VIII
I spent a memorable day with Miss Sharp in the _parc_ yesterday. I donot even remember what I did in the intermediate time--it seems of solittle importance--but this Thursday will always stand out as a landmarkof our acquaintance.
We drove in a fiacre to the Little Trianon after she arrived, withBurton on the box to help me out, and then I walked with my crutch to adelicious spot I know, rather near the grotto, and yet with a view ofthe house--I was determined I would entice her to talk as much as Icould, and began very cautiously so as not to provoke her to suggestwork.
"Have you ever read that wonderful story called 'An Adventure'--The twoold ladies seeing Marie Antoinette and some other ghosts here?"
"No."
So I told her about it, and how they had accounted for it.
"I expect it was true," she said.
"You believe in ghosts then?"
"Some ghosts."
"I wish I did--then I should know that there is a beyond--."
I felt she was looking surprised.
"But of course there is a beyond--we have all been there many timesduring our evolution, after each life."
"That is what I want to know about--that theory of reincarnation," Iresponded eagerly--"can you tell me?"
"I could get you a book about it--."
"I would much rather hear it personally explained--the merestoutline,--please tell me, it might help me not to be such a rotter--."
She looked away toward the giant trees, her mouth had a slightly sadexpression, I could have torn those glasses off her blue eyes!
"We came up through the animal group soul--and finally were re-bornindividualized, into man--and from then onward the life on this earth isbut a school for us to learn experience in, to prepare us eventually forhigher spheres. When we advance far enough we need not be re-bornagain--."
"Yes--as a theory--I follow that--."
She went on--
"Everything is _cause_ and _effect_--We draw the result of every actionwe commit, good or bad--and sometimes it is not until the next re-birthwe pay for the bad ones, or receive the result of the good ones--."
"Is that why then that I am a cripple and life seems a beastlyaffair--?"
"Of course--You drew that upon yourself by some actions in your lastlife--. Also it may be to teach you some lesson in the improvement ofthe soul--."
"I don't seem to have learned anything--I believe I am rebellious allthe time--."
"Probably."
"Miss Sharp--you could really help me if you would. Please explain tome--I will be a diligent pupil."
"Perhaps you were in a position of great power the last time, and werelavish and kind to people in a way--or you would not be so rich now--butyou caused suffering and relied upon yourself, not on anythingdivine--you must have caused much suffering, perhaps mentally even, andso you had to be re-born and be wounded--to teach you the lesson of itall;--that is called your Karma. Our Karma is what we bring on with usfrom life to life in the way of obligations which we must discharge--soyou see it rests with each one of us not to lay up more debts to pay inthe future."
Her refined voice was level, as though she were controlling herself, notto allow any personal feeling to enter her discourse--her gloved handswere perfectly still in her lap--She was in profile to me so that Icould see that her very long eyelashes seemed to be rather pressedagainst the glasses--I have not before been so close to her in a brightlight.--Why does she wear those damned spectacles? I was thinking, whenshe said--
"You find it hard to be confined to your chair and not to be able tofight, don't you?--Well when you could fight it was not always thepleasure of going over the top? You had to have times in the trenchestoo, hadn't you--when you just had to bear it?"
"Of course--?"
"Well--you are in the trenches now, don't you see--and it is accordingto how your soul learns the lesson of them, as to whether in this lifeyou will ever be allowed to go over the top again--or even to havepeace."
"What is the lesson?"
"I am not God--I cannot tell you--but we would all know what our lessonto learn is, if we were not too vain to face the truth into ourselves."
"The aim being?"--
"Why of course to improve character and learn strength."
"What qualities do you most admire in a person, Miss Sharp?"
"Self control and strength."
"You have no sympathy with weaklings?"
"None whatever--bad strong people are better than weak good ones."
I knew this was true. This fragile creature suggests infinite repose andstrength--what could she have done in a former life to bring her back insuch unkind surroundings, that she must spend her days in drudgery, sothat she has never even leisure to think?--I longed to ask her, but didnot dare.
"Shall we not begin work now," she suggested--and I demonstrated myfirst lesson in self control by agreeing, and we did not talk againuntil luncheon time.
"If you don't mind we shall go to the little cafe by the _lac_," Isaid--"and then afterwards we can find another place and workagain--Burton will have had my wheeled chair brought down there, so wecan choose a decent spot in one of the _bosquets_."
She nodded slightly--Now that it was not to help my moral regenerationshe did not intend to talk any more, it seemed!
As we got into the fiacre I slipped in the slightest degree, and caughton to her arm--It was bare to the elbow in the little cheap cottonfrock, and as I touched the fine, fine skin, that maddening feeling cameover me again to clasp her in my arms.--I pulled myself together, andshe got in beside me. She has a darling tiny curl which comes behind herear, slipped down probably because her hair is so unfashionablydressed--None of Suzette's "_geste_," nor even the subtle perfect tasteof the fluffies.--It is just torn back and rolled into a tight twist.But now that I see her out of doors and in perspective I realize thatshe has a lovely small figure, and that everything is in the rightplace. I had told Burton to order the nicest lunch he could think of inthat simple place, and our table under one of the umbrellas was waitingfor us when we arrived.
There were only four other people there besides ourselves, and a fewcame in afterwards.
I had forgotten my bread tickets, so Miss Sharp gave me one of hers. Shehad relapsed into absolute silence. The only words she had uttered aswe came down that avenue from The Trianon to the _lac_ were when Iexclaimed at the beauty of it--I judged by her mouth that she wasadmiring it too--and she said softly--
"For me, Versailles is the loveliest spot on earth!"
My mind flew then to the thought of what it would be to buy a reallynice house here and spend the summers--with her--for my own--. I foundmyself clutching at my crutch--.
I tried to make conversation at lunch. There is nothing in the world sodifficult as to keep this up when you are nervous with interest, and theother person is determined not to say a sentence which is unnecessary. Achill crept over me.
Burton turned up in time to pay the bill and put me into my chair.
"I don't think you look well enough to stay out the afternoon, SirNicholas"--he said--"Better go straight back to the hotel and rest--."
Miss Sharp joined in.
"I was going to say that"--she said.
I felt like a cross, disappointed child--I knew they were both rightthough; I was feeling pretty tired and had not an idea in my head. Butif I did that, there would be a chance to see her lost--and all the longhours to face alone--.
"I am quite all right and I want to work," I said fretfully--and westarted off.
We went up through the lovely _allees_ past _Enceledus_--and on to the_Quinconce du Nord_, Miss Sharp walking a little behind my chair.
Here Burton bent over me--.
"It would be good for you to be taking a nap, Sir Nicholas--Indeed itwould."
It seemed as if Miss Sharp was abetting him, for she came to my side--.
"If you can get quite comfortable--I would read to you, and you mightsleep," she said--.
"We've no book"--I retorted--peeved, and yet pleased at the idea.
"I have one here which, will do"--and she took a little volume from herbag.--"I have wanted it for a long time, and I bought it at the _Foire_as I came from the station to-day--it cost a franc!"
It was a worn eighteenth century copy of Francois Villon--.
"Yes, that will be nice," I agreed--and leaned back while Burton settledmy cushion, and then retired to a distance. Twelve years on and off ofParis has not taught him French--at least not the French of FrancoisVillon!
Miss Sharp took a little _parc_ chair and I was able to watch her as sheread--I did not even hear the words--because, as she was looking down Ihad not to guard myself, but could let my eye devour her small ovalface. All my nerves were thrilling again and there was no peace--how Ilonged--ached--to take her into my arms!
She looked up once after an hour, to see if I were asleep, Isuppose.--She must have observed passionate emotion in my eye--shelooked down at the book instantly, but a soft pink flush came into hercheeks--which have a mother of pearl transparency usually. This causedme deep pleasure--I had been able to make her feel something at anyrate! but then I was frightened--perhaps she would suggest going if shefound the situation uncomfortable. Her voice had a fresh tone in it asshe went on, and finally it faltered, and she stopped.
"If it is not putting you to sleep" she remarked--"perhaps you would notobject if I walked on and typed what I took down this morning--It seemsa pity to waste this time."
I knew that if I did not let her have her way there might bedifficulties, so I agreed--and said that I would go back to the hoteland rest upon the sofa in the salon--So the procession started, and aswe took the _allee_, to bring us to the Reservoirs on the level--Isuddenly caught sight of Coralie and her last favoured one!--both ofwhom are supposed to be at Deauville with the rest!
Coralie was exquisitely dressed, Duquesnois in uniform.
I realized that she had seen us, and that she could not avoid coming upto talk, although that had not been her intention--When one is supposedto be at Deauville with one's family, and is in reality at Versailleswith one's lover--one does not seek to recognize one's friends!
She came forward with _empressement_ when she found the meeting wasinevitable--.
"Nicholas!" she cooed "--what happiness!"--
Then she eyed Miss Sharp mischievously, making a movement as though sheexpected me to introduce them--.
But Miss Sharp defeated this by immediately walking on--.
"_Tiens!_" said Coralie--.
"That is Miss Sharp--my secretary--What are you doing--here Coralie?"
"Perhaps the same as you, _cher ami_--" and she rippled withlaughter--"Versailles is so tranquil a place!"
I could have slapped her--fortunately Miss Sharp was out of earshot--.
Jean Duquesnois now joined in--he was back from the front for twodays--things were going better--peace would certainly be declared beforeChristmas--.
Coralie meanwhile was looking after Miss Sharp with an expression uponher clever face which only a Frenchwoman is able to put there--It saidas plainly as words, "So this is the reason Nicholas!--Well you havechosen something very every-day and inexpensive this time!--Men arecertainly crazy in their tastes!"
I pretended not to notice, and so she spoke.
"Why if you can come here cannot you come to Deauville, Nicholas?--theremust be some irresistible attraction stronger than to be with yourfriends!"
"Yes--he is an excellent Swedish masseur who is glued to Paris.--Also Ilike solitude sometimes--."
"Solitude!" and Coralie glanced at Miss Sharp's rapidly disappearingfigure--. "_Hein?_"
I would not permit myself to grow angry.
"The book is nearly finished--you can tell the rest--."
"That old book! You were much more entertaining before you commenced it,Nicholas! Perhaps the idea has come to me why!"
I would not be drawn--I threw the war into the enemy's country.
"You are staying at the Reservoirs?"
I saw that she was--and that now the thought of my being theredisconcerted her--.
"But no!" she lied sweetly--"I am merely out here for the day to seeLouise, who has a son in the hospital--."
It was my turn to say--
"_Tiens?_"
And then we both laughed--and I let them go on--.
But when I got into my salon--I heard no typing--only there was a notefrom Miss Sharp to say that some slight thing had gone wrong with themachine, so she had taken the work to finish it at home--.
I cursed Coralie and all the fluffies in the world, and then in painlaid down upon my bed.