“No, okay? God, I want to kiss you all the time,” he exploded, glaring at her. “Even when no one’s around. Especially when no one’s around. You’re so—”
He was going to say ‘aggravating’ but was abruptly cut off as she grabbed him and kissed him, with more passion than even the night they’d almost been hosed down by Charlie. His hands worked their way into her hair and she threw one leg over his waist to straddle him as their kisses became more heated.
“Oh, god, Miriam,” he groaned into her neck, and she made appreciative noises as one of his hands slid down her back to cup her ass. “We should – this is a bad idea.”
“No, it’s not,” she assured him, leaning back to stare at him. “It’s the best idea ever. Take off your boxers, please.”
Jake sighed. “I’m going to regret this,” he muttered, rolling them both over so that she was lying back against the pillows. He turned onto his back and scooted away from her. “But I think I’d regret it more if we kept going.” He was torn – on the one hand, he really wanted this to happen, although he’d prefer it be under different circumstances. Sober ones would be nice. On the other hand, he found himself terrified at what might happen if they actually went through with it…she could wake up in the morning and be angry at him, reject him. He couldn’t handle that possibility. Better to stop before things went too far and he said or did something he couldn’t take back.
“I don’t get it,” Miriam shook her head, trying to clear the boozy, aroused haze that surrounded her. “Why – what’s the problem?”
“This is just…not how this should go,” he tried to explain, feeling exhausted. “You deserve better than drunk, half-awake sex in the guest room of the last girl I slept with. You deserve to be taken out someplace nice by a guy who can afford to do right by you – not be screwed by some loser who can barely take care of himself.” He could have said more – he could have told her he loved her and wanted to make her feel special, and that he was scared about what might happen…but the words didn’t come, because Jake Perry was a damned coward.
Miriam glared at him. “So that’s it? I don’t get a say in this at all?”
Jake shook his head. “Not this time.” He sighed. “Look, I’m not saying never, but...not now. I couldn’t, in good conscience, take advantage of you–”
“Who’s taking advantage, here? This was my idea!” she snapped, annoyed.
“–and I’m not in a place right now where I can be what you need – you deserve better,” he continued.
She made a sound of disgust. “You have no idea what I need or deserve, then.”
“And I don’t think we should…pretend anymore,” Jake finished glumly. “I just...after tonight, I don’t think it’s a good idea. I can’t do it anymore, Miriam.”
Miriam rolled over to face the bathroom and ignored him.
Chapter Sixteen
If anyone noticed the tension and overall weirdness between Miriam and Jake after Spring Break, they didn’t let on. With only six weeks left until finals, graduation was looming, and everyone was preoccupied with their own drama.
Damian was trying to secure a job with the small accounting firm he’d been an intern with for the past three years, and while Fink’s employment in his father’s company was already guaranteed, he was working on a proposal to obtain a higher-level position within the firm.
Miriam had stopped coming to Mack’s for lunch back in January due to her student teaching schedule. This had bothered Jake, although at least he could rationalize that not seeing her for an hour each day really wasn’t that big of a deal since he saw plenty of her at night, and it wasn’t like she was skipping their lunches because she wanted to; she had to spend all day at the high school because of student teaching. Now, though, her absence hit harder and made him angry. If his coworkers noticed he was surlier than usual during his shifts, particularly on his lunch break while he ate alone, they kept it to themselves and didn’t say anything to him about it; during the few hours each day that Charlie came in, however, Jake would find his boss watching him closely with a trace of sadness.
Jake wished wholeheartedly that he could have handled things differently that night in Austin – he could have been completely honest and told Miriam he felt like he might be in love with her, and that it terrified him. He’d gotten scared, though, and used their inebriation as an excuse. He hated himself for his cowardice – he’d been afraid to change things between them, but despite his efforts, things had changed for the worse. With the way she was completely ignoring him these days, he had probably lost her forever, even as a friend.
Miriam had thrown herself into student teaching – the choir director she was mentoring under would be retiring come June, and with the current assistant director uninterested in a promotion, Miriam felt she might have a shot at the position if she continued to impress the school’s administrators. Not wanting to put all of her eggs in one basket, though, she was interviewing in districts all over the Metroplex each week – her Friday afternoons were reserved for interviews and advisor meetings.
One Friday evening in April, Miriam was about to head out the door in a casual but pretty blue sundress and white cardigan sweater, her hair artfully pulled back and her face lightly made up, when Fink asked from his place on the couch, “Hey, where are you going all gussied up like that?”
“Yeah, we’re about to order a pizza,” Damian told her, glancing at his phone. “I was supposed to meet up with Shannon tonight, but she had a last-minute client show up in tears – something about her thighs? I don’t know.” Less than a week after their return from Austin, Damian had met Shannon at the gym. She was a personal trainer, very into sports, and she didn’t put up with Damian’s womanizing ways; he’d had to agree to the possibility of an exclusive relationship before she’d go out with him on a single date. He’d reluctantly deleted the majority of his contacts list – the equivalent of burning a little black book – and now they were happily in a relationship.
Jake said nothing, as he silently channel-surfed from his corner of the couch.
“I can’t – I have a date,” Miriam replied breezily, bending to adjust the strap on one of her sandals.
That caught Jake’s attention. “What?” he asked, trying to contain his feelings so that the other guys wouldn’t pick up on it. “A date? With who?”
She rolled her eyes. “Tucker,” she replied vaguely, patting her hair.
“And who, pray tell, is Tucker?” He gritted his teeth. Damian and Fink appeared to remain oblivious to the open hostility in his tone.
“Tucker Davis. He’s a pre-cal teacher; we eat lunch together at school,” she glared at him.
“I know that name,” Damian muttered to himself. “But I don’t know how or why…”
“A math geek, huh?” Jake snorted. “I bet his students give him wedgies.”
“Yeah, I don’t think so,” Miriam’s eyes flashed. “See, he’s also the head football coach – he played professionally for a few seasons after college, before he decided to become a teacher and went back for his master’s here at UNT a few years ago – in fact, he’s been Teacher of the Year for the last five years straight.”
“Geez, how old is this guy?” Fink piped up, finally rejoining the conversation.
“Thirty-six,” she shrugged offhandedly. “Old enough to be a mature adult and to know what he wants,” she added snidely, for Jake’s benefit. He refused to show as much as a wince at her dig.
The doorbell rang, and Miriam quickly opened the door to a guy who could easily take down all three of her roommates. Tucker was rugged and burly, with thick, short, dark brown hair and a neatly trimmed beard. He was easily taller than 6’4”, dwarfing Miriam and towering over most of the roommates – Damian was the tallest at 6’3”. He appeared to be around two-hundred-fifty pounds of pure muscle. Jake disliked him on sight, even when he greeted Miriam with a bouquet of white daisies – he knew she preferred roses, but damned if he’d tell this beast tha
t.
“Well, you look awfully pretty – I thought these flowers were nice, but they’re about to wilt out of shame with you looking like that,” Tucker drawled. Of course, he had an accent – really, how could he not? Jake wondered caustically if Miriam would even come home tonight. He knew he was being irrational – he had no claim on her. He’d chickened out and made her feel rejected, and he’d done nothing since then to show her otherwise, feeling that it was a lost cause. Now she’d run into the arms of another man, and he’d probably lost the chance to do anything to get her back...not that he’d had her in the first place.
“Thank you, Tucker,” Miriam replied sweetly, taking the flowers from him. “These are my roommates, Damian, Fink, and Jake. Guys,” she made a special point of singling out Jake with her eyes, “meet Tucker Davis.”
“It’s nice to meet all of you,” Tucker told them amiably. “Miriam says such nice things about y’all at school.” Jake had a feeling he was just being nice by including all of them in that statement – he highly doubted Miriam had anything good to say about him these days.
“Holy crap, did you know you’re Tucker Davis?” Damian’s eyes bugged out. “As in the Dallas Cowboys’ Tucker Davis? I’ve seen you play, man; you’re amazing!”
“Well, thank you, Damian,” Tucker grinned. “I appreciate your enthusiasm. That was a long time ago, though; I’m just coaching high school pigskin now, and teaching these kids a thing or two about math. Still fun to get recognized, though!”
“It’s great to meet you, Tucker!” Fink had jumped up from the couch to shake the man’s hand before he took the flowers from Miriam. “I’ll just put these in water for you.”
“Have a great time!” Damian waved excitedly, and Jake steadfastly ignored them as Miriam led Tucker out the door. As soon as they heard her key turn in the lock, Fink rounded on Jake. “Did you sleep with Miriam?” he demanded angrily. Damian had gotten up from the couch and now stood next to Fink with his arms crossed over his chest, matching his stance.
“What? Of course not!” Jake shouted.
“Well, then, what the hell is going on with you two?” Damian asked exasperatedly. “Because ever since Spring Break, it’s impossible to be around you both. We’ve tried to ignore it, hoping it would go away, but you’re both so hostile to each other!”
“I even called Libby to ask if she knew anything, but she said Miriam just gets angry and defensive whenever your name is mentioned and she won’t discuss it. So what happened?” Fink stared him down.
“It’s none of your damned business,” Jake growled, standing up and making an attempt to get to the door.
“Bullshit,” Fink replied, heading him off. “If it’s not a hook-up gone wrong, it’s still something, and it’s making life here unbearable.”
“Even Shannon has picked up on it the couple of times she’s hung out with the group, and she doesn’t really know either of you!” Damian pointed out, blocking the exit. “So, out with it. Maybe we can still fix it before somebody has to move out.”
“She came on to me in Austin and I turned her down,” Jake gritted his teeth. “She’s mad because she thinks I rejected her. How are you going to fix that?”
“I don’t buy it,” Fink shook his head. “Why would you turn her down? It makes more sense that it would be the other way around, and even then, it seems…unlikely.”
“Yeah – explain,” Damian ordered.
Jake sighed. He hadn’t told anyone what had happened on their last night in Austin. “We were both drunk on the last night of the trip. She came on to me, I said no – because I’m a decent guy, by the way! I told her she deserves better than some drunken one-night thing, or anything I have to offer. And I said that we had to stop pretending to be something we aren’t. She’s mad because I didn’t let her try to sway me.”
“Actually, it sounds like she’s mad because you obviously want to be with her, which anyone can see, even her, but you’re too busy wallowing in self-pity to try to make it work,” Fink corrected him.
“She does deserve better,” Jake argued. “I can’t take care of her the way that Tucker guy can – I can’t even take care of myself. We graduate in a month and I have no idea what I’m going to do afterwards. It doesn’t matter that I’m in love with her – I’m a total deadbeat!”
“You, uh – you love her, huh?” Damian noted. “Does she know that?”
“I didn’t tell her,” Jake admitted. “It would’ve just made things worse. Especially if she doesn’t feel the same way about me – she never even said she had romantic feelings for me. She might’ve just wanted a one-night thing.”
“Well, to be fair, she was pretty far gone that night,” Fink reasoned. “And so were you. Not the best time for a heart-to-heart talk.”
“No, really?” Jake asked sarcastically. “I thought it was the best possible time.”
“You need to get past your issues, man, before it’s too late,” Damian advised him. “That guy Tucker seemed like a good dude, and she obviously likes him.”
“So if you want any chance at something with her – even if it’s just salvaging your friendship – I’d step it up, and quick,” Fink added.
Jake didn’t feel very hopeful.
***
It was the last week of actual classes before finals – only two more weeks until graduation – and Jake was at Mack’s as usual, studying behind the bar. He’d submitted his final papers, but he had to do well on his exams if he wanted to finally walk across the stage. His mom and Carl, newly engaged, were coming up to see him graduate, along with Leah and Marley. Terrence, Shoshanna, and Granny Wells would be driving up, too, to join Fink’s parents and Miriam’s parents. He groaned, willing Miriam’s name out of his head.
“What are you working on over there?” a voice called. He glanced up at Holly, a redheaded regular who always seemed to show up right before his shift ended so she could flirt with him and try to get him to go out with her. Holly was hot; there was no question about that, but Jake just couldn’t muster up any real interest in her. He’d actually gone out with her a few times since Spring Break to try and get his mind off of the mess with Miriam and the stress of his impending graduation, but he’d never gone home with her – he could only fake so much interest before it got to be too much effort.
“Hey, Holly,” he greeted her, pasting on a smile. “How’s business?” Holly worked as a massage therapist around the corner. She had worked hard to build her own business – anytime she wasn’t with a client, she was out on the street passing out flyers and business cards. She was good at her trade, too – he went to see her professionally at least once every few weeks, more often now that he was so stressed about Miriam and graduation. She usually offered him a discounted rate “just for being a sweetheart” – he knew it was just another way for her to flirt with him, and he felt a little bit guilty for taking advantage of her that way, but it wasn’t like he had a lot of money to throw around, even to take care of himself. He wasn’t Fink.
“It’s good,” she grinned. “Good enough to go out tonight and celebrate – I feel like a change of scenery. Want to have dinner with me at Sweetwater?”
“We compete with Sweetwater,” he reminded her, annoyed. “I’m not giving them my money.”
“My treat,” Holly amended, her green eyes bright.
Jake sighed. “Yeah, okay. Let me go home and change – I’m hot as hell in this sweater.”
She winked at him. “You sure are!”
He groaned loudly. “Ugh – really, Holly?”
She just shrugged and smiled. “I’ll see you at Sweetwater in an hour, babe!” She left, and Jake grabbed his jacket – it had been much chillier when he’d walked to work that morning, giving him the crazy idea that he needed to wear a sweater and a jacket, even at the end of April – and headed home himself.
***
Jake had gone the extra mile and showered – even thrown on some cologne – before changing into once of his nicer tee
shirts and the fitted jeans he’d bought in San Marcos over Spring Break. He rolled his eyes as he made his way down the stairs and encountered Miriam and Tucker on the couch. Tucker was showing her something on his phone – Jake could tell just with a brief glance that Miriam was genuinely bored out of her mind but was trying to hide it. When she saw him, though, she huddled closer to him and giggled. “That’s so cool, Tucker!” she exclaimed, clutching his arm. “I never knew exactly what a linebacker did! Thanks for showing me that video – seeing you play with the Cowboys is really...enlightening.”
“Well, honey, I’m glad you think so,” Tucker drawled, grinning down at her. “Now, how about getting some dinner?” He finally noticed Jake, who was scooping his keys off the coffee table where he’d left them when he’d walked in. “Oh, hey, there, Jake – what are you up to tonight?”
“Got a date,” Jake replied smoothly, belying his annoyance at the man’s presence in his home, and he enjoyed seeing Miriam’s bright blue eyes pop and her expression darken.
“That’s great,” Tucker smiled sincerely, and Jake lamented the fact that he really couldn’t hate the guy – he was smart, funny, and could certainly take care of a woman, which is really all he wanted for his friend. Had he not felt a certain boiling rage every time he saw the guy near Miriam, he could’ve been really happy for them both. “Is it serious, or just a casual thing?”