“Thanks, hero.”
“You stood up to that snake and her minions,” murmurs Alfredo. “Now you’re my hero.”
“Thanks,” I repeat, trying to look normal. Trying not to show him the earthquake of emotions I’m forcing to stay still.
Justin:
As I wait for that freak Ratchet to recover, I decide to go fishing. You’d be surprised to know about how much that activity really calms me down. The few times my lovely Lucette and I fought, I would go fishing when things got too explosive if you know what I mean.
When my love for her got too much and I had to strike her because the emotions overwhelmed me, I’d rush out the apartment with my fishing tackle even when it was dark. By the time I came back, passions weren’t so explosive and I could apologize to her for what she had made me do. I’d kiss all her black and blue bruises. I’d have a precious present to show her how I’m always thinking of her and our love.
I sigh deeply.
Does she ever remember the heartfelt gifts I’d get for her or has she forgotten? Has she forgotten everything we meant to one another?
It’s too terrible to keep thinking about!
Realizing I hadn’t gone fishing for a long time, I decide it’s time to go. It’s time to take back some normalcy in my life that had been snatched away from me when my wife had left me. Opening the tackle box to make certain everything I need is in it, I gasp.
I can’t believe what I find in it!
Chapter 23
Lucette/Araceli:
News travels way too fast in school and I seem to be on everyone’s tongue almost the minute the confrontation I had with Chiffon was over. I had expected a few days of reprieve, so I could get myself together, but I didn’t even get a day of it. The Dynamic Trio is upset that I hadn’t told them what I was about to do when the three went to the library. I tell them that I didn’t want them involved in case I got beaten up by, as Alfredo calls them, Chiffon’s minions.
The trio furiously responds by telling me that they would’ve gladly gotten beaten up to protect me. I’m touched. I apologize and to my huge relief, they readily accept it. Underlying everything is that the trio thinks I’m a foster child and have some sort of a tragic past that makes me have trust issues. Well, the last part is right. I do have an awful past that makes me mistrust most people. However, my emotional problems keep changing for the better now that I’m in the Sanchez circle.
Still, I’m totally depleted with what happened earlier. Thank goodness it’s Friday. Once I get home from school, I shut the door behind me in my room and just veg out. Licking my wounds, I deep breathe to keep from crying. Today brought out so many emotions that I can barely stand the sickening memories striking me in the face.
But then I decide to just let it happen—to let it all out.
I’m alone. I’m hurting. I’m human.
Sob. Weep. Cries.
I’m overwhelmed.
Justin:
My heart shatters itself again.
My wedding ring!
I can’t believe Lucette’s wedding ring is in my tackle box. Why did she leave it there? Why did she do this to me?!! Tears start rolling down in a flood from my eyes. I would’ve never done something like this to her—no matter what!
Oh why, oh why, do I love my wife so much more than she’s ever loved me?
I just have to be more understanding of her confusion right now. Once she sees me again she’ll realize how strong and valuable our love is for each other.
I’m in so much pain that I can hardly stand it!
Chapter 24
Lucette/Araceli:
I’m still hiding away in my room. I haven’t left it very much except for meals. The Sanchezes are awesome about giving me my space. It’s Saturday, the day after I told Chiffon off, and I still need my privacy to come to terms with my past and my present. That whole episode with her Majesty triggered so much. I realize now that emotions I had been trying to suppress came tumbling out because I had gotten out from under the rock I had been hiding in.
What a nightmare I had lived with Justin. And at the time I was so convinced I would never be able to get away from him. I was so convinced that I’d have to stay with him until I’d die at his hands.
I can hardly believe I’m so far from that monster! That I’m living a full life without him anywhere in sight! And the first person I have to thank is Dr. Phil.
Yeah, you heard right.
See, I started watching his show by accident. Since Justin and I couldn’t afford cable, I’d switch from one channel to the other trying to find something to watch—something that would get my mind off of the hell I was living. It would’ve been nice to study for my GED, but Justin was very much set against me getting it. All the talk Justin gave me about being supportive of me getting a higher education turned out to be a big fat lie.
He told me one day that I didn’t need to continue my education because he would always support me. Now I realize he didn’t want me to move forward, to be able to be independent of him. He needed me to have to depend on him which is why he was actually happy my parents had disowned me.
“You don’t need anything from your mom and dad,” he had told me with glee right after I had told him about my parents’ reaction to the pregnancy. “You only need me! No one else! I’ll be your everything!”
So without having much to do all day, the apartment would be spotless by noon, I went crazy trying to find something to watch on regular TV. I really couldn’t imagine watching Dr. Phil and his nutsy guests. I mean, the old guy had some real weird ones on his show, but one day there was just nothing else to watch. I really thought I couldn’t relate to his show until . . .
I realized I wasn’t so different from his guests!
He had an abused woman finding it difficult to leave her husband—sound familiar? Dr. Phil’s wife Robin has an organization called When Georgia Smiled for abused gals like me! Of course I couldn’t visit the site because Justin checked the computer every day to see what I was checking out.
Man, this monster controlled every part of my life!
EEEEEEEK!!!
Dr. Phil said a guy should never put his hands on a woman in anger. He also said something about there coming a day when we can make decisions that matter, when we can put right what was wrong.
The very beginning of that day came when Justin whacked me on the stairs. I woke up in the hospital having lost the baby, but also having lost some of my fear in the middle of all the grief that had overtaken me.
When I got home with all kinds of emotions whirling inside of me, I started dreaming of what I had never allowed myself to dream about—escaping from the monster. Then the letter came that set everything in motion, that seemed to break my chains. I wasn’t married to the monster after all! It was like a sign from the heavens that I needed to make my escape dreams come true!
Fortunately, I still had a card hidden away that Alejo had given me a few weeks before. A chance encounter with him because of my bruised face and my tragic disposition had caught his attention.
He told me he knew of a battered women’s shelter that could help me. That was my lifeline.
I took it and finally moved forward with my life!
A knock on my door snaps me out of my thoughts, out of my trip through memory lane.
“Araceli, can I come in?” Mrs. Sanchez asks, her sweet voice and kind as always.
“Come in.”
She smiles her tiny but warm way and sits on the bed with me. “You’ve hardly come out of your room since yesterday. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I blurt.
She eyes me carefully as if she doesn’t believe me. “I don’t think so,” she murmurs quietly.
“I really don’t want to be a bother to you and Mr. Sanchez,” I burst.
She smiles. “Of course you’re not a bother. Of all the children we’ve helped in our home, you’re the least troublesome—why sometimes I hardly know you’re here. It’s j
ust that Mauricio and I worry so much about you.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “You worry about me? Really?”
Mrs. Sanchez sighs. “Why does it surprise you, Araceli?”
“I’m not your flesh and blood.”
“No, but why should that matter?”
I eye her with disbelief. I realize now that in my life I haven’t had a lot of people who have cared about me—the girl deep inside. “Why should I matter to you?” I challenge. “You barely know me and as I just said, I’m not related to you at all.”
“Araceli,” she murmurs gently, “you don’t have to be of our blood for us to care about you. Mauricio and I are very worried that you have too much locked inside, that it’s going to make you sick. You can tell us about what you’re going through. We’ll help you any way we can.”
Carefully pent up, boxed in tears burst out of me then. She gets closer to me and puts her arms around me. I feel I’m in a cocoon of safety. “You just don’t know what a terrible person I am,” I burst.
“What do you mean?”
“I used to look down on people and treat them like dirt,” I blurt.
“Do you do it now?”
“Well, no.”
She chuckles. “All right then. The past is the past and all we have is the present.”
“Maybe that’s why I was punished.”
“What do you mean, Araceli?”
I take in a breath. “Maybe Justin was my punishment for having been such a terrible person.”
She takes me by the shoulders and makes me look at her. “No, sweet girl, get that out of your head. Justin wasn’t your punishment. Don’t think like that. Don’t blame yourself for his violence! No, no!”
“But I disappointed my parents so much. I got pregnant and crushed their whole dreams about me.”
She sighs. “I don’t know your parents, but I can tell you something I know for sure. You were a blessing for them when you were born.”
I shake my head violently. “You’re wrong,” I blurt. “Like you said, you don’t know anything about my parents!”
“I don’t need to know your parents,” she murmurs softly, “to know how lucky they are to have you.”
“How can you say that?” I burst, still upset.
“I can say that because I can’t have children and if I had ever had the miracle of you, I would’ve thanked God every day of my life for you.”
Silence. I’m trying to take in what she has just said.
“You’d be thanking God for your teen-age daughter, even if she got pregnant?” I question.
“Yes,” she shot off without hesitation.
“What if she falls for a violent guy?”
“I’d die a million deaths to protect her.” My arms go around her, embracing her with the most force I have inside of me.
After I finish weeping, she’s crying right with me, she gently continues questioning me. “So what’s happening in school?” Wow. She had guessed right as to where my anguish had exploded from. I tell her about the confrontation on Friday. She listens patiently and with a compassionate face.
I’m relieved I don’t have to keep what happened to Danila a secret anymore. The family already knows about Danila’s antics from her very own mouth. She had already been given a punishment—grounded for a month—and had been made to promise that she’d never go to that kind of party again.
Not until I finish with the Chiffon confrontation story does Mrs. Sanchez speak. “I’m proud of you,” she says.
I’m puzzled. “Why?”
“You stood up for a friend. You stood up for what’s right. You made people question their bad behaviors. I’d say that’s pretty great.”
“Thanks,” I murmur, warmth spreading through me.
“Araceli, look in the mirror and see the remarkable girl you’ve become. You’ve come a long way from that scared girl who got here and didn’t know how to trust or how to be cared for. Just look at you now!”
Now I know why so many of the Sanchezes’ former foster children return to visit—the tremendous love for their foster parents shows on every part of their faces. Yeah, I know why for sure.
Justin:
My friends are soooo awesome! Have I told you how I’ve got the greatest friends in the world? In order to get my mind off that freak who’s still recovering in the hospital, my buddies take me to a strip club!
They know that ever since I found Lucette’s wedding ring in my tackle box I’ve been inconsolable. Nothing gets me out of my funk! But then my friends bribe someone to let me in the club. Unfortunately I’m only seventeen but cold hard cash changes my minor status, and I’m able to drink a few beers and enjoy the naked girls.
Of course, none of them is as beautiful as my lovely Lucette, but it’s still fun to watch those hot girls strip.
I whoop, holler, and fill their G-strings with dollar bills.
The guys then pay for a private dance for me in a secluded room from the most beautiful girl—the blonde one that has a passing resemblance to my wife. I keep telling you how awesome my friends are!
I sit on a chair when the fake Lucette starts dancing on my lap. She writhes and dances on my lap. Suddenly, the alcohol rushes through me, sloshes in my mind, and she morphs into Lucette. Fury burns my throat and then swiftly spreads to the rest of me.
HOW COULD SHE LEAVE ME!!!
How could she throw away my love for her as if it meant nothing to her!!!
The slut was getting it on with another guy—I just knew it!
SLUT!!!
Before I know it, I open my tight fist and really smack the fake Lucette. CLACK! She falls to the ground.
AHHHHHHH! she screams, her voice bellowing in an ear piercing sound.
She abruptly scurries up and rushes out the room. She returns with bouncers. My friends and I are thrown out of the club and told never to come back.
“Sorry, guys,” I tell my friends, upset I had gotten them banned from the strip joint along with me.
They chuckle loudly. I couldn’t believe they weren’t furious with me. “I would’ve paid to see you let the skank really have it,” one of my friends proclaims. The rest nod and give agreeing yelps.
“But I got you banned,” I apologetically say.
“Who cares? There’s a lot of strip clubs.”
My friends!—they’re the best!
Chapter 25
Lucette/Araceli:
It’s Sunday. I’m having a leisure day, one of those do nothing but flutter around days, when Alfredo stops by the house to visit me. He looks nervous but determined to have a word with me.
“Look, Araceli,” he mutters, “I’ve given you space, but I need to see how you’re doing with what happened on Friday with Chiffon.”
“I’m fine,” I assert, trying to make my voice as steady as possible.
His eyes tell me he doesn’t really believe me. “Are you really okay? Danila, Anelina, and Emily tell me you haven’t wanted to go out with them or even talk much to them.”
I shrug. “Is it so bad that I want a weekend to myself?”
He sighs. “I can understand needing some privacy, but I think there’s more going on with you.”
“What could be going on with me?” I mutter nervously.
He eyes me carefully. “Maybe you’ve got a past that’s cutting into you.”
I stare at him, startled. Was I that easy to read? I had worked so hard to mask my true identity. “My past is none of your business—” I rush.
“I know,” he cuts in. “I don’t want you to think I’m trying to snoop into your stuff. Araceli, I’m just worried that’s all.”
“You don’t have to worry about me,” I state. “I told you that I’m fine.”
“You were so awesome standing up to Chiffon and her minions, but I could see something was tearing into you. I just want to help. I want you to know I’m here for you.”
I sigh. “You’re such a nice guy, Alfredo.”
“Ouch! Being call
ed nice is the kiss of death,” he murmurs, grimacing.
I shake my head. “Maybe to some clueless girls a nice guy is only for friendship, but I’ve gotten to know better.”
He grins, his eyes steadily on me. “So I have a chance with you?”
“Believe me, Alfredo, you don’t want my baggage.”
“Try me,” he bursts eagerly.
“Why do you like me so much?” I find myself having to ask that blunt question. He has two girls dying for him—Danila and the other girl he helped at the notorious party. Both girls constantly moon and swoon for him. Why is he still stuck on me? Me—no makeup, plain clothes, loose hair without much style, and glasses that put a barrier between the world and me. Me—quiet, nerdy, in a shell, defensive and barely discovering who she really is. Why does this guy have some sort of a crush on me? It’s really bewildering.
“Why do you ask me that?” he questions, puzzled.
“Alfredo, you should be dating Danila. She’s smart, beautiful, and fun.”
Alfredo eyes me with exasperation. “So are you,” he bursts.
“C’mon,” I snap.
“You, c’mon,” he shoots back. “You’re also smart, beautiful, and fun.”
I roll my eyes. “I’m none of those things.”
“Who told you you weren’t? Why would you believe such a lie about yourself?”
Why do I believe such a lie about myself? resonates in my mind. It’s a good question. I didn’t believe I was smart because none of the people in my life had believed it so I didn’t either. They thought that my talent was being beautiful and now that I don’t look like lucky Lucette at all, I can’t wrap my brain around me being beautiful without all the artifice I needed in my old life. And as for fun—I’m too messed up with what had happened with Justin to be fun. I mean, I’m always looking over my shoulder, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, and thorny and defensive to boot.
“Alfredo —”
“Araceli, listen to me,” he demands, “You need to know who you are because apparently you don’t. I know you probably have some really bad stuff in your past—I can see it in your eyes, but this is now! In the now you’re as smart as anything with the way you think about things, study, and reason your problems out. I can really talk to you about most anything—we can talk Einstein one minute, Da Vinci another, and then top it off with Cesar Chavez.”