“Well, that was a big change of heart.” I look at him like he’s nuts, which he is.
He’s not smiling anymore and he looks worried. Maybe it’s that green paint having its effect on him, but it came on kind of suddenly.
He leans in closer and I struggle a little to get some distance between us. The heat from his body is soaking into me. “What are you …?”
“Shhhhh!” he whispers, clamping onto my shoulders even more. “Just go with it.”
“Go with wh…?” Before I can get the last part of my sentence out, he presses his lips onto mine.
At first I’m so shocked, I freeze up. Then I feel how soft the skin of his lips is and how good his face smells and I relax. I have no idea what we’re doing, but I’m not going to be the one to stop it.
As he senses me give in, he presses into me more firmly, his lips moving to make the kiss more intimate. We’re both enjoying it now, believe it or not. I’m loving the way his mouth moves on mine. This is the kind of heat I usually save for the bedroom, but right now I could care less who’s watching. Lightning bolts of desire are ripping through me. I lean in closer, wanting to press my breasts against him, anything to ease the ache. When the tip of his tongue comes out to touch mine, I gasp with surprise. It’s the happy kind.
“Hello, Ian. What’re you doing here?”
I hate it when he pulls away to answer the question of the girl standing in front of us. Total cold shower, but I think I like this green paint after all.
He clears his throat and swipes at his mouth before he answers. “Oh, hey. Uh, Andie’s in labor. Just waiting for the baby to come.” He tightens his arm around my back and pulls me closer. I’m pretty sure we couldn’t look more awkward. I’m as stiff as a board realizing that his sudden passion had a different motivation behind it than the paint or my cleavage.
The girl’s eyes shift over to rest on me. “And who’s this?”
Ian leans in and kisses me loudly on the cheek. “This is Candice. She’s my new girl.”
My heart stops beating for a few seconds and my jaw drops open. The only thing that revives me is Ian shaking me several times with his arm. “Babe, this is Ginny. Ginny, this is Candice.”
Ginny holds out her hand over the table. “Nice to meet you. Are you from around here?”
I shake her cool, dry hand hoping she doesn’t notice mine is clammy. I open my mouth to answer, but the only problem is, my voice doesn’t really seem to want to work.
“Uhhh …”
“She’s from back East,” Ian supplies. “Big city girl. You know how I love the big city.”
“Back East, huh? How did you two meet, then?” Ginny cocks her hip, giving every indication she plans to get to the bottom of this situation before she leaves.
She doesn’t seem angry, just curious, which is weird because I’m pretty sure this is the chick Ian was supposed to marry. How many Ginnies can there be in one small town?
Poo. I guess that’s why I’m the new girlfriend. Poor guy can’t stand the fact that she might find him still single after all this time. I don’t know what I was thinking letting my head go all fuzzy where he’s concerned. Of course he doesn’t want to jump me in the hospital cafeteria. That green paint is truly hideous.
The gears in my head start cranking away. Now that I know I’m not about to get all hot and heavy with Ian, I have two options here. I could totally call him out and humiliate him in front of this girl … whoa, talk about revenge. Or, I could go along with it and then have him owe me a big, fat favor after.
I can’t help the Cheshire Cat grin that comes over me when I consider Ian owing me a debt of gratitude. This is way too awesome to pass up. Option B it is.
I turn my head, grab his face with my two hands, and plant a huge wet kiss on his lips, angling my mouth so I can tangle my tongue up with is. He is my sex slave and I command him to French-kiss me!
After a couple seconds of that and my heart going bananas, I stop, pull back with a loud smacking of lips, and look at Ginny as I sigh with immense happiness. I am not faking that emotion either. I get to make out with this master kisser and have him owe me a favor after? Hell yeah. Double points. Life is good. No, life is great.
“It was meant to be,” I say. “We met at a wedding. Do you know how many people fall in love when they’re at other people’s weddings?” I sigh again, like I can’t get enough of my man as I sink into his side. “What can I say? I’m the luckiest girl in the world.” My left hand slides over to rest on his thigh. I move it up and down and then closer towards his crotch. “Ian is the best.” I giggle to add a little extra pizzaz to my act and squeeze his leg.
He grabs my hand and pulls it into his lap to keep it from getting any closer to his package. I’m a little relieved, to be honest. Sometimes I can get carried away in the moment. I’m pretty awesome at method acting. I can totally get into the character and forget who I really am. Besides, I admit to being pretty damn curious about what he’s packing.
“That’s nice,” she says in a neutral tone.
I can’t tell whether this chick is upset or doesn’t give a hoot. She’s good. Real good.
“So,” she continues, “are you going to the party at Boog’s this weekend?”
“Nah, I don’t think so,” Ian says. He digs his fingers into my shoulder. I think he’s telling me to keep my mouth shut.
“You should come,” Ginny says to me. “All of Ian’s friends will be there. Have you met them yet?”
“No, I haven’t.” I sit up enough so I can look at my honey and show off my boobs. I’m not disappointed when he glances down at them. “We’ve pretty much been spending all of our time inside, if you know what I mean.” I smile slyly. Ian suddenly looks sick. His skin almost matches the color on the walls.
“Well, then, it’s about time you got out, isn’t it?” Ginny starts to walk away. “See you Saturday. It was nice meeting you, Candice.”
“You too, Ginny,” I say, never breaking eye contact with my new beau.
“Are you trying to kill me?” he asks quietly.
I lean over quickly and kiss him on his open mouth before pulling away. “I told you that you were going down. That was a friendly warning. You better start listening or you’re going to be sorry.”
He looks up at the ceiling and slides down in his seat. “I’m already sorry.” His arm slides off my back and flops down by his side and he releases my hand in his lap.
“Don’t be such a poop.” I squeeze him high up on his thigh, making sure my pinkie finger slides against something it isn’t supposed to.
He jumps out of his seat so fast he nearly knocks his chair over, causing people to glance over at the ruckus he makes. He stares down at me in bewilderment.
I look up in total innocence while holding out my hand and batting my eyelashes. “Help me up, would you? I find myself in need of a man’s assistance.”
He grits his teeth together hard enough to make his jaw bounce out, but he holds out his hand and takes mine as I stand. “You better watch it, girl, before you bite off more than you can chew.” He’s almost growling at this point.
Letting go of him, I walk away with my purse over my shoulder, like I haven’t a care in the world. “Never happened before, not gonna happen now.” I let my words flow over my shoulder, not bothering to turn and sneak a peek at him. Chew on that, country boy.
Leaving him in the cafeteria, I’m ready now to watch my best friend have her little baby. I do my best to ignore my racing heart, my spiked blood pressure, and my lonely lady-parts.
Chapter Ten
NURSE RATCHED WON’T LET ME in the room. She’s ordered me to go wait in the little room down the hall with Mack’s parents, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to listen to her and abandon my friend. Andie needs me close by. What if she yells my name and I’m not there to hear it? What if she needs hot water and towels and Nurse Ratched is out on a smoke break?
“What’re you doing out here?” Ian asks, coming up behin
d me.
I have my ear pressed to the door. “Shhh! I’m listening for screams.”
“Why don’t you just go inside?”
I stand up and turn to face him, since he’s determined to ruin this moment for me. “That bitch nurse won’t let me in there, that’s why.”
“Oh. Well, why don’t you go down to the waiting room with everyone else?”
“Because I’m not everyone else. I’m Auntie Candice, and Andie needs me here.” I go back to pressing my ear against the door. “Actually, she needs me in there, but Nurse Ratched is exercising her tiny speck of power and keeping me out.”
I stiffen as I hear Andie moan. I think it was a moan. Either that or a very long burp.
“What was that?” Ian asks in a hushed tone.
“That’s my friend needing me.” My pulse is going nuts. I can’t stand still any longer. “I’m going in there.” My hand slides down to the handle.
Ian grabs my arm. “Better not.”
Jerking my arm away, I face him again. “What is your problem, Ian? I need to be with her!”
“No, actually, you should probably stay out here.”
For once he actually looks serious. It kind of deflates my emotional bubble a little. “Give me one good reason why.”
“Because. Childbirth is a special moment between husband and wife. Having a whole crowd of family in there might not be what they want, and you should do what they want, not what you want.”
My heart hurts at his words. I cross my arms over my chest without conscious thought. “I’m not a crowd. I’m just me. One person. And I know Andie would want me in there.”
He laughs. “You are not just one person, Candice. You’re a whole tornado of a person. And if Andie wants you, I’m sure they’ll come get you. Maybe sometimes she just wants Mack and no one else, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t mean she loves you any less.”
I narrow my eyes at him, suppressing the spark of happiness that comes when he actually speaks my name. I hate to admit it, but he might have a point. I’ve never been married, but if I ever am, I want it to be like he describes. But instead of telling him that, I focus on the most interesting part of his little lecture. The part where he describes me as a tornado.
“I can’t tell if you’re complimenting me or criticizing me when you call me a force of nature.”
Before he can respond, the door opens behind me and someone bumps into my back.
“Hey!” I exclaim, turning around so I can see my abuser. “Watch it.”
“I told you to go wait in the waiting room,” says the mean nurse. “You’re in the way here.”
I open my mouth to let her have it, but my voice is cut off when Ian wraps his arm around my waist, pulls me to his side, and plants his lips on my cheek, letting out a loud smooching sound.
I cringe away from him, not because I don’t like it but because it’s so unexpected. Who is this person and why does he look so happy?
“I’ll get rid of her for ya,” he says, when he finally stops.
“Good. We’ll come get you when she’s ready. It could be hours, though, so don’t expect anything soon.”
I’m standing there like an observer, watching a television show or something. Words have failed me. I’m a tornado being kissed by a person with dual personalities.
“Come on, darlin’, let’s go read some magazines.” Ian is guiding me down the hallway.
“But I don’t want to read any magazines.”
“Okay, then you can watch me read magazines.”
“I don’t want to watch you read magazines. And I don’t want you to kiss me anymore, either.”
“Could-a fooled me.” He’s smiling, obviously very proud of himself.
I shove him in the ribs with my elbow, detaching him from my waist. “You’re such a jerk.” It’s like he knows he sends my heart racing with every touch, with every stupid joke. I hate that he has me in such a mess. This was supposed to be a fun fling at first, and then it was supposed to be nothing at all. I don’t kiss hunters. So why do his lips keep pressing against me? And why haven’t I slapped him for it yet?
“Here.” Ian grabs a book off the table as we walk into the waiting room. “Some light reading for ya.”
I look down at the heavy volume in my hand. “The King James Bible. Oh goody.” Looking around the room, I realize it’s too quiet. All the chairs are empty and the television in the corner is off. “Where are your parents?”
“Who knows? Maybe getting coffee or something.”
Sitting down in a not-very-comfortable plastic chair, I crack the well-worn book open to a random page. Might as well brush up on my psalms or whatever.
“You should read it,” he says. “You could learn a lot from it.” He leans back in a chair a couple down from mine, picking up a tattered magazine and resting it on his leg.
“Oh yeah?” I read out loud from the page in front of me. “No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.” I look over at Ian. “Awww, no eunuchs allowed in Heaven. Bummer.” Dropping my gaze to his crotch, I add, “Maybe you should start wearing a cup, just in case.”
He puts his hand over his jewels and turns his legs away from me, his expression going worried. “Just in case, what?”
I shrug. “Just in case you get your testicles kicked by a crazy bull or whatever. Wouldn’t want you to miss out on Heaven just because you have crushed nuts.”
He leans over and snatches the book out of my hands. “That’s enough Bible reading for you, lady.” He tosses it down on the table out of my reach.
I laugh. “Hey! I was enjoying that. I was just about to learn the rules about bastards.”
“Bastards?” He frowns, looking over at the book.
He probably thinks I’m making this up, but I’m not. It was right there in black and white. “Yeah, and ten generations after the bastard too. They can’t get into Heaven either, apparently. Bummer for them.”
He shakes his head at me like he can’t believe what I’m saying. I don’t see what the big deal is. I just read it from the book that he gave me. Honestly, I’ve never read any Bible from cover to cover. Guess it was just my luck I found the testicle passage. I’m thinking I should read it more often if it’s going to be that entertaining. I’ve tried before but I always fall asleep at the part where it starts talking about Adam and all his grandsons. He had a lot of them.
“You go to church back East?” he asks.
I shake my head, wondering how weird this conversation is about to get. “Nope.”
“Me neither.”
I nod. This is so not interesting to me. Changing the subject seems like a great idea. “So … party this weekend at Boog’s eh?”
“I’m not going. You’re not going. No one’s going.”
“Of course we are. Ginny wants me to meet all your friends.”
“Too bad.”
I smile evilly. “Too bad for you, you mean. You owe me.”
He gives me a pained expression. “You can’t be serious.”
“Of course I can.” I sit up straight and smile. “I’m really looking forward to it, actually.” Checking my nails. “And since I saved your butt with your ex, you have to bring me.”
He bends over and covers his face with his hands while he leans his elbows on his knees. I can’t tell if he’s really sad, really angry, or just really tired. Maybe he’s all three.
“So what’s the deal with you and her?” I ask, sensing weakness to be capitalized on. “You were going to get married right?”
Ian looks up, letting his hands drop away. He looks around the room, maybe checking to see if we’re alone, which we still are. It makes me wonder where all of Andie’s friends are. Surely she has some around this town, so where are they?
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“In general or specifically with me?” This is waaay more interesting than crushed testicles and bastards being turned away at
the pearly gates. No way am I’m letting him off the hook that easy.
“Both. Neither.”
Time to go for the throat. That’ll get this party started. “I heard she cheated on you with Mack.”
He lets out a loud stream of air and leans back in his chair. “You heard wrong.”
“I don’t think so. I heard she made the major move on him when you came back from Vegas.” I nod for emphasis, like I’m all hooked into the town grapevine.
He’s staring off into the distance as he responds. “It wasn’t a major move. It was a minor move that went nowhere.”
“Seems like it went somewhere to me. It ended your marriage.”
“There was no marriage.” He looks at me. “No wedding, no marriage.”
“Okay, so it ended everything.”
He smiles, but it’s not the happy kind of smile. “You can say that again.”
“Okay, so it ended everything.”
Closing his eyes, he shakes his head slowly. “You are something, you know that?”
“Something awesome. Yeah, I know.” I move over to the chair next to him, but he doesn’t budge. I take that as an invitation to pry deeper. Crossing my legs, I let my top foot bounce a little, casually showing off my cute boots to distract him from realizing he’s giving me the goods. “So, how long did you date? … Before the break-up I mean?”
“Years. Since junior high. Too long.”
“Too long?”
“Yeah. Too long. We got too comfortable with each other. Started overlooking things, I guess.” He shrugs and looks away.
“Like what kind of things?”
He pauses and turns to stare at me for a few seconds. “You sure are nosey.”
I wiggle my foot to distract him from resisting me. Wiggle, wiggle … wiggle, wiggle… He looks down at my fur lining and frowns.
“Nosey? More like bored.” I swat him lightly on the arm with the back of my hand. “Come on. We’re going to be waiting for hours and hours. Might as well tell me all your innermost secrets and get it over with. I won’t rest until I’ve plumbed the depths of Ian.”