Somehow, he made it through his class. It comforted him, in a way, to teach and numb his mind to the reality waiting beyond the safety of the campus.
He delayed his return even longer by stopping at an all-night coffee shop. He had thirty pages left to read in a paperback and wanted to finish it in peace.
He tried to give no thought to what might be going on in his absence.
Erin’s car wasn’t in the apartment parking lot when he pulled in a little after eleven. Neither was Robert’s.
He suspected he knew where she was.
Taking a deep breath, he unlocked the front door and walked in. Not too much out of place. He immediately noticed a swath of CDs missing from the rack near the stereo. A few gaping sections of empty shelves where her books had been.
He stood there for a moment, absorbing that. Was this how a “painless” divorce took place? With a bloodless coup of affections?
He walked into the bedroom. Her clothes, all gone. The bed made—sheets changed, thank God.
Well, a modicum of human decency, at least.
In the bathroom, all her things…gone.
What little she’d kept in the spare bedroom he used as his office…gone.
Her note lay on the small kitchen table, tucked in an envelope. Two sheets, printed on the computer, with her signature.
He barely scanned it. An apology followed by all her well-reasoned arguments listing why she had to leave, most having to do with the fact that Tyler didn’t make her happy and smothered her with attention.
Closing with, It’s not your fault. It’s not you, it’s me.
He snorted, crumpled the note, and threw it across the room.
Pete and Eddie were still up when Tyler pulled into their driveway. After one look at his face, Eddie pulled him in the front door and engulfed him in a huge hug.
“Oh, man. What the hell happened?”
Tyler shook his head, still unable to speak it, to vocalize the finality.
He collapsed to his knees as he started crying while Eddie and Pete surrounded him.
* * * *
Tyler forced himself to go to work the next morning. He wouldn’t let Erin and Robert run him out of the one true pleasure he had left other than his writing. He enjoyed teaching. He enjoyed entertaining and educating his students.
Besides, he’d done nothing wrong. She’d said so herself.
The note was still taped to Robert’s door. Erin’s office remained locked.
Would they come and go the back way? Taking the long route through the back hallway so they didn’t have to pass his office door?
He left his door standing open, just to see.
They didn’t appear that day. At some point a student aide from the faculty office taped notes to both doors that they were out due to “family emergencies.”
Tyler snorted as he read the notes. They couldn’t come up with better?
He didn’t let himself think about what they might be doing.
She appeared in his office doorway Friday afternoon, just before he left for the weekend.
In her hand she held a thick envelope.
He didn’t speak, didn’t stand, waited for her to break the uncomfortable silence.
She stepped in, closed his door, and laid the envelope on his desk. “I don’t want alimony,” she quietly said. “I’ll pay off the joint credit card. There’s not much on it. You can have the apartment and the stuff. Most of it was yours anyway.”
He stared at the envelope, then at her.
Erin swallowed hard. “I’m sorry, Ty. I didn’t want it to end like this. I never meant to hurt you.”
“How long?” he quietly asked.
“Two months.”
Bloody hell. Not even halfway into their first year of marriage and she was screwing around on him. “Did you use protection, or do I need to go to the doctor and get tested?”
Her face reddened. Her mouth tightened, like she prepared to spit a retort back at him, then she took a deep breath. “I didn’t do anything to put you at risk,” she quietly replied.
He nodded. “Thank you.” He turned away. Conversation over.
She stood there for a moment, hesitating.
“Is there anything else?” he asked.
“Did you want to talk?”
“About what?” He turned and struggled to contain the anger and pain in his voice. “I come home to find my wife fucking my best friend, a man I also happen to work with. What more is there to talk about? I love you, yet apparently I’m not good enough for you. I never have been, according to you. Do you want me to beg and grovel and embarrass myself trying to keep you in a marriage you so obviously don’t want? Do you want me to lie and say this doesn’t fucking hurt? Would that make you feel better? What more do you want from me, Erin? A few liters of blood to accompany the pound of flesh you’ve already ripped from me?”
Finally, the start of her tears. “I’m sorry, Tyler. I never meant to hurt you.” She’d said it before, and in the note she’d repeated it several times. “You smothered me, always hovering, doing everything, like you had to make it perfect! You couldn’t just let things be!”
“Bloody well excuse me for spoiling my wife rotten!” He stood, now unleashing his anger. “Did you ever think about sitting down with me and talking with me instead of jumping into bed with a man who was supposedly my friend?”
“I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”
“Oh, right. Nice, Erin. Brilliant. And I suppose this was just a tender farewell, no? I’m being punished for being too attentive? Instead of being an insensitive arsehole who didn’t pay you the time of day or give a bloody damn about you, I’m being left because I paid too much attention to the woman I just married a few months ago?” He snorted. “Thank you very much for teaching me truths about life. I once heard a man joke that women loved insensitive arseholes. Now I understand what he meant.”
She shook her head. “You just don’t get it. You act like you’re my fucking wife, Ty! I want a man to take care of me.”
He stared, stunned. “What the hell have I been doing then, if not that?”
“I didn’t want to go here with you, but okay, let’s do it.” She leaned closer and dropped her voice. “You’d make some lucky man a good wife, Ty. Yes, you’re great in bed, I won’t deny that. You’re fucking awesome. It doesn’t change the fact that I can’t handle having a guy like you. Maybe other women can. It’s not you—it’s me. I thought it was sweet at first, the way you took care of me. But it’s like you expect me to pick up the slack in some areas, and frankly, that’s supposed to be your job. Just because you decided you wanted to be the wife in our marriage doesn’t mean I automatically decided I wanted to be the husband. Maybe you need a stronger woman than me to take charge for you. I don’t want to be that woman. That’s not who I am. I need a take-charge kind of guy, and you are not that kind of guy.”
Erin straightened and took a deep breath. “I think maybe you need to look at yourself and dig deep. I’m not sure it’s a wife you need, Tyler. I think you know what I’m talking about.”
He sat and turned his back to her again and prayed she left. Prayed she didn’t see his tears.
She wasn’t quite finished. “I’ll pay for the divorce. I won’t ask for anything. I’m sorry. I really am.”
“Good-bye, Erin.”
He waited until he heard his office door close behind her to drop his head to the desk and cry.
Robert had the decency not to return to work until Tuesday. Tyler ignored him, didn’t pay him any attention. At the weekly faculty meeting, Tyler sat away from them and refused to look at either. He noted a few confused looks from others, had heard whispers that stopped at his approach in the halls, and ignored them.
Life went on.
Chapter Five
Tyler moved into a different apartment in the same complex. He was honest with the manager as to why. Tyler chose to bear the pity in the woman’s expression as she arranged the swap to a vacancy
on the other side of the complex. It was far better than sleeping on his sofa. He couldn’t bear the thought of sleeping in the same room, much less the same bed, where the betrayal occurred. His soon-to-be former next-door neighbors were happy to take the nearly new bed off his hands for free.
He bought a new bed, one comfortable, soft, and giving, not the firm rock Erin had insisted upon.
How ironic, he thought as he lay on his new bed. Why didn’t he see that correlation before? A hard bed, an even harder heart.
Tyler settled into single life as the divorce trundled through the legal system, completed without fanfare or fighting. Bob volunteered to handle the paperwork for him and tried to wave off a retainer fee, but Tyler insisted on paying him.
Erin had enough shame over her actions that she kept her word about the divorce. Simple dissolution, no muss, no fuss. In some ways, that hurt Tyler even more deeply, that all she wanted was out, willing to pay to leave rather than stay and try to work on things.
That he’d been cast aside so easily for another.
For a supposed friend.
Tyler kept his mouth shut to others at work about events, didn’t explain, didn’t make waves. For the first several months, Erin and Robert were discreet enough not to rub his face in it at work.
He sometimes dated women and the occasional man. No one really caught his interest enough to make him relax the cautious, hard shell he’d constructed around his emotions. Sometimes he dated a woman more than once. A few times he actually slept with them. He frequently found it difficult to weed out those who genuinely wanted to date him from those who wanted to date Tyler Paulson, Bestselling Author.
He even fooled around a little with some of the men, but didn’t cross that final line of letting one close enough to give them that part of himself he’d never shared with another man before.
His small two-bedroom apartment was comfortable, clean, quiet—and all his. A reversed floor plan from the old one, just different enough he wasn’t reminded of Erin every time he turned around. He could cook what he wanted when he wanted, although he didn’t often cook at home. It was too upsetting seeing all those leftovers. The quiet stillness allowed him too much time to think about nights he’d spent cooking with his father.
Tyler frequently went to Pete and Eddie’s house and spent evenings there learning to play poker, cooking dinner for them, and enjoying their company. They welcomed and appreciated him. Their Friday night poker game became a comforting routine Tyler looked forward to every week.
Eddie took a swig of his beer and glanced over his cards at Tyler. “Whatcha got?”
Bob usually joined their Friday night games. He grinned. “Stick to quarters, Eddie. You suck at poker.”
Pete laughed and slapped his cards on the table. “I’m through. Tyler’s wiped me out again.”
Bob sighed and folded. “I want to hold on to a little of the retainer you paid me, Ty.”
Eddie grinned. “You in or out, Ty?”
Tyler arched an eyebrow at him. “Full house, mate. Queens over jacks.” He laid his cards on the table.
Eddie rolled his eyes and threw his cards down. “One of these days, Bob, I’ll listen to you.”
Tyler smiled as he scooped the chips toward him, neatly arranging them into piles. “No, you won’t, mate. You never do.”
Pete gathered the cards to shuffle and deal. “Bob, where the hell is Terry? At least I can beat him. Usually.”
Bob glanced at his watch. “Marcus’ plane should have landed by now. I’m sure he’ll call when they’re on the way.”
Eddie finished his beer and stood to get a fresh one. “What’s this guy’s deal anyway?”
“He teaches literature at a university over in Brussels and just broke up with his boyfriend. The last term ended a couple of weeks ago. He was already slated to take the next term off for a sabbatical. Terry knows him from college, told him he could spend a few months with us soaking up the Florida sun.”
Tyler tensed, anticipating Eddie’s next comment. “So he’s single?” he called from the kitchen.
Pete slapped the cards on the table. “Will you please quit bugging poor Ty? Good grief, he’s only been single a couple of months.”
Eddie returned with a fresh beer. “Hey, it never hurts to keep one’s options open. Right, Ty?”
Tyler shrugged. “I suppose.”
Pete was about to comment when Bob’s cell rang. Bob excused himself, took the call, and returned a moment later. “They’re on their way. They’ll be here in about thirty minutes.”
“Finally,” Pete groused. “Maybe I can win something tonight, goddammit.”
They played until Terry and Marcus arrived, then took a break. Tyler didn’t tell Eddie he had a date scheduled for the next evening, knowing Eddie would, in typical fashion, pester him for every last detail and try to plan a wedding date. Bless his heart, he went overboard, but he meant well.
Tyler felt Marcus’ steely grey eyes examine him, and not uncomfortably. Grey lightly sprinkled his black hair at the temples. While he looked trim and in shape inside his khaki slacks and pullover shirt, from the lines around Marcus’ eyes, Tyler guessed he was at least ten years older than himself. He stood taller than his own five-seven by at least seven inches.
They settled in to play poker. When Tyler got up to freshen his drink, Eddie followed him to the kitchen. “Hey, that’s perfect. He’s cute and single. You’re cute and single—”
“Eddie, I love you, you know I do, but please don’t. Not tonight. I’m far too tired for this.”
He nodded. “Sure. Just keep your options open.”
Tyler rolled his eyes and returned to the dining room.
He was seated across from Marcus and noticed by the end of the evening that the older man spent a lot of time staring at him. His suspicions proved partially correct—Marcus was a surprising nineteen years older than him. Well preserved, to say the least. His skin bore a healthy tan due to his hours spent outdoors hiking around Brussels, which also explained his trim physique.
Marcus startled him. “I must say, I thought your use of the Macbeth correlation in Damning Thoughts was well-done. Very subtle, not obvious at all. A refreshing change from a lot of commercial fiction. I enjoyed it quite a lot.”
Stunned, Tyler nodded. “Thank you. That’s quite kind of you to notice.” Very few people had noticed. It wasn’t something he overtly advertised, figuring critics and readers who paid attention would get it, and if others didn’t, oh well.
Marcus continued. “It was a pleasant surprise, I must say.” He took a sip of his beer. “I had a rather lively discussion at a faculty reception one evening defending your use of imagery.”
A warm flush crept into Tyler’s face. “Really?”
“Some academics, as I’m sure you’re well aware, don’t appreciate commercial fiction.”
“Oh jeez,” Pete snarked as he threw down his cards. “They’re gonna talk shop. There goes the fucking game.”
By the end of the evening, Tyler looked forward to next Friday, when they would all get together again at Pete and Eddie’s for dinner and the usual poker game.
He also looked forward to spending more time with Marcus, who’d held his hand a moment longer than necessary when saying good-bye and telling Tyler he looked forward to seeing him again.
* * * *
The next evening, Tyler was dressing for his date when his cell rang. Terry’s number appeared on the screen, but it wasn’t Terry’s voice on the other end of the line.
Marcus’ rich, rolling voice filled Tyler’s phone. “I wanted to call and talk for a few minutes. If you’re not busy?” The man’s deep voice stirred something within Tyler that the thought of the woman waiting for him could never touch.
“I’m afraid I was just on the way out, actually. I’m sorry.”
“Ah. So am I.” Tyler sensed the smile behind the other man’s voice. “Lucky man.”
“Woman, actually.”
Marcus’ ton
e changed again. “Oh. I’m sorry.” Formal, not quite chilly. “I see I was under a mistaken impression—”
“No!” Tyler felt desperate to not let the conversation end like that. “No, you weren’t. I’m…” He felt heat rise in his face. “After my divorce I decided to keep my options open, as it were. Not limit myself.”
Curiosity crept in. “Oh? Is that so?”
Tyler felt his cock stiffen. “Yes, that’s so.” He didn’t know what it was about this man, but he wanted to find out.
“So tonight some lucky woman gets the pleasure of your company.” The way Marcus practically rolled the word “lucky” brought Tyler’s erection to full hardness. “Perhaps tomorrow night you’ll do me the honor of showing me around town. I don’t have a rental yet. If you’ll drive and pick a place, I’ll pay.”
Tyler’s heart raced. “All right. That sounds quite nice.”
Marcus rumbled a deep laugh across the line. “Don’t stay out too late tonight. I wouldn’t want you to wear yourself out and leave me hanging. Pick me up at seven, here at Terry’s.”
Normally, Tyler would bristle at the way the man took charge, but something about it scratched the surface of a craving Tyler didn’t even know he had. “Seven. I’ll see you then.”
Tyler ended the call and spent the next few minutes in a daze as he finished getting ready. He’d given serious thought to inviting Alice to spend the night with him. She was certainly willing to do it the way she’d hinted, but now…
He considered cancelling his date with her and calling Marcus back to see if he wanted to get together tonight after all.
All through his date with Alice, Tyler’s mind flashed back to Marcus. Imagination running wild, Tyler tried to envision him without his clothes, how his voice would sound whispering in his ear.
Was he the one?
He ended up taking Alice home early, claiming a headache.