At that moment I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I don’t just want to be Alfredo’s friend. I know that he’s worth me working through my fears, that I can’t let Justin keep manipulating my life.
Grabbing him, I plant my lips on his. Startled at first, he takes a few seconds to respond to me.
I’m on a cloud.
He briefly disengages. “I really care for you. Care for you with all my heart. Please know that.”
We go back to kissing.
Justin:
“Think back, kid,” Ratchet demands. “Have you told me everything you know about Lucette?”
“Yeah!” I snap. Why are we going over this again? We had covered this when I had first hired him.
“You sure?”
“Yessss!!!”
Chapter 33
Lucette/Araceli:
A bloodcurdling scream suddenly fills the air.
“What’s that?!” I question, disengaging from the kiss with Alfredo. The noise coming from inside the school auditorium of shocked yells still reverberates in my ears. Alfredo eyes me with complete puzzlement. We don’t have to say anything as we rush back inside the building to see what’s happening.
I can’t believe what I see when I get there! Blood all over the place. Ray on the floor with a gushing wound. A bloody pocketknife next to him on the floor. Chiffon sobbing and trying to wake him up from his unconscious state—her gown a mess of bright red stains all over. Another boy yelling, “He made me do it!”
Violence. Screams. Altered emotions. Everything starts going dark for me.
I pass out.
When my eyes flutter open, I’m at the Sanchez home. I’m so relieved to be in my room. I must’ve had a nightmare, I say to myself. But then I notice my prom dress.
“Are you okay?” Mrs. Sanchez questions anxiously. Mr. Sanchez is standing next to her and looking equally as worried.
“Thank goodness you’re awake,” bursts Alfredo, nearing me.
“What happened?” I ask, stumbling on my words.
“You fainted at the prom,” Alfredo explains.
Remembering what I last saw before blacking out, I strongly wince. “What happened at the prom?!” I question as I anxiously sit up.
Mrs. Sanchez shakes her head. “Get some more rest, and then we’ll tell you.”
“Tell me now,” I plead. “I need to know before the pictures in my head explode.”
Mr. Sanchez nods. “Alfredo, tell her.”
Alfredo takes a huge gulp before speaking. “Ray got in a huge fight with Daryl Mayer.”
“Why?” I croak out.
“Ray said Daryl was flirting with Chiffon.”
I can tell that Alfredo is having a very hard time telling me about it, but I need to know the full story, so I keep pushing him. “Then what happened?”
Alfredo lets out a long breath. “Ray started attacking Daryl. Ray was going crazy!”
“What happened next?” I murmur, still pushing him.
Alfredo takes a breath before answering. “Daryl pulled out a pocketknife and plunged it into Ray.”
I gulp before asking the next question. “How’s Ray?”
“He’s dead.”
Justin:
Ratchet keeps pushing me! The freak calls me every few days to bug me! I’m completely losing my patience!
“Kid, you sure you haven’t remembered anything else about Lucette?”
“No, no, no!”
“Kid—”
“I’ve already told you everything I know!” I snap. “Get off my back!”
Chapter 34
Lucette/Araceli:
I ask everyone in my bedroom to please give me some space. I really need breathing room after finding out what happened at the prom. Once they leave, I start going over the night again. What a night! Alfredo had also told me that Chiffon had gotten hurt and was in the hospital. She wasn’t in critical condition or anything like that, but Ray had savagely slapped her before he went for Daryl.
I have to admit that my nerves are stretched to their limit. The prom tragedy brought everything back to me. In my head, I see the monster beating me over and over again.
I barely sleep the night even with the over the counter sleeping pills Mrs. Sanchez had the foresight to give me.
But I have nightmares all night long.
I’m so relieved it’s Sunday the next day and that I don’t have to go to school. I probably would’ve had to say home. The Dynamic Trio visits to see if I’m okay. If they wonder why I’m freaking out so much about something that didn’t happen to me, they keep quiet. I guess my grief stricken face is enough to stop any inopportune questions from them. After only a few minutes, Mrs. Sanchez tells them to give me some space and visit with me another day.
I’m really relieved she did that to tell you the truth. I need time alone to get myself together.
The person I really dread seeing is Alfredo. I keep thinking about the kiss last night and it keeps merging with the violence that happened right after. When he stops by, my insides get all twisted. Mrs. Sanchez tells him not to take too long with me. We’re in my bedroom. He tries to get closer and I keep moving away from him until he ends up sitting on my trunk at the foot of my bed and me at the vanity table chair.
He eyes me carefully with concern. “How are you today, Araceli?”
“Fine,” I blurt.
He groans. “You don’t have to pretend you’re fine with me. What happened yesterday must’ve really taken it out of you.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
He groans again. “Okay, if you’re not ready to talk then I respect your feelings.”
“Stop being such a nice guy!” I burst.
“What?”
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I think we need to stay away from one another for a while,” I blurt.
His startled eyes stare at me. “What?”
“We need time away from one another?”
“Why?!” he croaks out.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you yesterday. I’m just so screwed up, Alfredo,” I mutter. “You have no idea what’s going on inside me!”
“Don’t do that, Araceli,” he murmurs. “Don’t shut me out of your life.”
“I have to.”
Alfredo takes in a deep breath. “The kiss has you freaked out, doesn’t it?”
“The kiss should’ve never happened.”
Let’s forget the kiss,” he shoots back. “We’ll be friends like always.”
“No, Alfredo,” I insist adamantly. “I need to stay away from you for a while.”
Justin:
Ratchet just doesn’t give up. A few days after the last time he had asked me about remembering something else about Lucette, he calls me AGAIN!
“What do you want from me?!” I snap, my voice at its most frustrated.
“Kid, just think back to something you might’ve forgotten.”
“I’d never forget something about my wife!” I bellow.
“Are you sure you knew who her friends were?”
“Lucette didn’t have any friends!” I insist. “She had me! She didn’t need any other people in her life but me!”
Ratchet grunts. “Stop yelling at me, pinhead,” he snarls, between his teeth.
“Sorry.”
“I’m just trying to find her, kid.”
“I know,” I mumble. “Sorry.”
“You’ve told me where she shopped, where she bought groceries, and which places the two of you frequented. Are you sure you knew all her activities?”
“I knew everything about her.”
“She had no other activities but the ones you told me about?”
I sigh. “No, she was pretty predictable. She’d do the same things every day except when we went grocery shopping, or she went to the laundromat. She—”
“Laundromat?!”
“Our clothes had to get washed somehow,” I retort.
“You never told me that
she’d go to a laundromat!” Ratchet snaps.
I roll my eyes. “Why is that important?”
“Kid, I don’t know if it’s important or not, but it’s a new avenue to investigate.”
I snort. “Yeah, whatever.”
Chapter 35
Lucette/Araceli:
I really feel bad about Alfredo—not just for him but for me too. He’s staying away from me and I sure do miss him. Once in a while I catch him staring at me but as soon as my eyes catch him, he shifts his sight somewhere else. He looks as miserable as I am.
At school, everybody keeps talking about the tragedy at the prom. Chiffon is already out of the hospital, but her parents think it’s best if she doesn’t come back to school. She’s pretty traumatized to say the least. Instead, she’ll be homeschooled for the remainder of senior year. Rumor has it that she sits in her room, barely talking to anyone, and refusing to go out at all. She didn’t even go to Ray’s funeral. Her parents already hired a psychiatrist for her.
Daryl Mayer is out on bond and waiting for trial. He isn’t coming back to school either. He’s another one that is in total freak out mode—not that I blame him. After all, he did kill someone. Several students have already stepped forward and said it was self-defense. Several recordings of the night have hit the internet. I’m beside myself with worry that Justin will see me in one of them. I make myself look through all of the footages, sick to my stomach at the viciousness I’m forcing myself to watch. I’m relieved, though, that I’m not in any of the horrifying recordings.
The principal has a general meeting for the entire student body to talk about violence. He encourages those who were affected by prom night to get professional help from the counselors he’s brought in. I understand that quite a few students are taking advantage of this, including the Dynamic Trio. They ask me if I’m going to get counseling. I decline. I’m not sure these types of therapists are actually equipped to deal with all my issues, and I’ve got a secret I need to keep. I had already made a mistake by telling Alfredo. I won’t make that mistake again.
I wince thinking about him.
At home, the Sanchezes have a visitor. It’s a former foster child of theirs. As I said before, this is a common occurrence in their home.
I’m immediately taken in by the twenty-something year old young woman. Jenny smiles a lot and keeps telling the Sanchezes what they meant to her. She’s about to graduate from college at the top of her class.
Mrs. Sanchez asks me for a private talk in my room. I’m surprised she’s leaving her guest alone to speak to me. Concerned, I step into my room with her trailing me.
“I asked Jenny to come,” blurts Mrs. Sanchez. “She didn’t just drop by.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “She didn’t?”
“You won’t talk to a counselor at school,” states Mrs. Sanchez. “Will you talk to Jenny?”
“Talk to Jenny?” I question, puzzled.
“Just trust me.”
“Mrs. Sanchez, I really appreciate what you do for me, but I’m okay. Really.”
“Jenny was physically abused by her parents. She knows about trying to climb mountains with all kinds of scars eating at you.”
“Does she know about me?”
“I just told her you had suffered emotional and physical abuse. I didn’t give her any details because it’s your story to tell if you wish.”
“Thanks for leaving it up to me,” I assert, “but—”
“Araceli, just give her a chance. Talk to her for just a few minutes and see if it’s helping you. If not, we’ll just thank her for coming and end it there, okay?”
I just can’t say no to Mrs. Sanchez. She looks at me with such care and concern that I have to reciprocate to such kindness. “Okay,” I say, sighing.
She calls Jenny in and discreetly steps out of the room to give us some privacy. The moment is awkward. I don’t know how to start. Luckily, she starts the conversation by telling me she heard about what happened on prom night.
I can still clearly picture Daryl’s dead and bleeding body on the ground. “It was horrible for sure,” I state, my voice shaky.
Jenny tells me that she grew up with a lot of violence in her home. Her parents were alcoholics and would become meaner and meaner with each drink they guzzled. The emotional abuse would explode with them calling her things like worthless, ugly, and degenerate. Then the physical abuse would start with them slapping, punching, or putting out cigarettes on her. Jenny showed me the scars still on her skin.
The only thing she was grateful for was that her parents couldn’t have more children to abuse, that she was alone in this nightmare. At twelve-years-old a caring teacher noticed her bruises and the authorities were called. She was placed with the Sanchezes who greeted her with wide open arms.
At first, it was very difficult for Jenny to trusts adults, but little by little the Sanchezes managed to get through her wall of ice. A few years later, she still found the scars of the heart difficult to completely heal—even with such amazing people like the Sanchezes nurturing and loving her. When she became of age to date, she started going out with jerks who would abuse her.
“Mrs. Sanchez made me see that all I was doing was going toward the familiar. Abuse was familiar to me!—so I looked for it in relationships. That’s the picture I had in my head of how people in love acted. She urged me to change the picture in my head, to tell myself that I didn’t deserve to be abused. I deserve better and so do you, Araceli.”
Tears start flowing from my eyes. “I deserve better?”
“YES!!! Mrs. Sanchez made me see that my parents’ abuse was about them and not about me. Those names they called me are not who I am or even who I was. Those smacks they gave me weren’t because I deserved them. They were because the two people who should’ve loved me and taken care of me were messed up and sooo wrong. After I realized this I stopped with the abusive boyfriends. I realized I had to love myself enough to protect myself, enough to demand better for myself.”
I’m so overwhelmed with emotion that I can’t speak. All I can do is try to find equilibrium as my mind whirls like a tornado. Just then I realize how much Justin had played with my psyche—damaging the way I feel about myself. He had worked hard at ingraining doubts about what I deserved in my head. Justin had told me so many times that I was nothing without him, that I needed him just to be, and that I deserved those blows he gave me.
I DESERVE BETTER! Those three words keep exploding in my head as my tears flood out.
“Do you have a boyfriend now?” I question, my voice cracking.
Jenny smiles. “He’s the best.”
“But isn’t it hard to be in a relationship with the scars of abuse still inside your heart?”
Jenny nods. “I’m not going to lie to you and tell you it doesn’t get hard sometimes, but I’m lucky to have a guy who’s patient and understanding. He talks instead of using his fists. We take it one day at a time. He’s my best friend, so it’s easy to resort to our friendship when things get sticky.”
“Best friend?” I murmur.
“Yeah!” Jenny blurts enthusiastically. “I think they make the best boyfriends!”
Justin:
While I’m at work and have my phone off, Ratchet leaves me a message. I listen to my messages during my break and absolutely freak. He thinks he’s found something! I immediately call him.
“Listen, kid, according to the laundromat supervisor, your wife seemed to have had a friend there.”
“A friend?” I question, startled that Lucette had never told me about her laundromat friend.
“His name is Alejo.”
Chapter 36
Lucette/Araceli:
I have to admit that the talk with Jenny did me a world of good. I feel lighter as if she helped me with the heavy burden of feeling bad about myself. I’m even breathing better. I profusely thank her.
After Jenny leaves, I start re-thinking my position on Alfredo. He’s such a good, understandi
ng, and compassionate guy. He knows about me and has kept my secret. He’s not scared off!
The Dynamic Trio had told me a few days ago about how lost he seemed, how upset with our break-up. My heart constrains when I think, I did that to him and all he ever did was care about me.
I tell Mrs. Sanchez about my thoughts. She listens compassionately as I tell her how much I care for Alfredo and regret having hurt him.
“I don’t know how to tell him what’s in my heart,” I tell Mrs. Sanchez, teary eyed. Even if it’s probably too late for us, I still want to tell him how sorry I am. He deserves my apologies.”
“Write him a letter,” she suggests. “Not an email but an old fashioned letter with your handwriting.”
I smile and thank her. What a great solution, so I grab a pen and some paper. It takes me a while and a whole bunch of crumbled sheets to say the right things, the words stuck in my heart. I tell him what an amazing guy he is and how regretful I am that I didn’t appreciate him more. I tell him how difficult it’s for me to trust after what I’ve been through. I tell him that I know it’s probably too late for us and that he deserves the best, to be loved completely.
When I finish with the letter, I give it to Danila to give to him. She’s excited I’m writing to him.
“This is sooo romantic,” she gushes.
Justin:
Nasty bile rises inside of me. “Alejo?!!!” I blurt into my cell phone.
“Kid, don’t get your panties in a wad,” Ratchet mutters.
“My wife was cheating on me?!!!” I’m glad I’m taking my break in my car, so no one is listening to me freak.
“The laundromat supervisor said he didn’t see anything amorous between them.”
“You sure?!” I snap.
Ratchet sighs a heavy, impatient breath. “Yes.”
“But—”
“The supervisor didn’t see any kissing, holding of hands, or—”
“Get me that idiot’s address!” I burst, fury exploding inside of me. “I’ll teach that Alejo a thing or two about trying to get it on with another guy’s wife!”
“Kid, get yourself together!” Ratchet demands. “Aren’t you listening to me?”
“Why was he talking to my Lucette if he wasn’t trying to get in her pants?” I snarl, the bile from my stomach now in my mouth.