XII
The pauses and intermissions of pain become positive pleasures; andhave thus a power of shedding a satisfaction over the intervals ofease, which few enjoyments exceed.--PALEY.
"Riding towards the cortege at a slow pace, and with a sorrowfulcountenance, the guards could hardly see anything very terrific in myapproach. They seemed, however, to expect an attack. 'Be persuaded,gentlemen,' said I to them, 'that I come not to wage war, but rather toask favours.' I then begged of them to continue their progress withoutany distrust, and as we went along I made my solicitations. Theyconsulted together to ascertain in what way they should entertain myrequest. The chief of them spoke for the rest. He said that theorders they had received to watch the prisoners vigilantly were of thestrictest kind; that, however, I seemed so interesting a young man,that they might be induced to relax a little in their duty; but that Imust know, of course, that this would cost me something. I had aboutsixteen pistoles left, and candidly told them what my purse contained.'Well,' said the gendarme, 'we will act generously. It shall only costyou a crown an hour for conversing with any of our girls that you mayprefer-- that is the ordinary price in Paris.'
"I said not a word of Manon, because I did not wish to let them know ofmy passion. They at first supposed it was merely a boyish whim, thatmade me think of amusing myself with these creatures: but when theydiscovered that I was in love, they increased their demands in such away, that my purse was completely empty on leaving Mantes, where we hadslept the night before our arrival at Passy.
"Shall I describe to you my heart-rending interviews with Manon duringthis journey, and what my sensations were when I obtained from theguards permission to approach her caravan? Oh! language never canadequately express the sentiments of the heart; but picture to yourselfmy poor mistress, with a chain round her waist, seated upon a handfulof straw, her head resting languidly against the panel of the carriage,her face pale and bathed with tears, which forced a passage between hereyelids, although she kept them continually closed. She had not eventhe curiosity to open her eyes on hearing the bustle of the guards whenthey expected our attack. Her clothes were soiled, and in disorder;her delicate hands exposed to the rough air; in fine, her whole angelicform, that face, lovely enough to carry back the world to idolatry,presented a spectacle of distress and anguish utterly indescribable.
"I spent some moments gazing at her as I rode alongside the carriage.I had so lost my self-possession, that I was several times on the pointof falling from my horse. My sighs and frequent exclamations at lengthattracted her attention. She looked at and recognised me, and Iremarked that on the first impulse, she unconsciously tried to leapfrom the carriage towards me, but being checked by her chain, she fellinto her former attitude.
"I begged of the guards to stop one moment for the sake of mercy; theyconsented for the sake of avarice. I dismounted to go and sit nearher. She was so languid and feeble, that she was for some time withoutthe power of speech, and could not raise her hands: I bathed them withmy tears; and being myself unable to utter a word, we formed togetheras deplorable a picture of distress as could well be seen. When atlength we were able to speak, our conversation was not less sorrowful.Manon said little: shame and grief appeared to have altered thecharacter of her voice; its tone was feeble and tremulous.
"She thanked me for not having forgotten her, and for the comfort Igave her in allowing her to see me once more, and she then bade me along and last farewell. But when I assured her that no power on earthcould ever separate me from her, and that I was resolved to follow herto the extremity of the world--to watch over her--to guard her--to loveher--and inseparably to unite my wretched destiny with hers, the poorgirl gave way to such feelings of tenderness and grief, that I almostdreaded danger to her life from the violence of her emotion: theagitation of her whole soul seemed intensely concentrated in her eyes;she fixed them steadfastly upon me. She more than once opened her lipswithout the power of giving utterance to her thoughts. I could,however, catch some expressions that dropped from her, of admirationand wonder at my excessive love--of doubt that she could have beenfortunate enough to inspire me with a passion so perfect--of earnestentreaty that I would abandon my intention of following her, and seekelsewhere a lot more worthy of me, and which, she said, I could neverhope to find with her.
"In spite of the cruellest inflictions of Fate, I derived comfort fromher looks, and from the conviction that I now possessed her undividedaffection. I had in truth lost all that other men value; but I was themaster of Manon's heart, the only possession that I prized. Whether inEurope or in America, of what moment to me was the place of my abode,provided I might live happy in the society of my mistress? Is not theuniverse the residence of two fond and faithful lovers? Does not eachfind in the other, father, mother, friends, relations, riches, felicity?
"If anything caused me uneasiness, it was the fear of seeing Manonexposed to want. I fancied myself already with her in a barbarouscountry, inhabited by savages. 'I am quite certain,' said I, 'therewill be none there more cruel than G---- M---- and my father. Theywill, at least, allow us to live in peace. If the accounts we read ofsavages be true, they obey the laws of nature: they neither know themean rapacity of avarice, nor the false and fantastic notions ofdignity, which have raised me up an enemy in my own father. They willnot harass and persecute two lovers, when they see us adopt their ownsimple habits.' I was therefore at ease upon that point.
"But my romantic ideas were not formed with a proper view to theordinary wants of life. I had too often found that there werenecessaries which could not be dispensed with, particularly by a youngand delicate woman, accustomed to comfort and abundance. I was indespair at having so fruitlessly emptied my purse, and the little moneythat now remained was about being forced from me by the rascallyimposition of the gendarmes. I imagined that a very trifling sum wouldsuffice for our support for some time in America, where money wasscarce, and might also enable me to form some undertaking there for ourpermanent establishment.
"This idea made me resolve on writing to Tiberge, whom I had ever foundready to hold out the generous hand of friendship. I wrote from thefirst town we passed through. I only alluded to the destitutecondition in which I foresaw that I should find myself on arriving atHavre-de-Grace, to which place I acknowledged that I was accompanyingManon. I asked him for only fifty pistoles. 'You can remit it to me,'said I to him, 'through the hands of the postmaster. You must perceivethat it is the last time I can by possibility trespass on your friendlykindness; and my poor unhappy mistress being about to be exiled fromher country for ever, I cannot let her depart without supplying herwith some few comforts, to soften the sufferings of her lot, as well asto assuage my own sorrows.'
"The gendarmes became so rapacious when they saw the violence of mypassion, continually increasing their demands for the slightestfavours, that they soon left me penniless. Love did not permit me toput any bounds to my liberality. At Manon's side I was not master ofmyself; and it was no longer by the hour that time was measured; ratherby the duration of whole days. At length, my funds being completelyexhausted, I found myself exposed to the brutal caprice of these sixwretches who treated me with intolerable rudeness--you yourselfwitnessed it at Passy. My meeting with you was a momentary relaxationaccorded me by fate. Your compassion at the sight of my sufferings wasmy only recommendation to your generous nature. The assistance whichyou so liberally extended, enabled me to reach Havre, and the guardskept their promise more faithfully than I had ventured to hope.
"We arrived at Havre. I went to the post-office: Tiberge had not yethad time to answer my letter. I ascertained the earliest day I mightreckon upon his answer: it could not possibly arrive for two dayslonger; and by an extraordinary fatality, our vessel was to sail on thevery morning of the day when the letter might be expected. I cannotgive you an idea of my despair. 'Alas!' cried I, 'even amongst theunfortunate, I am to be ever the most wretched!'
"Manon replied: 'Alas! does
a life so thoroughly miserable deserve thecare we bestow on ours? Let us die at Havre, dearest chevalier! Letdeath at once put an end to our afflictions! Shall we persevere, and goto drag on this hopeless existence in an unknown land, where we shall,no doubt, have to encounter the most horrible pains, since it has beentheir object to punish me by exile? Let us die,' she repeated, 'or doat least in mercy rid me of life, and then you can seek another lot inthe arms of some happier lover.'
"'No, no, Manon,' said I; 'it is but too enviable a lot, in myestimation, to be allowed to share your misfortunes.'
"Her observations made me tremble. I saw that she was overpowered byher afflictions. I tried to assume a more tranquil air, in order todissipate such melancholy thoughts of death and despair.
"I resolved to adopt the same course in future; and I learned by theresults, that nothing is more calculated to inspire a woman withcourage than the demonstration of intrepidity in the man she loves.
"When I lost all hope of receiving the expected assistance fromTiberge, I sold my horse; the money it brought, joined to what remainedof your generous gift, amounted to the small sum of forty pistoles; Iexpended eight in the purchase of some necessary articles for Manon;and I put the remainder by, as the capital upon which we were to restour hopes and raise our fortunes in America. I had no difficulty ingetting admitted on board the vessel. They were at the time lookingfor young men as voluntary emigrants to the colony. The passage andprovisions were supplied gratis. I left a letter for Tiberge, whichwas to go by the post next morning to Paris. It was no doubt writtenin a tone calculated to affect him deeply, since it induced him to forma resolution, which could only be carried into execution by thetenderest and most generous sympathy for his unhappy friend.