and take care of her.
Sophia did not utter a single word. However, her eyes said everything at that moment, although they spoke a language that Adrian did not understand. He left the office completely desolate, feeling that he had lost the last chance he had to fix things between them. He thought with nostalgia at times when he was not satisfied with Sofia's friendship because he wanted something else. Now, that friendship would be the best gift he could receive.
I must confess that I do not know if I will ever understand why it is so difficult for humans to communicate. You have a huge repertoire of options to convey an absolutely clear message. Thousands and thousands of words, gestures and actions, tone of voice, rhythm and so on. An almost inexhaustible multitude of possibilities. Nevertheless, you always get entangled in skeins that are getting more and more entangled until it seems impossible to undo them without cutting any of the threads.
I, who see it from a privileged position, I understand that everything is much simpler. Things are straightforward, you should believe me. Not only that, you would have to listen to me and let me guide you, dammed headstrong. It is better to communicate exactly what I think to say just the opposite and to expect the other to understand what my real intentions are. Thus there is no one to be clear. If you followed my advice, I'm sure you would live a fuller life.
CAPÍTULO 13: RAMIFICATIONS
For some time, the skein continued to entangle. There is no scientific paradigm that can explain with clarity the ramifications that the wrong decisions and the words not pronounced can have. No one knows for sure how it can derive. There are too many factors subject to randomness that prevent studying relationships with sufficient rigor, that rigor that science preaches, claims and needs.
Adrian did not leave Lisa immediately, but it would not take too long. He could not find a way to do it by minimizing the damage. He was aware that he had gone too far, and that he had used her to try to provoke jealousy in Sofia, and that he was martyred, especially when she was so affectionate with him and so concerned with seeing him so serious and so unloving towards her. She did not deserve what he had done to her. His behavior towards the young woman had been selfish and childlike. She was a good girl and had tried by all means that their relationship worked. He simply could not feel anything for her, or at least he could not repay her and fall in love to the point that she had done. How do you tell someone that it's all over when the other person is thinking of going one step further in the relationship?
Sophia, meanwhile, continued for some time with Kyle. She had met him at one of the congresses she had attended in recent weeks. They already knew each other, because both were astronomers and had coincided in some symposium. In fact, he had more than once tried to transcend the limits of the purely professional relationship without success. But this time, there was something different that made it possible: she was looking for an excuse or entertainment that would keep her mind occupied and convinced her that she could also succeed in a relationship, even if she was not exactly in love.
That is to say, both entered and continued in relationships that did not satisfy them and that never got them excited about. They were only in those relationships out of spite, not realizing that they would only achieve greater unhappiness and, moreover, intentionally or not, they would cause suffering to third parties that had nothing to do with their particular and dysfunctional way of demonstrating what they felt.
The end of the semester was approaching and, as it was customary at the University, an interdepartmental party would be celebrated. These parties were often expected impatiently because, on the one hand, a cycle of work was closed and involved a few days of rest for the majority. On the other hand, they used to be epic and very funny, since they used to organize different surprises, of which a department was in charge every time. On some occasion, even a theme party or simply a costume party had been organized to induce the almost always serious faculty of the University to, as it is said colloquially, let their hair down and lose their sense of ridicule.
At this point, Adrian had to make a decision about his future there. He could no longer deny the reality, that it was not another that he could no longer bear the situation he had caused. He was overwhelmed and had to make a determination, however painful. Just as he had thought before figuring out that Sofia was dating another, he realized that he could not go on with Lisa for another minute. He could not go on giving her hopes and expectations. On the other hand, taking advantage of the fact that the party would be held on Friday, he would take the opportunity to tell everyone that he was leaving. It would be the easiest way to do it.
He regretted how things had turned out ... Nothing had been as he expected. He felt frustrated and hurt. Sophia, her childhood friend, a lifelong love that began almost from the first moment his children's eyes saw her many years ago, she was now more distant than she had ever been, even though no longer thousands of miles or years of oblivion were keeping them away. It was all so sad that he could barely control his tears when he thought about it. He would never have tried to hurt her, and, otherwise, he felt it was the only thing he had done since he arrived.
Despite all this, telling Lisa that it had all been a deception was almost the hardest part, as it was time to acknowledge her guilt and voice it out loud. He felt like a real villain soulless for the damage he had inflicted on her and for having spent months simulating things he did not really feel.
As expected, she took it very badly. She kept asking for explanations to understand the reasons for a breakup she did not expect.
- Why? What have I done wrong?
- Nothing, really. I'm an moron. You do not deserve this.
- Stop saying that!
- It's true.
- Have you ever felt anything for me?"
- Of course! - He lied to try not to hurt her even more. - I'm the problem, Lisa, not you. It has always been this way. That is why I have failed over and over again in my relationships.
- Well, it doesn’t have to be this time. Let me try, we can work it out together.
- Lisa, believe me, this has no solution.
- Is it for Sophia?
- What? Why do you say that?
- Because I know she's barely talking to you and I know how important she was to you. I asked her if she cared that I went out with you and she said no. And I believed her. She even gave you my phone number. And then, she decided to stop talking to me and being my friend. But I haven’t done anything wrong, you have to believe me.
- And I believe you. I don’t know what's wrong with Sophia either, because with me she acts more or less like you. But it has nothing to do with it. I told you that you haven’t done anything wrong.
The conversation lasted for a long time between supplications and cries which, although it made Adrian feel deeply moved by them, did not serve to change his mind. When he arrived at his apartment, he began to pack all his belongings to dissipate the feeling of guilt and uneasiness with the activity.
CAPÍTULO 14: IT IS NEVER EASY TO SAY GOODBYE
On Friday morning, Adrian decided he would go to see Sophia at her department in order to try to talk to her, even it only was for a moment. In spite of everything that had happened between them, of that cold relationship that they held at that moment, he thought he should tell her before than the rest. At least, he owed her that. Deep down, the truth is that he hoped she would ask him to stay.
- May I come in?
- I don’t have much time, really - Sophia answered dryly.
- You never have time. Calm down, I'll be very brief. Unless you'd rather have coffee together like the two old friends we were supposed to be.
Sophia was about to soften when she noticed that Adrian's eyes were almost begging her to listen to him for a moment. But, yet again, that harmful and pernicious pride that sometimes governs human beings, determined that she would not yield an iota her position.
- No, I'd rather you tell me what it is here.
- Okay, I won’t
be long. I just came to say goodbye. I haven’t told my department head or rector yet, but I'm leaving. This is definitely not my place. In spite of whatever it is that has been marred our friendship, I thought that at least I should tell you before the rest.
- Very good. I hope you do well wherever you go.
- All right. Take care, okay?
And Adrian left the office. It had all been much colder even than he had thought. The last hope he had of being asked by her to stay, it had just disappeared. However, that coldness was totally feigned. Sophia thought her strength was failing when he left her office. He was leaving. It was the end. As it is often the case, things sometimes only come to value when they are lost. How had they reached that point? How had she lost him like this?
The facts seen from the outside are very simple: a chain of unfortunate decisions. Do you remember that we talked about it before? Decisions. Some inconsequential. Other fundamentals. Other unforeseen. But all of them, important. Do not forget it and think everything twice, because every decision leads you to a different future.
So there they both were, each to one side of the wall that step by step had been rising. Almost no options to knock it down. But fortunately for them, I was still steadfast in my effort to make the end different. I do not understand why sometimes you insist on doing things your