I shake my head. "No. Things ended badly, but even if they hadn't, the point is, it ended. Both of us drew some lines in the sand. Some pretty harsh words were spoken."
"What did Lucas say to you?" Jules asks with eyes blazing.
I shake my head again.
"What did he say?" she grits out.
An overwhelming despondency takes root within me, knowing that the terrible things that Lucas said are probably true. But maybe they're not, and I think it would be nice to have one person believe in me. So I take the risk and open myself up. It's what Lucas has been after to me to do anyway, right?
"He told me I was weak," I whisper as my eyes lower to the table. "Said he felt sorry for our kid and that I was going to fuck up its life the way my parents did to me."
Jules gasps and her face mottles red. "That little fucker."
Holding my hand up, I admit glumly, "He's probably right."
"Oh, for fuck's sake, Steph," Jules barks at me. "He's totally wrong and he's an asshole to have said that to you."
My head shakes in denial, which I'm apparently very good at. "You don't know me, Jules. He does. He knows what my life was like growing up and how...how defective I am. I'll probably screw this kid up the way I was screwed up."
"Bullshit," she hisses at me, and then leans across the table. "You got pregnant by mistake. The easiest course for you to have taken was to have an abortion. Instead you tracked down Lucas and told him the truth, and you committed to having this kid and raising it on your own if that's what it took. Am I right?"
Reluctantly, I nod.
"That's because you love that baby inside of you," she presses in a softer voice. "In fact, I'm betting you fell in love with it when you saw the pregnancy test was positive."
That's so very true.
"Tell me something, Stephanie," Jules asks gently. "Putting Lucas aside, what are the things you think about when you think about raising your child?"
There's only one answer to that question, as I've thought about this a lot. "I'm going to do the exact opposite of everything my parents did."
Jules's lips curve upward and she nods at me in satisfaction. "You're going to be a great mom."
I smile back at her, extremely grateful for her boosting me up. At least I have one person who thinks I can do this, and that makes all the difference in the world to me.
Chapter 23
Lucas
"Don't you think you ought to slow it down a bit?" Simone says to me as I take a sip of my fifth Jack and Coke. Or is it my sixth?
"Is it rude to tell my little sister to fuck off?" I growl at her as I lean an elbow on the bar and survey the place. My eyes lock on a blonde across the small dive bar we stopped at because it was too early to hit the dance clubs. She gives me a look that says I could get very lucky if I just walk across to talk to her.
"It's completely rude," Simone sniffs. "And stop taking your anger out on me."
"You don't know what you're talking about," I mutter, and take a bigger gulp, wanting to hurry up and go from buzzed to drunk off my ass. It's been the only state of mind where I've had any peace the last few weeks.
"I know you've been slamming liquor tonight trying to forget about Jules calling you out on the carpet," she pushes back at me. "I can't believe you said that to Stephanie."
So now everyone's on Stephanie's side now. Just fucking great.
I drain my glass, slam it onto the bar, and give a chin lift to the bartender to pour me another. I'm close to going numb, and while I'll never admit it to my annoying sister, I am indeed trying to get a fast drunk going to forget about the way Jules went at me tonight.
Simone, Van, and I had stopped by Max and Jules's house for dinner with plans for going out later that night club hopping. We have four more days off until conference finals start this coming Sunday and I wanted to blow off some steam, which translated into I wanted to get laid. It was way past time.
The minute I walked into their house, though, Jules came at me. Apparently she'd had lunch with Stephanie that day and got the entire scoop on what went down between us. This, of course, included Stephanie running her trap with the details of the words we'd exchanged.
"You're a fucking asshole," Jules said to me when I walked into the kitchen. My first reaction was to look around to make sure the kids hadn't heard, but they were nowhere to be found.
"Excuse me?" I asked, having no clue what she was talking about. I glanced at Max and saw that he knew whatever Jules was talking about, and he even moved in closer to her side to show solidarity with her anger.
"You told Stephanie that she'd fuck up her child the way her parents fucked her up," Jules hissed at me. "I don't think I've ever heard of anything more shitty in my life, and you should be ashamed of yourself."
Simone gasped behind me and I have no clue what Van's reaction was, because my eyes were pinned on Jules. I wanted to be incensed she'd even butt into my business, but I was too preoccupied with a searing guilt flash boiling my insides. It was perhaps the meanest thing I've ever said to anyone in my life, and it's made me sick to my stomach for days and days thinking about it. It's why I've been trying to stay drunk in my downtime.
But I wasn't about to be attacked, because that made my guilt worse, so I went on the offensive and became a total douche when I said, "Hey...I call it as I see it."
Jules's mouth dropped open, Max's eyes rounded in disappointment at me, and Simone sucked in a breath behind me. The kitchen was deadly quiet and no one said anything as I engaged in a staring war with Jules. Finally she just turned her back on me and went to the sink, where she started rinsing out some dishes. Her silence was more vicious than anything she could have yelled at me.
My gaze cut to Max's and I was gutted when he turned his back on me too, walking up to Jules and hugging her from behind.
"I'm outta here," I had growled, and stormed out of the house. To my surprise, Van and Simone scurried after me, silently getting in my car. I turned on the ignition and warned both of them, "I don't want to hear another word about this tonight."
They were both silent until now, and it seems Simone has found her voice. "You should go to Stephanie and apologize to her. That's awful to say something like that, especially as sensitive as she is to those issues."
I turn my gaze from Simone back to the blonde across the bar. She licks her lips and I count that as a very clear indication I'm getting laid tonight. God knows I need it, as I've been in a total dry spell since Stephanie and I parted ways.
Another stab of guilt hits me, not only for those nasty words, but for remaining silent for the past two weeks. I haven't even bothered to see if she's doing okay, and that makes me feel shittier about myself.
The bartender brings my drink back, and I shove some money across the wooden counter to him. "Keep the change."
"Thanks, man," he says, and walks away.
I pick up my drink and take another healthy slug, snagging a chunk of ice and chewing on it. I don't look back to the blonde just yet, because she's not the only game in here and I don't want her to think it's a sure bet, because I might find something better.
"Lucas," Simone says with a nudge to my shoulder. "I think we should talk about it. You and Stephanie had something really good and you both can't throw your hands up and quit yet."
I spin on her and she takes a step backward, running into Van, who is just watching silently. He's only out with us tonight because he likes to get drunk and bang loose women, same as me. He merely backs up a step to give Simone room as I snarl at her, "I'm not the one that quit the relationship. That was all Stephanie, so I'm not the bad guy here."
"You are if you said those things to her," she retorts. "If there was a chance to work it out, you probably shot that to shit with those nasty things you said to her."
Fuck yeah...I know that's the truth, which means I'm not only feeling guilty, but I'm pissed at myself for being so stupid. All of these emotions have been making for one seriously pissed-off and aggra
vated man, and the more Simone picks at me, the greater chance I'm going to erupt, and she's not going to like it.
"Maybe if you went over to see her and apologized, you could get back on track. You are still having a baby with her, you know."
Simone's yammering and the pointed reminder that I'm still going to be involved in Stephanie's life but not the way I want it to be pushes me over the edge. I tilt my glass back, and in four powerful swallows I empty it.
My head spins and I look down at Simone. "Mind your own fucking business, and I mean that sincerely. If you can't, pack your shit up and get out of my house."
Simone's mouth drops open in surprise, and that makes me feel guilty too. So I turn away from her and look at the blonde as I pull my car keys out of my pocket. I thrust them at Van and say, "Get Simone home if you don't mind. I've got much better things to do with my time."
I risk a quick glance at Simone and I see her eyes flash furiously at me. I ignore it and start across the bar toward the blonde, who smiles at me in lustful welcome.
"Lucas," Simone calls out to me.
I ignore her.
"Lucas, you don't want to do this."
I continue to ignore her.
"Lucas, look at me damn it," she yells, and I twist my head to look over my shoulder at her.
"Guess what?" she asks tauntingly.
I merely wait to see what she seems so smug about.
"I've been secretly making out with your roommate, and he loves it," she says with an evil smile, and if she had meant to distract me from my course, she completely succeeds.
I watch stunned as Simone turns to Van, wraps her arms around his neck, and goes to her tiptoes to kiss him. He rocks backward and his eyes flare in surprise as her mouth plasters his.
Simone tilts her head, opens her mouth, and kisses him deeply, and the fucker doesn't seem to be fighting her off. Granted, he's not returning her embrace and his hands are closed into tight fists with my keys poking out, but fuck if he's not letting her tongue into his mouth.
"What the fuck?" I yell as I stalk back toward them.
Simone releases her grip on Van and steps back, turning to look at me with hawkish eyes. My jaw locks hard and I don't know whether to punch Van or not. I try to maintain my cool and give him a chance to explain himself to me, but all he does is lean down to get into Simone's face and snarl, "That was not fucking cool."
He slams my keys down on the bar and pushes past Simone, storming out of the bar. I watch his retreating back for a moment, completely confused as to what's going on.
Turning back to my sister, I grit out, "Do you want to explain what the hell that was?"
She merely shrugs and looks at me with an innocent smile. "Looks like you're going to have to stick with me now that Van's gone. But I'll drive you home since you're drunk."
My eyes narrow at her. "That was just a show you put on to get me to keep my dick away from that woman?"
"Did it work?" she asks hopefully.
"Fuck no, it didn't," I growl at her. "You can take my car. I'll find my own way home."
Once again I turn toward the blonde and Simone begs me, "Please don't do that, Lucas. You'll regret it."
Fuck yeah, I'll regret it. But it's not going to dissuade me, because things can't get any more fucked up.
--
Avery is a giggling, stumbling mass of blond hair and boobs as we lurch our way up the porch steps to her house. She's been teasing me all night while we played pool together, making sure I could see how short her dress was when she bent over or how close her tits were to falling out by bending over slightly when she laughed. She's a little annoying because her giggle is high pitched, and I've never really liked women who giggle, but hey, she's got amazing lips and I know she could do some serious damage to me with them.
As she fumbles trying to get her key into the door knob, I step up behind her and place my hands on her waist. I move in close to her and put my face into her hair, pressing my hips into her ass. She giggles again, tossing her head, and I get a mouthful of hair-sprayed hair.
Pulling away, I swallow the bitter taste and leave her alone so she can open the door and we can get into the fucking house. I'm horny as hell, have a condom burning a hole in my wallet, and I need a release because I don't think I've ever been as tense or stressed in my life. Even the voluminous amount of Jack Daniel's I had tonight does nothing to relax me, and I figure if I can get her mouth on my dick, at least I'll feel a little better.
The door opens, and with her weight against it, she stumbles into her house, giggling the entire time. Avery drops her purse and keys to the floor, turns to me, and before I can even walk in, she's pulling the top of her dress down to expose her huge, glorious breasts that are obviously fake but totally fuckable.
My dick starts to get hard as I focus on her, watching as she shimmies out of her dress. I enter the house, and by the time I'm closing the door, she's standing in nothing but a pair of panties and high heels.
She's got a slamming body with a tiny waist and flat abdomen.
An image bursts into my head: Stephanie naked in bed with me kissing her stomach, wishing like hell she'd develop that fucking baby bump. I wonder if she has it by now, and a dull ache starts throbbing in my head.
"Let's get you out of these clothes," Avery says with her words slightly slurred. Her hands go to my belt and she fumbles with it. "I want your crotch monster in my mouth."
Fuck...Stephanie gave the most amazing blow jobs, and she would have never called my dick something so ridiculous.
I shake my head, banishing those thoughts. Stephanie doesn't belong in this room with me right now. I make myself concentrate, bring my hands to Avery's breasts. They're fucking huge, and even my big palms can barely contain them. I squeeze and they bounce back like a beach ball.
Stephanie's were lush and soft and perfectly fit to my hands--
"Fuck," I mutter as my hands fall away from her body and I squeeze my eyes shut.
Just need to concentrate on what this woman, this anonymous fuck, is doing to me. I hear my zipper come down, and then she's shoving a hand awkwardly into my underwear, one of her long nails scratching my dick, which isn't getting any harder.
"Oops," she giggles. "Sorry about that. Let me kiss it and make it feel better."
Her hand strokes me a few times, and I keep my eyes closed. I imagine it's Stephanie's hand on me. She was always so assured, sometimes a little rough with me, which I liked.
My cock starts to thicken, thinking of Stephanie stroking me with a tight fist and whispering dirty words to me. God, she fucking could talk as dirty as I could and I loved it.
I get harder.
Hard enough I could fuck Avery and get off pretty easily.
But just as she starts to push my jeans down, another image of Stephanie pops into my mind, and this time it has nothing to do with sex.
It's the way I imagined her face looked when I told her she'd fuck up our kid.
I'd fucking destroyed her with those words and hurt the woman I'm pretty sure I was head-over-heels in love with. The guilt crushes me and I can't breathe.
"I can't," I slur as I pull away from Avery's grabby hands. I immediately tuck my dick back in and zip up, fumbling quickly with my belt.
"Wait," she says as she stumbles toward me. "What's wrong?"
I hold my hands up and take another step back. "I'm sorry. But I've got to go."
"You're fucking kidding me, right?" Avery asks as she puts her hands on her hips and glares at me. Then she waves a hand down her body. "You're not going to tap this? Are you gay or something?"
I make the mistake of snickering over that as I take another backward step toward her door, and she glares at me. "I'm really sorry. You're gorgeous, really, but, well...I just can't."
"You asshole," she screeches, and I actually prefer that sound to her giggle.
"Sorry," I mutter again before bolting out her door and down the sidewalk. I pull my phone out as I walk toward the
street, not even paying attention to her yelling at me from the door.
I access my Uber app and concentrate all my drunken efforts on getting a ride home.
Chapter 24
Stephanie
I dial Jules's phone and put my own up to my ear as I walk toward my apartment building. It's a beautiful day out and I decided to take a walk around downtown, finishing up at the grocery store, as I was craving some lemon spaghetti for dinner.
It appears lemons are my new craving and I can't seem to get enough: lemonade, lemon candies, lemon cookies, lemon in my water, and tonight, lemon spaghetti.
"Hey," she answers somewhat out of breath.
"Are you in the middle of something?" I ask her as I stop at an intersection and wait for the light to cross. It's rush hour and traffic is heavy.
"No, just trying to wrestle three kids into the house for dinner," she says, and then calls out, "Levy...do not put that in your mouth. You can have it after dinner."
I laugh silently to myself, and wonder what trials and tribulations I'll face as a mom.
"Sorry about that," she says back into the phone. "So are you coming over tomorrow?"
"Yup," I tell her as I watch the traffic light. "What time?"
"I'll have the kids packed off by 8:30 A.M., so anytime after that," she replies. "I'm so excited."
I am too. I've ordered in a bunch of games and crafts for the kids to do at Sweetbrier next week. Jules and I are going to have a play date tomorrow morning to go through everything and rough out a more structured agenda for the field trip. I don't mind going to her house, as the Cold Fury are leaving today to travel to New Jersey for game three of the eastern conference finals. The Cold Fury took games one and two at home, and are looking stronger than ever.
Lucas is playing his best hockey in my opinion, and it's like he's got super amazing focus or something. This makes me happy for him, and a little sad for me, since he's clearly not being weighed down with thoughts of me or the baby. Still, I refuse to think about it too much and I absolutely don't talk about it with Jules, since she confided that she reamed Lucas's ass for what he said to me.
I see the cross-traffic's light turn yellow and know that I'll be clear to cross soon. I hitch my grocery bag up on my shoulder and take a step closer to the curb. "Okay, I'll be there tomorrow. I'll bring some lemon tarts to eat for breakfast."