Such politeness and consideration of my feelings, I tell myself. I like Alejo very much.
“Yes, I’m fine,” I murmur. I’m lying. I’m scared crapless. This is the most dramatic thing I’ve ever done. Even getting pregnant and marrying my high school sweetheart can’t compare to this.
“You sure?” he persists, towering over me. His light brown mane ruffles when a breeze catches it, and I wish I could be as careless as his hair.
I nod silently. “Yeah.”
“I’m here for you,” the 50-year-old says.
I nod again, but I’m really not okay. How can I be with my life being up in the air like it is? Do I regret my decision? Am I having second thoughts? It’s a firm no to both. But . . . still . . . I’m scared.
I’m really scared.
Making a life changing choice is the hardest of the hard no matter how you look at it, right? Turning your whole life upside down and then shaking it, so it transforms completely can be horrifying, right?
I think about what I left behind and shudder. Actually shake with a painful tremble going through me.
Justin.
Lucky Lucette’s back story of romance:
I was such a silly girl in those days leading up to my meeting Justin. A very clueless and carefree girl.
High School was a game. My amazing game, I believed. One that as the most popular girl in school belonged to me.
Yes, I know—ugg! What a snob! I’m cringing too!
Girls would fight to walk beside me, and boys would beg for a date. Frankly, I was a little bored with the whole worshipping of me situation. Again, ugg!—how arrogant and conceited of me! Why couldn’t I have known then what I know now?
Anyway, let’s keep going with my story:
Everything at school was the same every day. If I would’ve cracked a book once in a while maybe I would’ve found school more interesting, but I foolishly believed that there was no reason to get good grades. My parents were rich and I was convinced they were obligated to support me financially for the rest of my life. I would one day inherit their money when they died and weren’t around to support me. I had it all worked out in my head.
What a huge jerk I was, right?
See what I mean about me being a clueless, silly girl back then?
Somewhat bored and disconnected with reality, I was ripe for the picking when Justin Swaggart suddenly appeared in my life. One day he showed up at school after he and his family had moved to San Antonio from Dallas. His black hair and blue eyes were mesmerizing. With his leather jacket, torn blue jeans, and a sneer on his good-looing face, he spelled danger. He was obviously from the wrong side of the tracks and didn’t come from wealth the way I did.
All the girls tripped all over themselves to be with his hot self. I decided I would be the one to catch him. He ignored me for a while. He had so many girls to choose from. This drove me totally nuts. After all, he was the first boy to ever reject me. I knew I had to have him.
Just had to.
He finally stopped playing hard to get when I decided that the best way to get him was to join his game. I started ignoring him. It did the trick! No sooner had I flirted with Virgil Perez that Justin grabbed my arm and dragged me away from Virgil. The girls stared at me with envy.
“What are you doing with that idiot?!” Justin had snapped, his nostrils flaring.
I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly. “What do you care?”
His eyes melded themselves into mine. “Maybe I care a lot!”
From that day on we were inseparable. Our destinies were on a collision course.
We got serious really fast! It seemed like we went from point zero to a hundred in only a few seconds. We were just so into each other—it felt like our need for one another was much stronger than what happened in any movie. We spent every moment we could together.
My parents strongly disapproved of us, and not for the reasons you might think. It wasn’t his tough guy looks that made my parents automatically dislike him. In fact, they scorned him way before they even met him. I had told them about a guy I was seeing when they started to question why I was never home.
“What’s this fella’s name?” my father had quickly interrogated. I really dreaded the question because I knew perfectly well where he was heading.
“Justin,” I rushed, hoping his first name would be enough.
“What’s his last name?” my mother burst, her face scrunched. She was already suspecting that my new boyfriend wasn’t of our class.
“Swaggart,” I murmured. I decided I might as well get over with it.
My father’s eyebrows shot up. “Swaggart? I don’t know any Swaggarts. Where are they from?”
“Dallas,” I said quickly.
My father’s face turned perplexed. “The Dallas Swaggarts?”
“Where does Justin Swaggart live?” my mother shot at me, her face still scrunched.
I sighed. I was tired of this game and decided to come clean. “He’s not rich like us.”
“What?” burst my father, tightly scrunching his face like my mother was doing.
I eyed them with exasperation. “His family isn’t wealthy.”
“Lucette, are you deliberately trying to provoke us?” snapped my mother.
“What are you talking about?” I burst.
My father shook his head at me. “You know perfectly well what we mean,” he snapped, his eyes in a slit. “This Justin Swaggart is not of our class and—”
“I don’t care!” I retorted.
My father shook his head more vigorously. “This Justin boy is just not appropriate for you, Lucette, and you know it!”
“Really, Lucette!” my mother burst. “What are you thinking?”
Fury burned me. “Justin is an awesome guy if you would only bother to get to know him!”
“We don’t need to get to know him to recognize he’s not the right boy for you,” proclaimed my father.
My mother vigorously nodded, in complete agreement with my father. “Honestly, Lucette!—why can’t you be more like your cousin Lynette? Her boyfriend is Bryson Bennett. His family is from very old money. Now that’s class!”
I growled under my breath. I totally hated being compared to my cousin!
“Whatever would you and this boy have in common?” sneered my father.
“You’d be surprised,” I retorted.
My parents’ disapproval of Justin only served to make me want him more. I fought hard to be with him and my mother and father just couldn’t handle my obstinacy. In fact, they had never been able to say no to me. I pretty much got all I wanted from them. I guess being an only child made them want to give me all they could, and I wanted a boy named Justin. So not even my family could keep Justin and me apart.
Justin and I must be soulmates, I would tell myself with a long sigh. In my view we were like Romeo and Juliet—fighting for our relationship, going against whoever and whatever to be together, feeling more and more intoxicated with one another.
We were in his old car on the freeway when he suddenly pulled over to the shoulder. I eyed him with surprise.
“Why are we stopping?” I questioned, concerned. Had his old jalopy stopped working?
Justin abruptly turned to me. “I couldn’t go another second without telling you something I should’ve already told you, Lucette.”
“What do you want to tell me?” I questioned, worried he was going to say something awful to me. Maybe he was going to have to move back to Dallas. That would be sooo horrible!
He took my face in his hands and gazed deeply into my eyes. “I love you, Lucette Nuñez!”
Stunned, I stared back at him.
“I just wanted to tell you that,” he continued.
I just couldn’t believe he had said it first! What an awesome guy, I told myself.
“Do you want to say something back to me?” he questioned, his tone worried and chastising.
“I love you too, Justin Swaggart,” I murmured. Wha
t a romantic movie scene!!! I said to myself. The moment was overwhelming me! It must be a fairytale everafter love—the kind that lasts forever and ever and ever.
Justin let out a breath of relief. His hands tightened on my face and brought my lips to his. I opened my mouth to him readily and totally.
The kiss.
Magical.
Sealing us together.
When we disengaged, words rushed out of his mouth, “Lucette, I’ve never felt this way about any other girl. I swear you’re like the air that I breathe and the blood coursing through my veins. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!”
What girl wouldn’t have had her head turned with such flattery? With such heartfelt emotions?
This was before everything came crashing down. The unthinkable happened.
I got pregnant.
Everything turned terribly wrong.
Justin:
You know when you’re having one of those horrific dreams that you can’t wake up from? Well, that’s how I feel.
I’m in a nightmare I can’t shake off!!!
My wife left me!
Why would she hurt me like this?
All I ever did was love her!!!
Having finally read Lucette’s email, her parents call me in a panic. I patiently sit through while they read to me the e-mail that I had already read. I try to stay calm during their freaking out.
“Why’d she leave you?” her father bursts.
“I don’t know,” I murmur.
“Do you have any idea where she went?” her mother questions, her voice constrained and shaky.
This is the most worried I’ve seen them. Well, let me correct that, this is actually the second most worried time. The loss of my baby with Lucette was number one. They were pretty shaken up then and were constantly in the hospital with her. They still hadn’t forgiven her, but at least they were talking to her and very upset over the miscarriage that could’ve also killed her when she fell on the stairs.
A surge of pain slaps into me. Just thinking about our lost baby does that. Why had my wife caused the miscarriage?
Why hadn’t she wanted to have our baby?
“I don’t know where Lucette could’ve gone,” I respond to Mrs. Nuñez, sighing. I really don’t know much about Lucette’s crazy reasoning.
“She didn’t even give a hint that she was leaving?” Mr. Nuñez questions.
“No,” I curtly answer. “I didn’t see it coming at all, or you can bet I would’ve done everything I could to help her with whatever she’s going through.” I sigh deeply. “I thought I had done that, but obviously Lucette didn’t think so.”
“She must be still hurting about the baby,” Mrs. Nuñez reasons.
“Yes,” I murmur.
“Maybe it’s better to give her some space,” Mrs. Nuñez continues.
“That may be for the best,” agrees Mr. Nuñez.
“Yes,” I murmur again.
“I guess we’ll stay in Europe for now. I still have all lot of business to take care of. Please contact us straightaway if you hear from her,” Mr. Nuñez requests.
“Please do the same for me and call me immediately if you hear from her,” I respond.
As soon as I hang up, I snatch Lucette’s picture in a frame sitting on the cocktail table I’m next to and fling it to the wall. It shatters, being an exact reflection of my splintered emotions.
I make a snap decision. I’ll hire a detective to look for her. She needs to tell me to my face why she left me. It doesn’t make sense!
I did nothing but love her. I worshipped her. I did everything I could to make our relationship work.
What more does she want from me? I forgave her for what happened to our baby. Isn’t that a big deal to her?
How could she leave me?
Is she with another guy?
How can she think that someone else will give her what I did?!
I’m in agony! I need some freakin’ answers!
NOW!!!
Chapter 5
Lucette:
It starts raining so hard that Alejo tells me we shouldn’t go on the road. The streets are slick and there are many accidents on the San Antonio roads. We’ll have to wait at his friend’s house before continuing our journey.
I say okay. That he probably knows best.
The steadiness of the rain lulls my brain, making it hazy and tranquil. Pictures pop up in my mind. My life with Justin keeps flashing before my eyes.
The pregnancy.
I don’t need to tell you what a freak out experience that was, do I? I’ve heard about some girls who get pregnant on purpose—you know, to get their boyfriends to marry them.
I can promise you that wasn’t me.
I really didn’t want to get pregnant, but Justin’s condom must’ve had a hole in it. I’ve learned now that a person shouldn’t carry condoms in the wallet as Justin used to do to show his fawning buddies that he was the dude at school.
Anyway, I had fallen fast and hard into his arms one day when he told me something about loving me forever and our destiny being with each other.
You know, syrupy crap like that.
He told me he had left a girlfriend in Dallas, but he never felt for her what he felt for me. I fell for it hook, line, and sinker! I deep kissed him, my heart melting. I was sure I was in love. What else could my racing heart and foggy head mean?
I then let him undress me and take me like in a romance novel or movie. It was my first time. I had decided a long time ago that I would only give up my virginity to true love. My first time had to be the most special of special.
I gave it to Justin with a completely sighing heart and without looking back.
“We’re meant for one another,” he had kept assuring me.
I totally believed him. Then I got pregnant and freaked out, but after talking to an excited Justin, I was completely in rapture about marrying him and having our baby.
When I told my parents, they had such a cow that I wanted to hide under the dining room table as they roared. A conniption fit of epic proportions! Their shrilling yells still ring in my ears:
“How could you do this to us?!”
“Haven’t we given you everything?!”
“Weren’t we the best of parents?!”
“Why did you decide to destroy your life like this?!—and destroy ours in the process?!”
They hated the idea of what their so called friends and acquaintances would say about the situation. My parents were always worried about what others would think and worked hard at keeping up appearances. When they bought something, it had to be recognized as being the most exclusive, the very best, and the most expensive.
“You’ve completely disillusioned your mother and me,” my father had muttered with dripping disgust in his voice. “Lucette, you’re such a disappointment.”
“Our only daughter—getting pregnant! And marrying such a common, no-class person. How can we ever get over it?” my mother announced as she placed her face into her hands and sobbed. “We expected so much more from you, Lucette.”
My parents’ words were like sharp, killer arrows to my heart. They tore into my bull’s-eye without any hesitation or remorse. Their attitudes furiously kicked me to the ground.
“Go make a life with that Justin person and leave us to our shame,” my father had snapped.
Deeply hurt, I decided Justin would have to become my everything. I swooned at the mere mention of his name. My parents had basically disowned me. They took away my credit cards, my car, and their financial support.
The worst, though, was that they had taken their love, their conditional love, away from me.
That’s why I clung to Justin—to his love and married him in a tiny ceremony that included only the judge and a few witnesses. I tried to keep going to school despite my parents having taken my rich girl identity away from me but soon dropped out when I couldn’t stand the whispers in the hallways, and the complete fall from grace in everyone’s eyes.
/> I was worse than a nobody.
I was a person to make fun of and feel sorry for.
Justin:
It’s raining so hard. Is my wife safe? I can’t help worrying about her. Does she have enough food, shelter, and other necessities? I can’t help but worry about her now that she isn’t under my watchful and caring attention.
Yeah, I’m furious that she left me—hopefully not for some other guy but just to get herself together. JUST TO GET HER HEAD STRAIGHT!
I’ll desperately cling to that hope—the hope that she’ll come to her senses soon and come back to my arms.
Come back to me!
Where she belongs and should’ve never left!!!
Chapter 6
Lucette:
It’s stopped raining. Alejo and I finally leave.
As we’re on our way out of San Antonio, I see my parents’ very exclusive neighborhood. I think about my parents’ mansion, about their trip to Europe. How are they? Have they read my email yet? Are they worried about me? They were so awesome when the miscarriage happened.
I actually felt loved by them again.
“Alejo, can we make a small change of plans?” I murmur, my voice shaky.
His light brown eyes stare at me with curiosity. “Change of plans?”
“Can we stop at my parents’ home just for a few minutes, so I can use their phone to call them in Europe and tell them I’m fine?” Luckily, I still have keys to their house, and I really want to feel the familiarity of my old home, even if it’s only for a short moment.
Justin:
It had finally stopped raining like crazy after a few days. Some of the streets in San Antonio had flooded. Still, the rain hadn’t stopped me from doing what I had to do. I hired the best detective I could find to track Lucette down—Cory Ramaldi.
My wife has to answer for what she did to me!
When Ramaldi calls me to tell me he thinks he sees Lucette at her parents’ home, I’m beside myself. I just can’t believe I’ve found her! Ramaldi had insisted on staking out the Nuñez house because he said it was logical that she’d show up there, even with her parents in Europe.
“Look, I’m not absolutely positive it’s her,” Ramaldi explains, “but it sure looks like her from where I’m at. Some guy is with her.”
I just about explode. Who is this home-wrecking guy?! I knew it! I knew she had left me for some jerk!
Why hadn’t her parents called me to tell me she had shown up at their house? Hadn’t we made an agreement? I’m furious! I’m livid!