When Maggie saw me, she paused and then offered an apologetic smile as though embarrassed by her husband’s abrupt behavior.
I raised my hand. “Maggie?”
She nodded. “You must be Jo Marie.”
“I am. Welcome to Rose Harbor Inn.”
“Thanks.” She glanced toward the inn. Roy was on the top of the porch and seemed to be waiting for her, although he stood with his back to us both.
“You’ll have to forgive Roy’s bad mood. He wasn’t keen about taking this weekend off from work. But we’ve been planning it for such a long while and …” Her voice faded away. “We need time together.”
“All couples do,” I said, agreeing with her.
Maggie started toward the inn and I walked with her. Despite her reassurances, I had the strongest feeling something was very wrong between Maggie and Roy Porter.
Chapter 4
Maggie drew in a deep breath and followed Roy up the stairs to the room Jo Marie had assigned them. Roy had barely said a word the entire time they’d registered. Twice she’d been forced to bite her tongue and swallow her pride. Her husband couldn’t make it any more obvious that he didn’t want to be at the inn—or, for that matter, with her.
Roy used the key to unlock the door to their room and then swung it open, letting her go inside before him. It was a lovely room with a four-poster bed and dresser. A bouquet of roses rested on top of the dresser. Large windows overlooked the cove’s blue-green waters. At the marina the boats gently bobbed up and down, the sailboats’ masts tilting slightly. “It’s beautiful,” she whispered.
Roy didn’t appear to agree or appreciate the beauty she saw. He remained stiff and silent. His resentment seemed to radiate off him in waves. On the entire three-and-a-half-hour drive over from Yakima, Roy hadn’t uttered more than a few words.
Several times Maggie had made a futile effort to break the silence, but it hadn’t done much good. Roy responded with one-word, clipped replies, if he answered at all. She tried not to think about her husband’s bad mood and forced herself instead to focus on the scene outside the window. The beauty of it inspired and encouraged her. Willing to try yet again, she turned back around to face Roy.
“Don’t you think so?” she asked, doing her best to sound upbeat and cheerful.
“Think what?”
“That the view is lovely.”
Roy shrugged as if he hadn’t noticed and furthermore couldn’t have cared less. He stood next to his suitcase with his hands buried deep inside his pockets. The anger had gone out of his eyes, replaced with hopelessness. His look nearly broke her.
“I know you don’t want to be here,” she whispered.
“You can say that again,” he bit off.
Maggie had been looking forward to this weekend for months. It was exactly the break they needed. Roy worked too hard. He left the house before either of the boys was awake and often wasn’t home until their sons were ready for bed. One thing she would say about her husband. He loved his children and was a good father. No matter how tired he was, Roy took time to play with his sons, to read to them or share in bath time. But right after they were down he crashed, exhausted, from a long day of running the family’s construction company. His father had recently retired, and since then much of the responsibility for the business had fallen on Roy’s shoulders.
Fearing they were growing further and further apart, Maggie had convinced Roy to take this time off, setting the date far enough in advance that he’d be able to work it into his schedule. When her in-laws had heard about this mini-vacation, they had offered to stay with the boys and as a bonus had paid for the weekend. It couldn’t have worked out better … until … well, that was certainly a topic she didn’t want to dwell on.
“I wouldn’t be here at all if it wasn’t for my parents,” Roy reminded her. He walked over to the window and looked out.
Maggie had the strong impression he wasn’t enjoying the view; probably he hadn’t even noticed the beauty spread out before him like a masterfully designed patchwork quilt. The green and blue colors blended together, creating a radiant picture of the beauty of the Pacific Northwest.
“I know you’d rather be anyplace but here with me.” He couldn’t have made it any more clear.
He frowned and looked away.
Suddenly it felt as if this attempt to save their marriage was utterly useless. Tears sprang to her eyes. She’d managed to keep them at bay on the endless drive over Snoqualmie Pass and through the heavy traffic by Tacoma before they reached Cedar Cove, but no longer. Silently, wet tendrils rolled down her cheeks and she slumped onto the side of the bed and hung her head. It all seemed so pointless.
Although she didn’t make a sound, Roy must have sensed her distress because he turned around and exhaled. After a moment he sat down next to her on the bed, the mattress dipping with his weight. He placed his arm around her shoulders and leaned his head against hers.
Desperate for his warmth and love, Maggie turned toward her husband and wrapped her arms around his middle, clinging to him. She buried her face in his shoulder and softly sobbed. Roy comforted her and stroked the back of her head.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
Unable to speak for the emotion that clogged her throat, she nodded.
“I’m trying, Maggs.”
“I know.” Her words were little more than a whisper.
“Give me time, okay?”
Again she nodded. Lifting her head, she wiped the moisture from her face. She wrapped a strand of long dark hair around her ear and sniffled once.
Roy offered her a tentative smile and she responded with one of her own. “I’ll unpack our suitcases,” she whispered, thinking if she did something physical it would help ease the emotion that threatened to break down into sobs.
“Okay.” He lifted both pieces of luggage onto the bed for her.
It took only a few minutes to hang up their clothes and set out what else they needed. She noticed that Roy had brought along a paperback novel. Maggie couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen her husband reading for pleasure. For herself, Maggie read voraciously. It used to be they would talk about the books they’d read and would often read one at the same time, but that had been years ago, before Roy became so heavily involved in the construction company … before the boys were born.
“Are you ready for lunch?” Roy asked, as if he felt the need to lighten the mood.
“Sure.” Actually, she wasn’t the least bit hungry, and she doubted that Roy was, either. This was his way of letting her know he was making an effort. Maggie deeply appreciated the fact that he was willing to try.
“I’ll ask Jo Marie for a suggestion. What are you in the mood for?” her husband asked.
Maggie had to think about it. “Seeing that we’re close to salt water, how about fish and chips?”
He nodded eagerly. “Good idea.”
Roy led the way down the stairs and into the kitchen, where they found Jo Marie. She was on the phone but smiled when she saw them and raised her index finger, indicating that she would be only a moment. Sure enough, she was off the phone a short while later.
“We’re looking for a recommendation for lunch.”
“Some place that serves fish and chips,” Maggie added.
“Oh, there’s a great place not far from the Pancake Palace—in fact, the two restaurants share the same parking lot. I don’t think I’ve ever tasted better fish than Queen’s.” She handed them a brochure she’d had printed up with a list of local restaurants and circled Queen’s.
“Thanks,” Maggie said, as they headed toward the front door.
“My pleasure.” The innkeeper offered Maggie a thumbs-up as if to say she was pleased that whatever was wrong between the two had been resolved. Oh, how Maggie wished that were the case.
Roy held open the car door for her, which was a surprise. Maggie forgot the last time he’d done that. Generally, they were both too busy ushering the boys to the car to see t
o those kinds of niceties.
“Thank you.”
Roy then surprised her again by leaning down and kissing her. Once more, Maggie felt tears gather in her eyes but quickly blinked them away while her husband walked around to the other side of the vehicle. He started the engine and glanced down at the brochure Jo Marie had drawn. “It doesn’t seem that far away.”
“Fish and chips does sound good.”
Roy reached over and gently squeezed her hand, and for just a moment, a very brief moment, Maggie could almost pretend that everything would work out between them. Even in the worst of it she had to believe Roy wanted their marriage to survive …
They found Queen’s without a problem. It was a hole-in-the-wall sort of place without fancy furnishings or an extensive menu. The special for the day, fresh salmon, was listed on an erasable whiteboard close to the cash register. Once inside, a waitress with a name tag that said Nikki handed them plastic-coated menus. They were instructed to seat themselves. Seeing that it was a bit beyond the lunch hour, there were plenty of booths to choose from.
Maggie read over the menu and chose the two-piece fish and chips option. One piece would probably be enough—she hadn’t enjoyed much of an appetite lately—but she wasn’t sure of the size of the fish. When Nikki came for their order, Maggie asked for a two-piece combo and Roy ordered the three-piece plate, which offered coleslaw along with the chips.
It didn’t take long for their order to come up. Right away, Roy dug into his meal. Maggie, too, but with less gusto. After her first bite, she had to admit Jo Marie was right. These were some of the best fish and chips she’d ever tasted.
“I was surprised at Collin,” Roy commented, after he’d licked some ketchup off his fingertips. “He didn’t cry when he saw that we were both leaving.”
“I was surprised, too,” Maggie admitted. Their three-year-old didn’t like being left behind. To hear him sob, one would think he was being abandoned for life.
“My mother probably had something to do with that,” Roy said, and reached for another french fry. “Knowing her, she might have told him he could have ice cream for dinner.”
“She does love spoiling the boys.”
“It’s a grandmother’s job, and my mother takes it seriously.”
Maggie wished they had family closer. Roy’s parents had retired and spent the winters in Arizona and the summer months traveling in their motor home. It was their goal to visit every national park in the country. They were well on their way to achieving their dream. Maggie’s parents lived in California.
“How is Collin doing in his soccer?” Roy asked.
“Great. Just the other day, he asked me if his daddy was going to coach him the way you do Jaxon.”
Roy smiled, and for the first time that day his smile reached his eyes. Her husband had coached Collin’s older brother’s team for the last two years. It was hard for Collin to stand on the sidelines when he was just as eager to play soccer as his big brother. During one game, Collin couldn’t hold back any longer. Right in the middle of the game, he dashed from the sidelines and ran onto the field. It’d taken Roy and the referee to catch him.
Maggie reminded Roy of the incident. He chuckled and shook his head. “He’s going to be a good little player.”
“I think Collin might even be more athletically inclined than Jaxon.”
Roy thought for a moment and then shrugged. “It’s hard to tell, but what I do know is that Jax plays with heart.”
“He does everything with heart.” Their sons were true joys. Maggie loved being a stay-at-home mother. It was difficult to watch Roy work as many hours as he did. He was often gone twelve to fourteen hours a day. But she doubted that his hours would change if she worked outside the home. Lately … no, she wouldn’t let her mind dwell on that; she couldn’t, or she’d slowly go mad.
Roy was a man driven to succeed. Maggie felt it was her job to be his support, his helper, and to be at home for their children, especially in these formative early years. Thankfully, Roy’s business enabled her to do that. Many times, especially recently, she didn’t think that Roy understood her role in his home or life. From the outside looking in, it wasn’t much. She didn’t get a paycheck, didn’t manage his schedule or handle the paperwork. Her role was to simply see to everything else so that Roy could go off to the job without worrying about what was happening at home. She took care of the house and the boys, and offered her husband encouragement and emotional support.
They talked nonstop about the boys while they enjoyed their lunch. Maggie found that she could laugh, and it felt amazingly good. She could almost forget …
All at once, Roy went quiet. “Do you realize all we’ve talked about are Jaxon and Collin?”
“We mentioned your parents,” she reminded him.
“True,” he agreed, “but only in relation to them staying with the boys.”
He was right. “What would you like to talk about?” she asked, not understanding his concern. To her, the important fact was that they were communicating. They’d done far too little of that in the last few months.
“It’s good, I suppose,” Roy said. “I love my sons, and I know you do, too. You’re a good mother, Maggie, a very good mother. Our sons are lucky to have you.”
Roy didn’t pay compliments easily, and his words meant a great deal. She nearly choked up when she spoke. “Thank you. And you’re a wonderful father.” It wasn’t an exaggeration or a ricocheted compliment. She meant every word.
“We need to take the boys out of the equation for a few minutes,” Roy suggested. “You wanted this time away for us to work on our marriage, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then let’s talk.”
“Okay.” The word stuck in her throat like a peach pit.
Her husband was silent for a long moment. “We’ve both made mistakes.”
She looked away and nodded. “I don’t want to focus on our mistakes. At this point, it isn’t going to help. Instead of tearing each other down, I’d like to look for ways to build each other up.”
Roy went silent, then pushed his half-eaten lunch aside. “You’re right.”
She smiled. It was far too infrequent for her husband to admit she was right about anything, especially lately.
“What’s that smile about?” Roy asked. “And don’t bother denying it. I saw you grin just now. Is it because I was willing to admit you’re right?”
She blinked several times and, try as she might, couldn’t squelch a smile. “Okay,” Maggie said, “let’s focus here. We agree; we love our children. This time is for us, though, just you and me. Talking about the boys is off-limits.”
“Okay.”
They smiled across the table at each other. Maggie thought to mention the work project that had taken up so much of Roy’s efforts in the last three months. Unfortunately, that led to other, more sensitive, subjects she’d hoped to avoid. Katherine, for one. She bristled just thinking of the other woman. No, the subject of Katherine was definitely one to be avoided, and unfortunately the other woman was tied to the job.
Roy looked like he was about to say something important. He opened his mouth and then quickly closed it as if he, too, had thought better of it.
They sat in silence for a full five minutes. As each second ticked away, Maggie had the sad realization that while they deeply loved each other and their two sons, they had become strangers. Their relationship had dissolved to the point that they lived together and shared a bed, but they had become little more than roommates.
Maggie felt her heart swell inside her chest as the sadness nearly overwhelmed her. “You used to talk to me,” she whispered, gazing down at her plate.
“Oh come on, Maggs, don’t go there.”
“Okay, fine, I won’t.”
“This is exactly what I feared would happen; you’re going to use this weekend to remind me what a horrible husband I am and how badly I’ve let you down.”
“No … I don’t want that.” r />
“Fine, I’ll admit it. I’m a rotten husband, but the truth is, you haven’t been much of a wife, either.”
His words came at her like nails out of a roofer’s gun, striking her squarely in the chest. The pain was so sharp and the hit so solidly on target that she could barely breathe.
Roy instantly looked contrite. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”
“I think you did,” she whispered, and reached for her purse. She was about to slide out of the booth when her phone rang. She hesitated, and reached inside her purse and froze. The phone chirped again, louder this time, more insistent, as if the message was highly important, urgent.
Maggie read the name on caller ID and then glanced toward her husband. “It’s your mother.”
Roy frowned and scooted from the booth. “She wouldn’t be phoning this soon if it wasn’t serious.”
Chapter 5
After my conversation with Peggy, I had the feeling that I’d given my friend the wrong impression regarding my curiosity about Mark. I loved my husband, and that wasn’t going to change. I thought about the letter I received from him, the one he’d asked a friend to give me in case something happened to him while he was on his tour of duty. I kept his last letter to me in the nightstand next to my bed. I read it shortly after I got definitive word that Paul wouldn’t be returning from Afghanistan. His remains had been identified and returned to Washington, D.C., where he was buried in Arlington National Cemetery. I’d attended the ceremony early in June. I hadn’t looked at the letter since that time. I simply couldn’t bear to read Paul’s last words, his love letter to me, again.
For a number of months after I learned Paul and several others had gone down in a helicopter I physically felt his presence with me. He seemed close and so very real. It was almost as if I could reach out and touch him. In retrospect, I believe that was my mind’s way of dealing with this overwhelming sense of grief. I so desperately wanted Paul to be alive that I conjured him up in my mind. At times I could almost hear him speak … not with audible words that I heard with my ears, but words that spoke to my heart. That hadn’t happened in a long while now, not since I received his letter. I missed that. At times I desperately longed for another chance to feel him with me … and didn’t. Instead, I was alone, so very alone.