Jodi. I’d have to call Jodi.
I didn’t want to. I knew she’d be able to figure out what was going on. She’d see through my lies. Know that Jamie and I had a thing going. That I was aiding and abetting a man cheating on his fiancée. Actually, make that past tense. After this incident, I doubted Jamie would want to lay eyes on me again. Not that it was my fault.
The night had been so perfect. Jamie, opening up, sharing his soul. But tomorrow had come with a vengeance and now he looked at me with scared, mistrusting eyes. As if I were the girl who was ruining his life. It wasn’t fair.
I flipped open my cell phone to call Jodi, then remembered there was no reception out here. I looked around the police station and saw an antique-looking pay phone tacked to the wall. I rose and walked over to it.
It cost me a dollar fifty in change for three minutes. Jodi picked up after two and a half rings. “Hello?” she asked in a suspicious voice. I’m sure the caller ID area code from deep in the desert confused her.
“Jodi, it’s me.”
“Maddy? Where the hell are you calling from?”
“Um, a little town called Calla Verda. About two hours east of San Diego.”
“What on earth are you doing there?” she asked. “Richard’s looking for you. He said he tried to page you fifteen times yesterday.”
Oh, great. I knew I should have changed the battery on that pager. My once brave idea of leaving it dead because I didn’t feel I should be kept on an electronic leash now seemed pretty lame.
“I told Alicia at the assignment desk that I was going to the desert to work on a story,” I said defensively.
“And you’re still out there this morning? When are you coming in? I can cover for you.”
“Um, actually, that’s what I was calling you about.” I explained the whole sordid tale. Well, actually not the whole sordid tale. I kind of left out the sordid part. The drug use and the almost-kissing-a-coworker-who-had-a-fiancée bits.
“So you’re stuck out there?” Jodi asked incredulously.
“Unless some wonderful best friend in the whole world comes to pick me up,” I cajoled.
Silence on the other end of the line. “Jodi?”
“Uh, sorry,” she said quickly. “But Maddy, how can I pick you up? I’m already at work. I can’t just leave. I’ve got a shoot in an hour with a woman whose carpet almost killed her.”
My heart plummeted. “O-oh. Oh-kay,” I said, my voice cracking. My one hope. My supposed best friend was turning me down.
“Sorry, Maddy. If you need a ride after work, I’d be happy to drive down—oh, Laura’s coming. I’ve got to go.” I could hear her set down the receiver and then the dial tone buzzed in my ear.
“I’m done filing the report.”
I hung up the phone and turned around to face Jamie. “I’m trying to get us a ride home,” I said. “But ever one’s at work.”
Jamie shrugged his shoulders. “I’m not going to be much help. All my friends are still in LA.”
“Jodi could pick us up, but not until after she gets out.”
“Well, then I guess we’re stuck here ‘til then,” Jamie said in a frustrated tone. “The cop said there’s a hotel down the road. I’m going to get a room and take a nap.”
“Oh, good idea,” I said, then realized I had no money to do the same. I’d left my wallet in the bike and used up all my change to phone Jodi. In fact, I didn’t even have enough money for breakfast. But I didn’t want Jamie to have to pay for me. He was already in a bad enough mood. The last thing he needed was a clingy girl. “I’ll, um, probably hang out here. Catch you later.” He looked at me strangely. “Here? In the police station?”
“Yeah.” I tried to smile. “They have great coff—” My voice cracked and the waterworks started. Dammit. I hated that. Why couldn’t I be brave for once? I cleared my throat and brushed away the pesky tear. “Great coffee.” I raised my cup of mud. “And you know how much I love coffee.”
“You’re not staying here,” Jamie said. “Come on, let’s find the hotel.”
“No. I’m fi—”
He grabbed me firmly by the arm and led me out of the police station, evidently insistent on taking control of our desperate situation. Which was fine by me, really.
It was still early, but the temperature outside had risen to a sweltering hundred and five degrees, if you believed the bank clock. Of course, it was a dry heat, the people back East would say. As if that made it any less unbearable. When it got to a hundred and five, heat was heat.
We walked down the street, passing biker bar after biker bar. I could see Jamie surreptitiously checking out the bikes parked outside. But most of these were dirt bikes to ride the dunes. None resembled his precious English Triumph.
The hotel loomed at the end of Main Street, its once cheery blue sideboards now peeling paint. We stepped on the creaky front porch and went inside.
“I’d like to rent a room,” Jamie said to the bored, gum-snapping blond girl behind the desk. She looked about fifteen.
“By the quarter hour, hour, or hour and a half?” she asked without looking up.
Jamie blushed. “How much for the day?”
The girl looked up from her magazine. Appraised me with critical eyes, perhaps wondering how I’d lucked out warranting so much time. Then went back to reading.
“Fifty bucks,” she said.
Jamie handed her a wad of cash. She punched a few numbers into the register and then handed him a rusty key.
“Room eleven. Third door to the right.”
We walked down the dark, floral-wallpapered hallway until we reached our room. Jamie slid the key into the lock and stepped inside. The room matched the rest of the hotel—dingy and decrepit. Dim lighting, peeling paint, and only a single double bed in the center of the room serving as furniture. There wasn’t even a television.
“Oh, I’d figured there’d be two beds,” Jamie said, appraising the room. “Sorry. Do you want me to get you your own room?”
So it was like that, was it? From telling me he was crazy about me, to wanting to spend fifty extra bucks just so he wouldn’t have to be in the same room as me. “It’s up to you,” I said with a shrug. “I don’t mind sharing.” I stepped inside the room and looked around. It seemed clean enough, at least. As long as I didn’t think about the lurid acts normally performed here by the quarter hour.
“I can sleep on the floor,” Jamie said, closing the door behind me. “I could probably sleep on a rock, I’m so exhausted.”
“Don’t be stupid. It’s your room. You paid for it. If anyone’s sleeping on the floor, it’ll be me.” Not that I wanted to sleep on the floor. I wanted to sleep on the bed. With Jamie. Preferably with his arms wrapped around my body, spooning me close.
But that wasn’t going to happen. Something had changed between us. The closeness we’d felt in our drug-induced haze had completely dissipated. You could tell he was dying to get away from me and was just being a gentleman because it was in his nature.
“Look, this is stupid,” I said. “We’re both adults. We can both sleep on the bed. It’s just sleeping.”
He nodded, agreeing without comment, kicking off his shoes and lying down. I went into the bathroom to wash up a bit and when I walked back into the room he was already fast asleep, his breathing slow and heavy.
I tried not to think of the close proximity of his warm, sexy body as I crawled into the bed beside him, resisting the urge to inch closer and seek comfort in his slumbering frame. Sure, it might give me comfort now, to press my body against his, imagining that he was mine, but in the end it would only lead to more heartbreak. Much better to hug a pillow, shut my eyes and try to sleep.
*
I woke up sometime later to the sound of a rhythmically creaking mattress coming from next door. Evidently one of the quarter-hour people had checked in. I rolled over in the bed to see if Jamie was awake. He was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. At my movement he looked over and smiled.<
br />
“Major action next door,” he remarked.
“No doubt.” It was just too bad there’d be no major action on this side of the wall. But, I realized, that ship had sailed.
“Are you hungry?” he asked, rolling on his side to face me. He propped his head up with his elbow, peering at me with his beautiful emerald eyes.
“Famished.”
“Think they have room service?” he asked with a laugh.
“Oh, yes. I’m sure. Probably caviar and champagne delivered to your door.”
“Hmm.” He scratched his chin. “I don’t like caviar. And I’m way too hung over to enjoy the champagne. I guess we should go out for lunch instead.”
I nodded. At least he seemed to be in a better mood. “We can get lunch and then head over to the town hall to look up those property records.”
He sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes. “Good idea. Forgot about that.” He stretched his arms over his head in a yawn/stretch and then turned to face me. “Maddy … before we go, we need to talk.”
I raised my eyebrows. We need to talk? Wasn’t that my line? Didn’t I, born a female, have exclusive rights to those dreaded four words? “Okay,” I agreed, bracing myself for the worst. I pulled my feet in a cross-legged position on the bed. Here went nothing.
“About last night. There was a lot said.” Jamie picked at an invisible spot on his jeans, not meeting my eyes.
“Uh, yeah. I remember.” Boy, did I remember.
“I … I guess what I’m trying to say is, well, I’m not sure where we go from here.”
A coldness washed over me and I felt like I was going to throw up. I’d been expecting the speech all morning, tried to mentally prepare myself for it, but the reality of it actually happening still made me sick. I’d been such a fool to allow myself to think that things with Jennifer might fall through and that someday he might be free to love me. To love me as I loved him. I had no one to blame but myself. I’d put myself in a situation where I could not come out the winner. I wasn’t the noble tragic victim. I was just pathetic and stupid and selfish and deserved everything I was about to get.
“And I didn’t want to give you the wrong impression, make you think …”
Still, I reminded myself, it wasn’t as if he were some innocent party. If anything, he’d started the flirtation. He’d told me last night he was crazy about me. And now he was trying to take it all back? What a bastard.
“I understand,” I said, even though I didn’t. “You want to be with Jennifer.”
“I am with Jennifer,” he corrected, only making it worse. “I’m marrying her in less than three months. I know I said there were some things between us that weren’t perfect, but really, that’s true with any couple, right? I made a commitment. I can’t just ditch her at the altar. I’m not that kind of guy.” He shrugged. “And I do love her. I really do.”
The words were daggers. “And what about what you said to me?” I spat out, not having the power to just get up and walk away, as my common sense strongly advised. “You said you were crazy about me. Just hoping to get in my pants, maybe?” My voice cracked with rage. “Nice. Real nice.”
I felt sick. Cheap. Used. Not the Madonna. Total, 100 percent whore. Thank God I hadn’t slept with him again. Not that it really mattered. Sex was just a physical act. The ache in my heart was much more serious.
“Maddy, calm down. I meant everything I said last night. It’s just that I shouldn’t have said it—do you see the difference?” He sighed. Deeply. “I can’t even tell you how much you’ve come to mean to me over these last couple weeks. You’re delightful, funny, sweet—I could go on and on. And I don’t want to lose you, either. But at the same time ...I can’t keep dragging you down with me. I’m trying not to be selfish here. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m so sorry. I wish things were different. But they’re not. And I feel terrible for leading you on in the first place. Making you fall for me.”
That did it. Fury slammed through my stomach. “Get off your high horse, asshole,” I cried, leaping up from the bed. “You think I’ve fallen for you? You’ve got to be fucking crazy!” I started laughing, realized my laughter made me sound semi psychotic. At that point I didn’t really care. “You know, Jennifer can have you! Not that she’d probably want you if she knew what a bastard you are! You go and cheat on her, and then expect to just walk down the aisle three months later. What a keeper!”
Jamie looked beaten. Truly beaten. Half of me wanted to go over and hug him and tell him everything was okay; the other, more sensible half, wanted to beat him to a pulp.
“What a prize you are.” I continued my rampage, settling for mental brutality over physical. “You said she was embarrassed by you? Well, I don’t blame her. You’re a burnt-out has-been. Pathetic. A real nothing. I wouldn’t marry you for all the handbags in Prada. And neither should she. Of course, she doesn’t know better, poor thing.”
“You’re not going to tell her, are you?” he asked, a scared expression on his face.
I drew in a breath. The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. But here he was, not concerned that he’d hurt my feelings. Just worried that he might get caught. It would serve him right. Leave him with nothing.
“Well, well. That’s for me to know and you to find out,” I threatened. And with that, I grabbed my shoes and made my exit, slamming the door behind me.
FROM THE DESK OF
THE CALLA VERDA ROADHOUSE
Dear Jennifer,
You don’ t really know me, but I’ve slept with your future husband. I wanted to write and tell you what a bastard he is.
Jen,
Remember how we shared dinner last week? Well, that’s not all we’ve shared…
Jennifer,
You know how some men have the Madonna/whore complex? Ever wonder who is Jamie’s whore?
Jennifer,
You don’ t like him anyway, so how about you go marry someone else and leave Jamie to me? I think Heath Ledger might be single again…
Hi Jen,
I’m in love with your husband.
Goodbye Cruel Word,
This may be my last will and testament after having my heart broken by an asshole named Jamie Hayes.
Chapter Eleven
“Jodi!” I cried, overjoyed, when at seven p.m. on the dot my bestest friend in the whole wide world walked through the doorway of the Calla Verda roadhouse.
The owner, a plump, motherly type with graying hair and kind blue eyes, had taken pity on me when I’d rushed in a few hours earlier, all tear-streaked and bawling. She’d cooked me lunch—didn’t even charge me—and I’d told her my story. She in turn told me that all men were bastards and that her third husband had beat her to a pulp before cheating on her, which actually made me feel worse instead of better. She even gave me some stationary to write Jennifer a letter, but after several attempts, I couldn’t bring myself to sell Jamie out.
“Hi, Maddy,” Jodi said, sliding into the booth across from me. “I got here as soon as I could.”
“I’m so happy to see you,” I gushed, not being able to help myself. Then I burst into a fresh set of tears.
Jodi glanced around. The bar had filled up since I’d first arrived and several biker boys were staring at me with frank interest. Jodi stood up and grabbed me by the hand.
“Let’s go. We can talk in the car.”
We walked to her vehicle, a Ford Expedition, big enough to hold her four dogs. And sure enough, she’d brought the pooches with her. When I climbed in, they all clambered to the front seat of the SUV to try to greet me, as if I were their favorite person in the whole world and they’d missed me dreadfully since I’d been gone. Their enthusiastic welcome and sloppy kisses made me laugh, and suddenly I felt much better.
“Guys! Guys! Cut it out!” I giggled as the Italian greyhound took advantage of her small size to crawl under the Great Danes and hop into my lap. I cuddled her in my arms and she licked my hand.
Jodi popped in the other side. “In the back,” she scolded. “Bad! Bad dogs! In the BACK!” With great effort she managed to shove them all backward, then closed the cage that separated the front seats from the rest of the SUV. The dogs whimpered behind the bars, as if having been sent to solitary confinement.
“They’re so spoiled,” Jodi complained as she turned the key in the ignition. “Sorry about that.”
“No problem. They’re cute.” I stroked the Italian greyhound who had somehow managed to escape the prison sentence.
“So tell me again, why are you out here in the middle of nowhere?” Jodi asked as she pulled out onto the main road.
“I was doing undercover work for that drug cartel story Miguel told us about.”
She looked over at me before turning back to the road. “And where’s Jamie?”
“Hell if I care where he is. I hope he rots in this backwater town.”
Jodi slammed on the brakes, causing me to lurch forward and bang my head on the dashboard. The dogs yelped their annoyance from the back.
“Ow!” I protested.
“Madeline Madison, you weren’t planning on leaving him here, were you?” she scolded.
“What are you, my mother?” I growled, rubbing my head. Though of course, if she were my mother, she’d be too busy shopping in gay Paris to give me a lift.
Jodi steered the SUV to the side of the road. “What’s going on, Maddy?” she asked. “Why are you mad at Jamie? I thought you guys were becoming friends.”
I shook my head. “What can I say? He’s a jerk.” I really, really didn’t want to tell her how stupid I’d been. How I’d had an affair with a nearly married man who, this afternoon, had informed me that he would never be leaving the wife-to-be. It was way too clichéd.