"There was an Irish soldier here last summer, who wanted something todrink stronger than water, and stopped at a drug-shop, where he espieda soda-fountain.
"'Mr. Doctor' said he, 'give me, plase, a glass of soda wather, an' ifyees can put in a few drops of whisky unbeknown to any one, I'll beobleeged.'
"Now," said Mr. Lincoln, "if Jake Thompson is permitted to go throughMaine unbeknown to any one, what's the harm? So don't have himarrested."
Looking Out for Breakers.
In a time of despondency, some visitors were telling the President ofthe "breakers" so often seen ahead--"this time surely coming.""That," said he, "suggests the story of the school-boy, who nevercould pronounce the names 'Shadrach,' 'Meshach,' and 'Abednego.' Hehad been repeatedly whipped for it without effect. Some timesafterwards he saw the names of the regular lesson for the day. Puttinghis finger upon the place, he turned to his next neighbor, an olderboy, and whispered, 'Here comes those "tormented Hebrews" again!'"
A Story About Jack Chase.
A farmer from one of the border counties went to the President on acertain occasion with the complaint that the Union soldiers in passinghis farm had helped themselves not only to hay but to his horse; andhe hoped the proper officer would be required to consider his claimimmediately.
"Why, my good sir," replied Mr. Lincoln, "if I should attempt toconsider every such individual case, I should find work enough fortwenty Presidents!
"In my early days I knew one Jack Chase who was a lumberman on theIllinois, and when steady and sober the best raftsman on the river. Itwas quite a trick twenty-five years ago to take the logs over therapids, but he was skillful with a raft, and always kept her straightin the channel. Finally a steamer was put on, and Jack--he's dead now,poor fellow!--was made captain of her. He always used to take thewheel going through the rapids. One day when the boat was plunging andwallowing along the boiling current, and Jack's utmost vigilance wasbeing exercised to keep her in the narrow channel, a boy pulled hiscoat-tail and hailed him with: Say, Mister Captain! I wish you wouldjust stop your boat a minute--I've lost an apple overboard!"
Stories Illustrating Lincoln's Memory.
Mr. Lincoln's memory was very remarkable. At one of the afternoonreceptions at the White House a stranger shook hands with him, and ashe did so remarked, casually, that he was elected to Congress aboutthe time Mr. Lincoln's term as representative expired, which happenedmany years before.
"Yes," said the President, "you are from," mentioning the state. "Iremember reading of your election in a newspaper one morning on asteamboat going down to Mount Vernon."
At another time a gentleman addressed him, saying, "I presume, Mr.President, you have forgotten me?"
"No," was the prompt reply; "your name is Flood. I saw you last,twelve years ago at ----," naming the place and the occasion. "I amglad to see," he continued, "that the Flood flows on,"
Subsequent to his re-election a deputation of bankers from varioussections were introduced one day by the Secretary of the Treasury.After a few moments of general conversation, Mr. Lincoln turned to oneof them and said: "Your district did not give me so strong a vote atthe last election as it did in 1860."
"I think, sir, that you must be mistaken," replied the banker. "Ihave the impression that your majority was considerably increased atthe last election,"
"No," rejoined the President, "you fell off about six hundred votes."Then taking down from the bookcase the official canvass of 1860 and1864 he referred to the vote or the district named and proved to bequite right in his assertion.
Philosophy of Canes.
A gentleman calling at the White House one evening carried a canewhich in the course of conversation attracted the President'sattention. Taking it in his hand he said: "I always used a cane when Iwas a boy. It was a freak of mine. My favorite one was a knotted beechstick, and I carved the head myself. There's a mighty amount ofcharacter in sticks. Don't you think so? You have seen thesefishing-polls that fit into a cane? Well, that was an old idea ofmine. Dogwood clubs were favorite ones with the boys. I suppose theyuse them yet. Hickory is too heavy, unless you get it from a youngsapling. Have you ever noticed how a stick in one's hand will changehis appearance? Old women and witches wouldn't look so without sticks.Meg Merrilies understands that."
Common Sense.
The Hon. Mr. Hubbard, of Connecticut, once called upon the Presidentin reference to a newly invented gun, concerning which a committee hadbeen appointed to make a report.
The "report" was sent for, and when it came in was found to be of themost voluminous description. Mr. Lincoln glanced at it and said: "Ishould want a new lease of life to read this through!" Throwing itdown upon the table he added: "Why can't a committee of this kindoccasionally exhibit a grain of common sense? If I send a man to buy ahorse for me, I expect him to tell me his points--not how many hairsthere are in his tail."
Lincoln's Confab with a Committee on "Grant's Whisky."
Just previous to the fall of Vicksburg a self-constituted committee,solicitous for the _morale_ of our armies, took it upon themselves tovisit the President and urge the removal of General Grant.
In some surprise Mr. Lincoln inquired, "For what reason?"
"Why," replied the spokesman, "he drinks too much whisky."
"Ah!" rejoined Mr. Lincoln, dropping his lower lip. "By the way,gentlemen, can either of you tell me where General Grant procures hiswhisky? because, if I can find out, I will send every general in thefield a barrel of it!"
A "Pretty Tolerable Respectable Sort of a Clergyman."
Some one was discussing in the presence of Mr. Lincoln the characterof a time-serving Washington clergyman. Said Mr. Lincoln to hisvisitor:
"I think you are rather hard upon Mr. ----. He reminds me of a man inIllinois, who was tried for passing a counterfeit bill. It was inevidence that before passing it he had taken it to the cashier of abank and asked his opinion of the bill, and he received a very promptreply that it was a counterfeit. His lawyer, who had heard theevidence to be brought against his client, asked him just before goinginto court, 'Did you take the bill to the cashier of the bank and askhim if it was good?'
"'I did,' was the reply,
"'Well, what was the reply of the cashier?'
"The rascal was in a corner, but he got out of it in this fashion: 'Hesaid it was a pretty tolerable, respectable sort of a bill.'" Mr.Lincoln thought the clergyman was "a pretty tolerable, respectablesort of a clergyman."
Opened His Eyes.
Mr. Lincoln sometimes had a very effective way of dealing with men whotroubled him with questions. A visitor once asked him how many men theRebels had in the field.
The President replied, very seriously, "_Twelve hundred thousand,according to the best authority._"
The interrogator blanched in the face, and ejaculated, "_GoodHeavens!_"
"Yes, sir, twelve hundred thousand--no doubt of it. You see, all ofour generals, when they get whipped, say the enemy outnumbers themfrom three or five to one, and I must believe them. We have fourhundred thousand men in the field, and three times four makes twelve.Don't you see it?"
Minnehaha and Minneboohoo!
Some gentlemen fresh from a Western tour, during a call at the WhiteHouse, referred in the course of conversation to a body of water inNebraska, which bore an Indian name signifying "weeping water." Mr.Lincoln instantly responded: "As 'laughing water,' according to Mr.Longfellow, is 'Minnehaha,' this evidently should be 'Minneboohoo.'"
Lincoln and the Artist.
F. B. Carpenter, the celebrated artist and author of the well-knownpainting of Lincoln and his Cabinet issuing the EmancipationProclamation, describes his first meeting with the President, asfollows:
"Two o'clock found me one of the throng pressing toward the center ofattraction, the blue room. From the threshold of the crimson parlor asI passed, I had a glimpse of the gaunt figure of Mr. Lincoln in thedistance, haggard-looking, dressed in black, relieved only by theprescribed white gloves; standing, it s
eemed to me, solitary andalone, though surrounded by the crowd, bending low now and then in theprocess of hand-shaking, and responding half abstractedly to thewell-meant greetings of the miscellaneous assemblage.
"Never shall I forget the electric thrill which went through my wholebeing at this instant. I seemed to see lines radiating from every partof the globe, converging to a focus where that plain, awkward-lookingman stood, and to hear in spirit a million prayers, 'as the sound ofmany waters,' ascending in his behalf.
"Mingled with supplication I could discern a clear symphony of triumphand blessing, swelled with an ever-increasing volume. It was the voiceof those who had been bondmen and bondwomen, and the grand diapasonswept up from the coming ages.
"It was soon my privilege in the regular succession, to take thathonored hand. Accompanying the act, my name and profession wereannounced to him in a low tone by one of the assistant secretaries,who stood by his side.
"Retaining my hand, he looked at me inquiringly for an instant, andsaid, Oh, yes; I know; this is the painter. Then straightening himselfto his full height, with a twinkle of the eye, he added, playfully,'Do you think, Mr. C----, that you could make a handsome picture of_me?_' emphasizing strongly the last word.
"Somewhat confused at this point-blank shot, uttered in a voice soloud as to attract the attention of those in immediate proximity, Imade a random reply, and took the occasion to ask if I could see himin his study at the close of the reception.
"To this he replied in the peculiar vernacular of the West, 'Ireckon,' resuming meanwhile the mechanical and traditional exercise ofthe hand which no President has ever yet been able to avoid, andwhich, severe as is the ordeal, is likely to attach to the position solong as the Republic endures."
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