The inside was bright and warm. The scent of roasted meat, fresh bread, and honey swirled around me. My mouth watered.
A big table had been set in the dining room, crammed to the brink with food. And Mahon and Martha sat at the table. Oy.
“Tam-tam-da-dam!” Natalie, George’s younger sister, waved her arms. She looked a lot like George and her other older sister, Marion—same wild curly hair, same dusky skin, same bright big eyes. Natalie was seventeen and squeezing every last moment out of her childhood.
“Is that death march for me or for him?” I asked.
“For both.”
“What are all of you doing here?” Curran settled into the seat next to Eduardo.
“Roof needs fixing,” Eduardo said. “They came to help.”
“And you didn’t invite me?” Curran loaded his plate.
I sat next to him and George put a plate in front of me. “Eat.”
I grabbed a big roll out of the basket, speared a chunk of roasted venison, and dug in. Mmm, food.
“There is plenty of work left for tomorrow,” Mahon said. “Besides, you’re busy with your Guild, aren’t you?”
“I’m sure I can find an hour or two somewhere,” Curran said.
“Has anyone seen Julie?” I asked.
“We’ve seen her,” George said. “We’re supposed to tell you that she’s not dead, but she is staying over at the office tonight.”
I’d growl, but I was too hungry.
For a few minutes nobody spoke. Shapeshifters worshipped food with a singular devotion and I was too starved to make conversation. We chewed, got more food, and chewed some more.
If I ate another bite, I would explode. I sighed, decided I did not need another roll, and drank some iced tea.
Martha was smiling at me across the table. Older, plump, with medium brown skin, she looked a lot like her daughters. She usually said little, at least to me, but I had watched her knit several sweaters and shawls during the Pack Council sessions.
She smiled brighter. “You’re getting married.”
Mahon grinned next to her. “Three out of four.”
Reminding him that he was adamantly opposed to Curran and me getting married would ruin the mood.
“Now if only we could find a nice boy and marry that hellion off . . .” Mahon said.
The hellion stuck her tongue out. “Maybe I’ll marry a girl.”
“That will be fine,” Mahon said. “As long as she loves you.”
Natalie rolled her eyes.
“Are you thinking of children?” Martha asked.
“Mom!” George and Natalie said in the same voice.
“No,” Curran said.
“Yes,” I said at the same time.
He turned to look at me.
“Thinking,” I said. Please don’t ask me anything else about children.
Martha grinned even wider. If we turned off the lights, she and Mahon would probably glow.
“Are you thinking of children?” Mahon asked George.
Eduardo choked on a piece of bread and coughed quietly.
“Dad, keep your paws out of my marriage,” George said.
Curran frowned. “I’ll be right back.”
He got up, brushed my shoulder with his hand in passing, and went outside.
“Someone’s pulled up to your house,” Eduardo told me.
Shapeshifters and their hearing.
“While he’s gone,” Martha said. “Come with me.”
I followed her into the back room. She took a small box from the night table and gave it to me.
“Something old.”
Something old? Oh! The rhyme. Something old, something new, something I didn’t remember and then there was blue in it somewhere . . . I opened the box. A dark chain lay inside.
“Go on,” Martha said.
I picked it up. Heavy for its size. The chain kept going and suddenly a bright green gemstone emerged, about an inch and a half wide. I held it to the light. A bear, carved with painstaking precision, down to the fur.
“When Mahon and I met, there wasn’t a lot of him left,” Martha said. “Even when he was human, he was full of bear rage. But I knew there was a man in there somewhere, so I went and found him. Before we got married, he gave me a set of jewelry: a ring, earrings, bracelet, and a pendant. He said it was because I was the stronger bear.” She smiled. “Back then we didn’t have the fancy shapeshifter-safe alloys, so it’s steel. But the stone is the real thing, peridot. I want you to have it.”
Oh my God. “I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. I gave one to each of my girls when their weddings were coming up. Marion has the ring, George has the earrings, and Natalie is getting the bracelet. I want you to have the pendant. You don’t want Curran to wear it instead of you, do you?”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
I opened my mouth.
“Yes?”
“Mahon doesn’t even like me. He barely tolerates me.”
“Of course he likes you. I like you, too. Now, he didn’t always think you were a suitable wife for his special son, but he always liked you.”
Could’ve fooled me. “What changed?”
“We saw you carry the djinn,” Martha said. “We were both there and we saw you give it up and hand it to Curran and then we saw him give it back to you. What the two of you have is a rare thing. We don’t love Curran like a son. He is our son, one of our children. Mahon may be an old stubborn bear, but he isn’t blind or stupid. He knows Curran won’t do better. We are lucky to have you for a daughter-in-law.”
It was the stupidest thing, but I felt like crying.
She took the chain and put it into my hand. “You wear it. I want you to.”
• • •
THE CHAIN FELT nice around my neck. I liked the weight of it. I helped with the dishes. Curran came back in at some point and helped me put the plates away. Then we said our good-byes and stepped outside.
If I could’ve hugged this evening, I would’ve, and I wasn’t the huggy type.
“Who came to visit?” I asked as we crossed the road to our lawn.
“Jim.”
I knew that tone of voice. That was his Beast Lord voice, neutral and calm right up to the point when it exploded into a roar.
“What did Jim say?”
“What did you say to him?”
Careful. Thin ice, proceed with caution. The last thing I needed to do was explain to him why I wanted to take Erra’s bones out of storage or what I would be doing with them. “About what?”
He stopped in front of our house. “Don’t play with me. What did you say to him about us getting married?”
“Nothing. We didn’t discuss it.”
“You said something, because he dropped everything and drove all this way to tell me not to marry you.”
“What? Why?”
“Because he’s concerned my feelings might not be my own.”
Jim, you jackass. I knew he was paranoid, but this was completely crazy. “Whose feelings does he think you’re having?”
“He thinks I’m being influenced by your magic.”
“Oh. Good to know. The magic that I’ve never been able to use on anyone else to make my life infinitely easier? That magic?”
Gold rolled over his eyes. “What did you say?”
Oh, so the lights came on. Someone was fussy that his best friend came over all worried. “Such concern for Jim. So touching.”
And we have a full-on alpha stare. Good to know where I stood on his ladder of important people.
I moved, circling Curran. My magic trailed me like a mantle in the night.
“He told me that he would kill me if I decided to use my power for my own gain. I told him the truth.”
Curran moved with me. Anger flared in his eyes. He was still giving me the alpha stare. So it’s like that, huh? Alright. Let’s play.
“I told him that if I decided to use my power for myself, he would pledge his allegiance to me and he would like it. He would trip over his own feet to proclaim his devotion.”
“Why the hell would you say that to him? He’s the Beast Lord.”
Oh noes. I paused. “Yes, how could I forget? What was I thinking? What do you suppose he will do?”
The magic waited, all around me. As if the entire ocean of life that was my land had taken a breath in anticipation.
“Do you think Jim might punish us? Or do you think I would kill him and laugh afterward?”
He raised his hand and motioned to me. “Okay. Come back to me from wherever you just went.”
“I remember one time Jim and I did a job and he left me in the middle of a cage of live wire because the Pack needed him. I sat in there for eight hours, until the magic wave ended.”
My own power was out now, fully on display. Curran shifted his weight on his feet. He felt it. He was ready to pounce.
“Oh, another thing I remember, when the rakshasas poured molten metal on Derek’s face and Jim didn’t know what to do, I stuck my neck out for him and he let his crew rip into me. And when I asked him how could he do this after he and I worked together for years, he told me I wasn’t a shapeshifter. I would never be good enough.”
“Jim has issues.”
I smiled at Curran, my voice almost singsong. “Do you know why my father has problems with the shapeshifters? Because their magic is so old. It’s primal. It predates even his. You have a special connection to the land. You are a native power.”
He didn’t answer, but he watched me like a hawk.
“But now I have a special connection with the land, too. I can feel the life within it. I can feel its heart beating. Like this.”
I touched the surface of the ocean. It pulsed. Curran jumped backward a full fifteen feet.
Now that felt interesting. I touched it again. Another pulse.
“Every time I use my magic, everybody gets so concerned. I defend them, I bleed for them, and the moment the immediate danger passes, they let me know how much they disapprove. As if their fucking disapproval matters. As if I should ask their permission, like a servant, to do what is in my power.”
“Kate,” he said. “I know you’re in there. Stop.”
I brushed the ocean, giving it a hint of my power. The feylanterns flashed brighter on all the houses down the street.
“Have you ever wondered what would happen if I stopped listening to every pathetic creature who thought that they had a right to weigh in on my decisions? Wouldn’t it be nice to not have to ask permission for something that’s already yours? What’s the point of having power if you never use it?”
I slapped it again and again, faster, picking up rhythm. Thump, thump, thump.
“I can crush all of them, but I won’t. That would be wasteful and I’m not wasteful. I’ll use my magic and turn them into willing happy slaves.”
“No,” Curran said. “You won’t.”
“Don’t you love me, Curran? Don’t you want me to bear your children? Can you imagine how powerful they will be?”
I pulled on my magic a tiny bit. It warmed me from within and I let it out. It felt like I was glowing, but I could see my arms and no glow seemed to be shining out.
Curran froze.
“Take my hand, Curran. You know you want to.”
“No. This isn’t you.”
“Of course, it is. Jim told you so. Take my hand, baby. Be with me eternally. Rule with me. All you have to do is love me and I will give you all the power and immortality you could ever want.”
The door of George’s house swung open and Eduardo stepped out.
“Is everything okay?”
Aw. He ruined it. Well, it was fun while it lasted. I let go of the magic. “Everything is fine. Curran and I are having a married moment.”
“Oh. Sorry.” Eduardo turned and went back inside.
Curran looked like a flying magic fish had popped into existence in front of him and slapped his face with its tail.
“You should see your face!” I snickered.
He snarled. “Damn it, Kate!”
That’s right. You’ve been had.
“Do you think this shit is funny?”
I kept laughing.
He swore.
“Woo-woo!” I waved my fingers at him in between bouts of laughter. “You and Jim are two idiots. Maybe you should marry each other. You can rule the Pack together.”
“Why the hell would you do this to me?”
“Because you deserved it. Jim came to you with this nonsense and you got all concerned.”
“I told Jim to go to hell. I also told him that if he ever told me that my wife is a ‘potential threat’ again, I would become a real and immediate threat.”
I laughed and opened my arms. “My hero.”
“You’re an asshole,” he told me.
“You knew that before you asked me to marry you. What, no hug?”
“You know how paranoid Jim is. You know what he does to potential threats. He is proactive. Why did you have to screw with him?”
“Because he sat there, all self-important, and announced that he would kill me if I stepped out of his lines. Hey, I winked after I said it. It’s not my fault he has no sense of humor.”
He shook his head.
I dropped my arms. “Okay, why are you so freaked out?”
“Because you did that thing your father does.”
“What thing?”
“The one where you smiled and it was like being blessed.”
I opened my mouth. Nothing came out.
“I can handle your father, because I despise him.” His gray eyes were hard. “But I love you. Don’t do that to me again.”
I was turning into my father.
I turned away from him before he saw my face. He moved behind me and then his arms closed around me. He’d seen it anyway.
“What did it feel like?” I asked, my voice quiet.
“It felt like a god noticed me,” he said. “Warm and welcoming. Like the sun broke through the clouds.”
The warmth of his arms shielded me. Curran would shield me from everything, except myself. That one was on me.
“I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone,” he said. “But I don’t want a new sun or a goddess. I want you. A partner.”
“I know.” I pulled away from him and went to our house.
He followed me.
I took off my shoes and went upstairs, to our bedroom. He followed me and said nothing. I took off Sarrat’s harness and put the saber in its usual place on the night table by my side of the bed.
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
“There is nothing to tell. The magic is changing me, Curran, and I’m not always aware of it. You should bail while you can, before it all goes to hell.”
“No.”
“This might be your last chance to get out.” I pulled off my pants and my shirt. I wanted to soak in the tub and wash the day off.
“I’m not going anywhere. Besides, hell is when you and I are at our best.”
I stopped and looked at him.
“You know where my line is,” he said.
I knew. We had both drawn them. If he ever pulled another stunt like he did at the Black Sea, pretending to be interested in another woman because he was trying to “keep me safe,” I was done. And if I ever made another Julie by letting my blood burn away another person’s will, he was done. He drew the line at slavery. That was a reasonable line.
I walked into the bathroom and started the water in the tub.
He stopped in the door
way, leaning against it, his arms crossed.
I tossed some Epsom salts into the bathtub. “I’m not sure if I will even be me at the end of it.”
A warm hand rested on my back. He’d snuck up behind me.
I straightened. His arm caught my waist, pinning me to him.
“I’ll be here,” he said. “I’ll fight for you. We’ll beat this. We’ve beaten everything else.”
Doolittle once told me that he wasn’t afraid of me. He was afraid of what I might become in spite of myself. His fears were coming true.
“Power is a drug,” Curran said. “Some people try it and can’t wait to stop. Other people take it and want more and more, until nothing is left except getting more power.”
“You know that’s not me.”
“I know. You’re the least power-hungry person I’ve ever met. You’re also the most stubborn person I’ve ever met. Disrespectful. Mouthy.”
“You mean independent and proactive in taking initiative.”
“That, too. Also infuriating. And strong. You won’t let anyone take your freedom, Kate.”
He was right. I was damned if I would let magic dictate what I did or thought.
Curran had power. He had hundreds of people who waited with bated breath for him to tell them to do something, and he had walked away from it—for me. It could be done. He’d done it. I had to fight this one decision at a time.
It wouldn’t change me. It wouldn’t rule me. Not happening.
“Were you tempted, Your Furriness?” I asked.
“By your evil?” His voice was a hot, deep whisper near my ear.
“Yes.”
“No. If you and I ruled forever, I would never have you all to myself. We tried that, remember?”
“So you’re greedy?”
His voice raised the tiny hairs on the back of my neck. “You have no idea.”
I was playing with fire. “How greedy are you?”
He spun me around, his eyes full of gold sparks and predatory excitement. “Let me show you.”
We made it to the tub eventually. It took a lot longer than planned.
CHAPTER