He stepped to the side to let me pass, but when I walked by, he took my hand. My heart jumped and I sucked in a breath as the familiar energy ripped across my skin. “Pax, can we please talk?”
Everything inside was screaming to run. Everything but my heart. Steed was the only person who called me Pax and he usually said it in a whispered voice while making love to me.
My eyes darted back to Cord. He grinned.
Focusing on Steed, I sunk my teeth into my lip and forced a breath. “I can’t tonight, Steed.”
His eyes looked hopeful, and he squeezed my hand lightly. My heart was pounding so hard in my chest I could hardly think. “When?”
I rubbed my lips together. My head was spinning and I was so confused. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to hate him. Everything in me wanted to walk away and tell him I never wanted to talk to him again. But I couldn’t. Not with the way he was staring. Not with the way my heart was aching for him. “I’m not sure when I’ll be ready.”
“Can I call you in a few days?”
I swallowed hard. “You don’t have my number.”
And then it happened. He smiled and his dimples went on full display. My fingers itched to brush his day-old stubble. I longed to feel it against my lips.
“Your cell phone is in the information packet that Chloe brought home earlier.”
“Oh,” I managed, dreaming of what his touch would feel like as he gave my whole body attention. I couldn’t pull my eyes off his mouth while my naughty thoughts continued to plague me.
Jesus. Get it together Paxton. Remember what he did to you.
Pulling my hand from his grip, I took a step back. I narrowed my eyes and lifted my chin higher. I was not going to let my desire for Steed control my emotions. He’d hurt me more than he could ever realize and a sexy smile wasn’t going to fix it.
My voice cracked as I said, “I have to go.”
Steed’s smile faded. The throbbing ache in my chest was hard to ignore as a familiar pain settled into it. I found the strength to turn and walk away. If I had stayed longer I was either going to kiss him or kick him in the balls.
Keeping my breathing even, I headed out the door. My head was wrestling with my heart and I had no idea who was going to win.
Stepping inside my house, I turned on the lights and let my eyes travel from the living room to the kitchen. Calmness washed over my body. I loved my house. It was built in 1898 and the most recent owners had moved out ten years ago and left it to fall apart. When I stumbled upon it for sale, it felt like we had something in common.
We’d been left alone and broken.
With the help of my father and a few friends, I had gutted and remodeled, bringing it back to life. In the process, it had brought me back as well. The entire first floor was open with the exception of the formal dining room and downstairs half bath.
Kicking off my shoes, I slowly made my way up the stairs. The second floor consisted of two guest bedrooms I’d yet to decorate, a guest bath, and the master suite. I walked into my bedroom and smiled.
It had been the first room in the house I’d painted and decorated. The calming tones of gray were evident all over the room, from the dark gray curtains to the lighter shade of gray on the walls. The custom chairs were the same color as the walls but finished out in a blue trim. The bedding was a mixture of blues and silver. At the time I picked the colors, I hadn’t even realized what I was doing. Now…now it all came back in one giant memory, seizing my heart and causing me to drop to the floor and bury my face in my hands.
“Some day when we get our own house, how do you want to decorate our bedroom?”
Steed laced his fingers with mine. “Well, you like the color blue, and I like gray. I think we should mix the two together.”
I nestled against his body and watched the Frio River meandering by as we sat in our favorite spot. “I like that. Maybe add in a touch of silver for some glam.”
The rumble in Steed’s chest made my body warm.
“It could be lime green and banana yellow for all I care. As long as I get to wake up in the morning holding you and kiss you every night.”
The ringing from my back pocket pulled me from the memory. Wiping my tears, I took my phone out.
Corina.
Hitting the button on the side of my phone, I sent it to voicemail. I needed to be alone so I could figure out my game plan.
I walked over to the large silver dresser and pulled open the top drawer. Pushing my clothes out of the way, I pulled out the black velvet bag that held the memories of my past with Steed. I clutched it to my chest while a new round of sobs shook my body.
Taking in a deep breath, I blew it out and waited for the kids to arrive. The first day of school was always stressful for both the kids and parents. But today I was the one stressing out.
It had been four days since I saw Steed. He never called, which didn’t surprise me. I hated that I even let myself get worked up over it.
I smiled when the first kids started walking in.
“Good morning! Moms and dads, give your goodbyes at the door and then boys and girls please go to your seats. There is a fun coloring activity waiting for you.” I repeated the greeting about every three minutes or so.
This was one of the hardest parts. Each year, I fought to hold my tears back as I watched parents hold onto their children. Their tears were hard to ignore as I fought to hold my own back.
Smile. Just keep smiling.
Walking around the classroom, I helped each student get started with their coloring project, waiting for the whole class to show up. My body tingled as I glanced up and saw Steed standing in the doorway with Chloe, but my heart broke when I saw she was crying. Throwing herself at Steed, he wrapped her in his arms and whispered something to her. She shook her head and squeezed him harder.
I normally never interrupted a parent and child on the first day, but I could see both of them were not dealing well at all. With a deep breath, I headed over. Chloe looked up at me. She dropped her hold on Steed and gave me a weak grin. Bending down, I came face to face with her. It wasn’t lost on me how close I was to Steed as well. My body could instantly feel his heat.
“Good morning, Chloe cat.”
Her eyes lit up at the nickname. I wasn’t sure why I called her that. I never gave my students nicknames.
“Is everything okay?” I asked as I wiped her tears.
“I’m afraid.” Chloe said between sobs.
Glancing at Steed, I could see this was killing him.
“It’s okay to be scared, Chloe. You’re not the only one who is nervous, but I promise you’re going to have so much fun today.”
Chloe tilted her head. “I’m just nervous? Not scared?”
I tittered. “Maybe a little of both.”
She turned to Steed. “Will you be okay today without me, Daddy?”
My heart stopped. How precious was she? And the look on Steed’s face left me breathless.
Steed took her hands in his. “I’m going to miss you, pumpkin, but I promise I’ll be okay.”
I stilled. That was the same pet name he had called me all those years ago.
He kissed the back of each of her hands. “Do the song, Daddy.”
Steed’s face turned white. “Um … we did it in the car, Chloe.”
Her little lip came out in a full-on pout, and I was positive she was about to lose it again.
Turning to Steed, I said, “I think today is such a special day that doing your song twice will make it extra special.”
Chloe nodded. We waited as Steed’s eyes bounced from me to Chloe. It was obvious he was nervous about this song of theirs.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” he mumbled.
“Daddy, please!” Chloe begged.
He swallowed hard then softly started singing. “You and me.”
I prayed he hadn’t noticed the sharp intake of air I had sucked in.
Next, Chloe sang. “Me and You.”
“No
one has to tell me who,” Steed sang.
“For you will always be my truuuuue.”
Steed’s eyes caught mine as he sang the last line. “Yes … you will always be my true … true … love.” He was singing so softly, I barely heard the words.
My eyes filled with tears as Steed stared at me.
“I love you, Daddy.”
Not removing his gaze from mine, Steed whispered, “I love you.” Turning to face Chloe, he cleared his throat and said, “I love you too. Have a good day, pumpkin.”
When I stood, I nearly lost my balance, causing Steed to take my arm to steady me. I felt the sting of electricity zip through my body and I knew he had felt it too by the way he reacted.
He was singing our song to his daughter. My hand went to my stomach as my dream of Steed singing that to our child flashed before my eyes. I fought to hold back my tears.
“Paxton,” he whispered with pleading eyes. “I’m sorry. I’ve sung it to her since the day she was born.”
I wanted to tell him it was okay. But it wasn’t okay. None of this was okay. Anger replaced whatever crazy emotion I was feeling right now. “You never called,” I said sharply. “This past week. You said you would call.”
Oh gosh. I sound like a silly wounded teenager.
He smiled. “I think you put the wrong number down on the packet.”
Pinching my brows together, I pulled my head back. What an excuse. “What? I don’t think so.”
“When I called the number, it was an older man by the name of Frank. He talked to me for nearly an hour before I was able to get off the phone.”
Oh no. Had I put the wrong number?
Steed took out his phone to show me.
Yep. I’d put the wrong number. I covered my mouth to hide my chuckle. “Crap,” I whispered.
“Ms. Monroe, should I go and sit at my seat?”
Pulling my eyes off of Steed, I glanced down at Chloe. “Give your daddy a quick hug goodbye and let’s get the fun started!”
She did just that before reaching up to take my hand in hers. She waved goodbye and Steed did the same. I walked Chloe to her desk.
“Well good morning my lovely kinders.”
“Good morning!” fifteen little voices cried out.
I walked up to my desk and leaned against it. “Today is going to be what I like to call fun day.”
“Will we never have fun after today?” a little boy named Timmy asked.
Laughing, I replied, “I hope we have fun every day, but today is an extra special fun day. We are going to learn all kinds of fun things. But first, we’re going to take a tour of the school and go see the library!”
Cheers erupted as I glimpsed past the kids to see Steed still standing, staring at Chloe. He must have felt my stare because he looked at me. Lifting my brow, he nodded and left before Chloe turned to see him still there.
Clapping my hands, I pushed off my desk. I was in my element. I loved teaching. I loved being with these kids and I would certainly love the distraction of keeping my mind off of Steed Parker.
“The first thing we’re going to learn is how to pay attention when the teacher is talking. I’m going to teach a song we’ll use when I need to get your full attention.”
I scanned all the adorable faces and stopped when I saw big blue eyes staring back into mine. She was the spitting image of her father.
So much for trying not to think of Steed. He’d conveniently left me a little reminder with blonde pigtails and bright eager eyes.
The keys made a clattering sound as I dropped them in the small bowl Chloe had made last year. Walking into the large living room, I started talking to myself. “What the fuck am I supposed to do now?”
The doorbell rang and I spun to answer it. Opening the door, I smiled when I saw my baby sister standing there.
“Hey,” Amelia said.
“Hey back at ya. What brings you here?”
She shrugged, then walked in. She was carrying a computer bag over her shoulder, a diet Pepsi in one hand, and giant shopping bag in the other. “Thought I would do some work here and keep you company. I figured today would be a rough day with dropping Chloe off at school and all.”
I raked my hand through my hair. “Yeah, it was rough in a few ways.”
Amelia placed her bag on the coffee table and turned to me.
“Paxton?”
With a nod, I dropped into an overstuffed chair. I still wasn’t used to having all of this. Not that we didn’t have a nice home in Portland, we did. But that was all it was. Nice. This was over the top. My parents were loaded; we knew that growing up. But they never spoiled us and we all had to work on the ranch learning every single aspect of the business. I always thought I’d come back from college and work alongside my father. Instead I got a degree in business management with a minor in math. I fucking hated math, but I was good at it.
“Since you left, Paxton has pretty much avoided the family. I mean if she ran into us, she was always pleasant. But when she came home from college she never stopped by no matter how many times Mom begged her to. Then when she moved back to town, if she saw us, she’d go out of her way to go in the opposite direction.”
My stomach tightened.
“What in the hell did you to her, Steed? Whatever it was, I know you told Mom and that’s why she isn’t talking to you. She told Dad she’s never been so angry with one of her kids in her life.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but Amelia kept on. “She said she was ready to let Paxton make good on her threat. Now I remember that threat, even though I was twelve. You said something to her at y’all’s graduation and she said she hated you. Was going to cut off your—”
“Oh. My. God. Meli, stop talking.”
She leaned back in her chair. “Last week when you and Mom went out to talk, Paxton was a basket case. She tried to act like she was okay, but her hands were shaking, and she kept touching her stomach.” Her eyes narrowed. “I’m not stupid and I’ve put two and two together. Please tell me you didn’t make her do something you would both regret.”
I froze. “What? What in the hell do you mean?”
She leaned forward. “Abortion?”
I jumped up. “Fuck no. I would never do that!”
Letting out a breath, she mumbled, “Thank God. So why is Mom so pissed at you?”
I shook my head. The memories hit me hard. Paxton’s cries echoed through my thoughts. Maybe it was selfish to want to tell someone else, but I was tired of keeping it a secret. Tired of pretending it had never happened.
“The last day of school our senior year, Paxton told me she was pregnant.”
Amelia covered her mouth. “She was pregnant?”
Swallowing hard, I was transported back to the day.
Paxton sat in the stands staring out over the football field. I’d gotten her text to meet her there not long before. The second I walked up, I knew something was wrong. My heart started beating harder. We were both set to go to Texas A & M that fall. We were moving in together much to our parent’s disliking.
What if she changed her mind? Shit.
“Hey, pumpkin. Is everything okay?”
Paxton forced a smile. Then she started to cry.
Rushing to her, I pulled her into my arms. “Pax, baby tell me what’s wrong.”
She buried her face in my chest and pulled at my T-shirt. “Tell me it’s going to be okay, Steed. Please.”
The pleading in her voice scared me. “You have to tell me what’s wrong, Paxton, before I can tell you it’s okay.”
I pulled back and found that her blue eyes were bloodshot, liked she’d been crying for hours. My heart was racing.
“It’s okay, pumpkin. Tell me.”
She chewed on her lip and stared at the ground before looking back into my eyes. “I’m pregnant.”
The words felt like someone had thrown them at me with a brick attached to them. “W-what?”
She shook her head. “I know how scary it is, but we can m
ake this work.”
I dropped my hold on her and took a few steps back.
“I don’t want to be a dad right now. Fuck. I can’t be a dad right now. This is going to mess everything up.”
Her face dropped. “I’m not giving up this baby, Steed.”
Taking a few steps, I shook my head again. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this right now. I need to think.”
“So you left her standing there alone?”
I nodded. No use in trying to sugarcoat anything.
“What a total asshole move. No wonder Mom isn’t talking to you. Prick.”
With a frown, I replied, “That’s not the worst part. I ignored her until the day before graduation.”
Amelia gasped. “Steed Parker.”
“I needed time to think. Shit, my whole life had just changed. Once the shock wore off and I realized that we could make anything work as long as we had each other, and how much I’d love the baby, I went to her. It was too late.”
My sister’s eyes grew wide. “Why? What did she do?”
Paxton walked slowly up the stairs of the high school, her head down. Rushing over to her, I called her name.
“Paxton!”
Her eyes filled with tears the second she saw me.
“Hey, I’m so sorry I’ve been avoiding you. I needed time to think about everything. I’m sorry.”
She looked like she hadn’t slept in a week, and I hated myself for putting her through all the stress.
“I know I said I didn’t want to be a father, but…I’ve been thinking. We can make this work, Pax. I love you and I know I’ll love the baby too.”
A tear slipped down her cheek. “I lost the baby early this morning. I just got back from the doctor.”
Relief washed over my body and I closed my eyes, whispering, “Thank, God.”
When I opened my eyes, Paxton’s horrified expression stunned me. “What?” she said.