I grimaced. “Yeah, well, I don’t think he has plans to do that.”
“If he cares for you the way Mr. Daniels cares for you, then he’ll shut up.”
It felt like forever since Daniel and Jake had left the cafeteria. And they didn’t return before the lunch period was over. I rushed toward Daniel’s classroom, my heart pounding out of my chest, fear almost eating me up. His door was closed, so I waited across from it as students walked past me, moving on with their lives. But I stayed still.
The door opened and Jake walked out first. I hiccupped when I saw him and rushed to his side. He looked befuddled and walked in a slow pace.
“Jake? Talk to me, please. What happened?”
He looked up to me, his eyes heavy with emotion, and he shrugged. “I think I just fell in love with Mr. Daniels.”
I laughed when I saw him smirk. “Yeah, it has a way of sneaking up on you.”
His brows fell. “You’re really leaving? Going back to Chicago?”
I nodded.
“Look, it’s not because of me saying I would make him pay was it? Because I didn’t know—” He paused. “I didn’t know another human being could care about someone as much as he does you.”
“It’s not because of you, Jake. It’s just life. Life is happening, and I’m allowing myself to happen right along with it.”
“I’ll watch after her,” he promised. “Hailey. I’ll sit with her every day. She won’t eat lunch alone.”
“Thank you, Jake.” I kissed his cheek.
“You’re welcome, Ashlyn.” He put the stress on my name. And I kissed his cheek again.
We burned together.
We burned for fun.
We burned in front of everyone.
We were the stars.
~ Romeo’s Quest
It was the night before she was heading back to Chicago. After school tomorrow, Ashlyn would be on a train leaving town. I stood near the dock with Gabby’s guitar, staring at the frozen water, my hands jammed into my jeans. Randy had been out to check on me a few times, but I’d told him I would be all right. I had to be. She would hate if I was anything but okay.
The gloom of winter dwelled on everything. I could see it in every breath I took. The music and mystery of the lake was silenced by ice. But the music in her delicate voice sang to me.
“Hey,” Ashlyn whispered, walking behind me. Henry had let her borrow his car to say goodbye to a few people. She’d said that she was only using it to come see me. Her eyelids were hooded. She hadn’t slept a wink last night either.
“Hey,” I smiled, turning her way. She had a box in her hands. My eyes shifted to the small bonfire I’d started up at the request of her. I laughed, “Man, you look hideous. So fucking ugly.”
She smiled wide. “Romancing—you’re doing it right.”
“This sucks,” I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck.
“I know…” We walked over to the fire and she opened the box. “Are you ready?”
I wasn’t. But I picked up my guitar and started playing, singing low.
May the winds be our friends, floating us home.
May tomorrows be the beauty where each soul goes.
“Ryan’s fake cigarette box,” she said, holding it up. She tossed it into the flames and we watched the smoke send off into the air.
May the journey be worth the ultimate death.
May the sweet memories of us never be put to rest…
When she held up the letters from Gabby, I cringed. “Ashlyn, are you sure?”
A tear rolled down her cheek and she nodded, placing them in the fire.
Fine lines between here and there.
Bursting flames ignite the air.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Angels, listen closely now.
I finished strumming on Gabby’s guitar and we stood there, watching the smoke move through the calming, chilly winds. Ashlyn reached into the box and pulled out two pieces of paper and two pens.
“What now?” I asked, moving over to her. She handed me a piece of paper and pen.
“In five years, where do you see yourself?” She looked down at the blank piece of paper. “Write it down. And after I go to college, after you start rebuilding this place…we’ll exchange our notes. Right where we started.”
“You’re so fucking dramatic,” I laughed and frowned at once. But I wrote it down and slid it into my pocket. She did the same.
“I better get going. But I’ll see you at school tomorrow?”
“Yeah. See you tomorrow.”
She stood still, staring at me. The pull of my soul brought me to her and I wrapped her in my arms. I looked up to the rosy-hued sky that was widening off in the far distance, and I tried my best to not let her go.
“I understand why you’re leaving. I understand you wanting to find yourself, you deserve that. There’s no one in this world that deserves to find themselves more than you. But if it’s okay with you, I would like to say everything that’s been screaming in my head for the next forty-five seconds. And when I finish, I want you to pull away from me, and walk toward your car.”
“Daniel…” she hesitated.
“Please? Please, Ashlyn.” Her stare found the ground and when she looked back toward me, she nodded. I stepped in closer. My lips met the edge of her left ear and I whispered. “I thought I made you up. I thought that I was living in a world of darkness and I imagined you into existence. That somehow my mind crafted you, placing you on that train months ago. But then I realized I could never dream of something so beautiful.
“You’re the reason people believe in tomorrow. You’re the voice that scares the shadows away. You’re the love that makes me breathe. So for the next few seconds, I’m going to be selfish. I’m going to say things that I don’t want you to listen to.” My hands ran up and down her back as I pulled her closer, feeling her nerves rocking throughout her. I kissed the edge of her ear. “Don’t go. Stay with me forever. Please, Ashlyn. Let me be your everything. Make me your golden. Don’t. Go.”
I pulled away from her, and felt guilty for her tears. She gave me a smile and nodded. Her footsteps toward the car were slow, and she turned back to face me. “You’ll be here? When I find myself?”
“Promise, promise.”
I walked into the school building to see Ashlyn laughing at her locker with Jake and Hailey. Walking past it, I saw pictures of watermelons covering it from top to bottom. I laughed right along with her as I watched Jake and Hailey mocking her with the pictures they’d clearly put up.
Ashlyn’s green eyes locked with mine and I felt my heart pound harder. She smiled and frowned all within two seconds before I looked away.
“That was the most romantic look I’ve ever seen in my life,” Hailey muttered to Ashlyn. I kept walking.
“No lie,” Jake muttered, “I think I just got a hard-on from watching you two.”
I laughed at that one, but I didn’t turn back. Because I knew if I looked back, I wouldn’t be able to let this happen. I would hold her against me and whisper, “Please don’t go.”
“Dan.” Henry walked over to me, a grim look on his face. “Can I see you in my office really fast?”
He was hurting knowing that Ashlyn was heading back to Chicago. It was bleeding out of his eyes. I knew the feeling.
We walked into his office and he closed the door behind me. Before I could sit down in the desk, I felt a hard fist connect with my eye. “Holy shit, Henry! What the hell was that?!”
“You fucking bastard! You used my daughter!” He swung again, slamming me in my gut. I whined in pain as the wind was knocked out of me. I bent over, trying to fight off the pain. “She’s my daughter!”
Another punch to the gut.
“My ex-wife called me, making sure everything was in place. Making sure Ashlyn was doing okay. But she was so worried.” He swung again, but this time I blocked it. “She was so worried about Ashlyn having to leave her boyfriend. And I thought to myself, ‘What boyfri
end?’ Ashlyn didn’t have a fucking boyfriend.”
“Henry, let me explain—”
He didn’t. “And then Kim recalls his name. She tells me his band’s name. Guess what it was?”
The office door opened with me on the ground and I saw Ashlyn’s face. Her mouth hung open and she stepped in quickly, closing the door behind her. Her eyes shot to her father and she stood in front of me as I stood up.
“Henry, look at me,” she said, putting her hands up in the air.
“Ashlyn, he used you!” Henry screamed, tossing his arms in the air.
I wiped off the bit of blood dripping from my mouth.
“No. No he didn’t.”
“You’re confused. You’d been through so much,” Henry sighed, running his hands through his hair.
“Dad, look at me,” she whispered, taking his hands into hers. “He saved me. If you have ever loved me, you will let me explain. You will listen to me, and you will not get Daniel into any trouble.”
He stood still, thinking of his daughter’s words. Then he turned toward me. “I never want to see you near her again.”
“Henry—” I started.
Ashlyn cut me off. “I’m leaving! I’m leaving, I swear. It’s over.”
Those words cut into me, and I wiped my hand across my brow, agreeing with Ashlyn. “It’s over.”
No such thing as a second chance,
Only first chances that never end.
~ Romeo’s Quest
She was gone. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t know what to feel.
Randy sat with me at the kitchen table and sipped on a beer. He hadn’t known what to say to make me feel better, and he didn’t try to make me feel better. “I’m sorry, man.” He lowered his head and shook it back and forth.
“Yeah. Me too.”
The back door to the house opened and Jace walked in. His eyes were bloodshot from tears as he slipped his hands into his jean pockets. There was a clear sign that he’d received a black eye from someone, and my gut twisted from looking at him. His lip was cut open, and he looked way too much like he had when I saw him the day Mom died.
“I asked Red to let me out.” His body shook with nerves and he laughed, shrugging his shoulders. “They were never going to tell me who killed Mom, were they?”
My head dropped and I studied my hands, which were resting against the table. “No. They weren’t.” I listened to his sobs and pushed myself up from my seat.
Walking out of the room, I came back with a cloth. Filling it with ice, I placed it against his darkening eye. He cringed when it made contact with his skin, but he didn’t verbally complain.
I didn’t want to scold him anymore. I didn’t want to tell him how much his choices affected his life and others’ lives. I just wanted my brother back. I’d witnessed too many people lose their siblings, and I was tired of fighting.
Wrapping my arms around my brother, I pulled him into a hug and he sobbed against my shoulder.
“I miss them so much, Danny.” His heart was shattering and he was finally allowing himself to feel sadness over our parents’ deaths as opposed to revenge. “I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know what to do…”
I didn’t have a reply for him. I hardly knew what I was doing with my life. I pulled out a chair at the table and Jace and I sat down next to Randy. The room filled with silence as the three of us remained still for the longest time.
“Well,” Randy smirked, moving over to the refrigerator and pulling out three beers. “We have an opening in Romeo’s Quest.”
Jace’s eyes widened and he shook his head in disbelief. “You would want me back? After everything I’ve done? Especially with Ashlyn—”
I flinched when I heard him say her name. “Jace…just say okay,” I said.
His blue eyes smiled when he looked up to find my stare. “Okay.”
This isn’t something that I want to fade.
Promise there will be sunshine after this rain.
~ Romeo’s Quest
After I left Edgewood, I went home and finished my senior year at my old school. My old friends tried to connect with me, but I wasn’t the girl they’d once known. Mom still struggled every day with dealing with Gabby’s death, but she promised me she was doing better with me being home.
She laughed a lot more, too.
Every night I sat on the couch with her—she watched television while I read. Our routine worked for us up until the day I went off to college to find myself. To start over. I made new friends. I grew comfortable being on my own, which was something I’d never been in my entire life. I’d gone from being a twin, always having someone near me, to being in a relationship with Daniel.
I didn’t regret either thing, for they’d both made me who I was today. They’d made me stronger.
My imagination used to pretend that we were together after we went our separate ways. I would roll over in my bed each morning and dream of his lips kissing mine, his arms wrapping me up as he pressed me against his warming body, his love breathing life into my entire being. I would imagine him making me a cup of tea while I made his eggs in his favorite fashion and his coffee extra dark. Then we would make love before the sun fully awakened and smile because we would know that our bodies had been crafted for one another.
Our hearts would always beat for one another. Our souls were destined to burn together in a mystifying flame that lit the universe with hope and passion.
Most people didn’t understand. My friends encouraged me to move on, to find someone else. Yet how could I allow someone to give me their all when I knew I couldn’t return the same to them? It wouldn’t be fair.
I knew I would never fall in love again. It wasn’t in my cards. I supposed it was because when I’d first fallen in love, I never stopped falling.
Anyone on this planet would be lucky if they had the chance to love Mr. Daniels.
Yet I was the luckiest. Because for a moment he loved me back.
I wrote each and every day whenever I wasn’t doing homework. I created a story I hadn’t even known lived inside of me. There wasn’t a word written that hadn’t been accompanied by his CD playing in my ears. It was as if he were right there with me, cheering me on.
By the end of my sophomore year, I finally wrote the words on the last page. “The End.”
I’d done it. I was officially an author.
After I finished my first ever novel, I self-published it. I sold a whopping seven copies.
Two of which were my own purchases.
And then I went back to Edgewood.
Two years early.
I couldn’t fight it anymore; I had to see if he was still thinking about me.
Because I’d never stopped for one second thinking of him.
I stood in front of the school building for the longest time, staring straight into his classroom. He was smiling toward his students, sitting on the corner of his desk, probably begging them to interact with him. His hands were waving around the classroom, and he stood from the desk as he began to write on the whiteboard. He’d cut his hair and had facial hair. He looked so…grown up.
My cheeks heated up just as they had the first time my eyes had spotted him. He laughed at something a student had said as he was writing on the board and shook his head back and forth. When the bell rang, I watched the students pack up their backpacks and start heading out of the classroom. The spring breeze picked up, and I held my arms tighter across my body. When I took a step backward, I watched Daniel’s body turn toward the window, and when he looked up, our eyes locked. Everything inside of me froze over, and my lips stayed parted.
His dark eyes were confused at first, but then he held up his hand toward me and mouthed, “Hi.”
My heart was shattering at the simple word and small gesture. I bit my bottom lip to keep from tearing up, and I held my hand up to him. “Hi,” I whispered.
He wiped his hand across his mouth and then rubbed the back of his neck. I stepped forward, and he d
id too, until we were standing face to face, only a glass window separating us. He rested his hand against the glass, and I placed mine against it. My eyes fell to his fingertips, which were almost resting against mine, and I smiled.
When I looked up to him, I saw the water in his eyes and he smiled back my way. “Tea?” he asked. I nodded my head, a tear rolling down my cheek. He slid his hands into his pockets. “Don’t cry.”
My shoulders shrugged. I couldn’t help it. He’d told me to wait for him, and I couldn’t help but chuckle because I would wait for him always.
It wasn’t long until he gathered up his things and met me outside of the school building. We stood in front of each other for the longest, just smiling like children. I went to hug him, and he must have had the same thought because we stepped on each other’s shoes. A nervous laugh happened and I felt like that same teenager who was meeting him for the first time at the train station.
When his arms finally made it around me, I breathed in his scents, tugging tightly on his jacket. He didn’t dare pull away anytime soon.
“You look so grown up,” I whispered into his shoulder and he laughed, rubbing his hand against my back.
“Ditto.” He pulled away and stared at me. “You have bangs.”
“Your face is hairier.” I laughed.
“Yeah,” he frowned, rubbing his chin. “I need to shave.”
“Don’t. I love it.” Changing the subject, I ran my finger across my red nose. “I stopped by your place last night, but—”
“I moved.” He gestured for us to start walking down the sidewalk and I followed his lead. “I spent some time fixing it up with Jace, and then I sold it.”
“But it was—”
“My parents’ dream. Not mine. I got a new place not too far from here. A big kid’s apartment,” he joked.
We stood in silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable at all. “How is Jace?”
He smiled. “Clean. For the first time in a while. He’s staying with Randy. He’s back in the band.”