“Perhaps he’s changed.”
She laughed harshly. “Changed? Why should he change? He doesn’t need me. Jordan Bandor doesn’t really need any woman.”
Cam frowned. “Don’t talk rot. I’ve never seen a man as obsessed with a woman as Jordan was with you.”
“That doesn’t mean he loves me.” Her fingers clenched on the edge of the Formica counter. “Sex, Cam.”
“Whatever it was, it was enough to keep you both walking around in a daze for nine months.” His voice lowered. “Was it so bad, Sara?”
“Not at first.” She didn’t look at him. “But I couldn’t breathe. You saw the way it was. He smothered me. He wouldn’t let me out of his sight. I had to be Jordan Bandor’s woman and nothing else. I couldn’t live like that. In the end I would have ended up a spineless robot.”
“Sara, he—”
“No! I won’t be anyone’s possession. Don’t you remember that he was even jealous of you?”
He nodded. “Jordan wasn’t shy about warning me off you. I even thought it was funny at the time. I should have known it wouldn’t be quite so amusing for you. I’m sorry, luv, I should have stuck around to make it easier for you.”
“How could you? Jordan didn’t give me the chance even to see you after those first four months.”
“Be fair, Sara. You’re speaking as if he kept you a prisoner at Half Moon. I didn’t see any locks on the doors.”
“No, he didn’t lock me up.” Suddenly scarlet stung her cheeks and the muscles in her stomach knotted as she remembered the exact methods Jordan had used to keep her helplessly subjugated. No, she mustn’t remember any of the things they had done together. Jordan had no power over her body or emotions now. As long as she didn’t think of him she was in control. “You’re right, I could have left him at any time. It was my decision to stay.” She picked up the glass carafe of water and poured it into the coffeemaker without spilling a drop. It was a small victory, but it gave her the confidence to turn and say coolly, “And my decision to leave. I’m not going back to your brother, Cam.”
He was silent for a moment. “I didn’t think you would, but I had to try.” He paused. “He went crazy when he found your note. I haven’t seen him that upset since the day—” He broke off. “Men can change, you know.”
“Not Jordan. He doesn’t bend and he doesn’t break. Do you think I didn’t try?”
“You could try again.”
She shook her head. “He’s too strong for me. Why do you think I waited to cut and run until he’d gone to Sydney on business? It was hard enough for me to leave then. Jordan has a way of maintaining a sense of presence even when he’s miles away.”
“He won’t give you a divorce, you know. He can keep you entangled in legal folderol for years to come.”
“I’m not in any hurry. He’ll give up eventually.”
“Jordon?” Cam smiled and shook his head. “I told you that you didn’t know him.” He turned away. “Now that I’ve done my duty, I’ll run along and leave you in peace. Good-bye, luv. I hope the next time we meet we’ll be able to just shoot the breeze and catch up on old times.”
“I’d like that, Cam,” she said softly. “You were the only friend I had at Half Moon, you know.”
He glanced over his shoulder. “You didn’t consider Jordan your friend?”
She didn’t answer.
He shook his head. “He really did make a mess of it, didn’t he? I’d have thought he would have been smarter than that. No wonder he’s so desperate.”
She smiled sadly. “I think you must be mistaken. I’ve never seen Jordan desperate about anything or anyone. And in spite of your message, I doubt that he’s capable of changing.”
“No?” Cam opened the door. “Think about it. We both know Jordon is jealous as hell. Unfortunately, that remains the same.” He paused. “But he still sent me to you. Maybe he’s trying to tell you something.”
“Like what?”
“That he knows he has to trust you and come to terms with what you want in a relationship.”
“It’s too late,” she whispered.
Cam’s expression reflected genuine regret. “I’m sorry as hell to hear that, but I’ll deliver the message.” He started for the door.
“Cam.”
He stopped. “Yes?”
“Where will you deliver it?” She moistened her lips nervously. “This afternoon I thought I caught a glimpse of Jordan in the street. Later I realized it must have been my imagination but … He’s not here in San Francisco?”
“I haven’t seen him if he is.” Something flickered in Cam’s face and then was gone. “I was in Papeete when he phoned to ask me to come and see you. I assumed he was calling from Half Moon.”
Dizzying relief poured through her. “Yes, of course. I knew I was mistaken.”
Cam started to speak, obviously changed his mind, then smiled. “Good-bye, luv, see you next time.”
She nodded. “Next time.”
The door closed behind him, and Sara let out her pent-up breath in a rush. How odd to be this tense in Cam’s presence when she had always been so comfortable with him. She was still trembling with nerves even though he was no longer there. Lord, why was she lying to herself, she wondered with sudden impatience. It wasn’t Cam who was generating this sense of panic. It was Jordan.
Just talking about Jordan had brought back the tempest of emotions he created in her. She felt bewilderment, fear, lust. And it was lust, she assured herself frantically. It couldn’t be love. During those first heady months of their marriage she had talked herself into believing she loved him, but how could she love a stranger? No, her attachment to Jordan had to be purely sexual. Every woman was entitled to one mad episode in her life, and Sara’s had been with Jordan Bandor. Now her months of temporary insanity were behind her—and that was exactly where she wanted them to stay. She had worked too hard to forget Jordan to let Cam’s words disturb her equanimity.
She started to reach up into the cabinet for a coffee cup and then changed her mind. She was going to have enough trouble sleeping tonight without loading herself with caffeine. She switched off the coffeemaker and turned away. She would dismiss all thoughts of Jordan and concentrate on—
Eighteen months. Why had he waited eighteen months to contact her and why hadn’t he told her he intended to fight the divorce? Why appear out of the blue after all this time? She had thought it odd he hadn’t tried to contact her after she left Half Moon but assumed he had been consumed by rage and decided to cut her out of his life. She had witnessed his cold ferocity toward adversaries in business, so she thought it quite likely he would treat her in that same way.
She could feel the tension stiffening her muscles and deliberately drew a deep breath, forcing herself to relax. She’d take a hot shower and go to bed. There would be time enough for typing up her notes on the Donovan interview tomorrow morning. Now she must make sure no thoughts of Jordan penetrated the walls she’d built against him. She would go to sleep and by tomorrow her defenses would be stronger.
It was the tactic she had used during those first weeks after she had left him, and it had worked very well. She had only to live hour by hour and minute by minute. Yes, that was the way to survive. She moved wearily toward the Oriental lattice divider that screened her bedroom and bath from the rest of the loft. She had learned a great deal about surviving in these last months, she thought. Jordan had almost destroyed her as an individual, but she had fought back and was her own person again.
And she was damn well going to stay that way.
Mac Devlin’s penthouse apartment was all glittering crystal chandeliers, white and ebony velvet cushioned modern furniture, and open space. At the moment almost every inch of that space was occupied by laughing, talking men and women who were more glittering than the crystal chandeliers. From the doorway Sara’s gaze idly searched the crowd. She knew some of the people, but most of them were strangers. Then she caught sight of Kelly and Nick O’Brian a
cross the room talking to Mac and immediately began to work her way toward them. She had gone only a few feet, when Penny appeared at her side.
“You made it.” Penny grinned as she took two fluted glasses from the tray of a passing white-coated waiter and handed one to Sara. “Hold on to this. It might be the last drink you’ll get before dinner. Mac should have tagged the waiters with fluorescent safety strips. It’s almost impossible to find one in this mob.”
“Why didn’t you suggest it?”
“I haven’t been able to get near enough to him even to shout.” Penny’s gaze flicked over Sara’s sleeveless wine-colored velvet gown. “Pretty.” She made a face. “But if I had bazooms like Racquel Welch, I wouldn’t be wearing that cowl neck. If you’ve got it, flaunt it, I always say.”
“That’s what I always say too.” Sara’s green eyes were twinkling as she turned her back on Penny. “But flaunt it discreetly.”
The velvet gown bared her entire back and formed a daring V that ended two inches below her waist.
Penny laughed and shook her head as Sara again turned to face her. “As your editor, I think I should suggest you get a better dictionary. There’s no way that gown could be called discreet.” Her smile faded. “I haven’t forgotten about Honolulu, by the way. I was yanked into a production meeting this afternoon or I would have pinned you down about—”
“How did you like the Donovan story?”
“The bit about his wife and family was good stuff.” Penny frowned. “Quit trying to sidle away from the issue. I’m not about to let you— What’s wrong? You look as if someone just hit you in the stomach.” Penny turned and followed Sara’s gaze across the room to the corner in which Mac was holding court. Her lips pursed in a soundless whistle. “And who could blame you? I feel a little weak-kneed myself. Lord, he’s gorgeous. Sort of a cross between Mel Gibson and Brenda Starr’s mystery man, isn’t he?”
“Yes,” Sara said numbly.
Penny took a sip of her drink, her brown eyes narrowed on the tuxedo-clad man in conversation with Mac. “Do you suppose he’s a movie star? Who else would have nerve enough to wear a black patch over one eye? He looks like a buccaneer in one of those old Errol Flynn movies.”
Sara didn’t answer.
“I think I may just gird my loins and try to fight my way over there,” Penny murmured. “What a fantastic tush. I’ve always been a sucker for men with—” She broke off as soon as she turned back and saw Sara’s expression, which betrayed not only surprise but panic. “You know him?”
Sara nodded, her gaze never leaving the man with the black eyepatch. “It’s Jordan.”
Penny uttered a soft curse beneath her breath as she gazed once more at the man across the room. Only yesterday she had been wondering how “sensible” Sara could have been swept off her feet by a hardliner like Jordan Bandor. Now her answer was here before her. He possessed more sexual magnetism than any man Penny had ever seen. He stood a little over six feet but appeared larger. He was all sleek bronze muscle and leashed power, and that tush … Penny forced her gaze up to Jordan Bandor’s face. The planes and bones were more arresting than conventionally good-looking, but his mouth was beautifully shaped and that damn eyepatch was sexy as the devil. Cripes, no wonder Sara had fallen like a ton of bricks. She didn’t know many women who wouldn’t have been drawn by Jordan’s sex appeal. She took a protective step closer to Sara. “Do you want to leave? I’ll make your excuses to Mac.”
“No.” Sara closed her eyes for the tenth of a second and then opened them and turned to smile at Penny. “I’m all right. It had to happen sometime. I just didn’t expect—”
“What the hell is he doing here?” Penny asked fiercely. “Why couldn’t he stay on his own side of the world?”
“Jordan doesn’t believe in limiting himself. Today the South Pacific, tomorrow … who knows?”
Sara took a quick swallow of champagne. “I imagine we’ll learn soon enough why he’s here. Jordan isn’t in the least Machiavellian. He just sets a goal and blows a path through hell and high water until he gets it.”
Penny could believe that as she continued to glare at the man across the room. Jordan gave the impression of total stillness, yet he was exuding a stream of power and energy as he bent his dark head to listen to something Mac was saying. She could feel herself bristling with instinctive defensiveness. “What do you say we get out of here and go to the Top of the Mark for a drink?”
Sara smiled affectionately. “You know Mac would hit the roof if you didn’t stay and socialize with all these bigwigs. Stop worrying about me, Penny. You told me yourself yesterday afternoon that I’d have to face him sometime.”
But that was before Penny had seen Jordan and gauged his mettle. “I’ve been known to have a very big mouth. Well, if you won’t leave, then let’s go beard the Aussie and show him how well you’re doing without him.”
Sara shook her head. “Thanks for the support, but I don’t need you to hold my hand. I’m twenty-seven years old, for heaven’s sake. Go do your duty and mingle.”
Penny hesitated. “You’re sure?”
“I’m fine.” Sara lifted her glass to her lips. “I was just surprised. Jordan is—” She inhaled sharply and forgot what she was saying as Jordan looked up and saw her. He didn’t change expression, but she could feel the waves of emotion radiating from him across the room and her grasp unconsciously tightened on the fragile stem of her glass. She had forgotten the lightning blue of that glance and how much intensity he could project.
“Sara?”
Penny’s concerned voice freed her and Sara tore her gaze away and forced a bright smile. “I’m fine,” she repeated. “Beat it.”
Penny gazed at her skeptically and then shrugged. “I’ll check back with you later.” She turned and disappeared into the crowd.
Sara looked down at the clear sparkling liquid in her glass. He would be coming soon. He would be crossing the room, negotiating his way through the crowd that would part instinctively for him. Nothing would stop him or distract him. Soon he would be here beside her.
“Hello, Sara.”
Her gaze rose to fasten on his face. Oh, God, she didn’t want this. She drew a shaky breath. “What are you doing here?”
“Waiting for you.” His lips tightened. “Not that that’s anything new. I’ve been waiting for you for the last eighteen months.” His gaze traveled over the delicate planes of her face, lingering on the softness of her mouth and then going to the silver blond of her hair curving beneath her chin in a shining Dutch boy bob. He frowned. “You’ve cut your hair. I liked it better long.”
“And I like it better short.” She took a small sip of wine. “Cam didn’t know you were in San Francisco.”
“He does now. I contacted him this morning and he’s sharing my suite at the Fairmont.” Jordan took her glass and set it on the table beside them. “Let’s get out of here. I need to talk to you.”
Sara felt a swift surge of panic. “I don’t want to leave. I just got here. I haven’t even said hello to Mac.”
“For God’s sake, Sara, stop—” He broke off and she could see him struggling with his exasperation. “Very well, we’ll stay. Where can we find some privacy in this crowd?”
“We don’t need privacy. We have nothing to say to each other.”
“The hell we don’t.” His glance quickly raked the room and then he grabbed her arm and began propelling her through the crowd to the French doors leading to the terrace. “We need to have a conversation that’s long overdue.” He opened a door and gestured for her to precede him. “And one you cheated me out of when you ran away from Half Moon.”
“I didn’t run away. I left a note explaining why—” She heard the sudden harsh intake of his breath and glanced back over her shoulder at him. His gaze was fastened on the gleaming expanse of silken flesh revealed by the deep V of her gown.
“Dammit, why did you ever bother to put that rag on? You might as well have come here naked.”
&
nbsp; She stiffened. “It’s in good taste. If you had your way, I’d always be bundled up to my eyebrows. You wouldn’t even let me wear shorts outside the house!”
He scowled. “You looked too sexy.” He followed her out on the deserted terrace and closed the door. “And I thought it was a joint decision. We agreed—”
“Agreed?” She whirled to face him. “We never agreed on anything. You decided and then set about getting me to do exactly what you wanted.”
“And you enjoyed every minute of it.”
Her face felt suddenly hot. “You’re an expert lover, Jordan. You know how to push every one of my buttons. During those months with you I felt as if I were wandering around in some kind of erotic dream.” She met his gaze. “But there always comes a time to wake up to reality, and when I did, I realized what you’d done to me—”
“It was real.” Jordan’s voice was charged with soft violence. “We were real. You loved every single thing we did together.” He took a step closer. “You’re the most responsive woman I’ve ever met. Do you remember how many times a day we made love? How the tears would run down your cheeks and you’d dig your nails into my shoulders? Do you remember that, Sara?”
She took a step back and tried to close her mind against him. She would not remember those moments of sexual insanity. “I remember that you persuaded me to give up my career. I remember that you discouraged every friendship I tried to make. I remember that before I managed to break free from you I was on the way to being sexually subjugated.”
A flicker of pain darkened his face. “You make me sound like something out of de Sade. I was never cruel to you, Sara, and I always tried to give you everything you could want.”
“Did you ever ask me what I wanted?” She smiled sadly. “And no, you were never physically cruel to me.”
His lips twisted. “I suppose the implication is that I raped you mentally?”
“That’s as good a word as any. You most certainly manipulated me. You’re very good at manipulating people. I believe sometimes you aren’t even aware that you’re doing it. Well, I’m through being manipulated by anyone.” She turned toward the French doors. “I gave Cam my answer last night. I’m not coming back to you, Jordan. Find another mindless woman to play your bed games with.”