Chapter 39
"That's exactly what the doctor ordered!" Ditty laughed. "You need somebody, and this man is interested. But instead of jumping for joy, you pull a sour face, like a snobbish little brat from Haifa, the spoiled daughter of Heidi Ehrlich. Don't forget that your situation is completely different now."
"Why is it different?" Talia affected amused interest. She knew exactly what Ditty was going to say, and was not angry at her.
"Don't forget that you're not eighteen anymore..."
"And that I'm a widow with three children."
"Exactly. How did you know what I was going to say?"
"I'm smart, and I've had a complicated history."
"Well, that makes you rather intriguing."
"And nobody can go out with me, because the media will pounce on us instantly."
"Well, some people like that, especially the good looking ones. And this one looks like a male model. A Paul Newman look-alike. You're not bad looking yourself - five feet ten..."
"Thanks for the compliment, Ditty. But what if it turns out that it's only the money that attracts him?"
"Talia, what are you talking about? He has a senior position at the hospital."
"Maybe he lacks the funds to open his own clinic..."
"You're too clever for your own good, Talia."
"And you're forgetting one tiling: I'm still with Yoni. Even beyond the grave."
She had met Dr. Seffi Yisraeli at a benefit for the Premature Baby Department at Ichilov Hospital. Ditty introduced him to her, and Talia had to admit that the tall, handsome man did indeed have electrifying charm. He was slightly taller than Yoni, but not as large. He wore his six feet four with grace and ease, had a short crew-cut the color of dark honey, and large green eyes set in a long oval face. He wore tailored khaki pants and a green and blue checkered shirt. In those casual clothes, with no tie, he looked more youthful and easygoing than all the other ponderous and dignified men that filled the hall.
Talia’s appearance too, was very striking, as attested to by the many appreciative looks she received throughout the evening. She felt confident in her forest green dress that matched her green eyes, and although she was wearing high stiletto heels, she felt rather short compared to him. It did not take her long to realize that her discomfort was not physical but mental; the charming doctor was rather condescending toward her, and seemed to enjoy his haughtiness. Condescension was an attitude that Talia found reprehensible, and usually was quick to detect and to condemn. Now, although she recognized the source of her discomfort, she was not sure why she felt that way.
He grinned at her from above. “So you’re the famous Talia Schwarz? One can’t open a newspaper these days without seeing your picture or reading of your comings and goings. I must say you look better in real life.”
This innocuous banter irritated her, and so did the cynical glint in his eyes. The way he held his head, looking down on people, she realized, was a function of his height, and yet it left her with a bitter taste in her mouth. Maybe I’m a little oversensitive these days, she thought.
“Why should we stay in this noisy place? Let’s get out of here. Would you like to have coffee in the lobby?”
Talia followed him unenthusiastically. She had been feeling tired lately, and that lassitude made her unwilling to engage in much activity. Just go home, kiss the kids and go to bed, that’s what I need right now, she told herself, as she sat next to him in a quiet, dimly lit comer, overpowered by a will Stronger than her own. He scrutinized her face seriously, the mischievous glint gone from his eyes, as if extinguished. “I’ve wanted to meet you for a long time, Talia. You know, we have something in common.”
“We do? Ditty didn’t tell me.”
“I’m a widower. My wife passed away six months ago. I am now both father and mother to my two daughters.”
“How old are they?”
“Eleven and nine.”
“And how are you managing?”
He stared at a faraway point in the distance and his voice cracked. “It isn’t easy. When Leora was alive, taking care of the family was her responsibility, but now I’m tom between the house and the hospital.”
Understanding his pain, she felt compassion for him, and sympathy for a woman she never knew. “What happened to her?” she asked softly.
“Cancer. A dreadful disease and a dreadful blow to the physician’s ego who thinks that disease belongs to the patients. In my arrogance, I assume nothing could hurt me, us, that I was immune. But as my Polish mother used to say, “Man proposes, god disposes.” Here, I specialize in gynecology, yet I could not help my own wife. But you don’t need my bellyaching, you’ve got enough...”
“No, it's okay, Seffi, I’m listening.”
“It started in the breast, spread to the uterus and ended in the liver. Two terrible years that still haunt me in the night. The suffering she had to go through! She didn’t’ deserve it. She was so young!”
“Yes, I know. I, too, keep thinking, Jonathan didn’t’ deserve it. But at least you had time to prepare. And perhaps you had more years together than we did. If only I had a few more days! No, that’s not true... I wish I could have lived with him to a ripe old age, to bear him at least one more child.
We would marry off our children, see our grandchildren..
She fell silent, embarrassed. She had never opened up like this to a stranger. And a man to boot. He put his big manly hand on her hand and clasped it. His warmth had a calming effect on her.
“I know exactly what you’re talking about.”
“At least the two of you had a chance to say goodbye!” Again she was reminded of the cruel arbitrariness of death that cut her life in two. Large tears rolled down her cheeks, wetting the green silk dress. “I have a recurrent dream where I see Jonathan standing inside the elevator, behind the iron grill. He wants to tell me something, but I can’t hear him.”
He took out a large white handkerchief and wiped her cheeks.
Jonathan, too, preferred cloth handkerchiefs and hated the common paper tissues. She could not stop sobbing. “Seffi, I never recovered from that blow. It’s been two years and I’m still not myself. One moment he was there and the next, he vanished. Tell me, how can one ever get over it.”
“There, there, Talia. I’m here, I’ll help you...”
Their pictures were in all the papers. They were dubbed “The handsome couple,” just like her parents when she was a little girl in Haifa. Evil tongues wagged, spreading rumors that the impecunious doctor coveted the money of the wealthy widow. Ditty made sure those slanders reached her ears, but Talia did not care. Even if there was a grain of truth in it, it didn’t matter; she was not so eager to fall in love.
Larry started calling her again, importunate as ever. “Is he there?” he checked that she was alone, then pressed her, “what does Seffi have that I don’t have?”
“Give it a rest, Larry. We’re past that stage,” she laughed wearily.
He was quick to offer his services. “I’ll tail him. I’ll make sure you don’t’ fall into a trap. You’re so naive, you know.”
He tries so hard, Talia thought tediously. And whatever for? She found most things tedious these days—event he children. The business, too, she found disappointing. She continued to manage her affairs out of inertia and indifference; she was not aware that she was about to stumble.
Something was missing in her life; disquiet and despondency became her constant companions, but she did not recognize the void and the depression as a need for love. Thus, the first relationship she formed with the man after Jonathan’s death did not really tap her feelings, while Seffi was drawn more and more into the relationship, surprising even himself with the depth of his emotions.
One night when Talia came home from the theater, accompanied by Seffi, she found Jenny alarmed and anxious. “Michali isn’t feeling well,” she stammered. Seffi dashed to his car to get his bag. Talia rushed upstairs to the nursery. A heavy odor of vomit and fe
ces greeted her.
The girl was breathing heavily, her face flushed, her hair glued to her perspiring forehead. She looked feverish and exhausted. “Quickly, to the bathroom,” Seffi ordered, having given the girl an initial examination. Michali looked heavy and strange in his arms. “Turn on the cold water,” he commanded, as he took off the weeping girl’s clothes. Talia’s hands were shaking. “Don’t be afraid. You’re going to bathe her. First of all, we must get the fever down.”
After twenty minutes, the fever was down, and the crisis seemed to be over. Talia felt almost superfluous when Seffi dried the girl with a big towel and dressed her expertly. He held Michali on his knees and spoon fed her sweetened tea. His pants had gotten wet and dirty in the process. He got up, holding the girl gently. Sadness overcame Talia when she reflected that here was a temporary father she had arranged for her daughter in a moment of need. “We must get her to the hospital. She risks dehydration if the vomiting and the diarrhea aren’t stopped,” he said in a professional tone. “My care is good but it isn’t sufficient. I never take chances with children, and certainly not with the children of a woman I love.”
Seffi sat by Michal’s bed the entire night. He personally gave her an antidiarrheal shot and hooked her to the IV. “Go home to sleep, you have a busy day tomorrow, and I’m staying here anyway,” she urged him, but he refused to leave. “I brought her here and I’ll take her home in the morning, you’ll see.”
“Isn’t this professor Israeli, the head of internal medicine?” a night nurse whispered in awe. “And is that his daughter?”
At dawn, Seffi brought Michali home and put her in her own bed. Udi was sleeping soundly, his long eyelashes fluttering, a smile hovering on his lips. Jenny tucked in both children and retired to her own room.
Talia drew the dark satin curtains in her bedroom. Seffi stood nearby, watching her movements. The excitement almost drained the blood from her fingers. She had planned to book a suite at the Acadia Hotel for the weekend, when both of them were ready. Until now, it was only in the newspapers that their friendship was dubbed “The Hottest Affair of the Year.” Talia often marveled at Seffi’s patience; but he must have had his own inhibitions in this respect, she reasoned. Both of them had had spouses who continued to live in their minds, in their hearts, and in the erogenous zones of their bodies. Despite his nascent desire for her, which she could clearly sense, and even though she herself was becoming more and more attracted to him, neither of them had yet taken any steps to slacken their desire.
But now, after a night of vigil at Michali’s bed, Talia felt agitated. He had shown himself to be so fatherly, so dedicated. Here feelings of gratitude seemed to her now like passion.
As she slowly took off her clothes, she avoided looking at him; she felt apprehensive and timorous, like an orthodox bride on her wedding night, forgive me, Jonathan, she whispered, forgive me for using your bed, for using our bedroom. I can’t go on fighting, I can’t bear the burden of life alone anymore. I need somebody by my side, and he is here.
“You’re talking to yourself,” Seffi said, laughing. He was stretched fully dressed, on the side of the bed that used to be hers. His eyes were closed and he looked exhausted after the sleepless night. “Do you know what doctors do when they come home from a night shift at the hospital?”
“No, you tell me.”
“They go to sleep.”
And he turned to the wall and fell asleep.”
Two or three hours elapsed since they went to bed together. He was breathing quietly, rhythmically. Gali heard Jenny walking around the house. Udi was already at the day care center. Talia tiptoed into the nursery to give Michali the medicine Seffi had prescribed at the hospital. The girl smiled at her weekly and went back to sleep.
“And then they wake up,” she heard his voice behind her.
“Who does?”
“The doctors. Come to me, Talia, Taliush, my darling.”
She turned to him, and he embraced her in his long, warm arms.
“Let’s find out if we’re compatible,” he whispered. “I can tell already that we are. Your heart is pounding as loudly as mine.”
“You can quit being a doctor in bed,” she laughed, and a moment later she was wild and uninhibited as she hadn’t been for a long time. He gushed at her with every fiber of his body, and she was willing and eager, receiving him with her whole being, body and mind together.