And forward to today. Or yesterday, extended. Pretended to myself that Bobby had collected the rest of the money. Then I gave up. Slept so light it didn’t count. First customer of the day at Target. Lingered over a job application at the register and thought about it as I drove to Conrad’s. Delivered the disposable cell phone. Made a pointless effort to get Bobby off the hook. Marcus’ pinkie finger extended as he held his coffee cup. “Better to be hard now and avoid a civil war later. No one ever stayed in this business by being nice. One weak leg can bring down the table.” He spoke like he was reciting from one of his books on tape. True but cruel. He knew he was cruel. He couldn’t face me. Ashamed? Will he ever be able to look in mirror again? Mirror.
He scribbled on a scrap of paper. Said in nature, the predators are good for the prey population, how the prey get stronger because the weakest members get eliminated.
No sense. Bobby’s bad luck equals weakness? If so, then we’re all twigs under elephants. But we’re not. We’re elephants under elephants.
“What if he comes close?”
He reached a sum and threw his pen across the desk. The pen teetered on the edge, not sure if it wanted to stay or fall. “No. And it ain’t that much. Not if he knows how to work.”
Here comes a memory. Covered in haze. I am held. Whiskers scrape my cheek. It’s Marcus. But was it? I’m not certain. If so, that’s all. That’s all the touching he even gave me. In childhood or beyond. He never loved me. Tough love, he’d say. He’s said. No. Just tough.
I fired up my car. I turned on the radio and pushed the volume high. I drove to Waffle House to get some breakfast. The grill sizzled with everyone’s eggs and hash browns. I ordered a burger.