Chapter Four
That evening, I told Jennifer to meet me at Starbucks to discuss the plans for her wedding, but truthfully, I wanted a little more background information on Taj Brooks. I had already ordered Jennifer’s favorite: a vanilla Frappuccino. She dragged a chair next to me and sat with her elbows on the table. I studied the engagement ring she was wearing, which was about one and a half-carats in size. Did Taj buy that with his own money? It would certainly give me some assurance that he was really not wasting my time.
“I got here as soon as I could,” my friend complained. “What is so important that it couldn’t be said over the phone? Battling this traffic on the bridge at this hour is road rage material. Next time, be considerate and come to the mainland.”
I tilted my head and smiled. “Your wedding is about four months away, and you’re not a very excited bride-to-be. Do you even know what you want for decorations and favors? Because it’s one of the many items we have yet to discuss on your wedding list.”
Jennifer tossed a few blonde strands behind an ear, and said, “I’m getting married in an aquarium surrounded by hundreds of fish. Why would I need decorations and favors? But you and the girls seem to think it’s important, so handle it. I am too busy trying to keep Taj happy.”
I huffed, “I don’t understand you sometimes. If this wedding is not that important to you, why are you even marrying Taj? And please don’t go bragging about how wild and crazy the sex is. It seems as if Taj has knocked out your senses. Do you even still consider yourself a Christian?”
Jennifer threw her head back and laughed. “Sierra, I can depend on you to keep me on the straight and narrow. But the sex is really good….”
“Oh please, spare me the details,” I spat at her.
“Come on, Sierra, I’ve been thinking about this a whole lot. Why should I marry Taj when things are going so well between us?”
“Do you even have to ask that when the bible clearly says to abstain from fornication and every other sexual sin? You make me feel as if you had only repeated the ‘sinner’s prayer’ to get me off of your back.”
“Don’t preach to me, Sierra.”
“Someone has got to tell you the truth.”
“Well, it ain’t always gotta come from you. Give me break, for crying out loud.” Jennifer then lowered her voice, and said with a mischievous grin attached to her face, “You know, Taj and I try a new position every night. This morning, we were in my kitchen –”
I put up my hand in protest. “Oh heavens, Jennifer, you are intentionally being presumptuous! I don’t care to hear about your ungodly bedroom antics!”
“Sierra, you need a man to teach you the ropes. Because it’s the only way you will lose that miserable streak of yours. How long has it been anyway?”
“How long what?”
“Come on, sweets. Don’t play stupid. You never share anything about your sex life.”
“I did not invite you here to pry into my sex life.” I then quickly navigated the conversation toward the direction I’d intended. Jennifer was my best friend, but I would never reveal to her that I was almost thirty but was still untouched by any man. Especially because I knew she would only make a mockery out of it. “How well do you know Taj anyway?”
Jennifer stared at me. “What do you mean?”
“Now who’s playing stupid?” I snapped. “You met Taj on Facebook, which I don’t have too much of a problem with because people use social networks to find love all the time. But that is where you should have drawn the line. But within a month of meeting Taj, you showed up on my doorstep already engaged to him. He then migrates from Florida and moves in with you.”
“And your point is?”
“Don’t be flippant with me, Jennifer. You know that I care about you very much and I would hate to see you get hurt.”
“Do you know that Taj has family living in the Bahamas? He doesn’t need to move in with me to stay here. Besides, I know all I need to know about the man I’m about to marry.”
Taj did mention that he was no stranger to the Bahamas, but Jennifer was missing my point. And I told her as much. I decided to go down my list of questions I’d mentally prepared while on my way to Starbucks. “Okay, if you know your man so well, can you at least tell me what you know about his job?”
“You know what he does,” Jennifer replied, and then narrowed her eyes at me. “Why do you need me to tell you –”
“Because some things are not adding up! Does he even have a work permit to be employed as a limo driver?”
“What’s with all the questions about Taj? I’m marrying him – not you. So back the hell off!”
And I did – but only for the moment. Jennifer’s cheeks were flushed with anger as she picked up the vanilla Frappuccino to take a sip. Her hands shook, a side of Jennifer I rarely saw.
“Are you okay?” I questioned in a calmer tone.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I don’t know…” I paused and tried to reestablish some measure of peace between us. “I am sorry, Jennifer, for making you upset. It’s just that I’m really concerned about you. Taj seems to be a good man, but we need to be sure who we are hooking up with.”
Jennifer looked at me and smiled, one that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Do you find Taj attractive?”
Whoa, I didn’t expect that. Had Jennifer picked up on something during my assault on Taj’s character? Do I dare say I am attracted to Taj? And even if it could be termed as an attraction or more accurately, my burgeoning lust, I assumed I’d been careful enough not to show any of it while being in their presence. Oh God, what do I tell Jennifer? It’s not like I’ve been plotting behind her back to steal her man. I’d had one meeting with him, which had been Taj’s idea anyway. He wants to surprise Jennifer with a house. There’s nothing wrong with keeping that a secret, was it?
“It’s just a simple question,” Jennifer prompted me. “Maybe I should reword what I’m trying to get at. “Do you fantasize about having sex with Taj? He’s every woman’s dream. So please, don’t give me no theological crap about your Christian principles and how you are trying to stay pure. Just tell the truth.”
I placed a hand to my chest and with every indignant bone in me, I spat, “Why would you even ask me a question like that? Of course Taj is a good-looking man, but despite what you think of my principles – Christian or not – he’s not every woman’s dream. I, for one, would not waste my time pining for a man that didn’t belong to me. I have too much dignity for that.”
Jennifer continued to stare at me and I could see she was not entirely convinced. “Good, because I know you would never hurt me like that. I asked Kimone and Maya the same question and they admitted that they did fantasize about Taj. I don’t know if I should classify them as backstabbers or simply see them as being brutally honest. But I don’t trust Maya at all. She’s bold in showing her lust for my man.” Pushing to her feet, Jennifer grabbed one of the bridal magazines that I’d rested in front of me. “I better be going before the traffic worsens. I’ll flip through the magazine, and then I’ll give you a call if I come across something I like.”
And just like that, my best friend whisked through the exit. I tried to collect my composure but my conscience was strangling the heck out of me. I hated being dishonest. But how could I confess to Jennifer that I’d been having dirty thoughts about her fiancé? That was just between me and God. I sighed and shook my head at such a close call. Even now, I was more inclined to maintain a professional relationship with Taj. I didn’t want to lose my best friend over a man, but more importantly my connection with God.
I stood up to leave, venturing outside toward my late-model Mercedes.
Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content.
Helen Keller