want to hate your mum.” Despite her words, Alex had tears streaming down her face and I reached up to wipe them away. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tightly to my chest,
“I will,” I said.
For the rest of the week, Alex and I were virtually inseparable. She came over after school every day and we spent lunch times together.
“What time tomorrow?” I asked Alex on Friday.
“Six,” she said. “I was thinking we could grab something to eat at Subway first.”
“Sounds good,” I said. We spent the rest of lunch in silence. Friday afternoon passed slowly as did Saturday. Eventually five o’clock on Saturday arrived. I was making my way toward the lounge room when Mum looked up from her TV show.
“Where are you going, Selena,” Mum called. “It’s barely five o’clock. You can’t be going to bed already.
“I’m not. Alex and I are going to the movies, remember.” I yelled back as I reached my room and if Mum replied, I didn’t hear her. I’d decided what to wear on Wednesday and I looked over my evening outfit as I put my hair into a bun to stop it getting wet while I showered. Wearing only a towel after my quick shower I ran back into my room. I slipped my clothes on whilst pulling my hair out of the bun. I was brushing my hair and thinking about how to wear it when Mum called me.
“Selena, Alex is here!” I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair shaped my face beautifully, so I decided to wear it out loose. Alex grinned at me as I came down the stairs.
“We’re just going to catch a movie,” I said to Mum. “I won’t break my curfew.”
“See you later, Mrs Harris,” Alex said as we walked out the front door. It didn’t take us long to reach Subway. Alex queued for our subs while I snagged a table for us in the back of the restaurant.
“So what movie are we going to see?” Alex asked as she placed the tray with our food and drinks on the table.
“Charlie St. Cloud,” I replied as I unwrapped my chicken and salad sub.
“Oh good,” Alex said. “I’ve seen the trailer for that and it looks really good.”
“My cousin saw it last week and texted me to say I had to see it,” I told Alex as she took a bite of her meatball sub. The subs were so yummy that we ate in silence for the next few minutes.
“Where is the cinema?” Alex asked as she took a sip of water.
“It’s just across the road,” I said as I pointed. Alex was sitting with her back to the window and twisted around to see where I was pointing as I swallowed the last of my sub. I took a sip of water before using a napkin to wipe my face and hands.
“I’m finished,” Alex said. “What about you?”
“Yeah, let’s go,” I said as I offered her a piece of chewing gum and gathered our rubbish to throw in the bin on our way out.
It was starting to get dark as we crossed the road but there were still plenty of people around. It was the same in the cinema, with the queue for tickets stretching almost to the door.
“I’ll grab some drinks while you get the tickets,” Alex said. She started to slip me some money but I shook my head.
“My treat,” I said. Alex grinned.
“I’ll pay for the drinks then,” she replied. I watched her walk to the drink counter for a second before joining the ticket line.
“Can I have two tickets to Charlie St. Cloud?” I asked as I reached the front of the ticket line ten minutes later. I passed the guy at the ticket window a fifty and he handed me my change with the tickets. I found Alex waiting for me by the stairs.
“We are in cinema two,” I said as I exchanged my ticket with Alex for my drink before walking upstairs. Cinema two was the first one we came to on the right. Alex followed me to the middle of the theatre.
“The main reason I wanted to see this movie is because Zac Efron is in it,” Alex said as we settled into our seats close to the wall.
“Do you like Zac Efron?” I asked.
“Don’t you?” she replied. I shook my head.
“The only movie of his I’ve seen is High School Musical,” I explained. The lights suddenly dimmed and Alex went quiet. My mouth became dry as I was suddenly all too aware that Alex was less than fifty centimetres from me. Feelings that I’d only felt once before came to the surface and I stared straight at the screen, refusing to turn my head until about halfway into the movie. I sensed Alex looking at me and when I turned to look at her our eyes met. She smiled and I felt myself relax slightly. I smiled back and tried to focus on the movie but Alex reached up and gently cupped my left cheek with her hand. The smile dropped off my face. I froze as she leaned closer, her breath warm against my ear.
“Will we ever say the words we're feeling? Reach down underneath and tear down all the walls?” she whispered. “Will we ever have our happy ending? Or will we forever only be pretending? Will we always be pretending?” I knew the song she was quoting immediately. I had watched Glee often enough. I had wished I had Lea Michele’s talent often enough. Her hand moved down my face to my chin. Slowly, allowing me time to pull away she leaned even closer to me. Our lips barely grazed but my body felt starved for her. My hands reached up to her face and I returned her kiss. Suddenly the realisation of what we were doing hit me. I pulled back, my eyes, which had been closed during our kiss, snapped open. Alex opened her eyes too and looked at me with confusion but I couldn’t speak, I just ran out of the theatre and home as fast as I could.
I ran upstairs to my room without saying anything to Mum and locked my door. Stripping off my clothes, I pulled on pyjamas before crawling under the covers. This is where I stayed for the rest of the weekend but I didn’t sleep. I just laid in my bed with the kiss running through my mind over and over. Mum knocked on my door several times but I ignored her. Alex came over on Sunday and spent an hour trying to get me to talk to her but I just put the pillow over my head.
I had planned to skip school stay in bed on Monday too until Mum threatened to take my door of the hinges if I didn’t unlock it. So, I dragged myself to school and managed to avoid Alex. At lunch time, I escaped to the music room for solitude. My fingers automatically began to play my favourite song, Conor Maynard’s Glass Girl, on the piano. As the sweet notes filled the room I began to sing, which is something that I had never done outside of my bedroom. I was soon lost in the song and it wasn’t until I had finished that I realised Alex was standing in front of me.
“You didn’t tell me you could sing,” Alex said. I shrugged and put my hands into my lap so she couldn’t see them shaking.
“You didn’t ask,” I managed to say, even though my throat felt as if it hadn’t had water for a year. Alex moved around the piano and sat down next to me. I immediately stood up and walked away.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” she said. “Why?” Her hands seemed to be moving instinctively as they lifted the cover on the piano and began to play the song I had just been singing.
“I’m not like you. I’m not gay,” I said. “I can’t be.” Alex kept playing while she looked at me.
“Why not?” she said simply.
“Do you know why I spend so much time in the music room?” I challenged. Alex seemed confused at the change of subject but she rolled with it.
“No, why?” she asked.
“Because I lost my best friend Tammie and music makes me feel better.” I continued, “Tammie and I had been best friends since I was four years old, then last year we got drunk together in my room. One thing led to another and she kissed me. I don’t know if I enjoyed the kiss because I was drunk or what but I did. Anyway, my mum caught us and she was furious!”
“What do you mean,” she said finally, in a tone that suggested she knew exactly what I meant but she didn’t want to admit it.
“My mum hates homosexuals,” I said. “That’s why you and I can never be together, not like that anyway.” Alex was silent for a few minutes as she digested this new information.
“Your mum doesn’t make your decisions for you,” Alex replied and I looked away.
<
br /> “I kind of want to keep my mum in my life,” I said. “Even if it means hiding part of myself. Even if it means never being with someone I love.” Alex stroked my shoulder urging me to look at her.
“Why does she have to know?” she whispered so softly that I had to lean in to hear. “Keeping secrets is what teenagers do.” And then she kissed me, softly and sweetly. She pulled back and looked into my eyes.
“You don’t have to tell her that we’re anything more than friends,” she said. I sat down at the piano bench. I was confused, part of my mind was whispering that I should walk away but then, why shouldn’t I take a chance? Smiling, I turned to Alex and kissed her.
“Isn’t your mum suspicious about all the time we’ve been spending together?” Alex asked a couple of weeks later as we were hanging out in her room.
“I think I’ve managed to convince her that you’re just a friend,” I said. Alex laughed for a second before falling silent.
“I wish you didn’t have to lie to your mum,” she said as I looked at her.
“If I told my mother the truth, she’d split us up,” I said. “She’d chuck me on a plane to my aunt in Western Australia.” Alex frowned.
“How do you know she would do that?” Alex asked. I glanced at her before looking out the window.
“Well, she threatened to do that last year when she caught me with my friend Tammie,” I said. “The only reason she didn’t was because I promised