I could feel the brief and furious argument he had with himself when our lips met, but as soon as I pushed my tongue into his mouth, I knew I’d won. His body shifted from protecting me to covering me and he kissed me back. We could still hear the maid moving around in the bedroom, but she didn’t seem to matter that much. All that mattered was the firm pressure of his cock against my leg and the way his mouth moved against mine.
The instant we heard the bedroom door close, Jasper rolled us out from under the dresses, his kisses rougher as he licked and bit my lips. I writhed beneath him, wanting him, needing him. I didn’t care where we were or that it was dangerous. I just needed him.
I somehow managed to shove down the front of his pants and wrap my hand around his cock. He tore his mouth away from mine and swore. I still couldn’t see more than the faintest of outlines, but I knew how he would look, the way his eyes would be glittering, a dark, stormy gray.
“Shae.” My name was little more than a growled whisper.
“Now.” I squeezed him and he swore again.
I felt him hesitate and leaned up to nip at his throat. Suddenly, he was turning me over, his hands tugging down my pants and underwear all at once. Heat rushed through me and my nipples hardened. One hand pulled on my hips, raising my ass slightly and then he was there, nudging between my legs. My pants were around my calves, barely letting me spread my legs, but it was enough.
I shoved my forearm into my mouth to stifle my cry as he shoved inside me. I was wet, but there had been no foreplay, no stretching, and I was almost too tight. I squeezed my eyes shut, focusing on breathing as he rocked against me. There was none of his previous gentleness, no waiting to see if I was all right. He thrust into me, hard and fast, not a pause between strokes. Each one went deep and stretched me wide, filling me completely. Pain and pleasure twisted together, deep in my belly, then spread out like some hot, molten liquid coating my insides. Everything inside me was tight, waiting for the rush of release.
And then his hand slid under me, his fingers bare as they pressed against my clit. I nearly screamed as he started to rub, his touch as rough as the rest of what he was doing. I clawed at the carpet as his fingers made harsh circles over my clit, moving in perfect sync with every snap of his hips. I felt his rhythm falter and knew he was close. Then his thumb was pressing against my asshole, the pressure foreign enough to make me squirm, but he was too strong and the tip of his thumb pushed past the ring, sending a new sort of burning through me. I gasped, the muscles in my arms and legs quivering from the sensation overload. He pulled my hips higher, forcing my face against the carpet, and his fingers pushed hard against my clit.
I came so suddenly that all the air rushed out of me, leaving my mouth open wide in a silent scream. Spots danced in front of my eyes and my body tried to curl in on itself, but Jasper held me still, driving deep inside me once, twice more. On the third thrust, he made a small sound and I felt him coming, his cock pulsing inside me. His hands tightened, making my eyes roll back as his fingers pressed painfully against my over-sensitized clit. His other fingers dug into my ass until I knew it was going to bruise.
My body was still shaking even as he finally pulled out and rolled off to the side. It took me a couple minutes to recover enough to roll over and pull up my pants. I grimaced at the feel of his cum soaking my panties, but we didn’t have time to clean up. We had to go.
Jasper was up already and a beam of light cut through the darkness. Without a word, he found the box and put it back where it belonged. Then he turned to me and held out his hand. His gloves were both back on. I took the slick grip and let him help me to my feet. In silence, we made our way back down the stairs, through the door and down the driveway to the car.
I winced as I sat down and saw a shadow cross Jasper’s face. He didn’t say anything until we were halfway back to the hotel.
“I’m sorry.” He didn’t look at me as he apologized.
“For what this time?” I asked with a sigh.
“I should’ve known better,” he snapped. “It was dangerous and stupid.”
“I was the one who was all over you. I instigated it.”
He gripped the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles turned white. “I hurt you.”
I frowned at him, puzzled. “What are you talking about?”
“Come on, Shae, I’m not stupid. I saw how you were walking, how you sat down. Shit, you have rug burn on your cheek.”
Well, that explained why my cheek was stinging.
“This isn’t the first time I’ve been sore after sex with you,” I reminded him.
The expression on his face said it all.
“You didn’t realize it before?” I asked, surprised. “That weekend after our date at Tra Vigne, every time I moved I felt it.”
He pulled over to the side of the road and turned towards me, pain in his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me? I asked you if I was too rough and you said you were okay, that you liked ‘variety’.”
“And I was telling the truth. I was great.” I tried to lighten the mood. “Just made work a bit more interesting the next day.”
“Shae, baby.” He took my hands and raised them to his mouth, kissing my knuckles. “I never meant to...” His head dropped. “I should move out.”
“What? Where the hell is that coming from?” I yanked my hands away from his.
He raised his head, but still didn’t look at me. “Allen.”
“I don’t understand.” That was an understatement. I had no clue what was going on in Jasper’s head, only that I definitely didn’t like it.
“When we were in there and looking at all that stuff, talking about your wedding, it was...I don’t know. It just reminded me how much I’m not like Allen. And then you kissed me and I was angry.”
“Angry?” I felt like a bucket of ice water had just been dumped on me, a large chunk of it settling in my stomach.
He raked his hand through his hair. “I just wanted you so much and I didn’t want you to be thinking about Allen and...”
“I wasn’t thinking about Allen,” I snapped. “I was thinking about you. I wanted to have sex with you. I wanted you to fuck me.”
“But I was too rough!” He smacked his hand on the steering wheel. “Allen never would’ve done that to you.” He let out a shaky breath. “I just have such a hard time controlling myself when I’m with you.”
The ice inside me suddenly evaporated as his words sent heat through me. I leaned forward and put my hand on his arm.
“You’re right,” I said. “Allen was never like that with me. But you’re not Allen.”
“No fuck,” he muttered.
“I don’t want you because I think you’re him.” I curled my fingers around Jasper’s chin and forced him to turn his face towards mine. “If I didn’t like something, I’d tell you. And I like how you make me feel. I love it.” I lightly touched his lips. “You bring out something in me that I never knew existed.”
He caught my hand, his grip almost painfully tight. “I don’t want to lose you.”
I leaned forward until my forehead rested on his. “I’m not going anywhere, Jas.”
He slid his hand up my arm and around to the back of my neck, his skin cold against mine. “I’ll do better. Control myself better.”
“No,” I said firmly. He raised his head so our eyes met. “I liked the person I was with Allen, but I like who I am with you too, Jasper.” I kissed the tip of his nose and finally got a ghost of a smile. “Besides, if you remember that weekend correctly, I scratched the hell out of your back and ass.”
The smile widened, but still didn’t reach his eyes. “Yes, you did.” He brushed his thumb over the place where my cheek hurt. “But that’s different.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s the kind of sex...I mean, I like taking my time too, but...” He let out a frustrated sigh. “I like a little pain with my sex. I loved feeling your nails on my skin. Feeling the sting when I showered, when my clot
hes rubbed against them.”
“And?”
He gave me a sharp look. “And what?”
“So, you’re allowed to like it when I’m rough with you, but I can’t like it when you’re that way with me?” I pulled back, my eyes narrowing. “Is that it? You see me as this fragile little thing who shouldn’t like it when you bite her, pull her hair, fuck her hard? That’s not proper, or some shit like that?” My cheeks flushed. “Well fuck you. I’m not going to sit here and justify why I’m not the girl you thought I was. If Allen’s meek, breakable widow is what you want, then maybe you should move out—”
The rest of what I said was lost as Jasper grabbed me and pulled me to him, his mouth hard and demanding on mine. He yanked off the hat I’d been wearing and buried his hands in my hair, twisting and pulling it as he kissed me. My lips felt swollen by the time he released me and I couldn’t speak, only gasp for air.
“I don’t know how to do this, Shae,” he whispered, his eyes closing as he pulled me against his chest. “I wasn’t lying when I said I can’t control myself around you. I’ve never had anyone...sometimes I feel like my body is going to explode from everything that you make me feel.”
“I know what you mean,” I confessed softly. “I can’t say the words, Jas, but don’t think for a moment that I don’t feel all of that too.”
“Forgive me?” he asked. “It’s a lot, living up to the memory of someone like Allen.”
“Forgiven.” I tilted my head back so he could see my face. “And hear this. You don’t have to live up to anything or anyone. Allen was Allen and you’re you. No comparing, no measuring. He’s gone. You’re here. There’s no competition.”
He smiled and kissed my forehead. “All right, then what do we do now?”
“Now,” I said. “We go back to the hotel and enjoy that big bathtub again.” I grinned at him. “For some reason, I’m really sore.”
Chapter 17
We got our money’s worth out of the hotel room by the time we checked out Sunday morning, thoroughly enjoying the tub, the shower, the bed. When we got on the plane, all of my private, intimate parts were throbbing wonderfully. Jasper had taken his time with me once we’d gotten back last night, at least the first time. By the time we’d finally passed out, I’d lost track of how many times he’d made me come.
I napped on the flight too. Jasper’s arm around me, my head on his shoulder. The weekend had taken a lot out of me, physically and emotionally. But Jasper was there, holding me, offering me the strength I didn’t have. He made sure we got back to the vineyard. He made us something to eat and he tucked me into bed. He did everything that I needed, was everything I needed.
Monday morning, I got up earlier than usual and left Jasper sleeping until the alarm would wake him for work. I wanted to stop by the lawyer’s office before school. I didn’t think I’d be able to concentrate on work if I had to wait until after classes ended to take him the baby teeth. Aside from the fact that I’d feel really strange carrying around a bag with two teeth in it, I needed to have Henley begin whatever he needed to start to get this paternity business taken care of.
After I dressed, I took a moment to lean down and kiss Jasper’s forehead. He looked so much younger when he slept. I hadn’t known him when he was a kid, but I imagined he must’ve looked a lot like he did when he was asleep. I smoothed back his hair and resisted the urge to crawl back in bed and curl up in his arms again.
Instead, I headed to my car and drove in to Savill Henley’s office. He’d been Allen’s lawyer before and now he was taking care of things for me. He was good at what he did, but he didn’t specialize in criminal or family law. Still, he’d assured me that he had colleagues he’d call for assistance with my newest problem.
“Shae.” He stood as I entered the office. He’d once been an athletic, muscular man, but he’d gone to seed years ago, leaving him with a bit of a pot belly. His salt-and-pepper hair was thinning, but his light brown eyes were still just as intelligent as ever. He came around the desk and shook my hand. “Please, sit.”
“I can’t,” I said. “I have to be at school soon.” I reached into my purse and pulled out the bag. “These are Allen’s. They should have enough DNA in them for a paternity test.”
Henley stared at the bag and then at me. “Where...?”
I shook my head. “Trust me. You don’t want to know.”
“Shae.” His voice took on a warning tone.
“Don’t.” I held up my hand. “I don’t want to put you in an even more awkward position than you are already.”
“If you did something illegal to get these,” he began.
“Then I’d probably want to talk to a criminal lawyer rather than you, right?” I smiled at him. “And then you couldn’t take these and I’m back to where we started without any way to either prove or disprove that Jenny is Allen’s.”
He gave me a scrutinizing look and then nodded. “All right. I won’t ask anything else so I’ll honestly be able to say that I don’t know where they came from.”
“Great.” I started to turn away.
“Shae.” Henley’s tone softened. “What if the girl is Allen’s?”
I met his gaze. “Then I’ll make sure she’s taken care of.”
“And the Lockwoods?”
“They’re thrilled with the idea,” I said dryly. “In fact, they’re so happy about it, they don’t even want to bother with the paternity test.”
He looked surprised.
I laughed and the sound wasn’t as bitter as I felt. “They’d rather see all of Allen’s money and the vineyard go to the girl than me, even if she isn’t Allen’s. But I don’t care about the money. She can have all of it if she’s my late husband’s child.”
“You just don’t want anyone saying that Allen abandoned his daughter.”
I gave him a partial smile. “Got it in one.”
“Don’t worry, Shae.” He reached out and patted my shoulder. “I’ll make sure they put a rush on the test and then we’ll deal with whatever comes next. We won’t let them drag Allen’s name through the mud. I won’t let them do that.”
“Thank you.”
The lump in my throat stayed there the whole ride to the school. I appreciated Henley’s help and I wanted to get all of this taken care of as soon as possible, but a part of me wished I could’ve just stayed in bed with Jasper, that the two of us could’ve called off work and been together. There, with him, I could’ve pretended that none of this was happening. While Allen’s death would still be real – Jasper in my bed left no way around that fact – I could still pretend that the rest of it wasn’t real.
I was starting to heal, but with each new crisis, it made it harder to move forward. The Lockwoods were still trying to get the trust, which meant I had to get a letter or a phone call every week or so from Henley to tell me what the newest step was. It was almost harvest time, which wasn’t necessarily a crisis, but it was something more I needed to do without Allen. And now there was Aime Vargas and Jenny.
I pulled into my usual parking spot, but didn’t get out of the car. I still had some time before I had to go inside. I rested my forehead on the steering wheel and closed my eyes. I’d managed to feel relaxed for a full day yesterday and now the tension was back. Every inch of my body was tight and the day hadn’t even started.
How was I going to get through this?
My phone buzzed and I sighed as I pulled it out of my purse. The knot in my stomach eased a bit when I saw that it was a text from Jasper. It was short and simple, but it made me smile.
Missed you this morning. See you tonight. Have a good day.
Nothing spectacular or extraordinary. No flowery declarations. But I knew he meant every word of it, and that was what was important.
I tapped back out a response just as simple.
Have a good day. I’ll be thinking about you.
If I couldn’t tell him that I loved him, he at least deserved to know that I thought about him. And I did. The
faint little twinges in my body that were leftover from our weekend made it impossible to not think about him. But, sometimes it was simple things in the oddest places. I’d think about him when I was teaching science class and wondering if any of the little boys and girls sitting at their desks might one day be doctors like Jasper. I’d think about him at lunch, wondering if he was eating now too. While I’d meant what I said to him that I wasn’t comparing him to Allen, I couldn’t help but notice that I was thinking about Jasper almost more than I had about Allen in a long time. I wasn’t sure what to make of that though. I did know that I wasn’t in the best state of mind to analyze it at the moment, so I put it aside and tried to focus on teaching.
By the time the final bell rang, I was ready to go home and crash on the couch. I didn’t even feel like cooking dinner. A quick call to a nearby restaurant and at least that was taken care of. After picking it up, I headed straight home. A hot shower and a change into comfortable clothes made me relax a bit, but it wasn’t until I saw Jasper’s car pull into the driveway that I felt the tension start to fade away.
Then I saw the expression on his face, and my stomach dropped. His mouth was twisted into a scowl, his eyes stormy.
“Are you okay?” I asked as he came in.
I let out a squeak of surprise as he grabbed me, lifting me off the ground. His mouth came down on mine and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He bit down on my bottom lip, drawing a moan. I tugged on his hair and he sucked my lip into his mouth and my body instantly burned.
Holy hell, how did he do that?
My stomach clenched and he tilted his head, deepening the kiss until my world spun. We were both panting when he finally broke it.
“I needed that.” His voice was rough as he sat me down.
“What happened?”
His eyes darkened even more and his hands tightened on my hips. “It’s nothing.”
“Jasper, talk to me.” I reached up and ran my fingers down his cheek. “You can tell me anything.”