Chapter 1
June 2013
I can't believe that high school is over. Over the past few months, I’ve grown and figured out who I am as a person. It’s not been easy, especially without Cash by my side each day, but I know it’s what I needed to do to get over everything that has happened. Thinking about today, I can hardly believe my high school career is over. Who knew that time would go by so quickly, and now I'm standing here acting like a little baby! “Charley, you better pull yourself together,” I say as I look into the mirror. It's time to do the damn thing and graduate! I’ve got this!
I take one final look at myself in the mirror and see the confidence that was missing for a while. My hair is blonde and freshly rolled with hot rollers. I have the kind of hair that girls dream of! You know, the kind that you put rollers in and it stays for days without a gallon of product. I have on a Forever 21 black A-line sleeveless floral lace dress that shows just enough leg, the pearl earrings and necklace set my dad gave me, and a pair of Nine West stiletto heels that I got at my favorite store of all time, The Jesus Store. I paid fifteen dollars for them, and they are like brand spanking new! They aren’t my typical Ariats because I knew the boots just wouldn’t fly for today.
I grab my cap and gown and can hear all my family downstairs; they are so excited. One month ago I couldn’t wait, but Lenior Rhyne College is only five miles away so nothing is really going to change. I guess I better snap out of it and head to graduation.
I walk downstairs in the old white farmhouse that I've grown up in my entire life. What started off small has now turned into a pretty big place. It was transformed from a two bedroom, one bath, house to five bedrooms, three baths, sunroom, man cave and pool. I guess it pays to have a dad who can do anything. I go downstairs to see my sis, Tessa, waiting for me.
“Charley, why is it that you never have to work hard on your looks?”
“Whatever, you know you're the one that got all those in this family.” She gives me a hug and says she'll see me at school in a little while.
As I walk down the hallway, I notice my baby pictures. I sure do hope I make my parents proud. I walk into the kitchen and tell Mama, Dad, and my cousin Joanna that I'll see them there, and out the screen door I go. Joanna informs me she has too much cooking to do, so she will just stay at home.
Once I get into my 2009 Red Honda Accord, I put on my ten dollar shades and turn up the radio to 96.9 The Kat. Thanking the good man upstairs that a little Florida Georgia Line “Cruise” is on! YES! I crank it up with the windows down and sunroof open.
Today is a perfect day to graduate. The sky is the perfect color, Carolina blue. There's not one cloud in sight, and I'm about to start a new journey. The next thing I know, I'm pulling into Dixon High School. I see my girls already starting to arrive and hanging out by the tree on the front lawn. I’m especially thankful for Piper and my sister. Without them, I wouldn’t have made it through the past year and a half without them. They were there when I needed them most, even if they don’t know all the details.
I park the car, get out, and head toward the tree. Deep breaths. In, out, in, out. You can do this!
“Hey, Piper, you ready to get this over with?” Truthfully, I'm nervous as hell and could cry at any moment. I scan the crowd to see if Dylan is anywhere around, and he’s not. Thank goodness.
“Yeah, I guess. I'm just ready to get on that flight to Cancun!” she says.
“Yeah, me too! I don't know about you, but I'm just ready to get out of this hole in the wall town before I go crazy!”
Next thing I know, all our families have arrived and my mom is taking pictures like a mad woman. I just keep thinking to myself. Are you SURE you don't want to go to school somewhere else? When I look to my right, I can see Mrs. Clark motioning us to move that way. It's time to get this party started! Piper, Annie, Carrie, Morgan, and I make our way to line up by homeroom. I’ll be with the same group of people I have been with since ninth grade. One more time, and this is over!
While we wait, I stand watching my friends laugh and look like they are just fine and dandy. I wonder if any of them are falling apart inside like I am. I know I've made bad decisions in the past, but I'm praying that my college choice is right and staying close to home is a good thing. I have my parents, my sister, and Cash here in town too. When I really think about it, I am just a country girl who never wants to leave her little hick town.
As I'm deep in thought, I notice the line starting to move. Here goes nothing, I think to myself and smile over to my left at Piper. I've covered for her ass a lot, and she's always done the same for me. I really don't know what I'm going to do with her going to school five freakin' hours away!
Walking into the auditorium, I hear “Pomp and Circumstance.” It's now or never. Time to put on my big girl panties and act like the Southern Belle I was brought up to be.
Heading down the aisle, I can see my mama, dad, sister, and grandparents. They are all so happy. I smile at them and say a prayer that I don't break down crying. I make my way up the steps. One, two, three, four. Whew, I didn't fall. I make my way to my seat and pray that this is over quickly.
My school is extremely strict when it comes to graduation. No hooting and hollering or the 5-0 will escort you out. No throwing your cap, and always show your manners because this is an honored ceremony. Well, let’s see if all that happens today.
Speeches are made, songs are sung, and diplomas are handed out. So far all the rules are being followed. That is until our graduating class begins to holler at the top of our lungs for a fellow classmate that we swore would NEVER graduate. I think he might turn “Dirty Thirty” this year! Just kidding. What are they going to do? Escort the entire class out? I don't think so!
Everyone’s name has been called, and it's time to turn that tassel. I hear the Student Body President say, “I now present to you the Class of 2013.” Tassels are turned and caps are flying. Yes, that's how we roll. Just enough not to be in too much trouble but make our statement!
When the recessional begins to play, we start to march out. There are those damn steps again. One, two, three, four. I'm down and out the door I go. I'm cheesing from ear to ear. I made it!
Outside, I meet my friends by the tree again. We are all so happy, but the next thing I know, Piper and I are squalling. When I finally pull myself together, I see my mama. Here come the water works again. She gives me a hug, and I say something I never thought I would, “Mama, I don't want to grow up!”
She says, “I know, Charley, but we all have to some time.”
With that off my chest, I feel a little relieved. I know that things will work out, and I've made the right choice. I get myself together, talk with my friends, and make a few more photographs for memories’ sake.
Walking back to my Honda, I see Cash and my heart melts just a little. He came.
“Hey. You came,” I say as I approach him and a smile spreads across my face as the tears start again.
Pushing himself off my car, he opens his arms for me. “Did you really think I wouldn’t come? Char, this is a major life event, and I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”
“Thanks, I guess I just assumed you wouldn’t.” As I pull away from Cash’s arms, I see Dylan getting into his car and I shiver. Thank goodness I’m staying close to home and have Cash nearby if I need him. After a few minutes, Cash tells me bye and to enjoy myself tonight. I insist that he come by the house for my graduation party, but he refuses. He has taken the words we spoke to heart, and won’t cross any line even with my permission.
I roll up to the house, and my cousin Joanna is there slaving in the kitchen. I can't wait for the chocolate cake. In fact, anyone who touches it might lose a hand is exactly what I'm thinking. I open the screen door and walk inside and upstairs to where the afternoon started. I put on something more comfortable. It's going to be a long night, so I have to look cute
and be comfortable. I take a look in my closet and decide on a pair of cut-off jean shorts and a yellow halter top. I take off the pearls my dad gave me and exchange them for silver hoops the size of Texas, add my favorite necklace, cigar band ring monogrammed with the letter “C,” and silver bangle bracelets. I grab my black flip- flops with silver sparkles on top and head back downstairs.
When I get downstairs, my family is back at the house, and everyone is giving me too much attention. This is one thing I’ve had a hard time with since Dylan. Everyone’s world continued, and mine stopped. I was able to move forward because of Cash, but now I’m doing this on my own. Being happy all the time is tough, but I know it makes everyone happy.
Piper, Annie, Carrie, and Morgan all show up. We eat, laugh, and talk about all the great times we've had. Joanna has out done herself; this food is off the hook! The chocolate cake is to die for, and I'm glad she loved me enough to make two, one for me and one for the actual party.
After about an hour, Carrie and Morgan decide to head home. Piper and I look at each other knowing it's about that time to have one more night of fun before we all go our separate ways.
“Piper, have you heard of anything going on tonight?”
“Yeah, there's a party at the triplets’ house tonight.”
“Well, I guess we can't miss that!” The triplets, Justin, Jordan, and Jack, were well-known for their parties. The triplets were great guys, loved to have a good time, and were originally from New York. They had seen the big city; something we knew nothing about. I’m okay with that, but Piper, on the other hand, dreams of the big city.
Piper and I talk about who's driving and where we’re meeting. Since my parents are sticklers for curfew, it’s a given that we are staying at Piper's for the night. I also know that I am driving because ever since that night, I do not drink.
Piper takes one piece of cake for the road and heads to her house across town. Piper and I were both transplants at our high school. We lived in the country, but our parents felt that we had a better opportunity for a better education at the “city” school. I told her I'd see her in thirty and she better be ready. I really didn't want to climb in and out of her window tonight. Well, maybe just “in” the window tonight.
I go upstairs, pack my bag with pj's, toothbrush, and a few other essentials, and out I go. I stop downstairs to tell Joanna thanks and give her, Mama, Dad, and Tessa hugs on the way out.
As I head out the door, Tessa and Blue, the bloodhound, follow me. “Call me if you need me, no matter what, okay?”
“I will, but you know you have nothing to worry about. Love ya and I'll see ya in the morning.”
I get into the Honda, open the sunroof, plug in my iPod for a little JT “Suit & Tie,” and head to Piper's. I have to drive all the way through town to get there. This is always a hard ride for me. There are so many good and bad memories here. Do I really want to stay in this town? Maybe this isn't the right choice.
Before I know it, I make a left turn onto Broadway Road and drive up the long driveway. Piper's ready and heads out the door, waving bye to her mom, Tina. I can see her little sister, Summer, in her bedroom window. She knows the deal. When we knock, she unlocks the window.
We head back down the drive, turn up JT, and drive toward the houses around Dixon Country Club. It's not somewhere we go a lot. We've never really fit in with that crowd, but everyone's welcome at the triplets’ house.
We arrive, and we can already tell that the party has started.
“So, Piper, what are you scheming tonight?”
“Oh, ya know, the usual. Drink a little drink and kiss a lotta boys!” she says laughingly.
The night goes on as planned. We listen to loud music, watch people get plastered, high, and act like fools. Piper started talking to Justin (the hot one of the triplets) and I knew where this was going. He's always had the hots for her, and Piper just loves to play the game. Now that she's got him, she doesn't want him. She just pulls him on a string like a lovesick puppy dog.
Around 2:30 a.m., people start to head out. I look at Piper, and she knows it's time to bounce. She tells Justin bye, gives him a quick kiss, and out the door she goes. I wish I had one ounce of her confidence.
Driving down the road, we decide to pull into the Pantry and grab a Choice Cherry Gold and Fun Dip, our two favorite things. We laugh when we notice two guys staring at us when we get ready to leave. It feels good to feel like my old self again. We get into the Honda and head to her house.
When we hit her driveway, we turn off the headlights and creep all the way up. Her mom doesn't mind her being out late; we just never want her to know how late we actually get home. We knock on Summer's window and in we go.
Once we’re in the window, we go to Piper's room and get ready for bed. We turn on Miranda Lambert Radio on Pandora and sing as loud as we can. Good thing Scott and Tina's room is on the other side of the house. We get ready for bed, and that's when the conversation starts.
“Charley, you do know that you can leave this place?” Piper whispers.
“Yeah, I know. It's just that I thought LRC was what I’m supposed to do. Both my parents went there. Plus I wanted to stay close to Cash. I just don't know what to do. My parents will kill me if I change.”
“You know they just want you to be happy. They would understand. And you know Cash still cares about you. You’ve been friends since you could walk.”
“I know, but I think it's the right choice. School and Cash. I'm just going to sit on it for a while.” Knowing the Cash part is a complete lie. I’ve loved him my entire life. He lived at the next farm over. He’s always been the brother I never had, friend, and now ex-boyfriend. He knew absolutely everything about me. The good, bad, and some things that I’d love to just erase from my mind entirely.