Corina stood next to me. “Paxton those are not boys. They are one hundred percent men.”
My father laughed while I rolled my eyes.
Mitchell approached, wiping his hands, and I couldn’t help but notice how Corina seemed to stand a little taller and her eyes got a little brighter. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Corina.” Mitchell reached out for her hand and shook it. I could tell she was a bit disappointed. Maybe she wanted another swoon moment with him kissing the back of her hand.
Tripp was next and practically pushed Mitchell out of the way. He was happy to kiss the back of Corina’s hand. “Corina, it’s been an honor working alongside you. Maybe we’ll meet up again soon.”
With a wide grin, Corina replied, “I’d like that.”
My eyes swung over to Mitchell. He didn’t look pleased as he headed to Trevor’s truck.
I thanked each of the guys with a hug then glanced around for Steed. He wasn’t standing with his brothers. I glanced over my shoulder and saw him talking to Gina Higgins.
“When did Gina get here?” I asked Corina.
She shrugged. “No clue. Seems like she has her eyes on your man.”
I huffed. “He isn’t my man, Corina.” Turning away, I walked my father to his truck.
Cord stood there, smiling. “Paxton, you really should stop by my folks’ place sometime. I know Mom would love to see you.”
The ache in my heart grew. I loved Melanie and missed her more than I could say. “I’d love that,” I replied softly.
He nodded, then stared past me. “He’s not interested in her.”
I glanced over my shoulder. Gina was trying her best to keep Steed’s interest. When our eyes met, I looked back at Cord.
“I wouldn’t care if he was.”
His brows lifted. “Really? Because the way you glared over there a minute ago screamed like you cared.”
Before I had a chance to respond, Trevor honked, causing me to jump and yell. Cord shot him the finger. Tripp and Mitchell laughed as the Ford backed up and headed out of the parking lot.
My father waved goodbye from where he stood beside his truck. “Bye, sweet girl. I need to run.”
“Thank you again for coming to my rescue, Daddy.”
He laughed. “Don’t thank me. Thank the boys.”
I smiled. “Be careful, and give Mom a kiss and hug for me.”
Climbing into his truck, he shut the door and called out, “Will do!”
Cord still stood there, staring like he knew something I didn’t. I opened my mouth to talk but instantly shut it when a rush of energy zipped through my body…starting at my lower back where Steed had placed his hand.
“Paxton, do you have a minute to talk?”
My eyes were fixed on Cord as if my life depended on it. The bastard turned and headed to the passenger side of Steed’s truck.
“Please, Pax?” Steed said.
My eyes closed. The sound of his pleading settled around my aching heart.
When I turned to him, I had to hold my breath. My god, he was so handsome. An older version of the boy I fell so madly in love with.
“Fine, but not here. I don’t want parents gossiping.”
“Okay. Where?”
The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.
“We can meet at my house later this evening.”
He smiled and my legs wobbled. Pointing at him, I said, “Don’t get any ideas.”
The way his gaze searched my face had me fighting for air. He looked like he wanted to kiss me and honest to God if we hadn’t been where we were, I probably would have let him. Before I kneed him in the balls of course.
“What time? I’ll need to make arrangements for Chloe.”
There went that ache in my chest again.
“Five. Is that early enough so you won’t miss her bedtime or anything?”
His eyes turned sad. “Yeah. Yeah that works great.”
I nodded. “Fine. I’ll text you the address.”
Spinning on my boot heels, I walked toward the booth where Corina was standing. I had to concentrate on breathing, especially since I could feel Steed’s eyes on me. One glance over my shoulder proved I was right. I gave him a weak smile as my heart raced. I didn’t want to forgive him. I wanted to be angry, but my heart was beginning to win the war against my head.
When I got to the booth I felt more eyes on me. This time they were Gina’s…and they were filled with anger.
I stood in front of the mirror and groaned. “Why did I tell him to come here?”
Corina sat on the edge of my bed. “Because deep down you want something to happen.”
My mouth dropped open as I stared at her in the mirror. “I do not.”
She laughed. “Please. You two gaze at each other like you’re starving for one another.” Falling onto the bed, she covered her heart. “Oh, to have a love like that.”
I huffed. “You’re insane. I don’t look at him like that, and he certainly doesn’t look at me like that. Besides, you saw him talking to Gina.”
Corina sat up. “Puh-lease. Gina is a money grubbing S. L. U. T. Steed’s not interested in her. She keeps throwing herself at him. Trust me. I was watching.”
“Since when did you become a Steed fan?” I asked, pulling my hair up and braiding it.
“Oh, I’m not. Believe me, when he introduced himself I wanted to junk punch him. His pretty face was a bit of a distraction though.”
Corina winked, and I couldn’t help but chuckle. “He is handsome, I won’t argue with you on that.”
“Hell, they are all handsome. And bodies like gods. What in the heck did their mother drink while pregnant?”
Laughing, I dropped in one of the chairs in my bedroom. “When we were younger, oh man, the girls would go crazy for the Parker brothers. Tripp’s the oldest brother and lord did the girls throw themselves at him. It was almost kind of sad.”
“Did he ever date anyone?”
“Yeah, he had a serious girlfriend, Harley. They broke up, and he kind of started the path for the whole Parker man whore legend. I think she broke his heart and the only way he could get over it was to sleep with every girl he could.”
Corina rolled her eyes. “What about Mitchell?”
I smiled. “He’s always been the serious one. Anytime the boys wanted to do something that was borderline wrong, Mitchell tried to talk them out of it.”
“Explains the cop thing then.”
“Yeah. I think he’s probably the shyest out of all the guys.”
“Huh. Interesting.” Corina stood. “I guess I better head out before Steed gets here.”
My chest tightened as panic set in. “Maybe I should call and tell him another night.”
Corina placed her hands on my arms and pierced my eyes with hers. “Paxton, you need to talk to him. You’ve been needing to talk to him since the day he walked away. You won’t be able to move on if you guys don’t sort this out. I know you say you don’t have feelings for him, but I’m your best friend and I know that’s a lie. I see the way you look at him. Talk to him, honey. You can’t keep this inside much longer.”
A single tear slipped from my eye and made a slow trail down my face. “I know,” I whispered.
Squeezing my arms, Corina gave me a reassuring smile. “Tell him how he hurt you, Paxton. Get it out there in the open and close this chapter of your life. Then you can decide if Steed Parker is part of the next chapter or not.”
My chin trembled and all I could do was nod.
Corina kissed me on the forehead and turned to leave. A quick peek at the clock told me I had fifteen minutes until Steed would get here.
Corina stopped at the door. “Maybe you should take a shot of something.”
Jerking my head back, I asked, “Why?”
“Because you’re shaking like a leaf.” She winked.
After Corina left, I stood there for a few moments staring at the door. Taking a deep breath, I let my mind go back to the day that c
hanged everything.
Everyone was celebrating the fact that we had graduated high school. Everyone but me. The cramps in my stomach were a constant reminder that I had lost the baby in the early morning hours. I was so tired. I’d driven myself to the hospital and sat there alone while the doctor told me what had happened.
Steed sat down next to me and reached for my hand. Pulling it from him, I turned to him. “Don’t touch me.”
His eyes were sad, but I didn’t care.
“Pax, please. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”
“You did this.”
The horror on his face should have made me regret my words, but I didn’t. I meant every single word I said.
“Please can we go somewhere and talk?”
“Talk about what, Steed? There’s nothing your words can say to make it better.”
He reached for my hand again, and this time I didn’t fight it. “Maybe I should leave for a few weeks.”
My head whipped as I stared at him. “What? Why?”
He looked at the ground. “You’re upset, and we both need time to wrap our heads around this.”
Standing, I glared at him. “You’re running. That’s what you’re doing. You piece of shit! You’re leaving me! Again! How could you do this?”
Steed stood. “Wait, Paxton, that’s not what I meant.”
I pushed him as hard as I could. “I hate you! I hate you so much right now. Leave! Go run and hide! I never want to see you again. And I swear to God the next time I see you if you even think of speaking to me I’ll cut your dick off and shove it down your damn throat!”
“Paxton, wait.”
He reached for me, and I screamed. I’d never seen Steed look so scared in my life. The way he jerked his hands away with a look of horror had me wanting to tell him I was sorry. But I didn’t. “I’d never hurt you, Paxton. Ever.”
“You’ve already hurt me more than you could ever know. Please…just leave me alone, Steed. Just leave.”
My eyes snapped open and I inhaled a quick breath. The memory of that day swirled in my head. Turning, I walked into the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of rum and a Diet Coke, and made myself a drink.
The drink hit my empty stomach, making me groan. My eyes closed.
I pushed him away. I was the one who told him to leave and never come back. I never in my wildest dreams thought he would take it to heart.
When I pulled up to Paxton’s house I couldn’t help but smile. It looked like a place she would fall in love with. Paxton had always talked about owning one of the older homes in the center of town. I’d bet anything she bought it and remodeled it, bringing it back to life from an old dull farmhouse.
Turning off the truck, I ran my hand through my hair and took in a deep breath. I’d waited ten years to have this conversation, and I couldn’t get my damn hands to stop shaking.
As I stepped onto the porch, I took a quick peek around. I chuckled when I saw the two black rocking chairs. All the times we had sat on my parents’ porch and talked about our future…I couldn’t look at a black rocking chair without thinking of Paxton.
My arms felt like lead as I stared at her door. I finally pressed the doorbell. Less than ten seconds later, the door opened.
The air from my lungs was gone in an instant. The most beautiful woman in the world stood in front of me. Paxton was wearing a light blue dress that hung from her body in all the right ways. My eyes lingered on her bare feet before I dragged them back up and smiled when I saw the braid coming around the side of her head.
“Hey,” I said barely above a whisper.
I couldn’t read her eyes, but it was like she could read mine. She didn’t say a word as she turned and walked into the house. Lifting my eyebrows, I followed her in and shut the door.
“Want a drink?” she called out as she made her way to the large open kitchen. I scanned the living room as I made my way through it.
“No thanks.”
She laughed. “Well, I’m having another.”
We stopped at a large island, and Paxton poured rum into a glass followed by Diet Coke. When she downed it, my mouth nearly dropped to the floor. “You okay?” I asked.
Her eyes snapped on mine, and she slowly shook her head. “No, Steed. I’m far from okay. I haven’t been okay since you walked away from me the night of graduation.”
I swallowed hard. “I was confused, Paxton. You were telling me you hated me. You told me to leave.”
“I did hate you, and I did want you to leave.”
A tear made its way down her cheek. “Some nights when I’m alone in bed, I hate you all over again.”
“Pumpkin, I’m so sorry.”
She laughed. “So sorry for what? That you left me to deal with the loss of our child? That you didn’t care enough to come back? Or maybe that you ended up knocking up another woman, but decided she was worth sticking around for?”
Anger raced through me. “You told me it was my fault, Paxton! That you never wanted to see me again. What in the hell was I supposed to do?”
She slammed her glass on the granite counter. “Stay! You were supposed to stay goddamn it! Not leave me!”
I shook my head. “You told me to leave.”
Her lips pressed together. “I didn’t want you to leave, Steed. I was hurting and scared, and I’d just had to deal with taking myself to the hospital where I lost our baby. I had no one to talk to.”
A loud sob slipped from between her lips, and it hit me right in the gut.
She dropped her head and started crying. I moved around the island, but she held up her hand to stop me. Taking a few steps away, she looked up and I nearly fell to the ground.
Her face was soaked in tears.
“I lost her. T-then I-I lost you.”
“Paxton,” I whispered.
“Then I lost me, Steed. A part of me never came back until you walked into my classroom that night. That small…small…” She attempted to keep her sobs at bay but struggled speaking. “Th-that small part of m-me that died when you left. It came back to life and I think…that made me…hate you all over again.”
This was the reason I never came back. I was a fucking coward.
Paxton looked me in the eyes and asked, “Why didn’t you come back?”
I didn’t even bothering trying to keep my tears back. The only woman I ever loved was hurting and it was my fault. Again.
“Because of this. Seeing how much I keep hurting you. It kills…” I had to clear my throat to keep speaking. “It kills me knowing what I did to you and our child. When I left, I was…consumed with researching miscarriages. When you said I caused it to happen, I…knew it was the truth.”
Paxton stood there staring at me. Her arms wrapped around her body.
“I started drinking to try and drown out your cries.” My jaw ached from trying so hard to keep my emotions in check. “It never worked. They only got louder. Your voice repeated in my head that you hated me, and I knew if I came back, this would happen and you’d hate me all over again. I was a coward and I couldn’t handle seeing you…seeing you…”
My head dropped and I had to take in a few deep breaths.
“I almost quit school,” she said.
Jerking my head up, I asked, “What?”
Paxton leaned against the counter as she wiped her cheeks. Streaks of black smeared her beautiful face.
“When you never came back that summer, I knew you never were coming back. It hurt so much without you there. Everywhere I turned there was a memory of you. Of us. My life was nothing but heartache. I was in the middle of a storm, and I had no idea how to run from it. So I pretended everything was okay. I did what my parents expected me to do, and I went to A and M. But all I felt was pain. When I met Corina I put on a good front for the first couple of months until I saw an Oregon football game and your name was announced. You were the star player from Texas who walked on and made it at Oregon State. I found myself outside in the rain just standing there. The storm cloud had fol
lowed me, and I knew I would never be able to stop hurting. I stopped going to class. I partied, drank, and more than once I almost did something I knew I would regret the rest of my life.”
My breath stalled in my chest.
She smiled. “But they weren’t you, Steed. So I always walked away before anything happened. But the hurt kept growing, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. Corina made me tell her everything. She’s the only person I’ve ever told about the baby and what happened. Well, besides the counselor I started going to. I finally learned...”
Covering her mouth, she closed her eyes. I walked up and put my hands on her arms. Paxton dropped her hands. “I learned to grieve the loss of the baby and the only man I’ve ever loved.”
I closed my eyes and struggled to take in air. My lungs burned as each breath moved in and out painfully.
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.” Opening my eyes, I gazed into hers. The sadness told me Paxton was not done grieving. “Paxton, if I could go back.” I dragged in a shaky breath. “If I could change how stupid and selfish and…I don’t even know the words I’m looking for to describe what an asshole I was. But if I could go back to that day you told me you were pregnant, I would have never walked away. I fucked up twice, and there isn’t anything I can do to take it back.”
She wiped her tears away. “I know that.”
Lifting my hand, I pushed a piece of loose hair behind her ear. “Paxton, I never stopped loving you.”
Her chin trembled. “Why…why did you move on then?”
I shook my head. “I never moved on.”
With a frown, she glared. “I’m sorry, what? Steed, you got married! You had a baby! You moved on.”
“No. This is what I wanted to talk about. The other night at Cord’s place you didn’t let me explain. Mom used to keep me up to date with what was going on with you. She’d ask your mom how you were. It killed her that you stopped coming around.”
Paxton sniffled. “It killed me too.”
I placed my hand on the side of her face, and I thought for sure she would move away, but she didn’t.