Lost Treasures 6
by Kennie Kayoz
Copyright 2014 Coyotes Publishing
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When we took over the old company created by myself and Crystal, it turns out we had a bunch of unreleased material, which wasn't just done by myself but also Crystal, so I thought I would get things listed for people to check them out...
Down
Working where I do is crap
Almost think I'd be better off getting the strap
Both sting like hell and make me cry
Inside wishing that I could die
Hell has got to be better than this
Doubt I'll get my wedded bliss
Never doing anything right
Life is nothing but an unfair fight
Try my best in all I do
Yet all I do is sit there feeling blue
Nothing pleases them, now or then
Wishing I had more than one friend
Someone to lean on and cry with
Seems for me friendship is a myth
All on my own, quiet as can be
Wishing in life I could only see
The good that comes to those who wait
Sadly, that will never be my fate
Waiting around for all of time
Always feeling like I am blind
Can't see the good, only the bad
Perhaps that's why I'll always be sad
I've always felt so down
In my sorrows, forever I shall drown.
~ Jessica
Here I Sit
Writing these thoughts in my head.
Hoping that they will resolve themselves through this lead.
From the pencil that I write, unable to erase anything that is inside.
Just spellin mistakes but they come as time goes.
Watching things take shape as my poetry flows.
I never knew what things could have been.
I never know why I never did seen.
The future ahead of me and left the past where it was.
Not wanting to look ahead nor behind.
Always having to walk with the blind.
Don't want to see the future.
To focused on the past and current.
Watching it take me away, making me something that I'm not.
Watching my soul an corpse begin to rot.
A shell is what I begin holding all the emotions that I can.
I never know where to look for help.
I never know where to turn when I seek it.
The ideas from my head rip me apart from the inside.
They tormented thoughts are only here to join the ride.
Here I sit looking down at the blank paper.
Never knowing which voice in my head to trust as they most seem lower than a whisper.
Do I, or should I leave it.
Would I or don't I believe it.
- Shane Diamond -
How Bored Am I?
How bored am I here at work
Earlier today I had the biggest jerk
Standing 'round waiting on time
The flow of people stopped on a dime
No people here but staff
To myself I just laugh
So tired from working this double
Every thought like a bubble
Into space I stare, lost in thought
In this hell I feel I shall rot
How bored am I
Just staring at the sky
Counting down the hours 'till I go home
Wishing the streets I could roam
Anything to flee from this place
Anything to be with my own race
In a place where I'm not the only one
Who speaks English, and not just for fun
I tone them out, especially today
Because I'm just that bored.
~ Jessica
Into Space
Staring off at the wall
Feeling like I'm about to fall
Free as a bird without a care
Feeling the wind blow through my hair
Into space I travel again
Floating free, holding only a pen
On the walls I begin to write
Hoping my mind will soon take flight
These wonderful walls of white
In my mind I've reached a new height
Floating free into space
Coming down, the clouds I'll chase
Returning home to find you here
Sit and wait and have a beer
Fluffy feet go running past
Guess it's not 'home at last'
Still off in space with such a buzz
Everything around me has some fuzz
Which way is up and which is down
Reality returns, and I'm left with a frown.
~ Jessica
It Pains Me
It pains me having to tell you to eat without me.
Having to sit in pain while you eat food that smells so good.
It pains me having to sit and watch.
While we watch TV no food goes in my mouth.
As I sit holding myself in pain.
The only one who cares is you.
You have done so much for me.
I still sit in pain around you.
It pains me having to do it.
I know you don't like seeing me like it.
I wish the pain would go away.
I feel as if the pain wont stop till I'm dead.
while I feel pain I lay in bed.
Wishing that my heart would stop.
Even though I know your tears would drop.
I never like seeing you cry.
Although I know that you already have them in your eyes.
It pains me going through all this.
The thought of things getting better is only a wish.
I don't see anything like that happening.
So I guess it's the pain that I'm continued to be forced to live with.
- Shane Diamond -
No Children
The day that you question bout having grand kids.
Is the day you start wanting to inject your ideas to our eye lids.
So we'll see things how you see things.
But when we tell you we're not having kids you get bent out of shape.
Tears roll down your face, and anger builds you up like an ape.
Suddenly you don't think I'm good enough for your daughter.
Feeling that it's me that don't want kids.
Maybe you should see shit through my eye lids.
It's ultimately our choice.
Besides your not well off, you ain't cruising in a rolls royce.
You've complained that your name needs to live on.
Then adopt, give the kid your last name and let it move on.
Once the ring is on her finger.
Your last name becomes a bitter struggle between the two of you.
That last name will die with the survivor.
She always has said that if she happened to be her sister who passed away.
Life would be perfect, a treasure, a gift, but that's the way the pendulum did sway.
I never did see things, until the whole baby ordeal got brought up.
I guess that's another factor in life that we both "failed" at since we decided against what everyone else wants.
Shane Diamond
Still Bored
Slow day today, nothing to do
Stare at the ceiling thinking of you
Watch
and wait for time to pass
Almost like fishing for bass
Sit and wait, wait and sit
So bored you think you're going to have a fit
But then it all pays off and the day is done
Then it's time to go have fun
Home from work to be with my man
This place I work I wish I could ban
Hate my life, hate my job
To the world I'm nothing but a slob
No friends, no fun
Seems I'm always on the run
From myself, not the cops
I guess for that I should get props
Dishes can wait, I just want to write
Though I know on this, the manager would fight
What do I care, been here all bloody day
5 minutes of peace, let me have my say
Still bored out of my mind
A new job I really have to find
Forever lost in space
Aching for my special place... My bed.
~ Jessica
The Untitled Poem
Wanting something I can never have
Wishing I were the Queen to some elaborate hive.
Feeling things I haven't fell in a very long time
Seems for me, life will forever stop on a dime.
Nothing ever pans out
Sitting around with a pout
Why not me ? Why not this once ? I ask
Wishing right now I had a flask
Life sucks, always has, always will
This void in my life, never to fill
Days turn to weeks, then a month, next a year
Everything surrounds me in fear.
I want to make a change but I don't know where to start
Seeing as how I'm not "school smart"
A life of fast food seem to be all I'll get
A life full of stress and regret
Wanting something to call my own
Not always living in the in-laws home.
Seeing others with what I want makes me sad.
But then I look at you and only feel glad.
Because you're my rock, my all.
And without you, I would surly fall.
Jessica Diamond
To Jessica...
We've been together for what is going on 6 years.
I still don't know how you manage to be so amazing.
It seems that everything I want you try to supply me with.
Including accepting my hand in wedded bliss.
The money is always a tight thing for us.
I know we have our good days, our bad seems to be filled with cuss.
How we don't think things are gonna get any better.
I still remember you in bed with your broken leg.
Anythin you wanted, u knew I'd get you.. u didn't need to beg.
I would have gone to the ends of the earth.
To see that anything u wanted, u got first.
Our lives seem to be filled with more downs than ups.
As we sit here continue to gain weight, feelin like we need to do sit ups.
Baby I'm still surprised you stuck with me over the years.
Now your trying to help our dreams take off.
Wouldn't it be a dream if 4E became our lives.
Be able to earn the pay.
No more shitty job will make u stay.
Write bout the problems that you got.
The day things seem grim.
I was worried that shit was going to take a step back.
You tried your best for us to keep shit up to date.
But it seems like just like our lives, our site is becoming second rate.
I have the feeling that this is going to be a fight.
Hopefully in the end we'll feel what we done was right.
Money is always the issue.
It seems as if it always brings us to tissues
I wish for once something would work out for us.
But I feel as if we have issues with trust.
As we do it with the wrong people.
Which gets our emotions high as a steeple.
Then we crash, and burn.
You figure we would have to learn.
But we haven't...
I'll always love you.
Even though you have spots of black and blue.
My clumsy little girl.
- Shane Diamond -
Torn
Have you ever felt so torn apart
Where your mind says one thing, but it's not in your heart ?
Where you feel any decision is wrong ?
Feeling like a window shattered by a horrible song.
Welcome to my life.
So sad that somedays I just want to pick up a knife.
Torn between what I want and what I feel
Always wanting to know which emotions are real
What does he want, what about her ?
I feel like I'm out in the cold shivering....burr.
No decision I make is right.
Always my mind and my heart fight.
Torn between whom to please.
Feeling like that never to come sneeze
You feel the tickle, but never release
Why can't I just be deceased ?
Thoughts race through my mind
Catching those thoughts, my heart will never find.
All I want is to know what to do.
Sitting, waiting, wondering if it's "you"
Momma wants ya, Daddy doesn't know,
And me, I just want to go with the flow
A decision I don't know if I'll ever make.
But atleast the decision is mine to take.
Jessica Diamond
What To Do
What to do, what to do
The sky is not blue
Nothing sounds good
At least nothing I should
Want to drink and sleep
Somewhere inside I want to weep
Bored with work and life
Want to end it all with a knife
Be rid of this existence I hate
Knowing deep down that isn't my fate
To take the easy way out
That's not what life's about
Watching as the puddles form below
The lights softly aglow
With this peace of mind
My strength should be easy to find
But alas, I am weak
Like a piercing through your cheek
I am but flesh and blood
Though I feel like a stick in the mud
Always in the way
Listening to what others say
Sitting and wondering what to do
When outside is anything but blue.
~ Jessica