Chapter Twenty-seven
The ride back through the fold in space and on to the Mother Ship was a quiet one. Baird was sitting up front, piloting and Reeve was riding in the back with Nallah. He wished she would say something—anything at all. She was so quiet—her big golden eyes as wide as saucers above the thick black veil she wore.
Reeve thought about asking her to take it off but he knew she was shy about showing her face to strange men. And unfortunately, now that he was out of her husband’s body, he fell directly into that category.
Stranger—I’m still a stranger to her, he thought to himself. How could he get past that? How could he bring her closer, help her get to know him again?
“I know how confusing this must be for you, Nallah—me showing up in your husband’s body,” he said in a low voice, breaking the silence between them. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t tell you before. I wanted to. I tried to but…”
“But I thought you were a Hallorook,” Nallah whispered faintly. Her eyes got even bigger as she looked at him. “Are you?”
“No—no, nothing like that,” Reeve said quickly. “I’m what’s known as an M-switch Kindred. I can inhabit the bodies of other males for a time—in Harryx’s case it was quite a long time because he was in a coma when I entered his body. Well, until he woke up, anyway.” He grimaced. “I’m so sorry about that, baby. I got back to you as fast as I could. Did…did he hurt you?”
Involuntarily Nallah’s hand went to her black veil but then she seemed to realize what she was doing and snatched it down again. Clenching her fingers together in her lap, she shook her head.
Reeve frowned. Something was going on—was she holding out on him? Had that bastard Harryx hurt her after all? He’d been right on top of her when Reeve had come bursting into the room, blocking Reeve’s view of the diminutive little female. Had he raped her again?
The thought made Reeve feel sick. Had he not been in time? What had Harryx done before he could get back to Hascion Five to stop him? It had looked like he was about to stab Nallah with that damn three-bladed knife but she didn’t appear wounded anywhere.
“Sweetheart,” he said gently. “Are you…are you sure he didn’t hurt you? You can tell me, you know—you can tell me anything. I just want to help you.”
Nallah’s eyes got, if possible, even wider and she shook her head quickly.
“No, oh my…Reeve,” she ended lamely. “Please, I am fine.”
It was clear to Reeve that she was about as far from “fine” as anyone could get but he didn’t want to upset her so he didn’t push it. They would take things slowly for a little while and maybe after they got back to the Mother Ship he could have Commander Sylvan examine her. Or no—she was wary of strange males and for a good reason. On Hascion Five strange males often meant “punishment” and danger.
He could try to find her a female doctor, of course, but since most of the Kindred were male, there weren’t many aboard. Just a few who had been mated to Kindred warriors and had come up to the Mother Ship to practice the art of healing there.
Reeve frowned—hadn’t he heard that the Mother Ship had a Tolleg surgeon on board? Maybe Nallah would have an easier time talking to him than to a male or female doctor. Maybe he could ask Commander Sylvan to arrange to have the Tolleg examine her.
We’ll have to take things slowly, he told himself. She needs to get to know me all over again—the real me, not the male who was pretending to be her husband. And killing Harryx is going to take an emotional toll on her. It’s going to be a little while before she feels safe.
He felt his heart swell as he looked at her small form in the seat beside him. He just wanted to heal her—to protect her and let her know nothing bad was ever going to happen again—not while he was there to stop it.
“Hey,” he said, reaching over to squeeze her arm reassuringly with his good hand. “Hey, sweetheart, it’s going to be all right. I won’t let anything bad happen to you—I promise.”
“Thank you.” Her eyes flicked up to his but flitted away again before they could lock gazes. Reeve felt the tension thrumming through her small body and wished he could take her in his arms and comfort her. But he could tell such physical closeness wasn’t what she wanted right now.
Take it easy, he told himself. Take things slow. It’s going to take some time.
But how much time? Would Nallah ever trust him again now that he was in his true form?
It was a question Reeve had no answer to.
* * * * *
“Did he hurt you? Are you all right?”
The questions still rang in Nallah’s mind, making her feel nearly lightheaded with panic.
“Are you hurt? Did he…are you…what did he…”
Nallah tried to push the questions away and concentrate on the huge white spaceship, which looked like a small moon itself, coming up fast in the viewscreen.
The scars on her cheeks, so neatly hidden by her long, black veil, throbbed in time to her heartbeat. When she’d agreed to come with the stranger—with Reeve—she had somehow forgotten all about them—about the way Harryx had marked her for life.
Of course the stranger never would have wanted you if he knew about your face—about how Harryx ruined your beauty as his final act of vengeance before you killed him, whispered a little voice in her head. What are you going to do when he finds out?
Nallah didn’t know—could she simply keep wearing her veil? Maybe she could claim that she must not be seen without it by anyone but her husband. Of course, Reeve had seen her without it before but he had been in Harryx’s body at the time—that didn’t count, did it? The ruse might buy her a little time, anyway.
But what about when he inevitably found out? What if he demanded to see her face? What could she do then and what would Reeve do when he saw the ugly marks of the shrive upon her formerly smooth and lovely cheeks?
He thinks he’s getting a pretty new wife—instead he’s got an ugly monster. You fooled him, Nallah, whispered that little voice. You tricked him and when he finds out there’s going to be hell to pay.
Would he take her back to Hascion Five? Nallah wondered. Or would he do something worse to her? What was the penalty for a female lying to a male aboard the huge white spaceship he was taking her to? What would become of her once Reeve saw her face?
He won’t want you anymore, that’s for sure, whispered the voice. He’ll want to get rid of you—he’ll probably punish you for your deception.
But how would he punish her? Nallah felt she couldn’t bear it if he treated her as Harryx used to when he was angry at her for something. If he put her on the bed on all fours and forced himself inside her…
No! She tried to push the fear away but it wouldn’t go. After all, what could Reeve do to her that she didn’t deserve? She had killed her husband and deceived the man who wanted her for his new wife. Such crimes must be punished somehow…the only question was when her luck would run out and her punishment would descend upon her.
Chapter Twenty-eight
“I’m telling you, she’s barely said a word to me and it’s been two days.” Reeve sighed and put his head in his hands. He was in the med center for a mandatory check up ordered by Commander Sylvan, who wanted to be certain his prolonged absence from his own body hadn’t had any detrimental effects. But it was Olivia he was talking to as she took his vitals. Somehow she was easier to confide in than Commander Sylvan, no matter how understanding the other male was.
Olivia tsked sympathetically.
“Didn’t you say she thinks she killed her husband? That’s a lot to get over, Reeve. She probably needs some counseling.”
“I do think she needs some kind of medical attention,” Reeve admitted in a low voice. “I’m afraid that bastard Harryx hurt her somehow before I could get back to her. But she won’t tell me anything about it.”
“You think he raped her again?” Olivia asked in a low voice.
“I don’t know.” Reeve ran a hand over his face and winced at t
he twinge in his shoulder. The little Tolleg surgeon they had aboard the Mother Ship had done an excellent job patching him up but his arm was still going to be sore for some time where Harryx had stabbed him. “I don’t know,” he repeated. “She won’t tell me anything.”
“Maybe she would talk to another woman,” Olivia suggested. “Do you want to bring her by the med center and let me have a try?”
“Would you?” Reeve asked. “I just feel like…” He shook his head. “Like she’s shutting me out because she’s afraid of me. So maybe she would talk to you.”
“You Kindred are big guys,” Olivia said, frowning. “That can be really intimidating—especially since she just got out of an abusive relationship.”
“It’s just…we were so close right before I got kicked out of Harryx’s body.” Reeve ran a hand through his hair. “She…she told me she loved me. And I wanted so damn badly to tell her who I really was—that is wasn’t her bastard of a husband who was loving her. That it was me.”
“It’s just going to take her some time to get used to you in your own body. And in the meantime, she needs to talk to someone who looks a little more non-threatening.” Olivia tucked away the equipment she’d been using to measure his vitals and nodded at the door. “Go get her and bring her here, Reeve. Let’s see if she’ll talk to me.”
“All right.” He slid off the table and put his shirt back on. “It might take me a while to convince her to come see you,” he said cautiously.
Olivia shrugged. “My shift isn’t up for another four hours—take your time. I’ll be here.”
“I’ll bring her. Olivia, I…” Reeve wished he could show her somehow how very much he appreciated her help and understanding. He would have hugged her but it wasn’t really proper to hug anther warrior’s wife in that way and she smelled strongly of Baird’s bonding scent, which acted as a natural deterrent to close physical contact anyway. At last he offered her his arm for a warrior’s clasp.
Grinning a little, Olivia took it.
“What’s this for?”
“I just wanted to thank you,” Reeve said gravely. “For not judging me for what I am…for listening to me talk about Nallah. And for being willing to help the woman I love. Thank you, Olivia—you are an excellent nurse and a wonderful person.”
“Oh, now…” Suddenly her eyes were bright with tears. “Look what you made me do!” she exclaimed, sniffing and swiping at her eyes.
Reeve was concerned. “Did I upset you in some way?”
“No—these are tears of happiness. What you said just…just really touched me.” Olivia smiled through her tears. “Go on—go get Nallah and let’s see if we can help her.”
“I will.” Reeve hesitated a moment, wanting to make certain she was all right but she smiled and made a shooing motion with one hand.
Her tears seemed so natural—so spontaneous. It made him think of how Nallah had not been allowed even to cry around a man on Hascion Five, even if she was in pain. What a contrast with Olivia who had been raised to be comfortable showing her emotions!
I want Nallah to feel that around me, he thought, taking his leave of the med center and making his way back to the guest suite he was sharing with Nallah. They slept in separate bedrooms but at least he was able to keep her close that way. I want her to be able to be herself and feel free to show her emotions without fear.
But would they ever get there? She still seemed so frightened and secretive, Reeve had begun wondering if she would ever warm to him. Still, maybe Olivia could help her and he’d been wanting to get Nallah checked out by a medical professional for some time anyway.
The trick would be getting her to agree to go to the med center. With a silent prayer to the Goddess that he could convince her to go, he let himself into their suite.
* * * * *
Nallah looked at herself in the 3-D viewer and tried not to cry. The cuts Harryx had made on her cheeks with the shrive hadn’t been very deep—they were almost completely healed by now. But they had scarred horribly, leaving three parallel ridges of raised, reddish-purple scar tissue on either side of her face.
I’m so ugly now. Her eyes filled with tears though she tried to hold them back. What was she going to do when Reeve found out her looks had been ruined? He’d been letting her keep to herself for the past several days but that couldn’t last forever. A man didn’t get himself a new wife and never want to use her sexually. Eventually he would want to see her without her veil and then—
“Nallah, sweetheart? You in here?”
His voice scared her so badly she let out a gasp. Her veil? Where was her veil? She hadn’t even closed the necessary room door! Reeve had said he would be gone for a while so she had assumed she would have some extended time to herself.
Frantically she looked around herself but she couldn’t find the veil anywhere! What was she going to do?
“Nallah?” It was Reeve, poking his head through the doorway of the necessary room. Probably he thought it was all right to come in since she’d stupidly left the door open.
Her gaze met his and she saw his midnight black eyes widen.
Oh, no!
Quickly, Nallah reached for a fold of her robe and pulled it across her face, trying to hide her ruined features. But Reeve was already striding into the room, his own face like a thundercloud.
“I knew it!” he exclaimed. “I knew he hurt you!”
Nallah shrank back, away from him, still holding the fold of fabric over the lower half of her face. Oh, if only she hadn’t mislaid her veil! If only she’d thought to close and lock the necessary room door!
“Please,” she whispered. “Oh, please…”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He was looming over her now, a scowl on his dark face. “Nallah, why didn’t you say something when I asked if that bastard had hurt you?”
“I…I’m sorry,” she faltered. Tears of fear and exhaustion rose in her eyes but somehow she managed not to shed them. She was so tired of hiding this awful secret and now it was out. What would he do to her? “I…I know I’m ugly now,” she whispered. “I didn’t want you to know.”
“Ugly? Is that what you think?” Reeve looked genuinely surprised and upset. Gently, he tugged at her hand, getting her to let go of the fold of cloth that covered her ruined face. “You’re not ugly, baby.” His voice was low and harsh, charged with emotion. “Never think that. Never.”
“But it’s true.” Nallah raised her eyes to his again and then dropped her gaze, unable to look into those dark eyes she’d once thought were her husband’s. “I suppose you’ll want to get rid of me now—send me back to Hascion Five,” she said in a low voice. “Or maybe…maybe punish me.” Her eyes flicked up to his. “The way…the way Harryx used to.”
His response was immediate and emphatic.
“Never! I’ll never do that to you, baby. I know what ‘punishment’ means on your damn planet—it’s nothing but rape. How could you think I’d do that to you?”
“Rape?” She looked up at him, uncomprehending. “What…what does that mean?”
“Taking someone sexually against their will. I saw…” He swallowed, his throat moving convulsively. “I saw what Harryx used to do to you—saw it in his memories. That was rape, Nallah. You weren’t asked and you sure as hell weren’t treated gently or with any respect or care. How could you think I’d do that to you?”
“Because…that is how a man treats a woman who disobeys him,” Nallah whispered. “Who lies to him as I lied to you when I told you I was all right…undamaged.”
“I’ll never treat you like that,” Reeve swore, his voice low and passionate. “And I wasn’t asking if you were hurt because I wanted to be sure I was getting some perfect package when I took you off Hascion Five. I was asking because I was worried about you.”
“I…I am sorry if I misunderstood you my…Reeve,” she ended weakly, uncertain as always what to call him.
He had said she could use his name and he hadn’t specifically taken her as
his wife yet so she couldn’t really call him “husband.” But it seemed wrong not to have a title to call him—a term of respect she could apply to the new man in her life. If he stayed in her life and let her stay in his, now that he had found out her secret.
“So…you say you will not take me back to Hascion Five or…or punish me,” she said haltingly. “What…what will you do with me, Reeve?”
He took a step closer and cupped her scarred cheeks in his hands. Looking down into her eyes, he murmured,
“I’ll heal you, baby—if I can. And if not, I’ll love you anyway. Because you’re beautiful, always beautiful to me.”
Nallah felt tears rising in her eyes again—a different kind of tears from the ones of fear and pain she’d blinked back earlier. She tried not to let them fall but she couldn’t help it…they spilled over her cheeks…over his fingers as he held her so tenderly.
“I…I’m sorry,” she whispered brokenly. “I don’t mean to…to be crying.”
“It’s all right, sweetheart.” He gathered her to him and stroked her trembling shoulders. “Cry if you need to. Let it out. Just let it all out.”
Just as she had back on Hascion Five, Nallah found herself sobbing against his broad chest. Reeve didn’t seem to mind. He stroked her trembling shoulders and murmured in her ear that it was all right, that everything was going to be okay…
It was so different from when he had held her while he was in the body of Harryx…and yet it was wonderful. This was the first time she’d allowed herself to be close to Reeve in his true form—the first time she’d felt his long, strong arms wrapped around her and it felt good…felt right.
Pressing her face to his chest, Nallah breathed him in. He had a spicy, dark masculine scent that seemed to fill her senses and calm her. As good as it had felt to have him hold her while he was still in Harryx’s body, he had never had that scent before—probably because Harryx hadn’t had it. Her husband had always smelled rather bland to Nallah—the few times she’d gotten close enough to smell him. He had mostly kept her at an arm’s length for their entire marriage.