Chapter 27
Thankfully the next time I woke up it was in a hospital bed. My leg was in plaster, my finger was attached to a pinchy wire thing, a needle was sticking in my arm and there was stuff going beep beep beep around me. But the sheets were clean, there was a telly on in the corner and nothing hurt.
Best of all, Mum was there, looking worried and hovering over my face.
“Oh Mum!” I said. “I’m so sorry.” And it was weird. You’d expect me to be crying or feeling bad but I was on top of the world. I gave her a Cheshire cat grin. “I shouldn’t have run away or gone riding in the middle of the night. I didn’t want you to be worried. And I’m sorry that I ended up here.” My mouth couldn’t stop smiling. “This is really weird. I should be feeling bad but I’m just really, really happy. Hee hee.”
“That’s the morphine,” said Mum. I desperately wanted her to go in and out of focus like in the movies so I blinked a few times but she stayed herself.
“You’ve been a terrible worry,” she said, smiling and shaking her head. “I nearly called the police last night and I was planning your funeral. I thought you’d been taken by a fox or eaten by a wombat or something. Or lost your brains and gone wandering and fallen into a dam and drowned.” She patted my hair. “As it is, you’ve just broken your leg and cracked two ribs and you’ve got heaps of bruising all down your side. You’ve been in surgery and you’re in recovery. But don’t worry! You’re smiling because of the drugs.”
“No, I’m just smiling,” I said and gave a little, involuntary giggle. Maybe it was the drugs. But I still felt like smiling. Because Mum was there, because I wasn’t stuck out in the dark and the cold, because I was dry, because I was alive.
And of course, I was smiling because James thought I was beautiful.
I’d have to think about that some more, I decided. But not now. A bit later on. I was suddenly feeling very sleepy. And happy. And drowsy. And relaxed. Definitely later on. My face felt heavy and just as my eyelids hit my cheeks I noticed a definite fade out on mum’s face.
“Excellent,” I thought. “Finally. Some soft focus.” And I promptly fell asleep.
Out of hospital and without the happy drugs, the rest of the recovery wasn’t quite so fun. For a start having a leg in plaster is heavy. And itchy! All I wanted to do was stick a knitting needle down the inside of it and give everything a good scratch but every time I tried it Josh told on me. “Mu-um, she’s doing it again.”
I’d stick out my tongue at him but I couldn’t leave quickly (crutches are really slow) so I ended up having to stay in the same space and actually listen to him talking to Dad about the house and the ideas they had for the property.
“If we can possibly maximise the value of the rides and get more people coming, that would solve a lot of the financial issues,” Dad said, frowning in thought. “But somehow we have to add value.”
“You could always do rides at night,” I said, laughing. “Even though it wasn’t the greatest ride of my life, it was still really beautiful out there. You’ve obviously just got to watch out for wombats and water...”
Both Dad and Josh stopped, turned and looked at me. “That’s a really good idea, Coco,” said Josh. He looked slightly shocked. “You should actually think about that, Dad.”
I smiled.
Because it was really hard to go down to the paddock on crutches, Mum offered to bring up Cupcake to see me every afternoon.
“It’s okay,” I said to her, nuzzling her nose, the first time she came. “It wasn’t your fault. I was the crazy one for making you go out at night. I’m sorry for getting you into trouble, and I hope you weren’t too scared when you ran home by yourself.” She nickered reassuringly but took another carrot as if to say that I still owed her a few favours.
As I had to spend so much more time around the shed, unable to walk, I ended up helping Mum out in the kitchen most days.
“I finally got in touch with the dentist,” she said one night as I was peeling carrots. “He said he doesn’t usually bleach teeth before you’re 16. The teeth have to be mature enough, apparently. If you don’t mind, I’d rather you wait until then. I just don’t want to do anything that’s going to wreck them. You’ve got such a beautiful smile.”
“That’s okay,” I said. “I guess I can wait. But it’ll be the very day I turn 16, okay?” and I flashed her a toothy grin.
“The very day,” she said. And she gave me a hug. “Oh, sorry, I forgot. I know those bruises hurt.” But I hadn’t pulled away in pain so I lifted up my shirt to check.
“Actually they’re looking fine,” I said. A little bit yellow still. But not the dark purple and deep red they’d been for two or three weeks after the Great Midnight Ride. I’d taken some pictures of them on my iPod and couldn’t believe it when I looked back at them.
I’d also made up with Charlie. She was normally really quick to forgive me. In fact, I don’t think we’d ever had a fight last for longer than a day but after the Truth or Dare fiasco with Tessa she’d been really upset.
At the hospital she’d had two main emotions. The first was relief that I was okay, but the second was determination to not let me think I was off the hook.
“Way to cause a fuss,” she said, coming up to the side of my bed. I was still all hooked up to wires and tubes. “You really outdid yourself, even by your standards.”
I looked at her. My smiley drugs had worn off and I had gotten back my ability to feel bad.
“Yeah, I guess.” I said. “Charlie, I’m really...” but she cut me off.
“You know, I love you more than anyone in the world. Okay, maybe not more than Mum. But I definitely love you second. And when you love someone you have to tell them when they’re in the wrong,” she said. She looked worried. I didn’t know what to say and plus my ribs were really aching so I just had to lie there and listen to her.
“Ever since we came here you’ve been... I don’t know. Just a bit of a snot. Like you’re too good for everyone. Too good for our family. Too good for Tessa and James. And then when you said that thing to Tessa, I just...” She was almost crying. “I don’t know. I was really embarrassed. Because you’re my twin and I would hate for anyone to not like you. And she was so sweet about it afterwards. She even said that she’d overreacted. But I could see she was really upset.” She shook her head. “I just don’t understand it. You’re not that person. You’ve always been fun and kind and nice. Where did that come from?”
“I don’t know,” I mumbled. I shrugged. “I didn’t mean...”
But the reality was that I had meant it. And the longer I listened to Charlie, the more ashamed of myself I felt.
“I know you’re not supposed to say stuff like this in hospital,” she went on. “I just want us to be friends again like we were but I have to tell you the truth.”
“I guess I’ve been jealous of you,” I half-whispered. My wrist was going pain-crazy. But maybe it was heart pain and not body pain. “You’re so... you know... great.”
Charlie looked at me like I was nuts. “Are you for real?” she said. “You’re jealous of me? But you’re the beautiful one. And you’ve always had more friends and fitted in better. I look like nothing compared to you.”
“But you’re so nice. And everyone loves you. And you win at everything,” I said. But it felt pathetic.
“I will admit that I can run faster than you,” she said. “But it’s hardly something that’s going to change my life. Or yours. And I’m not really that much nicer than you. I get grumpy too. Maybe the difference is that I go in wanting to like people.”
“I guess,” I said, and I felt bad. “I’m really sorry.”
Charlie smiled and hugged me. “Oops, I’m sorry, I nearly pulled out this thing,” and she tugged at the wire in my arm.
“Stop it. You’re going to kill me. Do you want to be responsible for the death of your sister?” I said, but I was smiling.
“I don
’t think I’d do a better job of that than you’ve already tried,” she said. But she was laughing.
Making up with Tessa was easier than I had thought. I was fully prepared to go and explain how wrong I had been and how bad I felt but she waltzed into my hospital room with flowers and chocolates and photographs of the horses the next day as though she didn’t even know what Truth or Dare was. I hugged her—genuinely—and then I saw James behind her. For about only the second time ever I saw him give a real, proper, full-sized smile when he saw me. As I’ve said before, James has an extremely gorgeous smile. And, as I was finding out, it has an extremely good effect on my mood.
I smiled back. And then felt slightly giddy and giggly. Actually, it was nearly as good as the drugs at taking the pain away. Who needs morphine when the boy you like walks into the room? I asked myself. Perhaps they needed to give me something to help me breathe though, because as he came closer I found myself running out of oxygen.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” I answered, which wasn’t the world’s greatest reply, but I figured he would probably give me some slack, seeing as how I was recovering from major surgery. “Sorry about puking on you. Like, twice.” I made a face at him.
“Well, technically once. But there were two lots of puke, that’s true,” he said. “Still, I guess it can only get better from this point, right?”
“I guess,” I said.
“I mean, it can’t get much worse...” he began, but I cut him off.
“Stop! You are not allowed to say that!” I said.
“What are you talking about?” he said, smiling at me like I was crazy, and then he looked at me with mushy eyes and I looked back and it was so, so like I was starting to float off on a cloud that I almost couldn’t bear it and I had to press on a bruise to bring myself back down to real life. “Owww.”
“Are you okay?” He looked so worried about me that I almost laughed out loud.
“Yeah, I’m fine. It just hurts a bit, that’s all.”
“Well, be careful. Don’t move that way,” he said, and he turned around to the rest of the people in the room. “Get her another pillow. She needs to rest.”
For the next two weeks James was what could only be described as a clucky hen. He came to visit every day from early in the morning until past dinner time or whenever Ness would phone him to tell him he needed to Get Back Here. Now. The Stables Need Mucking Out. Today.
When I finally got discharged and sent home, all we did was talk. We talked about him, about me, about horses, about nothing, about everything. He told me about how he’d liked me the very first time he ever saw me (which I found hard to believe, but I wasn’t about to dispute it) and how he’d tried to not show it because he was pretty convinced that I despised him. I tried to tell him that it wasn’t true, that I’d also fallen in love with him that day in the paddock, but I was making a new effort to tell the truth about everything and the fib just wouldn’t come out of my mouth.
“I think I started to like you, really, that day that I first showed you all I could ride,” I said and he laughed. He laughed at almost everything I said now, whether it was funny or not. And he was hanging around the shed endlessly. Tessa and Charlie had to tell him to go away if they wanted to talk with me. I’d let him go, but reluctantly, and I always wanted him to come back. He made me happy. He made me feel like a real person, like someone who was valuable. He made me forget about getting dumped, and how silly and small I felt from all of that. And because he held my hand and told me every day all the things he liked about me (and believe me, there were a lot), I didn’t have a single doubt about what I should do when I got this text from Sam a month later.
Hey Coco, wassup? How’s the pig shed and the boy next door? Sometimes I miss u. Sammi. PS. We dumped Isabella. Talked too much.
I looked at it, scrunched up my face, and then pressed the code to block her phone number. I didn’t need that kind of aggravation anymore. The friends I had now were real friends. People I could trust. People I actually did like.
Yeah, okay, they didn’t dress well. But that could be changed... well, at least it could in Tessa’s case. I had decided at first that I wasn’t going to do any more makeovers because of Charlie telling me I’d been mean, but when Tessa begged me to show her how to do her eye shadow I just couldn’t resist. And when she tripped over a pile of clothes that I told her I was about to give to the thrift shop, she pounced on the dreaded floral dress.
“Can I try that on?” she said. “I love it!”
“Too many bad memories for me,” I said. “But it actually really suits you.” And it was true. She looked amazing in it.
There was no changing James’ appearance though. He was still attached to his Cuban heels. “They belonged to my dad. I like wearing them,” he protested when I mentioned that perhaps he should update his style. So I learned to look past them, right into his heart.
Finally, I made up with Dad. I was amazed one day when he came up to me asking to talk, and began with an apology. “I’m so sorry, Coco. About all of it. The truth is, I didn’t listen to you right from the beginning. But it probably goes back even further. I really didn’t even know you back in Sydney. I thought I did, but I’d missed the fact that you had grown up so much.”
But by this time I knew he wasn’t the only one to blame. “No,” I said. “I didn’t talk to you. I think we’re even.”
“But I should have done things differently,” he said. “At least talked to you about it over a longer time. It wasn’t fair just to pull you out of your life with a click of my fingers and bring you here.”
“It didn’t feel fair at the time, but Dad, I’m so glad you did. I never want to go back to that school. Or see those people again.” I made a face.
“If anyone pushes you in a pool again, you won’t be able to stop me,” he said. He was laughing, but I could see he was serious. “I’ll go in there and tell them where to go.”
“Oh, Dad,” I cringed. “You can’t do that. That’s even more embarrassing.”
“You think I care about that?” he said. “If people hurt my Coco, I’ll come and do something about it.”
I looked slightly alarmed. Was he threatening violence? I raised my eyebrows.
“No, I wouldn’t hurt anyone,” he laughed. “But seriously.” His voice got lower. “Make nice friends next year. Go to Pony Camp. Do stuff you’re interested in. Find some people who don’t do that kind of rubbish.”
“I’ll try,” I said. “I really will.”