This situation made me furious, disappointed, it took myself to my limits and still I am remaining politically correct and diplomatic as always. Otherwise, I would have been lost from the very beginning. Dead man is always walking on a thin red line. It is the 4th degree of danger. Damn it.
But at the same time these feelings were overwhelmed by a great shadow, I am feeling powerless. And it hurts. Inside of me I am throwing myself here and there. I am walking on thin ice. Dead woman is walking instead of me. I am curious when it will all come crashing down. Scars usually remain for a long time.
Thousands of words, millions of associations, lack of sense in the whole chaos and I am looking for some emotions. Today I am not feeling much at all. I am feeling empty inside and outside of me. I left him and this will echo through all eternity. I am feeling a great nothing. I can see only blood in the snow and it seems only logical, that it is my own blood. Cogito ergo sum, I think, therefore I am. I suppose you can still see a shadow of me. Let me die. Let me rest in peace. There is nothing of me anywhere. I cannot live like this anymore.
Then I thought I needed one minute to notice him, one hour to judge him and one day to fall in love with him. Now, I need the whole eternity to forget him. I don't have so much time. I am dying now. I love him and I am dying.