Chapter 23
The day of the party was beautiful. The sun was sparkling in the sky and the rain we’d had a week ago had made everything green.
“Perfect day for Pony Camp,” said Charlie, pulling on her jodhpurs. She was still mad with me. I could tell. For one thing she kept avoiding looking at my face. I was determined to show her I didn’t care, that she could be as immature as she liked. I wasn’t going to be bothered.
“Perfect day for a party too,” I said, a little bit snarky. “Even better with harbour views.”
“Huh,” she said. “We’ve got river views.”
“I hope you have fun,” I said, and I genuinely meant it, no matter how mean she was being. I felt kind of righteous inside, like a misunderstood saint. The day was beautiful, I was going to Sydney, and even though Charlie was mad with me for no real reason that I could see, I was friends with Dad again. It was easy to be nice. Maybe this was my gift of love Ness talked about. “I really do. I’m kind of sad to miss it. Is anyone going to ride Cupcake?”
“Pfft,” said Charlie. “Like you care. Someone will ride her. It just won’t be you.”
“I hope they’re okay to her,” I said, still righteous and forbearing.
Charlie made an exasperated noise. “She’ll be fine,” she said. “She’s been great for ages. You’re not going to be there so you don’t have to pretend to be concerned about it.”
I nearly lost my cool with her then and there and was just about to tell her that I had every right to be concerned, that if anyone was going to be concerned about it, it should be me because who else had spent all those hours in the round yard with her and that I hope you don’t ride Cupcake because honestly, I don’t think you two are compatible at all but I was interrupted before I could begin.
“Coco,” yelled Dad from across the shed. “Are you getting ready to go?”
“Better get my stuff,” I said to Charlie in a huff. “We’re heading off in ten minutes.” I grabbed my clothes and put everything into an overnight bag. I was going to get changed before the party—there was no point in sitting in the car for two hours getting sweaty and crushed.
It had taken me two whole days to decide what to wear. I had pulled my suitcase up onto my bed, taken everything out and then laid out as many different combinations of shirts, pants, shorts, skirts and dresses as I could think of. Mum laughed when I told her I calculated that with six pairs of pants, twelve tops, seven dresses, nine skirts, three pairs of shoes and eight basic accessories I had about 108,000 possible outfits to choose from. (I’m sure that’s not realistically true though. I mean, that would mean one of the outfits would simply be a pair of shoes or earrings and nothing else, which would be extremely high on the ‘ick’ factor.)
Anyway, I’d tried on look after look and taken selfies on my iPod with my arm right up high so I could just about see the whole outfit in the one shot. Charlie refused to help me. She was reading a horse book Tessa had lent her.
Finally I settled on some pointy toed flats and a dress I’d bought just before we left Sydney. I’d only worn it once, which was definitely not enough because it was gorgeous—a pink toned cotton dress with roses on it and a bow at the back. Perfect for a peasant style hairdo. Or a low messy bun. Or, actually, a whole bunch of other hairstyles. It occurred to me that perhaps I should have upped the calculations to literally a million different looks, based on adding in the hair possibilities.
“That looks great,” Dad had said, as I swirled in front of him. “Perfect. I’m sure you’ll have fun. There are parents going to be there, right?”
“Yes, Dad, don’t worry! It’s all good,” I said.
“Is Alexandra going to be there?” he said.
“Alexandra?” I said. “Who’s Alexandra?”
“You know, that friend of yours who I met once or twice.”
“You mean Samantha,” I said. I gave him the half roll but it was friendly. “And it wasn’t just once or twice. It was like 20 times. She was always over at our place.”
“Oh,” he said. “Really?” His voice trailed off. “I guess I was thinking about something else every time... but I’m sure I’ll recognise her when we see her.”
I don’t know how many times my dad has been wrong in the last ten months, but he was wrong again this time too. He had no idea who the girl was who was waving and—there is only one accurate word for it—simpering at us, when we finally pulled up outside Saffron’s house in Vaucluse late in the afternoon.
The really surprising thing was that I didn’t recognise her myself. Samantha had been an average-height blonde with straight, long hair when I had left. This girl was tall, willowy and a brunette. And she was wearing clothes that looked they’d walked straight out of Teen Vogue and had been all grunged down to prove a point. But then she smiled and straight away I knew it was her.
“Helloooo Pumpkin,” I said, jumping out of the car and heading towards her for a hug. She smiled and then wavered. I was confused. Did we not hug now? She answered my question by giving me an air kiss on one cheek, and then suddenly moving to the other side for a second. She patted my shoulder briefly and then broke away.
“Coco! Look at you!” she said. And she was. Looking me up and down, that is. Top to bottom. And without a happy expression on her face. “You look so... sweet. That’s great. It’s nice to see you back.” She wrestled a smile to her face. “Come on in. I’ve been sitting out here waiting for you.”
I waved at Dad. “Later. I’ll call you, okay?” He waved and drove off and Samantha and I turned towards Saffron’s Very. Very. Very. Impressive. House. The walls were white, the gates were silver and the garden looked like it had just been vacuumed.
“Does she seriously live here?” I giggled. “This is incredible.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty good,” said Sam, shrugging. “We always come here on weekends.”
She pressed the intercom button, waited for a second and said, “It’s me, Sammi. She’s here.”
The gates swung open automatically and we went through. I took a deep breath in and clutched Samantha’s arm. “I’m so excited. This is how life is supposed to be. Parties, friends and in the city! I feel like I’m back.”
Samantha smiled. But it was a dim smile. And it was right then, exactly at that point, that I began to get nervous.
If there were two words to describe Saffron’s house, apart from ‘impressive’, they would be ‘big’ and ‘white’. Everything was white—carpet, walls, ceilings, furniture, blinds, cushions, vases, flowers—everything. The kitchen was white and shiny. The main lounge room was white and furry. The only things that weren’t white were a huge black chandelier and the view. This house had serious harbour views.
I followed Sam out onto the balcony. Just like the front yard, it looked like it had been dusted and polished by a team of gardeners, all with obsessive-compulsive disorder. All I wanted to do was give big, round-eyed gasps about the house, but Sam just kept walking as though it was nothing special, down the steps and out to where a group of people was standing beside the most sparkly, diamond-white swimming pool I had ever seen in my life.
I couldn’t help myself. “Wow.” It popped out of my mouth involuntarily. And then it happened again. “Wow.” Because just at that moment, the group of boys and girls parted and I saw Saffron.
She looked as shimmery as the pool behind her. Her blonde hair was glowing in the sun and her clothes looked like they’d been flown in from fashion heaven exclusively for her. Immediately I could see that Sam’s look was a sad copy. Beside Saffron was Tiger Lily, now with flaming red hair and an outfit that was all Rock Chick meets Glam Princess but with hipster overtones.
“Hey you guys!” I said warmly. I felt almost teary with happiness. “It’s so great to see you.”
Saffron stepped forward. “Coco,” she said with outstretched hands. She came towards me and air kissed both my cheeks. “You’re here.” She stepped back and did
the looking up and down thing like Sam had already done. There was a look in her eyes I couldn’t quite read.
Tiger followed Saffron out of the group. Her eyes also gave me the once over. “I see you’ve decided to go retro.” She pursed up her lips. “That’s... cute.”
My smile shrivelled up. I had to fight the look of horror that wanted to replace it. My dress was wrong! And I hadn’t seen it until this second. How could I have been so stupid? Of course styles were going to change. I mean, I had been away for practically a whole year. Even if wearing a dress had been the right thing (which it clearly wasn’t), this was completely the wrong dress. The roses were the wrong size and the colours were glaring. When I looked at my feet I saw that my shoes were wrong too. Everyone else was in roman sandals or teetering on platform heels. Pointy-toed flats were definitely not being worn this season. I nervously clenched my fists and stretched my fingers and that was when I saw a smirk come over Tiger Lily’s face. I looked down at my hands to see my worst nightmare. There was dirt under my nails.
I might have turned then and there and run away, except for Isabella. She shook off the boys around her and came out to hug me, wobbling on heels that were higher than a small stack of books.
“Coco!” she said. “You’re here! When Saffron told me that you’d be coming, I was so excited! It’s been so long since we saw you. How was the school! Did you ever get put in solitary? Was it really strict? Are you back now? Will you be coming back to school next year? You’ve got such a great tan, I can’t believe it!”
I smiled her a weak ‘thank you’ with my eyes and accepted the hug gratefully. “Um, it was good, it was okay,” I said. “I’m not quite back yet, but nearly.”
She slapped her forehead. “Oh, I should have asked. Do you want a drink? Some food? I brought these amazing lime and chilli chips. Have you had them before? My mum got them from the Italian grocer. They’re like, practically calorie-free. Soooo good.”
“Let’s all go and get a drink,” said Saffron, and Isabella shrank back a little. Saffron still had a very odd look on her face. “I need something to refresh me.”
She led the way up the stairs, through the balcony area, into the white fluffy lounge room and all the way through to the enormous kitchen. Even in our old house in Randwick, which had a pretty big kitchen, I had never seen so much shining, clear counter space in my life.
The kitchen was empty, apart from food laid out on one section of the bench. Something seemed to be missing. The group was talking and laughing behind me and I turned to Isabella and asked, quietly so no one else would hear, “Is Saffron’s mum here? Who’s doing the food?” Isabella looked at me puzzled. “She’s never here when we come over. Saff doesn’t let her stay.” She pulled my arm. “Look, here are the chips. They’re low-fat so you can have a few at least.”
I nibbled on a chip. “Yummy,” I said. They were good. But the lime and chilli flavour didn’t take away the uncomfortable feeling in my stomach.
“So, how was your school?” said Saffron, suddenly whirling around to face me. “It must have been incredible!” She put a lot of emphasis on the word incredible. “Did you learn everything about riding? Make heaps of friends?” She smiled at me and for some reason it reminded me of the smiles of the air hostesses on the plane when we had a family holiday to Fiji a few years back. All mouth, no eyes.
“Oh, it was okay,” I said. I was nervous, trying to bluff. “I did some riding. But there was no one there like you guys. I’ll be coming back to school next year, probably as a boarder.” I grabbed a piece of sushi. “Um, are there drinks?”
Tiger Lily gestured to the fridge. “Help yourself,” she said, shrugging. I opened it but all I could see was beer. I looked around, confused and then noticed that all the boys were holding cans in their hands. The girls were drinking from cups, but it didn’t look like it was lemonade. I’m not drinking that, I thought. I didn’t think this would be that kind of party. Now what am I going to do?
I could feel prickles of sweat breaking out across my shoulders. I could hardly close the fridge and not have a drink now, having asked for one. Thankfully, at the last second, down on the very bottom shelf, I saw three bottles of mineral water and a can of creaming soda.
I hate mineral water, but I despise creaming soda more so I grabbed the least bad choice and shut the fridge.
“Just mineral water?” said Tiger Lily, laughing, but not in a good way. “This is a party, right?” She walked up to the fridge, grabbed a beer and opened it in one swift seamless motion. Even Dad couldn’t have done it like that. Then she swigged it and held it out to me. “Want some?”
I shook my head. “I’m good for now, thanks,” and gave a nervous laugh. “Heh heh.” I turned away so she wouldn’t see the red in my face. It wasn’t so much from embarrassment as from confusion. I’d been expecting more fun and less, I don’t know... attitude? Somehow it wasn’t feeling like a party. Maybe my friends just hadn’t warmed up to me yet.
And anyway, surely it couldn’t get any worse?
Ha.
It was at that point that the doorbell rang.
“Oooh, they’re here,” gushed Saffron, plunging for the door. Before she turned the handle she looked around at the group and I saw a knowing glance and secret smile pass between her and Tiger. “Hey everyone, here’s Darcy!”
When I heard his name all my arm hair stood up at attention and I suddenly couldn’t breathe. Of course. Darcy. How could I have forgotten? This was the moment I’d been waiting for, for nearly a whole year. My imagination went into overdrive. Maybe this would be the moment I fell in love across a crowded room, just like in the movies. If it was going to happen, I was ready. Although I kind of wished I wasn’t wearing the so-very-obviously-out-of-fashion pink dress. Even jeans would have been better. But it was too late to worry about that because the door opened.
And in walked Darcy.
Or maybe it wasn’t.
I squinted my eyes and furrowed my eyebrows. Was that him? He was a dark-haired boy and he swaggered across the room, letting Saffron give him a giggling kiss on the cheek and hugging Samantha. But it couldn’t have been Darcy, because for some reason I recognised him. I’d seen him before, and not just in a photograph. My mind had to tick a few beats before it worked out where. And when the answer finally came I had to seriously control my mouth from giving a very loud yelp.
Darcy was Dee. Arrogant, good looking Dee from the horse ride. The one I’d drooled over. The one who’d creeped out Tessa and made her cry. The one who James had warned off, and told me to stay away from.
I felt wobbly. Like I’d had my chair pulled out from under me. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. Dee was Darcy? Darcy was Dee? Where was my dreamboat from the photograph I’d seen? Where was my hero from my Jane Austen novel?
But I had more important things to think about than Jane Austen right now. Darcy/Dee was heading to my end of the room and I didn’t want to talk to him. Not until I’d figured out a plan of attack. I tried to hide behind Samantha and an armchair (white of course) and look like I was casually not there. But it didn’t work.
Darcy saw me.
And he came right over to me.
And then it was like one of those ads on TV where they slow the action right down and the audience slowly watches the orange juice fall or the car crash into the truck or whatever disaster it is that they are showing as if there’s nothing else happening in the entire world right that millisecond.
Because everyone was watching Darcy. And everyone was watching Darcy watch me. I could see a look of recognition come over his face.
“Hey,” he said. But it wasn’t a nice ‘hey’. It had lots and lots of meaning in it. He opened his mouth slightly and kind of caught his lip between his teeth and then let it go. Slowly.
Then he smiled. But it wasn’t a nice smile. (This was beginning to be kind of a theme.) It was a smile with lots and lots of intention in it.
“Hey. Coco, right?” he said.
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I nodded. Slowly. Miserably. Embarrassedly. (And yes, I know that’s not a proper word but it really should be.)
“You’re into horses, right?” he said. He grinned wider. It wasn’t a nice grin. “I bet you’re good at riding. Just like your friend. Tessa, isn’t it?”
I didn’t know what to do. My heart was racing. This was not good. This was all wrong. I kind of squeaked a reply but I don’t even know what it was—maybe a ‘yes/no’ combination which may have turned out to be a ‘yo’. But it didn’t seem to move him. He just stood there, still looking at me.
Before now, I had never realised that being looked at could be creepy and gross and icky. I suddenly needed to go to the bathroom and wash something. Anything.
“Um, gotta go,” I said. I quickly squeezed out from behind the armchair and passed Samantha, who was now hanging off Darcy’s arm, and ran down the hall looking into door after door for the bathroom.
It was the seventh door on the left, if you can believe that. And it was so perfectly gleaming white I could just about see myself in the tiles. But I wasn’t in the mood to check out my appearance. My head was spinning. I had to breathe. A lot. I felt ill, grossed out and mortified. My great come-back had turned into a great big fail. I was wearing the wrong dress, I was drinking the wrong thing and I was reacting the wrong way to the most popular boy in the room.
Pull yourself together, I scolded myself. This is all part of being popular. You’re just obviously out of practice and they all just need some time to warm up—I mean, they haven’t seen you for like, nearly a year. And you can avoid Darcy for now, at least until you figure all this out.
I took a few deep breaths and opened my eyes really big a few times in the mirror, just in case any extra tears had collected there, ready to spill out at some inopportune time. I shook myself a little, straightened my dress and sorted myself out.
“Come on Coco. This is a party. You can be fun, witty and beautiful. You belong here,” I said, but quietly, just in case anyone was walking too close to the door outside. “Make it work.”
I walked back down the hallway towards the lounge room. The door was open but the sound seemed different. When I’d fled, five minutes before, people were laughing and talking and clinking their drinks. Now it was quiet.
Completely quiet.
Which was weird.
It’s nothing. They’ve all probably just gone outside, onto the balcony or something, I thought. I’ll go and look out there.
I took a few steps forward and then I heard a ‘click’ behind me.
Which was also weird.
I turned around to see Darcy standing with his back against the door. He was grinning. Kind of. It was less of a grin and more of a leer.
“Cute dress, Coco.”
“Where did everyone go?” I asked.
“Does it matter?” he said.
“Um, yeah,” I said, anxious. “I just want to find the others.”
“They wanted us to get to know each other,” he said, shrugging. “They’ve headed outside.”
“I want to go too,” I said. My voice went high. “The view is good.”
“They said you were part of their group,” he said. He took a step closer to me. “Just my type.”
“I don’t know anything about that,” I said, looking around nervously. “Come on, let’s go outside.”
“Stay here with me,” he said. “Let’s sit down.”
He grabbed my arm and headed towards the couch and in a flash all I could see was Tessa in the bush, crying, and Darcy’s thunderous face and James’ tight lips and I knew that James had been right. I should stay away from this guy.
“No!” I shouted and kicked him in the shins. Pointy-toed flats might not have been in fashion, but they obviously had some bite because he was so surprised that he let go of me, swearing and holding his leg. I nearly turned and said sorry but then I realised that would be stupid so I ran to the door leading to the outdoor area. I gave it a few hard pulls and then realised it was locked so I fiddled with the clips and bolts and, just as Darcy was getting up again (with the same angry face I’d seen before), I flipped it open and ran outside.
I’ve got to find Sam, I thought desperately. She’ll know what to do. Things can’t get any worse than this!
Which is, as I’ve said, time and time again, an incredibly stupid thing to say. Because every time I do, things seem to get worse.
A lot worse.
When I ran out onto the patio, my friends turned from their conversations and stared at me. I looked back at them. And then I realised. They did not have welcoming looks on their faces.
Tiger Lily, especially.
“So. Did you like Darcy?” she said, stepping forward. “Have fun in there?” A trickle of laughter went around.
“What?” I said.
“You heard me. Did you have fun with Darcy? Because you were really into him a year ago. So we thought we’d set it up for you.”
I blinked a couple of times. And then I looked at Samantha for help. “Do you know...?” But my voice trailed off because she looked away from me. Deliberately away. And then I saw that everyone else was watching us. Like something big was about to happen.
I heard Isabella’s voice, half-hearted and quiet from behind me. “Don’t do this to her,” she said. “Come on.”
“Why not?” said Tiger Lily, still clear and loud. “She broke the rules.”
“What?” I said. I was confused and terrified and trapped. “No... no I didn’t.”
“Yes. Yes you did,” said Tiger. She was mocking me. Saffron came to stand beside her. Her voice was much more reasonable.
“We let you into our group,” she said. She sounded soothing. Almost nice. “We made you popular and beautiful.”
“...yeah, even though you’re not that pretty,” said Tiger Lily.
“And then,” Saffron shrugged, “you broke our rules. And you lied to us.”
I tried again. “I didn’t...” but I knew I did.
“Really? You didn’t?” said Tiger Lily. “What’s this?”
She pulled out her phone and held it up to my face. There was a photo on it. Of me. In gumboots. Covered in mud. In Kangaroo Valley.
“That was you who took that picture that day? I didn’t even see you.” I said to Tiger Lily.
“Your sister did though,” she said. “What did you think? That no one would ever find out you were lying to us? You’re a nobody. I mean, really, Kangaroo Valley?”
I was still looking for help. Even in unlikely places. “Sam? You told them?” I half whispered it.
“Sammi had nothing to do with it,” said Saffron. “She’s out of the picture.” Now her voice was cutting and clear.
But Samantha stepped up. Her voice was extra-sweet. It kind of reminded me of when she told me that purple didn’t suit me.
“It wasn’t my idea to lie in the first place,” she said. “I just wanted to do the best by Saff and Ti and the others.” She looked around at them. “If you can’t be a true friend and do what you’ve agreed to do, then you kind of, you know, get what you deserve.” She shrugged. “I’m sorry, but you’ve brought it on yourself.”
I felt like the world was spinning. These were my friends. Dropping me. In public. I was still trying to get my head around it and my body wouldn’t cooperate. I chewed my lips, stood on one leg and then the other, shrugged my shoulders, adjusted my posture and looked around me from side to side. My eye caught a movement. It was Darcy coming out onto the balcony. He winked. I shuddered and nearly retched.
“She didn’t want to play with me,” he called out to Saffron as he walked down to the pool, making a face like a surprised child.
Saffron made a face at me. It was elegant and beautiful, but it was still a face. “Oh dear,” she said. “You won’t drink, won’t play and you look terrible. I’m afraid you’re not good enough for us.” She shrugged. “Although really, you never were. You were always our sympathy makeover person. We were a bi
t bored and we wanted a project so we picked you. But now we’re dropping you.” She tilted her head. “Sorry.”
She turned away and went to giggle in Darcy’s ear. But my lecture wasn’t over yet. Tiger Lily stepped forward.
“By the way, if you ever come back to St Agnes, we’ll be making sure you’re a lot worse off than that fat loser Shannon. She changed schools, she was so miserable. But we know people where she goes now, so I made sure they heard about her. It’s not going to end.” She shrugged. “I guess the point is, you can’t come back here. Looks like you’ll be living in Wombat Hole forever.”
“Kangaroo Valley!” I said. It was through tears. I couldn’t help it. They were running down my face. I can’t believe this is happening, I thought. Surely I can still change it.
“But you were so keen for me to come tonight,” I said, pleading.
“We lied,” said Saffron, smiling, still hanging on to Darcy’s arm.
“Fair’s fair, right?” said Tiger Lily. “I mean, you lied to us first.”
“Oh, and by the way?” said Darcy. “You probably really need to do something about your teeth. I wouldn’t actually want to kiss you. Kind of gross.” He screwed up his face and looked down at Saffron. “You, on the other hand...”
Everything had hurt, but the crack about my teeth hit me low in the stomach. I couldn’t breathe, I could hardly see through tears and I felt like doubling over to protect myself. How can I get out of here? I thought. I need to get out of here. But it wasn’t over yet. As I turned around, looking for an exit I felt hands on my back, pushing me. The pressure was firm, and then stronger. I couldn’t resist it and my whole body had to move. And then I was toppling and tossing and falling.
Right into the pool.
I swallowed water and came up, coughing, spluttering and panting for breath. It’s nearly impossible to breathe when you’re crying at the same time. I rubbed the water out of my eyes and looked up and that was when I heard it. Everyone was laughing. At me.
There was no way to salvage any of this. It was over. I climbed out of the pool and ran, tripping over, dripping water through the house, heading out the front door. In the front yard I scrabbled in my bag for the phone Mum had given me. At least that hadn’t gotten wet. Inside I could hear them laughing and high fiving and turning up the music.
I dialled Dad’s number and paced while the connection was made. Everything always is so slow when you’re desperate to escape. I manically tried to wipe the drips from my hands off the phone, but I had nothing dry to soak them up with and I was about to start crying all over again when Dad’s voice came on the line.
“Dad?” I sniffled, gulping like a fish. “Dad? Can you come get me? Please.” I burst into tears.
“Coco? Is that you? Are you okay?” he said. His voice was worried.
“I’m okay. Just come get me right now. Right now!” I said, snuffling and sobbing and gasping for breath.
It takes 13 minutes to get to Vaucluse from Bondi, and those 13 minutes were definitely the longest of my life. I didn’t want to wait on the street because I was worried about creepy people who might hurt me, but I’d just come from a party full of creepy people who had already hurt me so I couldn’t wait inside. In the end I sat next to the gate, trying to hide behind a bush, and cried and cried.
At one point Isabella came out with a towel and half heartedly handed it to me. “Here you go. Just to get the water off.” She stood awkwardly, waiting for me to finish.
“Thanks,” I said. I could hardly look at her.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I actually always liked you, but…” She shrugged and gestured with her head but I ignored her and there was nothing else to say so she went back in to the party.
When Dad finally arrived I fell into his arms. His hug was strong and a huge relief.
“What’s going on?” he said. “Are you okay?” He made a move to go inside. “Where’s everyone?”
“Let’s just go, just go.” I said, pulling him out onto the street and away from the front door. Away from the ugliest house in the world. “Where’s the car? We have to go.”
“You’re wet.” He looked down. “You’re soaking. Did someone hurt you?” I could hear the concern in his voice.
“No, not hurt.” I said. I was desperate to leave. “I’m okay. I just fell in the pool by mistake. It was just...” I shook my head. “I don’t know... embarrassing.” I saw a question in his face and I shook my head. “No. I can’t talk about it. Please. Let’s just go.”
He hesitated again. “Are you sure? Shouldn’t I speak to the parents? Do they know what’s going on?”
“No. I just want to get out of here,” I said. “Please Dad. Talk to someone later if you have to. Just not now.”
“Okay,” he said. He looked towards the door one last time and then his face made a decision. “Okay, let’s go.”
We got into the car and sat there for a minute. My dress made the seat wet. It was going to be a long uncomfortable drive. I put on my seatbelt.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.
“No,” I said. “I just want to go back to the farm.”