“Gwen you’re mine.” He told me savagely, pushing my underwear aside, thrusting inside me.
I almost screamed, but he silenced me with a kiss, wildly pounding me against the wall. He was rough, urgent as he plunged into me and I loved it. I bit his lip, yanked at his hair and he growled, fucking me harder. I felt an orgasm rip through me like wildfire, milking a release out of Cade.
We stayed connected, both panting, damp from our exertion. Cade slowly lowered me down, gently pulling out of me. I felt stickiness against my thighs, realizing we didn’t use a condom. Cade reached over for some toilet paper, gently cleaning himself from me.
“Fuck I am so sorry baby, I didn’t mean to get so carried away.” His hand smoothed my hair and he looked almost worried. It was quite a novel expression on his gruff stubbled face.
“It’s okay, I’m on the pill and I’m clean.” I replied breezily, the alcohol giving me no reason to worry.
Cade’s gaze locked with mine. “That’s good to hear baby, and I’m clean too, I promise you. I’ve never fucked anyone bare, no matter what.” He shook his head. “But with you, it was fucking amazing.”
“Yeah it was.” I agreed smiling at him, enjoying my little holiday from common sense that these lovely cocktails were treating me to.
“Can I take you home now baby? I think we need to get you into bed.” His eyes were hooded.
I smirked. “Yes I think we do.”
I woke up feeling warm, too warm and like my throat was made of sand paper. I reached blindly for precious liquid, hoping drunk me had been looking out for hungover me. I felt the body behind me reach away and come back handing me a bottle.
“Had a feeling you would need this.” A half asleep voice grumbled.
I didn’t reply, opening the cap and downing the entire bottle, silently thanking the lord for this small favor.
“Better.” I exclaimed to no one in particular before snuggling back into a hard chest.
I felt the chest vibrate underneath me, and a hand reached to stroke my hair.
“You need an aspirin baby?” Cade asked when he finished laughing.
I took stock of my body, I was feeling slightly nauseous that could be because I just necked an entire bottle of water too quickly, my head was a bit delicate, but not too bad.
“No thank you.” I replied politely, not moving my head off the muscled chest, enjoying the feeling of his hand in my hair.
“Okay well let me know if you change your mind, I didn’t realize how drunk you were until I got you on my bike last night. I was shit scared you’d fall off the entire ride home.” His voice was rough from sleep, and seriously sexy.
I scoffed. “I wasn’t that drunk, I managed to hold on, I’m here aren’t I?” I said, feeling defensive.
“Babe, you passed out face down on my bed, fully clothed. Not that I didn’t enjoy discovering what underwear you wore underneath your dress, I just prefer you conscious.” Cade remarked dryly as I realized I was wearing his tee and my panties. Then I groaned.
“We had sex in the bathroom of Laura Maye’s bar last night.” I declared, mortified. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I did that.” I faced planted into Cade’s chest, hoping to stay there until my embarrassment wore off, in other words, forever. Cade wasn’t having that, he pulled me up so I was laying on top of him and we were face to face. His grey eyes were serious.
“Don’t be embarrassed Gwen, that was hot as fuck. But I owe you an apology, for taking advantage of you. I just couldn’t stop myself, I haven’t been able to get you off my mind for three days, then seeing that guy all over you, and you in that dress…I lost all self control.”
“You didn’t take advantage of me, I knew exactly what I was doing, I just wasn’t completely aware of my public surroundings.” Who am I kidding? The public surroundings made it even hotter.
Cade looked relieved, then framed my face with his hands, face still serious.
“I meant what I said last night, I’ve never fucked anyone bare, I’m clean.”
I nodded. “So I am.”
Cade’s gaze turned hooded. “But fucking you, with nothing in between us, gonna want to do that more often baby. And by that I mean every fucking day.” His hands delved into my panties, I moaned when he got to my sweet spot.
“We are going to have words about you and that asshole who was all over you…after.” He declared, pushing a finger inside me.
My eyes rolled to the back of my head. “Mmmhmm, after.”
I emerged from the bathroom after some seriously amazing lovemaking to curl back up with Cade. He pulled me close to his chest, kissing my head. I didn’t take him for a cuddler, but I dug it.
“Time to talk baby.” His voice was soft, with an edge.
I groaned, feeling like a chastised schoolgirl but met his gaze.
“I was never intending to do anything with Jeff, I couldn’t bring myself to move past harmless flirting. I was only out because I was trying to get my mind off you and to stop myself from driving out here and being in the exact position I am now.” I blurted out in one breath.
“First off babe, no such thing as harmless flirting, not with you, you don’t flirt with anyone got it?” He spoke roughly, his gaze intent on mine. “Secondly why were you trying to stop yourself from being here? It’s a pretty fucking great position if you ask me.” He smirked.
I blushed. “Yes those positions were pretty great.” I stopped, trying to find the right words to explain, without divulging my dirty past. “It was just too much for me, your world, I didn’t think I could handle it.” I glimpsed down at his chest, tracing his tattoos with my fingertip.
He grabbed my chin, drawing my eyes to meet his. “And now? You can handle it.” It was more of a statement than a question.
“Yes I think I can handle it.” I said softly.
Whatever it was between us was too strong to fight, and I didn’t want to fight it. So far I liked the way Cade made me feel, protected and safe. And also extremely sexy and most importantly, happy. I might be making a huge mistake, by going near this world again, but I was willing to take the risk. I wanted to trust my instincts, and dive into something scary but exciting
“I know you can handle it.” He stated with certainty.
Chapter 7
“Baby.” Cade was on top of me, making love to me, tender, slow. I moaned throwing my head into the pillow as he rubbed me in circles while pushing in slowly. I was close.
“Baby.” Cade repeated. “Eyes, I need your eyes.” He ordered.
I immediately lifted my head, locking eyes with him. I lost my breath and his expression it was intense, full of blatant lust and awe?
“Fuck, missed you, on the road, couldn’t stop thinking about you.” He thrust inside me again and I unraveled, screaming loudly, keeping my eyes focused to his. I watched, through my own pleasure, when he came. It was amazing to watch such a staunch strong man lose control.
Afterwards, he rested on his elbows, not giving me his full weight. He kissed my nose, moving as if to pull out, I wrapped my legs around his hips not wanting to lose him.
“No don’t leave yet.” I whispered.
He gazed at me softly, staying a beat before pushing up and walking to the bathroom. He returned with a washcloth, gently cleaning me.
We had two days together after the night at the bar before he had to leave again for a week. We had spent every possible moment together in those two days, and most of our time was spend in bed. I had missed him a lot, and so had he obviously. He called me every night he was away, not that he was much of a talker, but just to ‘check in’. It was nice knowing he thought about me while he was gone and made the effort to let me know. When we got home, he had picked me up from the store on his bike, taking me to his place. We were all over each other as soon as we got in the door, much like last time, but this time, he fucked me against the door. It was ah ma zing. He then carried my to his room, slowly look off my clothes, then made love to me. That brought me to now.
Lying on his rumpled bed, naked, staring at the ceiling, feeling content. I felt Cade settle in beside me, pulling my to his side. I instantly snuggled into the crook of his shoulder, stroking his tats.
“Baby.”
“Hmmm” I half answered, distracted by his tattoos, and his body.
“We gotta talk.”
Still distracted, I muttered “Okay.”
“You’re going to tell me what happened to you.” He spoke gruffly as if he expected something horrible.
I turned to stone. I knew he felt it because he started to stroke my back gently.
“What happened to put that fear behind your eyes, what makes you flat out panic when the boys get too close, what made you say what you said on the beach that day. What gave you the scars.” He lightly traced the scar my cheek, the evidence of a ring tearing open my face, then my stomach, where the doctors opened me up because I was bleeding internally.
I felt it, the sick, curling up in my belly, the poison of the memories that would taint what we had. I couldn’t have my happiness for a second without this eating at me, so much Cade noticed and he wasn’t going to give up until he knew. Then he probably wouldn’t want me. Because I was broken, scarred, dirty.
His jaw was hard, but his gaze was tender. I knew he felt anger, without even knowing what actually happened he was already pissed off.
“Cade.” I whispered brokenly. “You don’t want to know.”
“Gwen, I do.” He said firmly. “I need to know so I can start fixing you.” Her grey eyes fixed on me, determined.
I felt the blow in my stomach. Fix me? Then he knew I was broken. If he knew that there was no hope for me anyway, I knew he wouldn’t let this go. I took a deep breath, preparing. I looked at his face, at his strong jaw, covered in dark stubble. I struggled to meet his gaze, but I had to, one last time before it was full of pity and disgust. I watched him for a long moment before I began.
“I moved to New York when I was twenty one. Always knew I wanted to, since I was little, I’d tell people I was going to live in New York. Manhattan to be exact. People in my small town in New Zealand, didn’t really know what to say to that, they would mostly shrug it off, no one really left. Maybe to move a couple of hours away, but few really saw the world. So they dismissed me. I was determined.”
Cade smirked, the half smile breaking the hard expression on his face. “Bet you were baby.”
I rolled my eyes, trying to hide my nerves.
“Anyway, after seeing the wrong side of the tracks for a year, I nearly lost my dream, but luckily I had someone to set me straight. I got my shit together, got a degree and moved to New York. Never been happier, had my apartment, had a job. Had my city.” I smiled at the memory how young I was, how carefree.
“I met Amy, we were friends instantly, made heaps of other new friends, there were some guys, no one special.” I took a deep breath, didn’t meet Cades eyes. “Then I met Jimmy. He was different than all my glossy Manhattenite friends. He was a biker, wore a cut, rode a Harley and was gorgeous. I was infatuated, whether it was the novelty of being with a ‘bad boy’ a real one, so different than my new friends and my old ones, his dangerous but exciting world enticed me, sucked me in.”
Cade watched me intently jaw hard, super alert since I mentioned Jimmy wore a cut. I soldiered on.
“I got immersed in his world, I spent too much time with him, not enough with my friends. I’m not stupid I knew he was into shady stuff, but he never let me see too much, I didn’t really want to know so I never asked. Stupid, naïve.” I shook my head, angry with my past self. “Anyway, one night I went to visit him at his apartment, which I never did, cause he lived in a seriously dangerous part of town. He didn’t like me coming there, but I had a surprise for him for his birthday, I was excited. So when I walked up his stairs I wasn’t prepared to see Jimmy blow someone’s head off, to feel their blood on my cheek.”
“Jesus, Fuck, baby.” Cade muttered holding me tight.
I continued on, ignoring him, lost in my memory. I was so scared that night, I had just seen a man die, watched the man I loved kill someone.
“His name was Carlos.” I paused. “The man Jimmy murdered, his name was Carlos. He had three children and a wife, he was just a regular guy who made a couple of stupid choices, which led to him owing the club money. Money, which he couldn’t pay back. So Jimmy murdered him.” My voice was small and weak.
Cades hand circled my back. I looked at him, tears glistening in my eyes.
“His wife’s name was Rosa, she loved him with all her heart. His children were five, seven and fifteen.”
“You were close with him baby?” Cade asked softly eyes never leaving mine.
I was surprised at his question.
“No. Didn’t know him.” I replied.
This was Cades turn to look surprised. His expression was intense, unreadable.
“I found out who we was, after. Wanted to know. Needed to. I saw a mans life end in front of my eyes, I wanted to know who he left behind. I talk to Rosa at least once a month.” I didn’t mention that I also give her monthly payments to help her keep her children fed and clothed.
“Anyway, after I saw that I ran, I didn’t think. I don’t know how he didn’t catch me, I don’t think he realized I was really there until I was halfway down the stairs. I heard him yell to me, I kept going. I managed to get to my car, somehow.” It was a miracle I had a car. No one in Manhattan had a car, but I did, since I had always had one and didn’t like the feeling of not having one here in an unfamiliar country.
“I don’t know why I didn’t drive to a police station,” I shrugged. “I was in shock I think, flight instinct firmly in place. I made it to my apartment and started to pack a bag. Don’t know why I did that either, my plan was to leave, get on a plane and get the fuck out.” I didn’t think at that point I was a witness to murder I was too freaked.
“As I was packing, I heard banging at the door, hard, loud. I knew it was Jimmy’s boys, I had met them before, knew they were bad straight off. Seen it in their eyes, but I was blind, blind to Jimmy. I was in love.” I scoffed. “Or thought I was. “Anyway, they kicked the door down, came at me and punched me. I’d never been punched before, it hurt.”
Cade’s arms were now vices and anger radiated from him. I swear he was shaking with it, I thought his jaw might shatter it was clenched so hard. I kept talking.
“I blacked out, or they knocked me out, I’m not sure which. I woke up, in a warehouse, naked, tied up. That’s when I saw Jimmy, really saw him, the evil. Saw past his charm and good looks that he wore like a mask. He beat me, they watched, the big men with their cuts, their evil smiles, sometimes throwing in a kick. They did it for hours, always stopping before I passed out. Then Jimmy decided they would rape me, him first for old times sake.” I rolled my eyes, engrossed in my very own horror story I didn’t notice Cade shaking with rage. “By this time, he had fractured my skull, dislocated my shoulder, broken my wrist, and ribs. And his buddies had kicked me so hard I was bleeding internally. I was dying. But he still decided that wasn’t enough. I was also to be gang raped. Luckily, by then I had been missing for over twenty four hours, my neighbors heard the break in, saw me getting carried off, the police lucked out, someone caught the plates on the van I was taken in. They found me, just in time.” I was still so lost in the story, I still didn’t notice Cade, lying like a stone, arms around me.
“What I also didn’t know was police had been looking for Jimmy, for like a long time. He was a very wanted man, top 10 must wanted in America. I didn’t know I was sleeping with a murderer, a rapist, a sadist. I thought I loved him. I know now I didn’t, that it wasn’t real.” Tears welled up in my eyes and I didn’t let them fall. “I spent one month in the hospital, six more recovering, doing rehab. I tried to go back to work, tried to stay in my city, but I couldn’t. And one day, I found Amber, and it just made sense. This place, it was me I could heal here, forget.” I took a deep breath, needing to get it
all out. “That’s why I reacted the way I did when I first saw you, when I saw the guys from the club. They brought up some memories I had associated with bikers. I know now that you’re different, but it was still a world that represented everything I went through.”
I finally got out of my trance and looked up at Cade, realizing something was wrong. He was beyond angry there was no word to describe the sheer rage that was written all over his face.
I laid my hand on his chest and pushed up a bit, “Honey…” I whispered softly.
“Gwen get off me.” He hissed.
I felt the sick feeling in the pit of my gut again, a blow connected with my stomach like I had been physically punched. I didn’t say a word, just crawled off him, defeated. He knifed up, walking to the wall, punching it viciously. I jumped as he put his fist through the plasterboard, dust flying everywhere.
“FUCK!” He bellowed before putting both hands to his head and looking down at the floor. I watched him cautiously unsure of what to do, I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but I had never seen anyone this angry. Not even Ian, and he saw me bruised and battered and almost dead. I guess maybe he checked it, saw I couldn’t deal. Cade most definitely hadn’t checked it. I sat on the edge of the bed, feeling exposed. I threw on his tee, unsure if this was the right move, but I knew if he told me to leave I’d take this, as a reminder. He sensed my movement, his eyes roamed to me. Something registered, his expression changed and he slowly approached the bed, crouching in front of me. Anger saturated his expression before it softened.