Lynna kept her door latched in the weeks that followed. If Joshua so much as poked his head around the portal she proceeded to have a screaming fit. She was inconsolable, allowing only Sam permission to bring her tray and enter the cabin to inquire about her wellbeing twice a day. Joshua had been none to happily relocated to a bunk in the cook’s cabin.
Natalie Johnson was her only other visitor. Lynna took up needlepoint at her behest, and read several of the older woman’s boring novels to pass the day. She was also subjected to Natalie’s daily tales of woe concerning her poor niece and her lowlife scum of a boyfriend. Something inside Lynna had warned her not to divulge her secret to the gossipy old lady.
She placed a quivering hand on her still flat stomach every few hours, searching for any evidence of growth. So far, it was still blessedly flat. Merci, God.
Her ruminations often fled across the sea to the Chateau, and her father. Her loving father, who had been so proud of her. She recalled his face radiating with pride as he stood with the staff during one of her many ballet or piano recitals. He was always near with applauding hands and cheering words of praise at her smallest accomplishments.
Now, when she returned as soiled merchandise, and probably with a bastard child, he would be too ashamed to even claim her as his daughter. The scandal would sweep across Paris like the pox. His business patrons would refuse to do business with him. She would discredit his good name, but far worse, she would break his heart. How could she bear to live with the shame? She collapsed on the bed as hot tears of humiliation shook her slender frame.
After three weeks, with only an occasional glimpse of Lynna strolling the deck with Natalie Johnson after the sun went down, Joshua knocked softly. When there was no response, he slowly pushed open his cabin door to step inside and was startled by her appearance. She looked so thin and fragile and pale, and so alone.
He had vowed to protect her with his very life, but there was nothing he could say to ease her heartache. She would have to see the proof for herself.
It was obvious by her swollen eyes that she had been crying. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and gently kiss away her sorrow, prove to her that she was being irrational.
If he could just hold her, console her in the meantime. Almost without realizing it, he moved toward the breathtaking vision curled on his bed.
“Non. Stay away from me, Captain Jordan,” she warned with tears glittering on her lashes. “You may be the Captain of this deplorable ship, but I will scream as though the hounds of hell are at my heels if you dare come near me again. You may stand there with your smug expression, confident that your crew will not turn a hand against their beloved captain. But I promise you that your expression will be dramatically altered when my father learns of your deception. He hired you to protect me on this voyage. Not molest me.”
“Molest you,” Joshua stormed, before noticing how profoundly overwrought she was and lowering his voice. “I did not make love to you, Lynna.” He turned toward the door with a look of defeat. “If your father, and Scotland Yard, put their trust in me, why can’t you?”
For answer, she picked up an expensive glass figurine and hurled it at his head as she screamed, “Get out!”
Three weeks later, Lynna was sitting in the center of the huge bed regarding the dolphins that frolicked alongside the ship when Joshua again entered the cabin. Her eyes were swollen from crying, she had dark circles under them, and she appeared even thinner.
Her monthly flow had never been regular, but she was well aware that it should have started by now. For the hundredth time on this voyage she wished to have Gertrude by her side. She would know how to handle a crisis that Lynna had mulled over and over in her head until it ached.
With no family, friends, or a confidant with whom to discuss her troubles, she had arrived at the most crucial decision of her life on her own. By now, she was certain that she was enceinte and could arrive at only one resolution to the problem of being unwed and with child.
Having no other recourse, she gathered her dwindling courage and forced her gaze from the window. Looking Joshua square in the eyes, she whispered, “Will you marry me, Joshua?”
Her heart sank as she watched a myriad of emotions play across his handsome face, from surprise, to terror, to shock, and finally anger. She knew then that he had no intention of making an honest woman of her. She was totally alone in her plight. While she agonized over the birth of his child, he would be off on another voyage, perhaps instilling the same predicament on another young lady.
“I will have to decline your invitation, my dear. I refuse to be forced into marrying a woman who despises me.”
She had known that would be his answer before he even said the stoic words.
She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. He was refusing to marry her? After what he had done to her? “What kind of low, depraved, black hearted seadog are you? You planted the seed inside me after getting me drunk on wine, and now you refuse to take the responsibility of seeing your child reared?”
Was marriage to her such a loathsome prospect? Who did this man think he was? For the love of all that was holy, she was the daughter of the Nathan Rhodes, a man who had clawed his way out of the red, clay fields of Georgia. Where was her backbone?
“Rest assured, Captain Jordan, that you will never be forced into an unwanted marriage with me. You acquire females as if they are another novelty to store in your sea chest without regard for the fact that no respectable man would marry a soiled woman.”
Joshua’s nerves were almost at the breaking point.
With his jaw set and his eyes smoldering, Joshua ground out, “At the time I was pleasuring you, I don’t recall hearing any grievances uttered from your side of the bed.”
As her sharp gasp echoed around the cabin Lynna wanted nothing more than to claw the smug expression from his face with her fingernails. “I will hate you until my dying day for the agony you have caused me, Captain Jordan. I can only pray that my father tracks you down, and we both know that he will. I also pray that he shows absolutely no mercy when he finds you. Now get out. I never want to see you again. Ever.”
Ignoring her temper tantrum, Joshua tried reasoning with her. “Lynna, believe me, you are working yourself into a dither for naught. I didn’t make love to you.”
Lynna had never felt hatred before, but she felt the emotion full force now. He was so calm, when her entire life was in shambles. He would have no trouble turning his back and walking away without a care. She could only stare at him, her feelings accurately mirrored in her sky blue gaze. He had performed the vacuous act of sex with her, plain and simple. Just as any man would, according to Natalie Johnson. And she would suffer the consequences of his actions, alone.
Then, a humorous thought struck her and she laughed aloud as she suddenly realized that her dear father was sending her to Georgia to live, yet, when she arrived she would not be allowed to linger for long. Not after her tante learned of her condition.
They would send her packing to avoid the shame, scandal, and malicious gossip, just as Miss Johnson’s relatives had done with their daughter. Whose threshold would she eventually wind up on? She ceased laughing as a single tear rolled down her cheek and she heard the door close behind him.
It was a pale and drawn Joshua who brought Lynna’s dinner tray two weeks later. His haggard appearance validated the fact that he’d had little sleep during the past few weeks.
This thrilled Lynna to the very core, almost making her giggle. Heaven knows that she would laugh at anything today. After a wretched night of painful cramps, and discovering that she was not with child, her entire world seemed much brighter and filled with new possibilities today.
She could not yield to the desire, however, for Joshua might witness her sudden merriment and guess the truth. She faced the window to conceal the light that she knew must be dancing in her eyes.
“Lynna, I have decided to return to my cabin,” Joshua announced immediately u
pon entering. He turned his head so that she wouldn’t see his relief upon the discovery that she was back to her cheerful self again.
“Non. You will do no such thing,” she insisted, whirling to face him. With her hands on her hips and her breasts thrust forward she made a most alluring sight. “I must decline the invitation of your company, sir, for I can assure you that you and I shall never again occupy the same living quarters.”
“Oh contraire, my pet.” He smiled wickedly. “I feel that I must insist. Since you obviously carry my child I can find no logical reason for us to remain apart. The damage has been done, as they say, so we have naught else to fear. We can make love to our hearts content. And you requested that we be wed, did you not?”
When she failed to answer, Joshua continued, “I have come to grant your most fervent wish. When we arrive in Charleston we will be married and spend the remainder of our days as husband and wife. You, me, and our adorable offspring. My parents have beseeched me for years to wed and present them with at least a dozen grandchildren.”
He burst out laughing at her look of stricken horror. “I can be very persistent, Lynna, and I assure you that there will be no changing my mind on this point. I have given the matter careful consideration and decided that I cannot see my child raised without a father. I shall go now and have my belongings returned to my cabin.”
“Non!” she almost screamed the word. She could not allow him to return to his cabin and risk a repeat performance of their first night together. “That will not be necessary, as I have recently discovered that I am not enceinte.”
“Would you care to apologize for calling me a liar now?” his voice was as cold as ice as he eyed her with disdain.
“I still believe you to be a heartless liar, sir,” she snapped. “I was just fortunate that the seed you planted did not sprout.”
“Believe what you want to believe, Lynna.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I have long since tired of trying to convince you of the truth.”
“You have taught me a great deal these past few weeks, Captain Jordan. For that much, I am grateful. I feel certain that I can now face my new life and any obstacles or hardships that happen my way after this journey with you.” She paused to gaze across the ocean toward her homeland. “From this day forth, I will know to steer clear of a rogue like you.”
Lynna moved to stand before him, her cerulean eyes locked with his, her moist lips inches from his own. Before she knew what was happening, Joshua had her in his arms and his soft lips found hers. Lynna wanted desperately to respond to his embrace, give free rein to her rising passion and enjoy the ecstasy that she remembered so well. But she could not. She refused to grant him forgiveness and risk living through the hell of the last few weeks again. Instead, she slapped him soundly across the face.
“Don’t trouble your pretty little head.” Joshua rubbed his reddening cheek, and turned toward the door. “If I ever touch you again it will be because you begged me to.”
“Beg you?” She laughed. “I pray that I never lay eyes on you again.”
“Apparently you will get your wish. We will be docking in Charleston within the hour.” Joshua opened the door, and whispered, “Au revoir, Lynna.”
Then, he walked out of her life.
Hopefully, forever.
Chapter 9
Three Years Later
Charleston, SC 1853