But since there wasn't a chance of that, she said, "Do you like being a doctor?"
His hand tightened on hers at his surprise at her question. "Of course I do."
"What else do you like?"
Another tightening. "There isn't a lot of time for anything else."
Okay, she could see she wasn't going to get very far with this line of questioning. Maybe another tack.
"Why did you become a doctor?"
"What is this? Twenty questions?"
"I just realized that even though we've known each other for so long, we don't know much about each other, do we?"
Except for how perfectly our bodies fit together.
"No," he said slowly, "I don't suppose we do."
But when he didn't answer her previous question, she said, "Was it because of your mom?"
He tried to pull his hand away. But she refused to let him get away that easily. Just as she'd refused to let him say what they were doing could never be more than sex. Even if it was probably the truth when everything was said and done.
Because there was no denying that what went on in the middle of the night in her apartment, what happened between them in the cocoon of a cabin in Big Sur, had absolutely nothing to do with the real world.
But just because it was fact, didn't mean she had to like it.
And it didn't mean she wasn't going to fight it with everything she had.
"When we were back in the cabin, you told me you wanted to listen. I want to do the same for you." When he remained silent, she said, "I never really knew my parents. But you were ten years old when your mom--"
"Dammit, Janica, I don't want to talk about it."
He wrenched his hand out of hers and turned away to head back toward the cabin.
Her heart broke for him, for all the pain he'd kept bottled up inside for so long. And even though she knew she should let him go, leave him alone like he wanted, she simply couldn't walk away from him.
Calling out to him over the waves, she said, "I only have one more question, Luke, and then I promise I'll go."
Thank God, he stopped, turned back to her, his face carved in granite.
"You already know I love you. What else do I need to do to get you to trust me?"
*
Jesus. No one but Janica would stand there and ask him that. No one would dare.
Then again, he'd never let anyone in this close. It had never even been a possibility until now.
Until Janica.
They stood there, facing each other in silence long enough that the sun moved completely below the water line.
It wasn't until he could barely make out her face and form in the darkness that he finally admitted, "I don't know." His heart was pounding so hard he could hardly say, "But I do know I don't want you to go."
And then she was moving across the sand into his arms and saying against his lips, "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere."
Her mouth was soft and sweet. Just like, he was continually surprised to find out, she was.
So sweet.
So soft.
So warm.
"Let's go back upstairs to the cabin so you can fall asleep in my arms again," she whispered, her breath warm against his earlobe.
But when they'd made it back up the stairs, sleep was the last thing on his mind. All he wanted was to be with her again, to lose himself in the comfort and joy of her body.
"I need you," he said, knowing how raw his statement was, but utterly unable to keep that truth from her.
But there was no victory in her eyes at his admission of need. Just love.
"I know you do. And I need you too."
This time, there was no rush. Neither of them was going anywhere else. And there was no anger, either.
"I want to love you, Janica."
Again she said, "I know you do," and something about the way she responded made him suddenly realize what he'd said. How it sounded.
Like he wasn't just talking about physical lovemaking.
Like he was talking about his heart.
Was he?
The impossible question fell away as she began to strip off his clothes and he reached for hers. Moonlight was streaming in through the windows, illuminating her incredible body.
How could he ever go back from her? How could he ever move on without her? How would another woman ever match up to her?
"I don't know how you're doing it," he found himself saying.
"Doing what?" she asked, her hands continuing to make short work of his clothes.
He tried to figure out how to put it into words, into something that made sense when nothing made sense anymore. "Changing everything." Even the things he hadn't thought needed changing. "So fast."
"You're doing it too, Luke." She reached out and placed her palm flat over his heart. "Changing me. I've never said I love you to anyone else. But with you, I can't seem to stop."
Her words rushed through him, her love pushing up against every wall he'd ever built. It was instinctive for his brain to push back, to tell him to take a step back.
And he would. He had to. For both of their sakes. Because he still believed what he'd said in the kitchen, that the two of them were too different to ever truly be together.
But he couldn't walk away from her now. Not yet. Not when his need was so much stronger than his sense.
It had been exciting to take her on the couch, the living room floor, but right now he needed to love her properly, in a bed.
He scooped her up to take her to the bedroom and she said, "We'll get sand in the sheets."
Looking down at her, wanting her more with every second, he said, "Then I guess we'd better get cleaned up first."
He made a detour into the shower, stepping onto the ocean blue tile with her still in his arms. She reached out and turned the water on, laughing when it came down over them, cold at first, then warmer.
He kissed her, also laughing as the water soaked them, loving how playful she was.
When was the last time he'd been playful at all? With anyone?
"You know," she said with a wicked little gleam in her eyes, "now that we're here, I think we should make the most of it."
"I completely agree," he said, and then a second later, he was shifting her in his arms so that her legs were around his waist and her arms were around his shoulders. He backed her up against the wall of the shower and kissed her with all the emotion he neither understood, nor could put words to.
He'd taken her so roughly in the living room on the couch with virtually no foreplay. She'd been ready for him then, but this time he swore he was going to take his time with her body. Make sure she had her fill of pleasure before he took his.
But, of course, she had other plans. Because before he could even so much as move his mouth from her lips to her breasts, she was shifting her weight on him, settling her hot pussy lips over the crown of his cock.
"I want to make this good for you," he told her, but she was already sinking down on his cock, taking him in, stretching around him slowly, inch by inch.
"This is good for me. So good."
Knowing he couldn't change her mind even if he wanted to, he gladly went with it, thrusting up into her in the next breath. She took him fully, even though he knew she had to be sore.
"I wanted to be gentle with you this time."
"You are."
He found himself not breathing, not moving, just staring into her eyes. She was staring too and he had a feeling she was seeing down deep into his soul, past the successful surgeon all the way to the real man inside. A man that he wasn't sure he really knew.
"I've never been with anyone like you."
On a little smirk, so cute, so sexy, she replied, "I blow everyone else out of the water, don't I?"
He laughed then, how could he not? She was great.
He'd never liked a woman more.
A point that was only brought home when she said, "Enough with gentle. Fuck my brains out, Luke."
; He brought his mouth down hard on hers at the exact moment that he pulled back and thrust deep again. Protecting her head and back from the tile with his hands, together they pounded into each other, driving higher and higher for what they were both wanting.
Needing.
He felt her pubic bone grinding against his, worked like hell to hold himself off until he began to feel her slick inner muscles clench and tighten around his cock. And then he heard her whisper, "I love you so much," and there was no hope left for him but to let his own climax spiral out with hers, wrapped tightly in not only her body, but also her boundless love.
Chapter Fourteen
Janica woke up in Luke's arms, sunlight streaming in his bedroom window, his lean muscles pressed against hers, his heart beating strong and steady beneath her palm. She shifted against him, loving the play of his body on hers, his hair tickling her smooth skin, the fact that everywhere she was soft, he was hard.
She knew right when he woke up by the way his heart beat faster beneath her hand. She pressed a kiss into his chest before whispering, "Good morning."
His arms tightened around her, and then he was pulling her up his body to kiss her. Just as she had every other time he had pressed his lips to hers, she lost herself in his kiss, gave herself over completely to him, and let down all of her barriers. And then, he was rolling them over so that her back was flat against the mattress and he was levered over her, staring down at her with those sinfully hot eyes of his.
She instinctively opened herself up to him, and he moved right into place, the thick head of his cock pushing against her already wet lower lips. In the next heartbeat he was sheathed completely inside of her and she gasped at the hot, heavy weight of him filling her so perfectly.
Holding himself completely still above her, he continued to stare at her.
"I can't get enough of you."
Again, he wasn't talking about love, and rationally she knew that maybe it would never be anything more than sex for him. But in that moment with her legs wrapped around his hips, her hands gripping his broad shoulders, his heat consuming her, it simply didn't matter.
"Love me, Luke."
His eyes darkened at her words, but before she could take them back or change them or turn them into anything other than what they obviously were, he started moving. His long, hard, ruthless strokes of pleasure inside of her left no room for anything but an all-consuming rush of ecstasy. The feel of Luke's hands and mouth and cock, his murmurs of praise about how beautiful she was, about how good she felt wrapped around him, all came together like an ocean tide that was pulling her deeper into dangerous waters.
She felt herself start to go under a split second before he did, her muscles clenching him so tightly as he pushed even deeper inside her heat.
And all the while, even as she felt him spurt hot and thick into her, even as she cried out his name, his eyes never left hers. It was beautiful, watching him come, the play of pleasure moving across his face, knowing how good she was making him feel.
Minutes later as they lay damp and panting side by side on the bed, he turned his head to her. "You probably need to get back to work in the City, don't you."
"Probably," she agreed.
It was incredibly gratifying to watch disappointment move across his face. And maybe, she thought to herself, even a little mean of her to do that to him. If only to confirm that he'd miss her when she left.
"But I was thinking I could just make some calls instead." She smiled. "I want to stay here with you."
For as long as they could possibly keep the "real" world at bay.
"You don't--"
He cut himself off with a curse and shifted back hard on the bed away from her.
Following her impulse--apparently where Luke was concerned she was unable to do anything else, even when she knew better, even when she knew she was just setting herself up to be destroyed--she moved from her side of the bed and shifted over him so that she was sitting up above him straddling his hips.
"You can say anything to me. You know that, don't you?"
She saw him try to fight a grin and lose the battle.
"Where the hell did you come from?"
Holding her hands out at her sides as if she were trying to fly, perfectly comfortable with her nudity, she said, "I'm one-of-a-kind."
His grin widened, but then, suddenly fell away. "I can't ask you to stay. I shouldn't ask you to stay."
"You use those words too much. Can't. Shouldn't. I think you should stop worrying about a bunch of random rules and get to the real question." She pressed her palms flat against his six-pack, enjoying the feel of his muscles rippling beneath her hands. "What do you want, Luke?"
"I want you to stay."
This time, it was her turn for her grin to fall away at his potent statement. And when he followed it up with, "I don't know what I would do if you left, Janica," she was pretty sure all the breath left her lungs.
Again, it wasn't love, but it was something. Something more than she'd ever thought to hear him say to her, to have him feel for her. Especially considering the way he'd practically been trying to force her out the door before their walk on the beach, when he'd been an apple and she'd been an orange.
But when she looked at him, she could see that there was still something more.
"Say it all, Luke. You don't have to hold back with me."
She could see his brain trying to take over. She moved one hand from his stomach to his heart.
"Keep talking from here, not up there," she said, nodding at his head.
"I just want to be with you. For the next few days without any--" He cut himself off again. "Fuck, I suck at this, don't I?"
"Kind of," she teased, then decided to let him off the hook by saying, "Are you trying to tell me that you just want to have fun?"
"Fun," he repeated, the word almost hollow. He didn't move or speak again for a long moment. Finally, he said, "That's exactly what I want."
She knew what he was really asking for. No more difficult questions. No more trying to reach inside his heart to uncover everything he kept hidden.
And no more worrying about the real world or either of their opposite places in it.
Her answer was simple. And the only one she could give. Because she wasn't strong enough to leave him. Not when she loved him so damn much it actually hurt.
"Okay."
He didn't look convinced. "I know it's a lot to ask."
Slowly shifting her weight down his hips to get closer to the erection that she'd felt growing against her backside during their conversation, she said, "I'm all for fun," as she wriggled down over him. "Although in the name of full disclosure, there is one thing, though, that I don't think I'm going to be able to promise you."
"Tell me," he said, his hips shifting with hers, easily finding her wet heat.
"I don't think I'm going to be able to stop telling you that I love you. "
With that said, she pushed down onto him, taking him all the way to the hilt.
"I don't want you to stop," he said.
Surprise at his stark admission made her open up even more, both between her legs and behind her breast-bone. "I won't, Luke. No matter what."
But in the aftermath of their orgasms, Janica realized she didn't actually know what he'd meant. Had he simply been telling her not to stop the erotic slide of her body against his because he'd been about to come?
Or was it the outpouring of love from her heart that he didn't want to end?
Chapter Fifteen
Luke couldn't remember feeling like this since he was a little boy. When he was with Janica, he caught snippets of freedom. Of happiness.
And the sex was beyond great.
Jesus, he'd never come like this, not with anyone else. He finally understood why the French called it "la petite mort." Being with Janica, taking her to the edge and then following her over, almost felt like it was obliterating the dark patches inside of him, one orgasm at a time.
The ne
xt day when they could finally stop devouring each other's bodies, they drove a couple miles down the road to go for a hike and then she made him stop at every little store and cafe on the way back to the cabin. What should have taken fifteen minutes, took over an hour. He'd never met anyone as interested in everything around her. Especially when he knew that, if it were up to him, he would have kept his focus on the unimportant goal of getting back to the cabin to the exclusion of all else.
In the afternoon, she apologized about having to take care of some work. He knew she was successful, but he hadn't realized quite what an extensive operation she ran until he caught snippets of her detailed conversations from the kitchen over the next few hours.
Two days with her and he couldn't imagine what that kitchen would look like without her in it. He couldn't imagine sleeping alone. Hell, he couldn't even imagine showering alone at this point.
He hadn't invited her to come here, to invade his life, but now that she was here the crazy truth was that he was glad.
So damn glad it scared the shit out of him.
Because he knew it couldn't possibly last forever, this fantasy world they were living in just steps away from the ocean and the forest.
It was getting dark when he realized he was missing her too much to stay outside and give her privacy any longer. She dropped the phone on to the counter just as he walked in, looking mildly irritated.
And totally beautiful.
He knew another moment of fear. It was a big deal for her to give him these days away from her business. The look on her face after hanging up the phone told him how badly she was needed at the office.
She was going to leave.
No. Not yet!
His entire body tensed. His gut clenched tight, like it was being held by a ruthless fist. He needed to stop her, had to convince her somehow, someway, to stay. At least for a little while longer.
Because he needed her. So badly it shocked the hell out of him.
She swept out of the cabin. "I need to go dancing. Now."
She threw his car keys at him and he barely caught them before they fell over the edge into the thick brush. "You're not leaving?"
The words came out before he could stop them, before he could delete the pathetic undertone of need, of fear beneath them. She stopped running down the stairs to look back at him with a frown.