The zipper hits the end of the seam and she lets it fall from her arms, down to her hips where she wiggles the rest of the way out of it. I just watch, mesmerized by her body’s graceful movements, until the red material hits the floor.
I swear she gets sexier with each passing day. And not just sexier. More beautiful—inside and out. Annie’s emerging from her shell, becoming more confident. More open. For me.
I touch my fingers hesitantly to her face, letting my thumb caress her cheek. “You are so…” I trail off because I can’t say pretty. Pretty isn’t big enough. Beautiful fits, but sounds so cliché.
She’s staring up at me with wide blue eyes, waiting. On me.
“Perfect,” I say, smiling. She laughs softly as her hand cups around my wrist. The humor fades quickly as I incline until our lips are once again touching and I’m claiming her mouth. As her tongue brushes mine, I slide my hands up her back. I unclasp her bra, pausing before I slip it off her shoulders, and then ever so slowly down her arms.
I see her hands twitch as I release the material from my grasp. I think she’s fighting the urge to cover herself, her cheeks heating.
I’m not sure I’ll ever understand how someone like Annie can cling to such a distorted view of herself. Will she ever know how incredible she is? Will she ever be able to see it?
“You’re perfect,” I reassure her.
She closes her eyes, her body trembling as she takes a deep breath. When she looks at me again, I see resolution in her eyes. I have no idea what it means because the girl will always be somewhat of a mystery to me, but I don’t ask. I don’t say a word. I just watch as she tugs the belt from the loops and unfastens my pants.
I scoop her up and swing her onto my bed. Taking just a moment, I gaze down at her. Soak up every inch of her lying naked on top of my sheets.
She begins to remove her panties. A little, silky thing that shouldn’t be considered underwear, but that looks sexy as hell on her body. I slide out of my boxers, and remove a condom from my nightstand, my eyes meeting hers as I roll it on. I crawl over her, stopping one last time, making sure this is what she wants.
That I’m what she wants. Because this isn’t just sex. Not for me.
She pulls me into her and I freeze.
“Annie…” I can’t manage more than that. I’ve waited so long for this and there are no words for how incredible she feels wrapped around me. My heart feels whole suddenly. I never realized anything had been missing until this moment. I want to plunge deeper, but I hold myself still, enjoying her warmth, and memorizing every detail.
“Shh,” she whispers. Her fingers work into my hair and she guides me closer. She bites at my lip. I groan as I begin to move. She’s so wet and I don’t know how long I’ll last. Her breaths come quicker. Her hips move with mine. She grips my shoulder, her nails sinking into the skin there.
Shit.
I duck my head and pull one pink nipple into my mouth, sucking hard. She jerks in my arms and holds onto my neck.
“Chase,” she pants. I look up into her eyes and the way she watches me feverishly kiss her breast turns me on so much more. I trail my tongue down the space between, and then slowly make my way back up. I glance up to make sure she’s still watching.
“You taste perfect, too.” I thrust into her, pulling a moan from her lips. She wraps her legs around me and we move in unison. Coming together and sliding apart just to come together again. Over and over. I press my lips to her hair, her cheeks, her lips, her neck—everywhere—as we find our bliss.
I fall onto the bed, curving my body around hers. She snuggles into me, sighing contently. Tonight has been pretty much…perfect. I watched two close friends get married. Then this. Finally this. She was worth every second of the wait.
This girl I’ve loved for so long.
I feel myself smile as my eyes grow heavy.
~*~
When I open my eyes, the sun is shining way too brightly. I throw my arm over my eyes and groan.
And then I remember.
My hand slides across the bed, searching. Cool sheets greet me and I peer out from under the curve of my arm. No Annie. My heart lurches, racing in my chest.
No.
She ran.
A bright pink post-it, one of hers, is stuck to the pillow. She wrote me a freaking Dear John letter on a post-it? I pluck it up and squint at it, my heart in my throat.
And then I drop my head as something akin to relief washes through me, but stronger. So much stronger.
I hold the post-it above me, reading it once more, because as Annie would say: “it sticks better reading it a second time.”
Three words.
Three prefect words left for me to find.
I love you.
I swallow tightly as I smile, stuck somewhere between awe and joy.
She said it first.
45
I Will Not Bow
Annie
I told him.
Okay, I didn’t tell him in the sense I spoke the words to his face, but he knows.
Chase knows I love him. Or he will as soon as he wakes up and finds the note I left him.
I’m sitting in the common room, freshly showered, working on homework before my shift at the library. But I’m a mess. I can’t concentrate. I’m worried how Chase will react. What if he doesn’t feel the same? Maybe his feelings aren’t as strong as mine. What if I rushed this and scared him off?
I’m not sure my heart can take it.
I look at my phone for the thirtieth time in the past hour.
I shouldn’t have left it in a note.
What was I thinking?
Some things are just better left unsaid.
Maybe I should go back over there.
Can I take something like that back?
Should I?
Do I want to?
“Ugh.” I throw my book across the room, glaring at it as if it’s the cause of my angst. And then I sigh as I hurry to pick it up.
This is stupid. I’m going back over there. The new Annie isn’t like this. She’s not ashamed of how she feels.
I pull the door open and gasp.
Before I have a chance to react, he’s pushing me back, slamming the door, and spinning to press me into it. His mouth comes down on mine, his warm tongue stroking mine hungrily.
“I love you, too,” Chase breathes, his lips still on mine.
I knot my fingers into his hair holding him against me, because if I don’t, I may fall apart.
He loves me too.
“For so long.”
My breath hitches and I bite his lip, quieting him as I tug it into my mouth, licking and sucking. I can’t hear anymore. I can’t take it.
I feel like the Grinch—my heart just grew three sizes.
Okay, this is my happiest place—anywhere with Chase and the knowledge he loves me.
“I can’t believe you left it on a post-it,” he utters. “I thought you ran again.”
I shake my head, unable to speak.
He kisses my forehead, his arms wrapped around me securely. “Does this mean we can start telling people we’re together?”
Together?
I nod slowly. “Okay.”
He grins as his hands slide up to cup my face. “It took you long enough.”
I scoff, pointing to myself. “First.”
He laughs, his eyes crinkling happily. “But I said the words first.” His thumb smoothes over my cheek languidly.
True. And hearing it was probably a hell of a lot better than getting a note.
“I’m sorry it took me so long.” I inhale harshly. “I love you, Chase.”
He closes his eyes, absorbing my words. When he looks at me again, I wonder how I didn’t know how he felt before. It’s written so plainly in his eyes.
“Worth the wait,” he says adamantly. “Well worth it.”
~*~
I get off work around nine and hurry back to my dorm. Chase is picking me up soon for our first offi
cial date.
There have been a lot of firsts in the past couple days.
First of our friends getting married.
First time Chase and I made love.
Our first I-love-yous.
Now our first—long overdue—date.
My phone rings and I fish it out of my purse, smiling at the caller ID.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” he drawls, his voice low and sexy.
“I was just thinking about you,” I say, pausing outside my bedroom door.
“You’ve been on my mind, too. I can’t wait to see you.”
“I just got home. Give me twenty minutes?”
“I might be able to manage fifteen,” he replies. I can hear the promising smile in his voice and my belly clenches with anticipation.
“Okay. I’ll hurry.”
“`Kay. Love you.”
It affects me as strongly as the first time he spoke those words. “I love you, too.”
I drop my purse and phone on my desk and turn on the lamp, trying to decide what I want to wear. I feel like I should dress a little nicer because it’s a special occasion. Not that I plan on staying clothed for long. Oh. Maybe I should borrow Hannah’s nurse costume. Chase would love that. I grin with the idea as I turn toward my closet.
Something smashes into my chest, sending me staggering back against the wall, my head hitting hard with a loud thud. Bright dots fill my vision as I blink in surprise.
And then he’s there.
Loden.
His hand clamps around my throat, squeezing, as he brings his face close to mine. I can smell the alcohol on his breath, hot and foul. “You were fucking him the whole time you were with me. Weren’t. You.” His voice is a slurred snarl, sending a shiver of dread down my spine.
He pulls me forward and slams me back into the wall. I want to scream, but his hand is squeezing too tightly. I can’t draw the air into my lungs.
“Were you laughing at me while you fucked him behind my back? So funny, huh, Annie? You aren’t laughing now.”
I shake my head, my eyes wide. I can’t think. I’m panicking, trying desperately to get a breath. I claw at his fingers. Kick out at his knees. He’s like a wall—immovable.
I reach out, my hand smacking along the desk, searching for anything I can use to get him off me. I feel the cup of pencils spill. Notebooks drop to the floor. The lamp tips sideways, falling out of my reach. My palm rolls over one of the pencils and I pick it up, gripping it tightly in my hand, and swing it blindly.
Loden groans in shock and pain as it sinks into his bicep, and then he releases me. I gasp, inhaling harshly before I shove him back. He stumbles, caught off guard, but catches himself on the dresser, and focuses on removing the pencil from his arm. I snatch my purse, fondling around inside, searching for my phone as I wrench the door open.
Loden yanks me back by my hair, swinging me into the wall like a ragdoll. I hit on my side and slide to the floor. He stalks toward me, fury and rage twisting his features. His eyes are cold as they stare down at me.
All I can manage is a weak, trembling whimper as he moves closer.
I dig my nails into the carpet, pulling myself onto all fours. And then I crawl toward the open door. If I can just get out to the common room, maybe someone will hear me. Maybe I can yell for help.
God, what if nobody’s here?
Please let one of my dorm mates be home.
Please.
Loden stomps down on my hand and I finally scream. He cuts it off short with a backhand, quick and hard, to my mouth. I try to curl in on myself, trying to hide from his next blow.
“You are so pathetic,” he spits. His hand is back in my hair, jerking my head up, so I’m forced to look at him. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out? Did you think I would let him have you?” I watch his fingers close, making a fist, and I close my eyes, knowing what’s coming next. I don’t know if I’m going numb or if it’s because I was expecting it this time, but when his knuckles make contact with my jaw, it doesn’t hurt as badly as I anticipated.
Maybe he’s too drunk.
I shove myself up, taking advantage of his inebriated state. My head snaps into his chin. He staggers back, his eyes glossing, either with pain or insanity.
I hope it’s pain.
I don’t wait around to find out. I lurch forward, running through the door. My vision blurs, but I don’t stop. I just need to make it through one more door.
Loden tackles me, sending me to the floor once again, and I cry out as the wind’s knocked from my lungs. My mouth strikes against the floor and I bite my lip. The metallic bitterness of blood fills my mouth. I keep trying to crawl forward, my fingertips working to drag me, but Loden’s weight is too heavy. Suffocating.
As Loden flips me over, I see one of the bedroom doors open. One of my dorm mates gasps and hurries back inside her room.
Why isn’t she helping me?
I need help.
Please.
Help.
“You fucking worthless bitch. You’re going to pay for that.” He’s sitting on my chest, one hand wiping at the blood dripping from his mouth, the other clenching my throat. He smears his blood across my face, pressing hard into my cheek. I close my eyes out of instinct when his fingers come too close.
Is that knocking? I can’t be sure. My hearing is coming and going, replaced with a humming, growing louder the longer I go without air.
Oh, please let someone be here to help me.
“Look what you did.”
He beats my head into the floor. “LOOK what you DID,” he screams, his blood and saliva spraying in a hot mist across my face. I squirm, struggling beneath him, and try to hit him, but I can barely form a fist.
I can’t breathe.
Air. What a precious gift I always took for granted.
This is how I’m going to die.
Oh, my God. I’m going to die.
My eyes are wide, pleading, as I stare at Loden. He has a cruel smile plastered on his face and I know he’s not going to show me any mercy. Darkness begins to invade my sight as my eyes droop, feeling heavy.
And then his hands are dragging along my skin, clawing, trying to cling to me as he’s propelled backwards off me. A blur dashes over top of me, but I’m coughing, choking. My eyes fill with tears that fall quickly as I crabwalk, skittering away, not even sure which way I’m going.
I wheeze, gasping for air several times before I can finally fill my lungs.
Hands touch my face and I scream, slapping them away. My legs lash out, kicking frantically.
NO. Don’t touch me. No more.
No more.
No more.
“Annie. It’s me.”
I blink, trying to clear my eyes. Chase.
He touches me again, brushing the hair out of my face. He inhales sharply, his eyes darkening in a way I’ve never witnessed before. I draw back as he pushes himself to his feet.
He walks deliberately over to Loden, who is grunting and moaning on the floor, and lowers himself on top of his chest.
And then Chase is gone, replaced by someone so terrifying, I can’t recognize him any longer.
46
The Red
Chase
As soon as I hung up with Annie, I had grabbed my keys and headed out the door, unable to wait the fifteen minutes I committed to.
I stepped out of the elevator, grinning, excited to take Annie out for our first real date. The door next to Annie’s dorm room opened and a girl came out, looking around, her expression confused, concerned.
“Did you hear screaming?” she asked as I passed.
A cold panic streamed through my veins and not bothering to knock, I tried to turn the handle. I pounded my fist against the locked door before looking back at the girl.
“Did it come from this room?”
She shook her head. “I’m not sure.”
I pounded again and then began kicking, desperate to get inside. My heart was racing as adrenaline
took over.
“Amanda has a key.”
“Who?” I panted desperately.
“The RA.” She pointed two doors down and I saw the name plate.
Praying she was in, I banged on her door. Every second that passed was torture. Nobody was answering Annie’s door, which wasn’t normal. I knew something was wrong. I felt it. And I was helpless, frantic, and terrified all at once.
The RA acted quickly, opening Annie’s dorm room door for me, knowing I wasn’t fucking around.
And then I couldn’t make sense of what I was seeing. I think I told her to call the cops as I stared at Loden, sitting atop of Annie, his hands locked around her throat.
Strangling her.
I don’t remember making the choice to tackle him. I just know I wanted him off her and as soon as he was, I hit him, making sure he stayed down. Then I went to Annie. The terror in her eyes, the startled scream from her throat—raw and agonized—the way she scuttled back, swinging unseeingly at me…I’ll never forget that moment. My heart shattered seeing her like that. On the floor, blind with panic. I choked on her name, trying to make her see me.
And then I saw all the damage Loden caused. Inside and out.
Now all I know is I want to kill him.
I have tunnel vision. That’s the only way I can describe it. I can’t see his face anymore. The only image in front of me is the memory of his hands on her. Something flips, and I get a flash of her face. Of the terror and panic in her eyes.
The faint smack of skin hitting skin resonates in my ears, but it sounds far away. My hand stings and it fuels my anger.
I’ve never felt like this in my life. Never. Nothing else has ever made me this way—this angry. I don’t think anger even comes close to describing what’s happening inside of me right now.
I’ve heard the saying: “Seeing red.” I never understood it until two minutes ago. My sight actually changed. It was a purely physical reaction I had no control over. Everything darkened. And then everything was red.
So red.