me. I was not looking forward to dinner.
Anna cooked steak, mashed potatoes, beans, and mixed vegetables. I didn’t like beans so I only put steak, mashed potatoes, and mixed vegetables on my plate. That was a mistake. Anna asked me why I didn’t take any beans and I told her I didn’t like them. She turned to Alisa and asked her why she didn’t tell her I didn’t eat beans and that she could’ve made something else instead. I told her it was fine and she said it wasn’t, that Alisa should’ve told her. Alisa started arguing and they were yelling at each other. My head was spinning and it hurt.
I lost it. I screamed at Anna to shut up. Everyone looked at me in shock. I told her to leave Alisa alone and that everything she blamed Alisa for was her fault, not Alisa’s. I called her a bipolar bitch and said that she had no clue how to raise children and that she raised Jake and Cady to be terrors. I told Gary he was an idiot for being with her and an asshole for never defending Alisa. I told them that I wished I could take Alisa away from them but that she was too stubborn to leave a family that didn’t deserve her in the first place. All that came out before I even realized I was yelling. They were all staring at me in complete disbelief.
I took my plate, fork, and knife and locked myself in the bedroom. Astonishingly, no one came after me. I heard no screaming. I ate my food and sat quietly on the bed, waiting for something to happen. Alisa knocked on the door and asked to come in. I let her in and she locked the door behind her. She pushed me back on the bed and got on top of me. I was extremely confused. She told me that her parents were silent as they finished their food. They put Jake and Cady to bed and went into their bedroom. She said she was angry with me at first for yelling at her parents but when they didn’t say anything, she was happy I did it. My assertiveness turned her on. She started kissing me and we ended up having sex before we fell asleep. I was still confused.
I didn’t dream. I woke up feeling really warm. I got out of bed and went to get a drink. When I opened the bedroom door, I saw smoke. The loft above the dining room was on fire. I ran back into the bedroom and told Alisa the cabin was on fire. I told her to get Jake and Cady out and that I would get Gary. She ran to the kids’ bedroom and I ran to Gary and Anna’s. Gary was still sleeping but Anna wasn’t there. I shook Gary and yelled at him to wake up. I told him the cabin was on fire. He asked about Anna and I said she was already gone. He ran out of the room and behind Alisa, Jake, and Cady out of the cabin.
I was headed for the door when I noticed Anna standing up in the loft facing the window. She was surrounded by flames and blood was dripping from her wrists. I called out to her but she didn’t respond. I ran up the wooden stairs to the loft but could only make it halfway because of the fire. I called to her again and she looked at me. Her expression was cold and her eyes were glazed over. I told her to get out of the fire and come with me. She didn’t move. She told me everyone could be happy now. She turned back to the window and her clothes caught on fire. I ran down the stairs and out of the cabin. They were asking me what happened to Anna. I couldn’t tell them. I couldn’t say anything. That was the last time I saw Alisa.
Dear Missy,
What was it like for you when Mom died? You were old enough to remember her well. I remember being sad and that I cried, but I didn’t really understand what had happened. I just knew Mom wasn’t there anymore.
When I lost Theresa I lost part of myself. To see her lying there dead... Her blood should have been warm. It was cold. Her blood was as cold as ice. Does that mean her heart was cold? I didn’t know what to do with all the blood. It was everywhere. I made her look respectable for when the police came. I never got to answer the question she asked me before she died. She wanted to know why I never introduced her to Dad. He didn’t deserve to know her. He didn’t deserve to know anyone.
I don’t deal too well with loss. I think growing up without Mom affected me more than I thought. Growing up with Dad I had a lot of emotions inside that I never let out. He always made me feel guilty for anything bad that happened. No matter what he did, he made me feel like it was my fault. It probably did some damage letting all of that build up but I think I handled it well. The violent urges never lasted that long and I kept them under control.
My headaches started when Theresa died. I didn’t realize that until just now. I should probably see a doctor about it. I asked a police officer in town to see if you were okay. He said he would contact the police in your area. I’m probably overreacting. I bet they just made a mistake at the post office. I’ll check there tomorrow. Write back soon.
Love,
Ken
Fallout, 4
Chuck walked into the house and shouted, “Moving time!” He checked his chart and saw that it was the home of Felix Robinson. “Mr. Robinson,” Chuck yelled again, “it’s time to move!” Felix did not respond. Chuck started looking for him, and found him lying in his bed with a small bottle in his hand, watching a black-and-white movie.
Felix was an old friend of Chuck’s. They had worked together at the Relocation Office when Chuck was in his early twenties. Lying in his bed, Felix was middle-aged, and he had long since left the Relocation Office. Upon Chuck’s entry into his room, Felix said, “You know, Chuck?”
“What, Felix?” Chuck responded sarcastically.
After swallowing some of the salt-like contents of the bottle, Felix said, “I’ve moved over thirty times since I left RO. Look at me.” Chuck looked at Felix’s red face and blotchy chest. “I’m tired, Chuck. I’m sick and I’m tired. I don’t want to move anymore.”
“Felix,” Chuck started, “you know what will happen if you don’t.”
Felix replied, “I know, Chuck. I’ll refuse, you’ll insist. When I refuse again, you’ll plead with me. Then you’ll use force. If I fight back, the Enforcers come in and shoot me with their tranquilizers.”
Chuck remained silent.
“Things haven’t changed much, have they, Chuck?”
“You have to move, Felix,” Chuck said to his friend. Of all the people he moved, Felix was the last one Chuck wanted to see tranquilized.
“I won’t, Chuck. I can’t. Please, leave now. Let me watch my movie.” Felix turned to face the television, pouring more salt into his mouth.
“Felix,” Chuck said, “you know how important it is to keep order.”
He swallowed then replied, “What is order, Chuck? Shuffling people from home to home every six months against their will? Ruining people’s lives on a biannual basis?”
“We have to do this, Felix. You know that better than anyone.”
“There could’ve been a better way,” Felix argued. “It’s too late now, but there could’ve been a better way.”
Chuck hesitated. Felix was right, but Chuck wasn’t ready for another fight. “It’s all for the best, Felix.”
Felix said dryly, “If that’s what helps you sleep at night, keep believing it.”
After a few seconds of silence, Chuck said, “We need to move you, Felix.”
“Have you ever seen this movie?” Felix asked Chuck. He looked at the screen, but Chuck did not recognize the movie.
Chuck simply said, “No.”
“A knight plays Chess with Death and loses. It doesn’t end that way, but I like to think that checkmate was the true ending. That’s how life is, Chuck. We’re all playing one big Chess game with Death. I’ve been playing without my queen, and Death will surely win.” He looked at the bottle and shook the salt around.
“Felix,” Chuck said, “stop talking like that. You have plenty of your life left.” Chuck was becoming curious about the salty substance Felix was eating.
“Do I?” he replied. “My life was with Cari. I went to work and came home to her love. That was life for me, Chuck.”
“Cari wouldn’t want you to give up on life, Felix.”
Felix became angry but remained in his bed, “How the hell do you know what Cari wants? You never knew her, Chuck. Don’t pretend that you did.”
“I knew you, Felix
, and if she was anything like you, she would want you to keep moving and keep doing what you can to enjoy your life.”
Felix calmed down, and said, “Enjoy my life, Chuck? I’m rotting away in this bed. How can I enjoy that?”
Chuck did not have an answer.
“What about your wife, Chuck?”
“What about Susie, Felix?”
“Is she still alive?” Felix asked.
“Very much so,” Chuck replied.
“You’re lucky, Chuck. Susie’s beautiful. As much as I loved Cari, even she wasn’t as beautiful as your Susie.”
Chuck was getting impatient, “Felix, you need to stop this. Stop playing this game with me. I can’t let you disrupt order.”
“Chuck, just watch this,” Felix said, pointing to the television screen.
Chuck looked over and saw the knight playing against Death.
Felix ate some more salt then said, “You just made a move, Chuck, but it wasn’t a good one. You’re trying to keep your pawns out front to protect your king and his family. You’ve already lost your knights, and your king is vulnerable. Even your wall of pawns can’t stop Death. He’ll break through, Chuck. Give him time.”
Chuck decided to ask, “What was your wrong move, Felix?”
Felix did not answer for a few seconds. He set the bottle down on the table next to him. When he did reply, he said, “I didn’t move my queen out of the way when I had the chance. Death took her.”
“I’m