“It’s really obvious that you two have crushes on each other. Alfredo—”
“Look,” I interrupt her, “I’m not going to go out with him, okay? He’s my friend and that’s all. You’re free to pursue him.”
She unexpectedly chuckles. I eye her with surprise. Is she so relieved that I’m not going to date Alfredo that she’s laughing? “That’s just it,” she finally speaks over the chuckles, “I don’t want to go after him.”
I’m startled again by her. “What do you mean? Haven’t you been trying to get together with him?”
“Yeah, but that’s over,” she shoots back. “All over. I figured out that the only reason why I was crushing on him was because of some misguided savior thing. He really saved the day when he helped me at that party. I realize that I really only care for him as a friend.”
“Same with me,” I blurt.
She rolls her eyes and grimaces at me. “Liar.”
“Don’t call me a liar,” I burst.
She sighs. “Don’t take me for a dummy. You really like Alfredo.”
“No, I don’t!” I insist.
“Stop lying to yourself, Araceli,” she murmurs. “He’s such a good guy—the best. You’re permitted to crush on him.”
Later that day Alfredo tells me he’s pretty broken up about what had happened the other day. Giving me a pained look, he asks if he can apologize to me in private after school. I tell him to come by the house even though I think I’ve already had my limit of intimate talks for the day.
When we’re by ourselves in the living room, he blurts, “I’m so sorry about kissing you, but I really wanted to do it!”
I sigh. “We’re good friends, Alfredo. We can never be more than that.”
“Why not? You don’t like me that way?”
I sigh again. “I’ve got a rough past, okay?” My sight falls to the ground.
“Well, after the other day, that’s obvious. Someone hurt you a lot, right?”
I nod. “Right,” I blurt, my eyes shifting back to his face.
“I wouldn’t hurt you, Araceli.”
“Please understand that I’ve got issues only I can take care of.”
“I wish you’d let me help,” he bursts. “You don’t let anyone get close enough to you to be able to help.”
I shrug. “That’s the way it has to be with me.”
“I don’t agree.”
“But—”
His dark eyes dig into mine. “You’ve never said that you don’t feel the same way for me, right?”
“Alfredo I just can’t—”
“Right?” he keeps insisting.
“But—”
“Right?”
“Don’t do this!” I snap.
“Do what?—get you to admit your feelings for me?”
I stare at him for a few seconds. “I can’t be your girlfriend. Just can’t.”
“If you’re scared about what Danila will say, she already told me that she’s over the feelings she thought she had for me.”
“I know,” I murmur. “She told me the same thing.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“Just accept what I’m telling you,” I burst.
“I deserve to know what’s going on with you, don’t I? I’m your friend. It breaks my heart to see that you’re going through a lot. Please let me help.”
At this point my emotions are tornadoing inside of me, so I make a decision—a very, very hard one. I decide to tell him my secret. I don’t feel I have much of a choice.
I have to trust him.
He’s trustworthy, right?
Justin:
It’s Saturday and my eighteenth birthday. The guys promised to come over later with beer to celebrate. My dad just called me to tell me what a loser I am. Maybe he’s right. I couldn’t keep my wife like he he’s been able to keep my mom.
The emotions burst out of me, and I ram my fist into my bedroom wall leaving a gaping hole there.
I didn’t think I’d have to spend a birthday without my lovely Lucette. Before we got married, we had celebrated her belated birthday by having dinner at some swanky restaurant. Gosh, it seems so long ago when Lucette and I had been two carefree teens in high school.
My hand is bleeding, so I wash it in the sink. Looking in the mirror, I ask myself if Lucette is thinking about me today. I can’t help but to remember the special birthday dinner I had for Lucette. She and I got into a little argument at the restaurant. You know, a lovers spat. But even then, we could feel the power of our love.
Does Lucette remember how I went out of my way to celebrate her birthday even when it had already passed months ago?
Does she remember my birthday?
Chapter 28
Lucette/Araceli:
When I remember what today is, I want to retch. How can I forget the monster’s birthday? It’s a horrible day for sure. At my belated 17th birthday celebration, he had yelled at me in a restaurant and caused us to get thrown out. He thought I was flirting with the waiter.
Outside, in the car, he started his mind games by furiously questioning why I wanted to ruin the special moment he had planned for me. He harangued me by yelling that I was an ungrateful skank. Even when my birthday had already passed, he had insisted on celebrating it late with me. How dare I flirt with another guy when all he was doing was worshipping my birth?! He wouldn’t let me get in a word. I remember feeling scared that he would strike me, but he didn’t actually begin hitting me until after our fake marriage.
But my instincts were already telling me what he was capable of.
The signs of his craziness were all there. Why didn’t I take my blinders off to see them? Why did I keep telling myself that his fixation for me was love?—that his over-the-top reactions were his demonstration of how much he cared for me?
Mind games, abuse, domination, stalking, obsession—NOT love!
Rabid jealousy, uncontrolled fury, fierce beatings —NOT LOVE!
Controlling every aspect of me, raping me when I didn’t want him to touch me, telling me he’ll kill me and my loved ones if we didn’t stay together—NO, NO, NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT LOVE!!!
If only I had realized this before I got pregnant. If only I had steered clear of him. If only I had not confused Justin’s strong feelings for me for fairytale love.
Fairytale love—HA!!! It belongs in fairytales and not in the heads of swooning girls who go to bed dreaming of guys bringing eternal love to them.
HA!!! I was such a clueless, silly girl thinking that Justin and I would live happily ever after even while he verbally mistreated me. What was I thinking?! Why did it take his physical abuse to make me come to my senses?
If only I knew then what I know now, I tell myself for the umpteenth time.
But there is no way to change the past—but the now is all mine, I tell myself. I won’t ever blind myself to the signs.
A knock on the door brings me out of my thoughts. I already know who it is. I smile as I open the door to Alfredo. Without the threat of Danila showing up anymore, he now calls me beforehand to ask me if he can come over. I lead him to the sofa where he tells me that he woke up this morning with the very strong feeling that he should visit me.
He’s right. Today of all days it feels really good to have a friend—an authentic one. The monster’s big day—I need companionship so my excruciating memories and jagged thoughts don’t explode inside of me.
“It’s Justin’s birthday,” I croak out.
He gathers me in his warm arms. “He’s far away from you,” Alfredo soothingly murmurs.
It turns out that the other day I had made the right decision in trusting him with my past. He hadn’t said anything to anyone about it, and it sure had helped me to tell my twisted tale. Even though I talk to Mrs. Sanchez about it, it feels different speaking to someone my age and of the opposite sex.
He had listened with wide eyes full of horror. I could tell he was bursting at the seams, but he stayed quiet until I fin
ished. I told him all about the clueless girl with mountainous dreams of true love but ended up with deep purple bruises instead.
“Boys don’t own girls!” he had snapped. “They can’t just beat them up whenever they feel like it!”
I then told Alfredo secrets I hadn’t told anybody like about the way I had had to keep talking myself out of suicide. I felt sooo helpless. There were times I came to believe that killing myself would be the only way out.
“I’m so thankful you didn’t do it!” he blurted with emotion.
At that point, I told him about some of the times Justin had laid his hands on me. On one particular occasion, we had been fake married for a few weeks when he had slapped me as soon as we got home from the convenience store because he thought I was flirting with the clerk. I didn’t know that asking where the milk was constituted flirting! Justin’s hand was so heavy and hard that in an instant blood filled my mouth. I had cried out and the monster had told me that I was making too big of a fuss.
“It’s only a little blood,” Justin had snapped. Then he had left the townhouse apartment to buy me perfume. Like a fool I kept believing him when he’d tell me it would never happen again as long as I didn’t provoke him. I soon learned that provoking him meant just about anything depending on his mood. The horrifying images never leave my mind as I keep thinking back over and over again.
The apartment wasn’t clean to his specifications like a towel being out of place—WHACK!
I didn’t ask him about his day—WHACK!
I didn’t say I love you in the right tone—WHACK!
I didn’t know how to cook—WHACK!
I made the wrong dinner from the cookbook—WHACK!
I didn’t appreciate him enough—WHACK!
The list was endless. Not even the baby inside me had held him back.
Alfredo had been so caring when I had told him the whole story as he is now while holding me. He eyes me with compassion filled eyes.
“Forget his birthday. That dude can’t hurt you anymore,” he murmurs.
But this is a compassionate lie Alfredo is telling me. Justin can most certainly still hurt me if he finds me. He can still harm me through the nightmare memories I have of him. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget the ugliness of his words or the exact feel of his fist crushing into me.
I eye Alfredo. I’m so glad that he accepted that I can only give him friendship. After I told him my horror story, he didn’t push the romantic relationship discussion anymore.
It’s a huge relief that I still have my best friend.
Justin:
I’m not expecting anyone so when there’s a knock on the door I’m surprised. Can it he Rocco with some much needed beer? My heart beats fast when I think about the other person it can be! Can it be my lovely Lucette?! Has she finally come to her senses? Maybe she lost her keys! I rush to the door and swing it open.
My mouth hangs wide open. I don’t expect the person standing at my door!
It’s unbelievable!
Finally!
Are we back in business?!
It’s Ratchet!!!
Chapter 29
Lucette/Araceli:
At school, Chiffon has lost much of her fawning fan club. Alfredo and the Dynamic Trio tell me that it’s because of what I had told them.
“You opened their eyes,” Alfredo explains.
I don’t know if that’s the reason Chiffon has lost a lot of her popularity at school, but I do know, however, that it’s much more pleasant there without Chiffon’s bully-antics. Without so much worship from others, her evil is contained. Without so many of her minions kissing her feet and giving her their power, her own power is limited.
Chiffon, though, has her mind occupied somewhere else and isn’t focusing on her loss of status. What I’m about to tell you is unbelievable. Really unbelievable! History is about to repeat itself!
There’s a new guy in school.
Good looking tough guy with quite an attitude.
All the girls are swooning over Ray. Remind you of something? I’m sick to my stomach just looking at him and being reminded so much of Justin. Even though Ray doesn’t look physically like Justin, Ray is blonde and green eyed while Justin is black haired and blue eyed, the personality is the same. He’s in one of my classes and stares at me. I’m disgusted especially after he tells a girl right in front of me that he’s an all or nothing guy. Any girl with him will have to give up everything to be with him. He thinks he’s impressing me with his silly idea of romance. I roll my eyes. He sees me and chuckles. I groan.
Then Ray proves to me that my instincts about him are correct. When his motorcycle fails to start, his fury explodes. As he kicks his bike with fierce blows, I shake my head. Chiffon and other girls stare at him with fascination as if his violent act is cool.
Chiffon tries everything to get Ray to pay attention to her, but unfortunately it’s me he’s focusing on. I know he only likes me because I’m probably the only girl in school who doesn’t care for him.
Alfredo gets a little jealous. “You like the guy?” he asks. He doesn’t shout or smolder flames, but his voice is shaky.
“You kidding me?” I answer, guffawing. “Been there, done that,” I grunt.
Nodding, he sighs. “Sorry I even asked. It’s really none of my business.”
I smile at him. “Maybe not, but please understand that there’s no way I’d go out with Ray.”
Alfredo grins at me. “Okay, Araceli.”
Meanwhile, Anelina’s reaction to Ray really bothers me. She moons over him, and he takes advantage that she’s a friend of mine by seeking her out when I’m around. He thinks I’ll fall for him by getting jealous of him and Anelina.
Idiot!
Finally, I’ve had enough and take her aside. “Anelina, you have to stop getting close to Ray.”
“Why?!” she bursts.
“He’s not good boyfriend material.”
“Are you jealous that he picked me?” she questions, upset. “All the girls in school are.”
I shake my head and measure my words carefully. “I promise that I’m not jealous.”
“Then why do you want me to get away from him?”
“I knew a guy like him. He had a bad temper like Ray and would hit girls.” It’s the first time I tell any of the Dynamic Trio about anything to do with Justin but now I feel inclined to.
“Look, Araceli, just because you knew a jerk doesn’t mean that Ray is anything like that,” she asserts. “I’m sure Ray is nothing like this guy you’re talking about.”
No matter what I say she won’t listen. I know the act—a lot of girls do it to defend what they think is one-time only love. To compound the problem the other two in the Dynamic Trio think it’s awesome that Ray is paying so much attention to Anelina. They can’t believe her luck. I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’ll for sure be at the wakeup call making certain Anelina doesn’t ignore it like I once did.
Justin:
The freak is standing at my door!
“Are you just going to keep staring at me or are you going to invite me in?!” Ratchet snaps. I lead him to my sofa as I try to get out of my surprised stupor.
“You’re out of the hospital,” I mutter.
He guffaws. “Brilliant deduction, pinhead.”
“I thought you had some time to go.”
“Do you want me to keep going with the investigation or not?” he retorts.
“Of course I do!”
“Then stop trying to get me back into the hospital. We’ve got a lot of work to do, and I’m going to find Lucette if it’s the last thing I do, kid!”
Chapter 30
Lucette/Araceli:
Alfredo comes to my home to tell me how worried he’s about Anelina. He tells me he’s personally witnessed some anger issues from Ray.
“You’re so right about him, Araceli.”
I nod, wishing I hadn’t been right about Ray, that he’s actually not
hing like Justin. “Yeah.”
“The other day he started yelling at a girl because she accidentally tripped him. He got so furious that he kicked the dirt!”
“Next time it might not be the dirt he takes his anger out on,” I murmur.
“I’ve been trying to stay close to Anelina—sometimes with her not knowing I’m around. But then the other day she caught me and accused me of stalking her!”
I groan. “Not good!”
“I hope you know that I’m not a stalker or anything like that. I was just trying to stay close to Anelina in case she needed me.”
I smile. “Alfredo, thanks for caring.”
He blushes. “I’m not going to give up on getting her to come to her senses, though.”
“What are you planning?”
A knock on the door interrupts us. “An intervention,” he announces.
“What?” I ask moving towards the door. When I open it the Dynamic Trio is there. Now I know what Alfredo means by an intervention. We sit in the living room as the Sanchezes give us some privacy by watching TV in their room. They have no idea what we’re going to talk about, but they leave us alone nonetheless.
Anelina eyes Alfredo with suspicion. She knows something’s up. The other two seem puzzled.
“Why did you tell us to meet you here, Alfredo?” questions Danila.
“We need to talk about the situation with Ray,” he blurts. He sure knows how to get to the point, I tell myself.
Anelina’s face immediately turns defensive. “What about him?” she bursts, ice in her voice.
“He’s not a good guy!” This time it’s my turn to blurt.
“How do you know that, Araceli?” questions Danila.
“I just do,” I murmur.
“How do you know that you’re not wrong!” cries Anelina, upset.
“I don’t,” I mutter, “but he shows signs of violence.”
“Guys are like that,” asserts Emily. “They’re more aggressive than we are, right, Alfredo?”
I jump in. “Alfredo is a gentleman,” I point out. “He would never get aggressive with a girl!”
Alfredo eyes me with surprise. “I wouldn’t,” he asserts. “No guy should.”
Anelina shoots up off the sofa. “I don’t want to listen to this anymore. I’m not even dating Ray, so get off my back.”
“You’re not dating him, yet,” I mention.
“My life is my own business,” Anelina mutters, heading to the door. I jump up and stand in front of her before she steps out of the house.