“I’ll get a job.”
“Babe.” He laughs once, waits until I’m looking at him. “You’re not listening to me.”
“I am. But this isn’t 1950, Luke. I’m not just here to make you lunch and send you off to work to provide for me.”
He sighs, his gaze distant. “I don’t see the problem with that, Lane. That’s how things were with my mom and dad, and it worked for them. The point is I want to work. And I want to take care of you. I don’t want you getting a job until you’re fully healed, and even then you don’t have to. You can go to community college, build up some credits, or not… I mean, you can do whatever you want. You can sit around and knit all day. I don’t care. I just want you to do whatever is going to make you happy.”
“And this job,” I ask, loving him more with every second, “this job is going to make you happy?”
“I think so.”
“What about UNC?”
“UNC is months away; we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
Chapter Forty-One
LOIS
We did cross that bridge. Lucas deferred for another semester. He was in the middle of building a house, and he wanted to see it to the end, so he did. I got my old job back, working at the movie theater, day shifts only. It was pretty quiet during the day, so I spent most of the time flipping through course catalogs trying to find something that interested me. It’s been six months, and I still don’t know what to do with my life.
My injuries have fully healed, but like the docs said, I still have a slight limp. That’s never going to change. Neither will my undying love for the boy sitting opposite me at the kitchen table, watching me, his eyes worried.
“Why didn’t Vivian give it to me?” I ask, looking down at the envelope addressed to Lois Sanders from an inmate at North Carolina Department of Correction.
Lucas says, “She wanted me to decide whether or not to give it to you.”
I look down at the letter, back at him. Tell me what to do, Lucas.
“Do you want a minute?”
“No!” I say quickly.
“Okay,” he says, just as fast. Then he sighs. “You want to go down to the lake? Dad just got a couple of jet skis.”
“Jet skis?”
“One of his clients is moving overseas, sold them to Dad real cheap.” He starts bouncing in his seat. “They’re all down there playing.”
“And you want to play?”
He nods, his smile wide, the letter now forgotten. “So bad.”
“Okay, let’s go play.”
“Good,” he says, standing up. “I got you something.” He takes my hand and leads me to the bedroom, where he points to a bag sitting in the middle of the bed.
I rush to see what’s inside, and when I do, my heart drops. “Luke.” I lift the bikini. “What is this?”
“It’s what you’re wearing today.”
I shake my head. “I can’t wear this.”
“Why?”
“I’ll scare everyone with my scars.”
He shrugs. “Don’t wear it for everyone, babe. Wear it for me.” And I know it’s not about the bikini, or the scars, or the fact that people will see them. It’s about my confidence, about how he wants me to see myself the way he does. The way you look at me, Lucas…
He loves me, wants me, emotional and physical scars and all.
I put on the bikini.
He tells me I’m beautiful.
I believe him.
Luke was right. Everyone is at the lake. His dad, my dad and Misty, all the kids. The only ones missing are Lucy and Cameron. Lachlan’s the first one to notice the scars when we get to the lake. He covers his mouth, his eyes wide. Luke tells him it’s rude to stare, and he runs off to Leo, whispers something in his ear. Luke says, motioning to an unused jet ski, “You want to go for a ride?”
I worry my lip.
“I won’t let anything happen to you,” he says, offering his hand. So I take it, follow him to the end of the dock where we had our first date, and he helps me on, gets on after me. I hold his waist tight as he starts the motor. “Do you know what you’re doing?” I ask.
He says, “This ain’t my first rodeo.”
“When have you done this before?”
He turns to me, smirks, “Dude, I totally vacay in Malibu, like, every summer, bruh.”
I laugh into his back, and a moment later we’re moving, and I’m screaming and the wind and the noise and the speed and the bumps and the waves and the twists and the turns and “I think I’m going to puke!”
“Shit!” He slows the jet ski but it just makes it worse, and so I tell him to go faster. He does. “Close your eyes,” he yells. So I do. And it’s different like this. All I feel is the sun on my flesh and the wind in my face and Lucas’s skin against mine. I rest my cheek on his back, hold him tighter. “You okay?” he shouts.
“Perfect.” Sensations are so much better in the dark.
Luke gets us safely back to the dock where Logan’s waiting for his turn. As soon as our feet hit the ground, Luke says, “You’re, like, totally the worst passenger I’ve ever had, bruh.”
I push him into the lake.
Logan asks, “Did you puke?”
“Almost.”
Logan hops on the jet ski, waits for Luke to climb back on the dock before starting the engine. Luke says, “I don’t like Mean Laney.”
I reach up, swing my arm around his neck and pull his face to mine. I kiss his mouth, taste the lake water on his lips. Then I kiss down his neck, to his collarbone. “Don’t get me hard in front of my brothers,” he begs.
I push my breasts into his chest.
He moans. “Naughty Laney.”
“Laney! Laney!” Lachlan calls, his little feet thudding up the dock toward me, Leo following behind him. Luke uses my body to shield his excitement. “Look!” Lachlan shouts, stopping in front of me. He points to a jagged line drawn on in purple marker, right down the middle of his abdomen. “I’m like you.”
“Sorry,” Leo says, “He wanted to.”
I squat in front of Lachlan, run my finger across the line. “What’s this?”
He smiles wide. “They cut my shpeen out! Like you!”
I pout. “Did it hurt?”
He nods, motions for me to come closer. Then he cups his hands around his mouth, whispers in my ear, “But I’m better now. Like you.”
As the sun begins to set, Dad and Logan build a fire while Tom and Leo go back to the house to get food supplies. I lie across Lucas in a lounge chair, look up at the sky. “I hope we’re having hot dogs,” Lachlan says, and I glance over at him searching the ground for more sticks to join the eleventy-three he already has in his hands. “Are hot dogs really made of dogs?”
Luke chuckles beneath me. “You’ve been eating hot dogs all these years, and you think they’re made of actual dog?”
Lachlan giggles. “Dogs are the shiznit, yo.”
Luke shakes his head. “You need to quit hanging out with Logan.”
“You work all the time and Leo’s always studying, and the twins are… the twins, so Logan’s all I got.”
Logan shouts, “What’s wrong with me?”
Misty joins in. “Pee in a cup lately?”
“Burn!” I yell, and Luke stifles his laugh on my arm.
Tom and Leo return with bags of groceries and a giant cooler. “Beers and wine for Laney and older. Soda for everyone else.”
“Oh man!” Logan complains.
“I just want a cup, please and thank you,” Lachlan says, standing in front of his father, hands out, neck craned.
“We got cans of soda.”
“I want a cup.”
“Why?”
“I want to pee in it.”
“My bad,” Misty says through a giggle. “Sorry.”
We eat our food around the campfire, convince Lachlan that hot dogs are, in fact, made of cats. To which he responds, “Lucas! No! The pussy-whip!” And Tom and Lucas burst out laughing,
and no one understands why. When we’re done eating, the twins want to tell scary stories. Luke takes my hand, leads me back to the lounge chair a few yards away. “You’ve lived your own scary story,” he says. “You don’t need to hear theirs.” And so we lie back down, his arms around me, and he looks at the stars. “That’s my mom.” He points to the sky. “Right there.”
I kiss his cheek.
He asks, “You think she ever imagined that we’d be together?”
“She hoped,” I tell him. “She told me so in the letter she left me.”
Silence falls between us while I listen to Logan and Leo argue about the way the twins are telling their story. “It doesn’t make sense!” Logan snaps.
“Just let them tell it!”
I lean up, smile down at Lucas. I keep my voice low, our conversation just for us. “Are you going to miss this when you finally go to UNC?”
He sits up, forcing me to do the same. Then he rubs the bridge of his nose, but he doesn’t speak.
I whisper, “Every time I bring it up, you deflect. Why?”
“It’s just not great timing. You know that as much as I do. Your leg is good, but it’s not great. And we both know you won’t keep up with the rehab exercises if I’m not around.”
“So you’re going to defer again? Because of me?”
He doesn’t respond.
“It’s a great excuse, but it’s not the truth.”
His eyes finally meet mine.
“I know you, Luke!” I keep my voice low, bite back my frustration. “God, it’s like you don’t even want to go.”
His shoulders tense, and he looks away.
“Wait.” I make him face me. “Is that it? Do you not want to?”
His eyes hold mine for a long time, searching. Finally, he sighs, says, “What do you want me to say? No. I don’t want to go to college. I’ve never wanted to. It wasn’t until you brought it up that I even thought about it.”
My jaw drops, my head spins. “But… the scholarship. You worked so hard for it.”
“My dad has seven kids, Lane,” he whispers, glancing at his brothers. “I got the scholarship to help him out, but it doesn’t mean anything to me. What the hell am I going to do there? Earn a hundred-thousand-dollar degree that means nothing in the real world? And running a decent time in a hundred-meter sprint isn’t a career. At least not for me. I wanted to go for you. That was the only reason.”
I shake my head, disbelief washing through me. “I’m so confused right now.”
“Babe.” He settles his hands on my waist, brings me closer to him. “I need you to listen to me.”
I nod.
“If you want to go—if your heart’s set on it, then that’s what you’ll do. And we’ll do it together. I had money saved that Mom left me, and I’ve pretty much saved every cent I’ve earned since I’ve started working. I have enough for your first year and with Vivian’s pull there, you can go.”
“But that’s your money.” I look up, pray my tears won’t fall, and continue to speak in hushed tones. “And what about us?”
“I need to stay here. I need to work so I can start saving for your second year—”
“I don’t want us to be apart, Luke. Is that what you want?”
He sighs. “I’ve already spoken to one of Dad’s business associates. The Warden Group just started a company in Raleigh, and I can work there. It’s a forty-minute drive if we stay at my apartment near campus. I’ll work, you study. But, Lane, we’d have to kick the tenants out, we’d have to cover the mortgage and utilities, and that’s all stuff I don’t have to worry about here.”
“But if you stay here, we won’t be together.” I don’t understand, Lucas.
“I’ll drive down every Friday night. I’ll stay with you on campus all weekend, and I’ll make up for the five nights of no sexing. I promise.”
“You planned all of this without me?”
“I didn’t want you to worry about it.”
Behind me, our families laugh.
I drop my gaze, wipe my eyes.
“Hey,” he whispers, lifts my chin with his finger. “All I want in this entire world is for you to be happy. And this whole college thing—it’s not a decision we have to make right now. You’ve been through so much lately…” He hugs me tight, kisses the top of my head. “Take some time, take a break, a breath, just enjoy life for a while.”
I pull back, look up at him. “If you didn’t want to go to college, then what was your plan?”
He scoots back and spreads his legs. “Come here,” he says, shifting my body so I’m sitting in front of him. We watch our families around the campfire, and he wraps his arms around me, pulls me closer to him. He says, “Even if I made it through college and got some random degree, I still would’ve ended up here, working with my old man, with yours. This is my family’s legacy, Laney, and I’m the first son. It was never pushed on me to take over the business, but it’s what I’ve always wanted.” He kisses my shoulder. “I get to wear the Preston name every day, and I get to wear it with pride. I get to make people happy, give people a place to make moments and memories, and I get to do it all while being close to my family.”
I exhale slowly, taking in everything he’s saying, word for word, and I find myself smiling.
“Look around us,” he says. So I do, I look at my dad, his girlfriend, look and listen to the joy that only the Prestons can bring. I look at the lake, at the house in the distance, at the perfect night sky. A stillness falls, at the same time a weight lifts. I turn in his arms, see the conflict in his eyes. “How do I give this up, Laney?”
“You don’t,” I whisper.
He shakes his head. “But I want us to work. More than anything.”
“Lucas, we don’t give this up.”
He blinks. “What are you saying?”
I pull out of his hold and fish for the letter that’s been burning a hole in my bag. Then I stand up, tug on his hand for him to do the same. “Come on,” I say, leading him to the campfire. Conversation stops when I stand in the middle of the circle, Lucas next to me. I drop the letter in the fire, watch it burn, inch by inch.
“What was that?” Dad asks.
“The scars of my past.”
Epilogue
One Year Later
LUCAS
The baby cries and Laney rocks him in her arms. “It’s okay,” she coos. “Uncle Leo will be back soon.”
Okay, stop!
I just realized how this sounds.
Rewind.
Laney’s little brother cries and she rocks him in her arms.
Much better.
Jesus, people, this isn’t one of Lucy’s romance novels with accidental pregnancies and almost-death drama.
Anyway…
Leo loads up Dad’s truck with the last of his belongings and makes his way over to us. He strokes the baby’s cheek. “I think I’ll miss you the most, Little Preston.”
Preston Brian Sanders was born two days after we celebrated Lachlan’s ninth birthday. When Brian had come to us, asked us if we minded his son being named Preston, we all agreed that it would be an honor. Besides, it’s not like any of us could call our kids Preston besides Lucy. Preston Gordon is fine. Preston Preston? Nope. One day, though, Laney will have to explain to her little brother why her last name is the same as his first name. That day is not today. And it won’t be any day soon. I’m still a couple of years away from making that happen.
Leo goes through the line, one person at a time. First Brian and Misty, who congratulate him, wish him luck, tell him to stay out of trouble.
Then comes Cam and Lucy. After they had graduated a year ago, they moved back into the cabin. Dad recently made Cameron partner (after discussing it with me) and purchased office space above a store, as well as the store below it… a bookstore for Lucy. Her dream.
Cameron’s four years at UNC earned him a degree in Architecture. My four years there, should it have happened, would’ve earned me nothing but wasted
time.
Leo gets to Laney, and she hands the baby back to her dad, hugs Leo for way longer than I’m comfortable with. “I’ll miss you,” she says, and I can tell she’s crying.
“I’ll be back,” Leo assures. “And NC State’s only two and a half hours away. You can always come and visit. I expect you to.” So yeah, Leo worked his ass off junior and senior year and got into NC State, and we couldn’t be fucking prouder of him. He killed the odds, and now he’s off to study criminology. Such a badass.
“I’m so proud of you,” Laney sobs.
“It was all those reading sessions in the playground that got me here.”
“Shut up,” she cries, and I hold her, let her cry into my t-shirt because if I don’t, she’ll drown in a sea of her tears.
Leo shakes my hand. “Thanks for everything.”
“I didn’t do anything,” I tell him. “This was all you.”
He shrugs. “You were my role model, Lucas.” He smirks. “My favorite big brother.”
“I bet you say that to all your big brothers.”
Next to me, Logan says, “Does this mean that if I get arrested, you can represent me?”
Leo shakes his head, hugs his little shit of a brother.
“Seriously, though?” Logan asks, pulling back. He dropped out of high school and now I’m his boss. It’s rad. Dad wasn’t surprised when Logan spoke to him about it. He said it was full-time school or full-time work, and if he worked, he had to get his GED. So Logan agreed. He’s actually not that bad. In fact, he and Lane and I are all heading to Cambodia next month for three weeks to volunteer for Habitat for Humanity. Dad thought it was a great idea. So great he’s now in contact with the NC division to volunteer some of his staff a couple of days a month. Actually, I should say our staff. Since Dad realized my dedication to the job, he gave me a promotion, a pay rise and a lot more responsibility at Preston, Gordon and Sons.
Leo moves onto the twins, too busy on their phones to comprehend what’s happening. About a year ago, Linc and Liam uploaded a YouTube video about their feelings on bullying, and get this—it went fucking viral. Now they just post random videos on their channel doing all sorts of mayhem, and they get over a hundred thousand hits every time. They’re earning a pretty penny as well as multiple marriage proposals daily. Assholes.