After Tina’s mom and daughter died, I told myself that I would wake up every morning with a good attitude. For months after they passed, I would repeat the mantra ‘I will be grateful for this day’ because the thing is, you think you have time. Living our droll everyday lives, we forget to relax and just live in the moment. We need to count our blessings not our problems. Everyone in life is fighting their own battles. Ones you’ll never see unless they allow it.
Which brings us to now.
Without even asking permission, I follow Ash into his apartment, walk past him toward his room, over to his bed and fall forward, faceplanting. Not ten seconds pass when I felt his bed dip. Both obviously unsure what to say, we lay in the dark in comfortable silence, stuck in our own thoughts.
After a while of thinking about every random thing my brain could possibly present to me, I turn my head to the side and whisper, “Don’t let me fall asleep, okay?”
Through a yawn, Ash replies, “Okay, babe. Talk to me.”
Glad that he wants me here, I do. I tell him all about my childhood. How it was growing up Croatian. About the time Helena put the cat in the fridge. How mom makes me palačinke, Croatian pancakes, every time I come home. That my dad knows how to swear in eight languages. About my first high school crush.
“And he was such an ass. He told everyone he fucked me and that I wasn’t any good. I mean puh-lease, right? If I could, I’d fuck myself because I’m that good.” With every soft and slow word I say, my eyes droop further closed. Somehow we’ve become tangled in each other. Ash cradles me to his chest with his nose buried in my hair, breathing me in. I remind him, “Don’t let me fall asleep, okay?”
He grunts his acknowledgement so I continue weakly, “Then I saw him a while later and he was all, ‘you look so good’ and ‘maybe we could go on a date’…” Through a yawn, I go on, barely able to keep my eyes open and slurring my words, “…and I was like whatever, asshole.”
Everything fades to black.
Lights out.
Chapter Seventeen
Pajama party
Something warm presses into me and sighs sweetly then snuggles deeper into my chest.
What the fuck?
It takes a while for me to open my eyes, but when I do, I almost shit a brick.
The sun is out.
My brow bunches in total confusion. I don’t remember waking last night. My body isn’t sore or tense from the violent night terrors that haunt me every fucking night of my life. Probably because I didn’t have any last night, and when I look down, I think I find the cause.
She looks so beautiful.
Innocent.
That makes me smirk. I know she’s anything but innocent but she does look it right now.
Not wanting to wake her, I reach for my cell phone on the nightstand and turn off the alarm. It’s still early, just past six am. As gently as I can, I take the arm that’s gripping my side, move it up and over til she rolls the other way.
Well, that was easy.
Standing, I take a good look at her. She looks so tiny alone in my bed. Her flaming red hair such a contrast against my navy pillows and covers.
Beautiful.
Running a hand through my hair and shaking my head in disbelief, I make my way to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. As I finish getting the coffee started, my brow furrows in confusion and I sigh.
This is not good. The last thing I need is to become more attached to Nat. I care about her and I know she cares about me too in a fuck-buddy kind of way. I just really didn’t need this shit right now.
What is it about her?
She doesn’t take shit from me.
It’s more than that and you know it.
My phone buzzes, breaking me out of my thoughts. Leaning forward, I check the display and my good morning turns to shit. I reach forward and reject the call. What is she doing calling me anyways? It’s not like I ever answer her calls. Nik is always telling me to change my number, but it’s the fucking principle that stops me from doing it. She shouldn’t be calling. I shouldn’t have to change anything because she can’t let go. Fuck her. I don’t want to see her or hear what she has to say. That ship has sailed.
I hear shuffling down the hall and Nat emerges. I can’t help but grin at her appearance. She’s all over the place. Her lipstick and eye makeup are smeared across her face and her hair looks like it’s been teased. Obviously having been cold, she wears one of my long sleeved tees and she’s swimming in it. I try not to think about how much I like her wearing my shit but, fuck, I do. I’m getting hard.
“The eighties called. They want their hairstyle back,” I tell her.
She gasps and steps back from me. Wearing a genuinely shocked expression, she asks quietly, “Did- did you just make a joke?”
All too pleased with myself, I rub my nails on the front of my shirt and reply a smug, “It’s been known to happen, girl.”
Smiling she says, “No way.” Her face falls as she asks, “Where did you crash last night? I told you not to let me fall asleep.”
For no reason whatsoever, I’m nervous about telling her. I don’t want her to get freaked out, but it’s not in me to lie, so I tell her vaguely, “I slept where you slept.”
Leaning her hip on the counter, she confirms, “We slept in the same bed?”
Without looking at her, I nod my reply. She doesn’t say a thing for a long time. I look over to her and with narrowed eyes she goes on, “We slept in the same bed.”
Pursing my lips, I nod again. She’s not letting this go. Nat asks, “You didn’t have a memory attack?” I nod once more and she continues, “We slept in the same bed. All night. And you didn’t have a nightmare.” A huge smile forms on her face and she runs over to me, jumping and circling her arms around my neck. I hold her ass to stop her from falling and she wraps her legs around me. Planting kisses on my face, I make out as if I’m annoyed but it feels good. She says happily, “Don’t you see what this means?”
Trying to speak around her assaulting kisses, I tell her, “No. Not really. What does this mean?”
Pulling back from me wearing a shit-eating grin, she boasts, “I cured you!”
The laughter bubbles low in my throat before bursting out full force. Her face falls and I laugh harder. She slips out of my laughter-weakened hold and leans against the counter.
Oh, this woman. I knew she’d rock my world.
Unable to stop, I hold my side and speak through my laughter, “You really don’t fuck around, do you?”
Placing her hands on her hips and wearing an annoyed expression, she snaps, “Well, it’s true!”
My laughter finally settles and I tell her, “We don’t know if this was a one-off thing. Maybe my mind was too tired to give a shit about anything but sleep after all the stuff that went down with Trick and Lola.”
Looking deflated, she mutters, “You’re right. Unless…” Her eyes widen and she grins, “Unless we try again tonight!”
Shaking my head at her in disapproval, she nods her head vigorously and shouts, “Pajama party!”
And I know I’m fucked. Hardcore fucked. Fucked up the ass, kind of fucked. If this works, it means big problems for me.
Nat walks forward and looks me in the eye. She smiles a soft smile, “Hey, we can only try, right?”
Curiosity makes me give in, not that it was a hard battle to win. I nod and sigh. “Yeah. Okay.”
She squeaks and punches me in the gut lightly. Walking back into my room, she lifts her arms in the air and yells, “I’m so excited!”
***
“I cannot believe you’re making me do this!” Nat squawks.
Looking over at her, I try my hardest not to laugh, but she looks so cute and so damn funny at the same time that I start to laugh but turn it into a cough. I’m a little too late. She narrows her eyes at me muttering, “Laugh it up, assface.”
Looking away from her and back to the TV for fear of losing it again, I reply, “Safety first.”
/> “I can’t sleep like this!” she says heatedly.
Lying back on her soft sofa and trying to concentrate on the cooking show, I tell her distractedly, “Either we do this my way, or no way.”
As soon as it slips out of my mouth, I want to take it back. I hope she doesn’t tell me to go home. Knowing Nat, her curiosity will win. And I breathe a sigh of relief when she responds, “Okay. But just this once. If this works, I’m never doing this again!” Then she stalks off rattling and clanking all the way. I shake my head and chuckle.
This afternoon I told Max to man the security room while I made a quick stop at my storage unit. There’s a whole lot of junk in there, but I was only after one thing in particular. It took some digging and bringing up some really shitty memories, but if this works, it’ll be worth it.
The clanking comes back down the hall and I look up to see Nat wearing my old football uniform. Padded shorts, shoulder pads and helmet included. It’s not so funny anymore, now it’s turning me on.
Looking bothered as hell, she sneers, “Can I take this shit off for now?”
Nodding, I answer, “Yeah. Come here. I’ll help.”
She stomps over to me and I pull the helmet off slowly. Her red hair comes free and her anger-flushed face makes my dick stand to attention. Something about getting this little woman all mussed up makes me happy. And horny as hell. I carefully lift the shoulder pads off her and my gaze lowers to her tiny white tank top. She isn’t wearing a bra and her tits look incredible through the thin material. Throwing the shoulder pads down, I run my thumbs over her nipples. Nat gasps then groans and holds onto my shoulders for support.
Smirking, I slide my hands down her hips to the edge of the shorts and lower them to the ground. My eyes widen a little when she steps out of them and I see she’s wearing a small white lace thong. White lace thong to match her tiny white tank, I’d say. I suddenly want to swallow hard, run my hands down my face and yell, “What are you doing to me?” I feel like I have no control with her. To me, that says there is something different about her. Something I want. But the question is, would I know what to do with her once I had her?
I’ve never been in love. I love people. I mean, I love my brothers and Trick. I love Ceecee and Tatiana. I love my mom and sisters. Hell, I even love the girls in a way, but I don’t know anything about it. I’ve only had one relationship and it lasted a whole week. She wanted things I couldn’t give her. When she told me she loved me, I was almost ill. All I could think of was when my mother would tell my father she loved him. I could tell a person I love them even if I’m not sure what it is, but would it be fair? What does a person in love actually do? I’ve seen Nik both lose his mind with worry and get shot over love. Is that something I want?
Fuck, no.
Everyone talks about love like it’s this fucking magical thing. All I’ve seen come from love is devastation, worry and heartache. Okay, so Nik and Tina are the exceptions, but all my memories tell me different. I think if I could love, I’d love someone like Nat. But that’s if I could. And I can’t.
My hands span her hips and I look up at her through hooded eyes. Her full lips are parted and her gaze is fixed on my pajama pants. Without asking, she steps back from me and walks over to the refrigerator. I watch her firm and curvy ass in that thong and the need to chase her comes over me. Before I react, she opens the freezer and takes out a tub of ice cream. I smile.
I like the way she thinks. Dirty, dirty girl.
She surprises me by putting the ice cream in the microwave for a minute. I’m officially confused. My eyes narrow and I glare at her.
I want to fuck, not make some strange goopy shit from ice cream.
Once the timer dings, she removes it and smiling, hands it over to me. She walks back to the kitchen and gets a spoon and all I can think is is she fucking serious? I’m not hungry for ice cream!
My eyebrows rise to the hilt when she stops at the edge of the counter, removes her tank to reveal her gorgeous tits and kneels on the hardwood floor. She places the spoon in her mouth and with a smile, begins to crawl over to me.
Oh, I changed my mind. I really want that fucking ice cream.
I thought the sexiest thing I’d ever seen was my come dripping out of Nat’s pussy. I can’t believe she topped it in only a few days. Watching Nat crawl in only a little white lacy thong over to me across the hardwood floor… I’m about ready to embarrass myself by coming like a teenager. I’m leaking enough pre-come to show through my pajama pants, but I don’t care; this is so fucking sexy and I’m likely to never get a show like this one again. I’m going to enjoy this.
When she reaches my knees, I let her take the lead. She places the spoon onto the coffee table, looks up at me through hooded green eyes and whispers, “May I suck your cock please, Asher?”
My head falls back and I groan. The sexiest thing just got sexier. If she asked me to give her a million dollars right now, I’d be robbing a bank in twenty minutes flat. This hold she has on me, it’s not good. I don’t like feeling out of control, but she has this way of making me feel in control, even though I know she’s the one running this show.
Fuck, she’s good.
I nod and she crawls forward, in-between my knees, opens the ice cream container and sets it on the coffee table. I watch in awe as she reaches into my pajama pants to pull my cock free. She grasps it firmly and runs her thumb over the head, smearing pre-come over and around it. My stomach clenches. She tugs the bottom of my tee. I take her hint and pull it over my head, throwing it to the side. Her hands move from my cock to my groin then slide up my stomach to my chest. I like her hands on me. When she touches me, I forget about the scars, because when I look at her, I see it in her eyes; her anger on my behalf. Not her pity.
Breathing heavily, I close my eyes and lift my head. She kisses her way down my chest leaving behind a wet trail. She places a long wet kiss under my bellybutton and I feel it like an electric shock through my dick. Her mouth leaves me for a moment and I feel something cool and wet on my cock. I look down to see Nat licking melted ice cream off me. With slow, long strokes of her tongue, she cleans me then starts all over again. My balls tighten. Placing my forearm over my eyes, I say hoarsely, “If you keep doing that, I’m gonna come, girl.”
Nat lifts her mouth off me long enough to respond, “This is only round one, baby.”
With that being all the permission I need, my control breaks. I sit up straighter, lean forward to grip the back of her neck and tell her, “Taking over, pretty girl.”
Gripping her hair, I pull her closer to me and lean back against the sofa. Holding her head steady, I slowly thrust into her mouth, being careful not to gag her. For someone with a sharp tongue that spits acid words, her mouth is actually a bit small. Her eyes are closed and I know she’s enjoying this as much as I am. The need to control rushes over me and I demand, “Touch yourself.”
Moaning around my cock, she reaches down between her legs and rubs her pussy with the heel of her palm. My spine tingles. Won’t be long now. Her perfect mouth is smeared with melted ice cream. “So dirty. My dirty girl. Fuck. I love your mouth, babe,” I whisper hoarsely.
The vibrations of her moans drive me over the edge. I thrust deeper into her mouth and move my hands to cup her cheeks. My body tingles in bliss and as my balls tighten, I tell her, “Coming on your tits, pretty girl.”
As soon as the first contraction of my orgasm hits, I pull her head back and stroke my cock over her chest. Looking down at her puffy red lips and hooded gaze takes me there. I stroke myself hard and fast and spurt my cream all over her chest, groaning all the while. Nat swipes her hand across her chest then brings her hand to her mouth, licking it up.
Standing on clearly wobbly legs, she says, “Shower,” then walks down the hall. I hear the shower turn on and smirking, I lift my light body off the sofa and follow the sound of Nat’s hypnotic humming.
Pajama parties. We should do ‘em every night.
***
&
nbsp; After he used his mouth to make me come in the shower, Ash made me wear the damn shoulder pads and padded pants to bed. I refused to put on the helmet. There’s no way I’d be able to sleep like that!
We spent a minute or two arguing, but he gave in, stating he was too tired to deal with my bullshit.
I win!
Once we settled in bed, which was hard because of all the extra shit I was wearing, my mouth spoke before I had a chance to stop it. “I know you don’t like to talk about it, but if you ever want to talk about what happened to you, I’m actually a good listener.”
The hand that strokes my hair stills a moment before he resumes petting me like a kitten. “It’s fucked up. You sure you want to hear it?” he says quietly.
My eyes widen and I whisper, “Yeah. But only if you want to talk about it.”
Silence. He sighs then starts, “Dad was always careful not to burn my arms because teachers would notice.”
My body stiffens at his admission and my heart shatters to a million pieces.
This is worse than I thought. The state of his scars makes it look like he’d been in a horrific accident. Now knowing he got each of those scars over multiple occasions… My heart is broken. How can someone do that to their own child?
He doesn’t say anything for a long while, then he quietly admits, “I don’t want to talk about this right now. It might bring on a nightmare. Let’s just see if tonight goes well, then…”
He doesn’t have to say anything more. I get it. Now that I know where the nightmares stem from, I definitely don’t want to push him to say any more than he wants to.
Turning my head to the side a little, I kiss his chest. “Goodnight, Ash.”
I close my eyes and hear him whisper, “Night, babe.”
Then I pray that tomorrow will come easily for him.
Chapter Eighteen
Them stupid fucking feels
Someone is trying to undress me. And I’m so tired that I actually don’t give a shit.