Read MBA - Moron$ Ba$tard$ and A$$holes PG Version Page 27
Chapter Twenty-Six
You Really Got Me
Three guesses as to which one we hired and the first two guesses don’t count for squat.
His name was Jack Wicker. Jack had a BA in Accounting from Case Western Reserve in Ohio and a Masters of Business Administration from Stanford earned, as he claimed, over four years at night. He interned at a manufacturing concern in Cincinnati and then traveled around the country for about six months before starting his job search. Jack said this was the vacation he never had while he was going to school.
We did not hire Jack without doing some homework. Chuck contacted Barnum Security and had a background check run. Anita Dempsey delivered the results herself which pleased Chuck immensely. I’m not sure whether the good report or the short skirt she wore impressed him more. Actually, I am sure. Chuck is definitely a short skirt kind of guy.
“Looks like our boy came back squeaky clean, Mick. One bad experience doesn’t mean we should write off the entire MBA account.”
“That’s great news, Charles. And I think that was a really lousy attempt at accounting humor.”
“Accounting and humor; two things that are mutually exclusive in my book.”
“Whatever. I think Jack will be a valuable addition to Woodland. We got this one right.” In retrospect, although I prefer a nicely aged whisky, I think I was drinking the Kool-Aid that day.
Jack was about six one with what, I guess, the young girls would describe as “yummy” looks. Blue eyes, blond hair, slightly dimpled cheeks, a nice tan and an athletic build. The clothes he wore looked expensive and fit him perfectly whether they were suits or the typical jeans and golf shirt plant wear. I felt like I had bought my clothes at the Salvation Army’s rummage sale when I stood next to him. The indoctrination with him was worlds apart from my surreal experience with Elwood.
“Welcome aboard, Jack. How are you getting settled in?”
“Pretty slowly. But I have a tiny apartment in town, an old jalopy and my golf clubs. What more could I need?”
“Sounds like you got it covered. Let me clear the air first. You are our second attempt at bringing MBA type talent in. Our first one did not go so well.”
“Charles mentioned something about that.”
“So you’ll understand when I tell you that I will need to have pretty close oversight concerning your work activities.”
“I sincerely want to learn from the best and I’ve been told that would be you.”
Did I mention this dude also oozed charm to go along with his good looks?
“Do you mind if I kind of shadow you and Earl around for a few days to learn about the plant operations and financials? I’d love to buy you two a beer, or a pitcher, some evening this week to learn about the more informal things around here too.”
Talk about shooting out of the blocks like an Olympic sprinter.
The early days of Jackdom went extremely well. Jack seemed to make friends with everyone. I warned him about being too friendly with Victoria. Yes, Victoria still worked the front desk and still looked hotter than roof tar in August. The wrong type of glance at her could also still get you crushed like a bug by her largish lawman hubby. However, Jack seemed to be able to trade double entendre filled banter with her and still have Will think he was a first class boot camp recruit. The guy just had a certain magic about him.
Jack learned quickly. He crafted time incentives into a contract with a local construction crew that fast tracked repairs so we could move back into our beloved offices. He was able to find a clause in the administrative building lease that got the in and out movie folks going quickly in the out direction. He renegotiated very favorable financing terms on the building and had the stripper poles and pink hot tubs removed (darn). He also got in a first rate cleaning and de-fumigating crew to scrub down all the surfaces. The day we moved back in cemented Jack’s status among the staff as Woodland’s new hero. The distaste of Elwood was quickly fading from our palates.
So work was rocking right along. Profits were improving and the X-400 plant rebuild was progressing ahead of schedule. On a personal front, all seemed to be smooth sailing too. I was still checking out Holly the Librarian several nights a week. We had gotten to know each other like a well read book and things remained hot between the covers. We were having a great time together but still enjoyed our times apart. Love? Well, maybe. Committed relationship? “Why screw up a good thing?” was our consensual attitude.
Mom and Dad were getting up in age but still remained active and very alert. They would load up the “buggy” (most recently a bright red Cadillac SRX) and make an, at least, annual pilgrimage to come see their number one son. If Jay were to argue with that designation, I’d gladly give it up to him. After all, Jay packs some serious heat. I had told Dad about the budding Mr. Wonderful, Jack, and he was looking forward to meeting him.
“Jack, my folks and my brother are coming down next week. I usually smack the dimpled orb around with Dad and Jay a bit. Earl’s tied up with husbandly chores. Care to help fill out our foursome on Saturday?”
“Absolutely!!!”
“It is my treat at the club. I’ll buy drinks afterwards. And I plan to kick your rear all the way back to the Buckeye State! ”
“Well, two out of three ain’t bad!”
He threw that line off very nonchalantly. I don’t know whether he knew that was an outstanding rock song he just mentioned or not. Either way, this was one cool dude. I might just dump Holly and switch sides. Not!