“Yes!” I hissed as I felt the first stirrings of orgasm wash over me. I twisted my fingers inside me, increasing the pressure on my clit.
“That's it, baby,” Allen murmured. “Make yourself come for me.”
I cried out as it hit me. My hand gripped my pussy as it tightened around my fingers. My entire body tensed as I came and the knowledge that he was watching me made it all the more intense. My legs flopped onto the bed and I shuddered as I removed my hand from between my legs. Lips pressed against my calf and I forced my eyes open.
“Do you have any idea how hot you look when you come?”
I smiled a lazy smile because I didn't have the energy to do much of anything else. He ran his fingers up and down my leg as we lay there in silence, me regaining my strength and him calming down enough that he wouldn't come right away. We'd been lovers long enough that I knew how close he'd been and I wanted this to last long enough for me to come again.
“School's done,” he said thoughtfully.
“Yeah.” I gave him a questioning look, unsure where he was going with his line of thought.
“I want...” He hesitated.
“What is it?” Now I was intrigued.
“It's going to sound stupid.”
“Well, now you have to tell me,” I said, smiling. “You can't just leave it.”
He studied the patterns he was making on my calf as he spoke, “Since you don't have to worry about kids or the other faculty, I want to...” His eyes flicked to my face and then back down again. “I feel like a fucking teenager saying this, but I want to give you a hickey.”
I burst out laughing. He looked up, serious for a moment, then started to laugh too. “Are you kidding?” I asked. “That's the big thing you were all embarrassed about asking me? Eight years together and that's it?”
He scowled at me, but I could see his eyes still twinkling. “I never wanted to get you in trouble at school,” he said. “But now...”
I raised an eyebrow. “It depends. Are you going to let me give you one?”
He laughed. “Of course.” He turned and made his way back up the bed again. “I always liked it when you did.”
“Really?” I was surprised. Sure, he'd given me a couple marks over the years, but I'd always felt like he'd felt things like that were juvenile. I shook my head. “What's gotten into you today?”
He moved over my body, settling between my legs so that his cock brushed against my still sensitive pussy. “It's our one year anniversary and I'm going to make a baby with the woman I love. Isn't that enough?”
I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down so that our mouths met. I could taste myself on his tongue as I pulled it into my mouth. He made a sound in the back of his throat as I kissed him deep, my fingers twisting in his hair. I felt his hand move between us and then he was pushing forward and inside, filling me. I reached down with my free hand and grabbed his ass, digging my nails in as I pulled him towards me. I wanted him all and I didn't want to wait.
“Patience,” he chided breathlessly as he broke the kiss. He slid halfway inside, then pulled out. As his mouth trailed kisses down my neck, he moved forward again, this time a bit deeper.
I licked the side of his neck, tasting the salt from his sweat mingled with the taste of him. When I nipped at his skin, he yelped, his hips jerking and pushing himself all the way inside. I swore as he filled me, my nerve endings singing at the sudden invasion. I pressed my mouth against his neck and began to worry at the skin, sucking harder as he started to move. I felt his mouth on my throat, teeth nipping at the skin there. His thrusts were slow and deep, rubbing against every inch of me, leaving nothing untouched. I wrapped my arms around him as I hooked my feet behind his ankles. My body danced with his like it had hundreds of times before, but there was something new this time. It was his skin gliding against mine, no barriers between us, and what it meant. We weren't just making love, we were trying to create life. A family.
The thought made me arch against him, the base of his cock rubbing my clit as he surged forward. I came suddenly and without warning, an explosion of heat and pleasure so great that I had to squeeze my eyes closed. His groan was muffled against my neck but I felt his rhythm falter and knew he was close.
“Come in me,” I whispered as I clung to him, riding out the waves as each thrust took me higher. “Come in me, love.”
When he did, and I felt him spill inside me, a surge of love swept through me and over me. The emotion was so strong that it took my breath away and I had to blink back the burn of tears. I loved this man so much.
I knew the possibility of me getting pregnant just from this one time was slim, but I hoped that it had happened. I wanted this to be the moment that our lives changed forever.
Chapter 6
I'd known that Allen had something special planned for our first anniversary. He'd always been a great planner and none of that had ever taken away from the romantic gestures he'd made. In eight years, he'd never forgotten an anniversary or a birthday, which more than made up for things like the forgotten date night. And he'd never been half-assed about it either. Special days had never been just things like a box of candy or a bouquet of flowers. He'd always made sure that we did something unique and memorable.
That hadn't always meant expensive though.
Our one year anniversary when we'd been dating, it had been a trip to the beach, but not one of the full touristy beaches along the southern California coast. No, Allen had taken me to a smaller beach, more rocks than sand, but without the mass quantities of people around. He'd packed us a lunch and brought along a bottle of wine even though I hadn't yet been twenty-one. We'd toasted to a lifetime together and then made love under the stars.
The years were filled with those kinds of memories and I could only imagine what he'd dream up in the future. Starting with today.
After a great start to the morning, we'd showered, dressed casually and eaten breakfast. We'd had to reheat the pancakes Allen had made, but they'd still been delicious. Once we finished, I turned to him expectantly.
“I'm glad we're starting a family,” he began. “But there are a couple things on my to-do list before our little one makes an appearance.”
“Okay.” I cocked my head to one side, trying to figure out what he was talking about. For being someone I knew very well, he'd been hard to read lately.
“One of those things had been uninterrupted sex.” He grinned. “So I can check that one off the list. Or, maybe that's one we can keep checking off. Over and over...”
I chuckled, heat flushing my skin. He was right. Once we had a baby, sex would have to be squeezed into whatever time we could find. We definitely needed to appreciate the time we had for leisurely love-making.
“Another thing is what I have planned for this afternoon.” He pushed back his chair, turning it to face me more directly. “First, we're going to walk the vineyard so I can show you what I have planned for the future. Then we're going someplace special.”
“Do I get a hint about where that is?” I asked.
“Nope.” Allen's grin widened.
A mischievous little thrill went through me and I went to my knees, inching my way towards Allen. I caught a flash of surprise, then something I couldn't name. I put my hands on his knees and slid them up along his thighs. His muscles tensed beneath his dress jeans.
“Shae...”
“Shh.” I gave him my most stern teacher look. “I'm trying out an interrogation technique.”
He raised his hands and held them out as if to give me the go ahead. I locked eyes with him as I moved his legs apart. My hands worked down his muscular thighs, thumbs brushing against the slowly growing bulge. He made a small sound, then swore quietly when I unbuckled his pants and tugged them down his hips, taking his boxer-briefs with them.
His cock was half-hard as I took it in my mouth and he moaned. I echoed the sound as he put his hand on my head, his fingers twisting in my hair. This wasn't going to be a long blow
-job, not with the hard wood beneath my knees, but I was determined to make it a good one.
He hardened quickly as I sucked and licked, savoring the taste of him, the weight of him. His fingers tightened as I swirled my tongue around the tip, but he didn't force my head down, letting me set my own pace.
I kept one hand on his leg for balance and used the other to alternate between stroking the base that I couldn't take and playing with his balls the way I knew he liked.
“There's something else I want to do.” His voice was husky. “Before we focus on making a baby.”
I raised my head, letting him fall from between my lips with a nearly obscene sound. “And what is that?”
The hand in my hair slid down to my cheek and he brushed his thumb across my lips. “I want to come in your mouth.”
I parted my lips as his thumb slipped inside. My teeth scraped against the pad of the digit and he sucked in a breath.
“You want to come in my mouth?” I asked as his thumb slid back out. “Come on my tongue?” I licked my bottom lip. “Watch me swallow every last drop?”
“Fuck, Shae.” The words were hoarse. “Yes. Yes, that's what I want.”
I smiled. “Me, too. Because after this, you're not losing it anywhere but my pussy.”
Before he could respond, I ducked my head again, engulfing as much of the thick shaft as I could. He swore, his entire body tightening. I bobbed my head, twisting my hand around the base of him with an almost brutal pace. The friction of his skin against my lips burned and my jaw began to ache, but I kept going.
“Shae.” His hand went back to my head, fingers twisting painfully in my hair. “Your mouth feels so good.” He groaned and I felt his balls tighten. He was close. “I'm going to come.”
I stopped moving, focusing on applying as much suction as possible while working my hand up and down the inches that weren't in my mouth. His cock twitched on my tongue and his hips jerked, pushing another inch inside. He cried out my name as he came, spurting across my tongue, filling my mouth. I did what he wanted, swallowing every last drop as I milked it out of him. I didn't stop until he was soft again and Allen's hand was tugging at my hair.
“That was...wow.”
I sat back on my heels and looked up at Allen. He was staring at me, his pupils blown wide.
“So,” I asked. “Does this mean I get to know where we're going?”
It was a private airfield. Not exactly the kind of romantic date I'd been expecting, but I didn't complain. I was sure he would explain and it would be fantastic.
“Do you remember the first off campus date I took you on?” Allen asked as he pulled into one of the many empty parking spaces.
“You mean when you scared the shit out of me by pushing me out of an airplane?” I laughed at the memory.
“You loved it,” he countered.
“I did,” I agreed. After I'd gotten over the initial fright of falling thousands of feet, I'd remembered what I'd been told and pulled the cord to open my chute. The next time we'd gone, I hadn't needed any encouragement to jump. I wasn't an adrenaline junkie, but I did love the rush.
“It's been a long time since we jumped,” he said. “And I wanted this one to be something special. We're going to have someone jump with us and record the whole thing.” He leaned forward and brushed his mouth against mine. “And we're going to kiss mid-jump.”
Some other women might've thought this was a crazy idea, that they would've preferred a romantic dinner and some jewelry. I might've been a second grade teacher, but I wasn't most women. I thought it was totally romantic.
“I love it!” I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him to me for a deeper kiss. The excitement of anticipation was already coursing through my veins and I could sense it in Allen too. There was a desperate edge to his touch, to the way his lips moved with mine.
When we finally broke apart, we were both flushed and panting. He smoothed back the hair from my face.
“Ready?”
I nodded, heart racing. I'd forgotten how much I loved sky diving.
Less than twenty minutes later, Allen and I were up in the plane, soaring over the landing field. Everything was ready. The chutes were packed and the videographer was ready. All we had to do was wait for the right moment.
Allen and I went out together, hands linked. I had a vague impression of the videographer following us out and then Allen was pulling me around to face him. My stomach was in my throat, my pulse pounding. The adrenaline racing through me made me see everything in startling clarity.
The absolute look of love on Allen's face as he pulled me to him.
The videographer off to the side, recording as Allen's mouth lightly touched mine.
It wasn't a long kiss or a passionate one, but I felt it go through me light a bolt of electricity.
With a gentle push of hands, we moved away from each other. I spread my arms and legs, watching Allen twist, shooting his body faster towards the ground. I laughed and did the same, matching his descent. As we hit the right altitude, I reached behind me and yanked on the cord.
My chute opened with a jerk and, for a moment, I lost sight of Allen. When I got my bearings, I twisted around, looking for him. After a moment, I saw him below me and felt the first tingle of panic. He hadn't opened his chute yet.
He still had a couple hundred feet before it became dangerous, but with every heartbeat, those feet passed and still, nothing happened. He was too far away for me to tell if he was struggling with his ripcord or if he was unconscious. Even as panic went from faint to full-blown, there was nothing I could do.
I tried to scream as Allen continued to plummet towards the ground, but the wind stole the sound. I was helpless, voiceless, forced to watch my husband die.
Chapter 7
For three months when I was ten, I'd had a recurring nightmare that my brother and mother had been killed and I'd been sent to live with my Great-Aunt Ethel. Considering I didn't have a Great-Aunt Ethel, I was completely terrified.
This was worse.
And it had to be a nightmare, because if it wasn't then that meant it was real. And it couldn't be real. Not this.
I'd lost my father before I'd even known him. My mother before I graduated from college. I still had my brother, but Allen was my family. My husband. The father of the children I was going to have.
It was the last thought that finally brought up everything I had in my stomach. I leaned over so I didn't puke on the nice blanket someone had so thoughtfully wrapped me in, and threw up all over the ground.
The paramedic who'd been standing nearby came running over.
“Ma'am, are you all right?”
I wanted to snap at him that of course I wasn't all right, that nothing would ever be all right again, but I was still trying to cough up something, so speaking was a bit difficult.
I barely heard anything else he said. I was still trying to process. But I didn't want to process. Again, processing meant it was real, and it couldn't be real.
I squeezed my eyes closed, but that didn't help. It just reminded me that I was actually awake.
And it didn't stop me from seeing it.
Again.
And again.
The way he'd hit the ground, limbs twisted.
By the time I'd landed, people were already rushing towards him, but I could've told them it wouldn't do any good. There was no hope. No miracle that could've saved him. I didn't need a doctor to tell me anything. I'd felt the impact of my feet hitting the earth and knew how much harder he'd landed. No one could survive that.
Every part of me had longed to run to him, telling me that I couldn't know for sure until I'd seen him. But I didn't want to see him. I didn't want that to be my last memory of him. I didn't want to have a last memory. I wasn't supposed to have one for decades, if ever. We were supposed to grow old together. Watch our children and grandchildren grow up. Bicker and make up. Worry about money and the kids. Celebrate dozens of anniversaries as our hair grayed and our f
aces wrinkled.
A broken sob came out of my mouth and I pressed my fist against my lips, trying to stifle the sound. I couldn't give in and cry here. If I gave in, then I'd completely lose it, and if I lost it, I'd have to accept it. As long as I still had it together, I could pretend that it wasn't really happening.
But it was.
My hands were shaking and my teeth chattering. My thoughts were pure chaos.
I was in shock.
No shit.
I was going into the kind of shock that they gave people medicine for. Tranquilizers. I didn't want that.
I stood up suddenly and grabbed the water from the paramedic's hand. I rinsed my mouth and spit on the ground. I needed a phone.
I must've said it out loud because someone handed me my purse. I didn't remember asking for that either. It didn't matter though. I needed my phone. I dug through the bag and pulled it out. I scrolled past all of the numbers on my way to the bottom. There was only one person I could call right now.
He answered on the second ring.
“Shae?” He sounded surprised which made sense since I could count the number of times I'd called him on one hand.
“Jasper.” My voice was flat, emotionless. As lifeless as the man I loved. “I need you to come. Allen's dead.”
Chapter 8
I loved watching him sleep. On nights like these when my own sleep evaded me, I would come here and stand in the doorway, looking down at my son and wondering what he dreamed of.
His hair was light, of course, but had a bit more of my gold to it than Allen’s tawny shade. His eyes had started out blue, like almost all babies, but they’d changed quickly to a greenish color that I felt sure would eventually turn hazel like his father’s. His features were very much like Allen as well, and at two, he’d already shown that he was his father’s child in personality. I’d never seen a kid so meticulous about his schedule. Allen and I joked that he was going to potty-train himself.