s not going to work.’
Rebecca’s index finger tapped against her forehead repeatedly, only it wasn’t her command that had her tapping. ‘You control my body, too?!’
‘Only when you irritate me, or need help, or… well I should probably be controlling your body all the time now.’
“Get out! Get out! Get out!” She shouted at the top of her lungs. “Get out or so help me…”
Rebecca heard the pounding footsteps from her brother moments before he burst through her closed bedroom door. “Rebecca, what’s wrong!” His eyes were huge with worry.
‘Oh. My. God! I said that out loud?’ She immediately felt guilty for worrying her brother. Even more guilt set in when she noticed he was carrying a bat in his hand and he was ready to use it.
‘I guess I’ll leave you to clean up your own mess. But you need to understand something, Rebecca. I’m not going anywhere.’
“Are you okay, sis? Who was here?”
Rebecca shook her head, grateful the wolf was leaving her alone for the moment; giving her time to process the reality of what was going on. “No one. Sorry, Hunt. I was practicing a monologue for the auditions at school. I decided it would be a good line on the college applications.” Another lie! “I guess I got a little too into character.”
“Good lord, sis, you almost gave me a heart attack!” He smiled and scratched his head. “If it was up to me you would get the part; that was totally believable.”
‘Yeah, I bet it was.’ Rebecca thought as she slumped onto her bed. “Thanks, Hunter. You got practice this afternoon?” She already knew the answer. She was just looking for a little normalcy in the moment. Talking to her younger brother about football was normal. He was obsessed with being as good as their father had been.
“Yeah, not that practice does any good. I’m still second string. I just can’t compete against all the big seniors.”
“Your time will come.” Rebecca had an overwhelming urge to hug him again. She was not the touchy-feely type but she couldn’t help it. She needed to feel something other than fear and confusion. Without a word she embraced him in a hug, careful not to squeeze too tight. “Thank you for coming to my rescue. My own personal knight in shining armor.”
Hunter grinned awkwardly and curled in on himself, his body language making it clear he was uncomfortable. “Whatever, it’s what a brother is supposed to do.” He was embarrassed and Rebecca couldn’t help but giggle. He was really a great soul, and in that moment, she felt very lucky that he was her brother. “Anyways, I should go.”
He left her alone. Her mind was empty. She was spent. Exhausted. She considered taking a nap as she re-checked her phone and saw there were no messages from Dianna or Savvy. She knew the nap was not an option; she had too much to do today.
She contemplated waiting for Savannah to come back to the room. She couldn’t have gone far. The odd thing was that it was too early in the morning for Savvy to be out and about. She hated getting up early on her best days, even if it was a requirement. Today was Saturday. There was nothing requiring her to be out of bed until noon.
Rebecca let herself ponder where her sister could be, but after a few minutes of thinking, she decided it was time to get cracking on the rest of the items on her to do list. The first order of business was becoming quite noticeable as the smell of last night weighed heavily on her nose. She wondered if grandmother had noticed, but dismissed the thought. She would have said something if she had. Grandmother was not exactly known for pulling punches.
The overpowering smell made her decide to jump into the shower. The warm, soothing water seemed to melt into her skin and the heat massaged her aching muscles and bones. She knew it was a waste of water to stay in the shower for longer than ten minutes but didn’t care. It was so soothing, comforting, something she really needed at the moment. She really had no idea how much her body ached until this moment. She didn’t think about anything during that shower. She completely cleared her mind, allowing the water to cleanse, and the steam to circle around her and relax her from the inside out.
Unfortunately, staying in this peaceful state was not an option for her. She heard the door slam and felt the anger come at her in waves moments before her loving twin sister spoke. Her voice sounded calm, but animals could sense danger, anger, and fear; they could sense emotions and she suddenly realized she could, too. This was more than the twin link they shared; this was deeper, more primal. “Where the hell were you last night?” Her words slashed against Rebecca’s skin like a whip on fire.
For a moment Rebecca forgot the second round of conditioner in her golden blonde hair. She winced at the tone in her sister’s voice. Then, she allowed the lie to begin to slide off her tongue. “I was at …”
“Don’t you dare lie to me and tell me that you were at Jackson's house.” She reached in and turned off the shower as she interrupted Rebecca mid-sentence. "Grandmother told me your lie. I know how you help him out and so he was one of the first places I looked."
“Savvy I have conditioner in…”
; “I don’t care, Rebecca!” She tossed a towel in the shower and waited.
Rebecca knew deep down, despite the warnings, when she made the decision to become a werewolf she would have to tell Savvy someday. In fact, she even considered campaigning to see if Savannah wanted to become one with her. She had planned to do so when an opening came available in the pack. But she wasn’t going to break the only rule she was told to uphold on her very first day as a pack member. “Let me just rinse out the conditioner.”
“Rebecca Elizabeth Winters! If you don’t get out of that shower this instant I will tell grandmother you lied!” Savvy’s voice made Rebecca freeze; her hands were inches from the faucet. She whipped them back like the water handle burned her. She sounded so much like mother in that moment Rebecca swore she could have closed her eyes and seen mom standing there. It transported Rebecca back in time to a better place, one filled with love from a mother’s heart and the safety in her father’s arms.
It was one of those rare memories that had both of their parents in the scene. Savvy had just done something they were upset about and little Rebecca was watching the interaction from just outside the door. Savvy didn’t want to tell them about the doll but with some gentle persuasion from their parents she told them she ripped the dolly’s head off because she was upset that Becks was ignoring her. It was childish, but they were only six and that was what kids that age did when they were mad. Instead of punishing her with a lecture or spanking their mother patted her lap and asked her to sit.
With a nod from father, the teary eyed Savannah curled up in their mother’s lap and looked up at her with those big blue eyes. “I’m sorry, mommy. I just don’t want to be alone.”
“We all have to be alone sometimes. We all need space and sometimes we need our own secrets to feel independent. It sounds like Becks needed some space.” She patted Savvy’s back softly. “But it’s important to hear me now.” Savannah looked up and nodded, waiting patiently for the information mother was going to share. “If you ever really need Rebecca she will be there for you, just as you will be there for her. The two of you are connected at a deeper level. You’ll always find each other, always take care of each other, and be there when either of you need help.”
Forcing herself back into the present, she reminded herself that was then and this is now. Rebecca wrapped the towel around her body and opened the curtain. Savannah was wearing her hot pink sweats that said princess on the back and her matching hoodie that had sequins on the front in the design of a butterfly. She was pacing the length of the bathroom and only stopped when Rebecca exited the tub and went to the bedroom. Rebecca sat, defeated, on the bed, conditioner still in her hair. She stared up at her twin who stood over her with her hands on her slender hips and her chin high in the air, daring Rebecca to defy her.
She looked ridiculous with her rosy red cheeks colored by anger; ridiculous and wonderful all in one breathe. Rebecca opened her mouth to speak, still unsure what she was going to say.
“I felt you last night.” Savvy’s raspy voice was barely above a whisper. She looked accusingly at her sister, tears in her eyes. It was that moment that Rebecca finally noticed she had no makeup on, which was rare for either of them. They generally put a light layer of makeup on even to eat breakfast. Their mother always told them it was important to look their best because ‘you never knew who you were going to meet’. Her eyes were red and puffy and her lower lip trembled as silence filled the air between them.
Rebecca looked at her and it broke her heart. Did she feel everything? Feelings of dread and fear and guilt filled her. They pulled her down like a heavy weight and she felt like she was drowning in her own guilt and lies. It came on in a rush, like the flood gates were being opened and water was rushing in at full force; surrounding her, trapping her. Rebecca needed to know what she meant, what she felt. She patted the bed next to her as an invite for her sister to sit down.
Savvy collapsed in the spot and grabbed Rebecca hands, gripping them hard like they were a life preservers and her only link to being saved. Her body was shaking and tears were welling up in her eyes.
“What did you feel?” Rebecca had difficulty pushing the words past the constriction in her throat. She never would have made this decision had she known Savvy would suffer with her. She did this to help her family, not hurt them.
“Pain, gut-wrenching pain, worse than I’d ever felt before. I mean I’ve felt pain, emotional pain ten years ago. And physical, hello sports fanatic! But this was different. It felt like I was being torn apart, slowly.” Savannah’s words came out in a rush.
Rebecca closed her eyes and swallowed hard against the lump that continued to form in her throat as Savvy went on.
“I was sleeping and suddenly I woke to the feeling of every bone in my body breaking. I thought I heard you scream so I looked for you in your bed, but you were gone. It was horrible, Becca! I prayed I was dreaming.” Savvy took a deep, shaky breath before she could continue; her blue eyes looking up at Rebecca, searching her face for the truth, pleading with her to tell her everything was going to be alright.
“I don’t know how long I felt the pain but when it stopped, I couldn’t sense you. It was like you were disconnected from me, from the world. Oh, Rebecca, I can’t lose you, too! We’ve already lost too much. Please tell me it was just a horrible dream or my imagination or something.” Savvy hugged her sister tightly; her body shaking from her sobs.
Rebecca felt wetness on her neck and knew her sister was allowing the tears to fall. She wanted more than anything in the world to ease her pain, but feared things were only going to get worse.
Rebecca’s heart broke again. She wanted to cry with her, but she made this choice and had to live with the consequences. 'There’s a price we pay to live in this world.' Dianna had warned her when she finally agreed to put her forth as a candidate. What she did could not be undone. Rebecca pursed her lips together; she didn’t think this would impact the twin sense they had. It was such a natural occurrence between them they often forgot it was anything special. They had it growing up, but it doubled in strength after their parents were murdered. She knew in her heart she would never forgive herself if Savvy had to endure this with her every month. She shouldn’t have to suffer for choices Rebecca made.
‘What more cruelty can you send our way?’ She looked up, silently asking any divine being who might be listening. She stopped believing in religion when their parents were killed but she knew there was something out there, some higher power.
The wolf answered first. 'Your pain has only just begun.' The smooth voice echoed in her mind. It was a voice of sadness, but truth.
It figured that her higher power answer would come from the one creature that caused the pain in the first place. Religion was no different. The excuses the religious authorities gave them were riddles in themselves. ‘How can someone do this?’ The question would be asked and the answer was always a variation on ‘he works in mysterious ways.’ Rebecca had always been the logical one. Savannah was ruled by her emotions which forced Becca to be the logical one. She found comfort in logic. It was like slipping on an old pair of shoes. Without it she was lost. Grandmother was always quick to point out that Rebecca was ruled by the mind and Savvy the heart. Too bad reality was not as black and white as that. The world ran in the gray in most areas and allowed little room for anything else.
She rubbed Savvy’s back like their mother used to do when they had night terrors and allowed her to cry the tears she wished she was brave enough to cry. Rebecca did not know what else to say, but she knew she would look into the situation and see if there was someway to sever the ties between them so she would not have to endure this with her every month. It would create distance between them, but would spare her the agony of the change and perhaps relieve a tiny amount of guilt for Rebecca.
“The pain you felt, you only felt it once?” Rebecca asked her voice barely above a whisper.
Savvy looked at her with confusion in her eyes.
“One time was more than enough.” She shivered. “That was something I will never forget.”
Rebecca breathed a tiny sigh of relief. If she didn’t feel the transformation from wolf to human, perhaps she wouldn’t feel it anymore or maybe, dread filled her again, Savvy felt nothing because the wolf was in control during the second transformation. “It’s okay, sissy. See? I’m fine now.”
“But…” she sniffed.
“It must have been a nightmare.” Rebecca forced a weak, shaky smile in response to Savvy’s creased forehead and furrowed brows. She knew Rebecca was hiding something, it was written all over her face. “But as you can see I’m fine now and everything is going to be alright.” Now was not the time to tell her sister that she was a werewolf. She vowed to protect her as best she could from now on. “I love you, sister, and I promise you, I’ll let you know everything really soon.” She wiped away her sister’s tears.
“Can you at least tell me where you were last night?” Her voice was still a little shaky, but the tears had stopped falling.
Rebecca got up and headed towards the bathroom. “I was at Superstition Mountain doing something to help find our parents’ killer” were the words Rebecca said right before she turned the shower back on. They were the first true words she had said since getting home.
Chapter Three
~”To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other’s hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family grief and joys. We live outside the touch of time.”
~Clara Ortega