Chapter Twenty-Four - Cody
“Cody, do you love me?” Lisa said, tracing circles on my belly with her forefinger. Her nail was just sharp enough to tickle, and made my whole body tingle drowsily. I could feel sleep nibbling at the edges of my mind, and no matter how hard I fought it off, I couldn’t help worrying that I might fall asleep right in the middle of talking to her. I was really that dead beat.
“You know I do. More than anything in the world,” I said, yawning and making an effort to shake myself awake again.
“What if I did something that hurt you really bad; would you still love me then?” she asked.
That was enough to wake me up completely and make me forget all about her fingernails on my stomach. People don’t usually say things like that unless they have a good reason, especially not when they travel thousands of miles to say it. But I knew the answer, anyway.
“There’s nothing you could say or do that would make me not love you anymore, I promise,” I said.
“Nothing at all?” she persisted.
“Nope, not a thing,” I said, nervous about where she was headed with all this.
“What if I got totally wasted on meth and ecstasy at a party and hooked up with your best friend? Would you still love me then?” she asked jokingly, and then all my worries dissolved in a quiet explosion of mirth.
“That’s a good one, Lisa,” I laughed. She’d really had me going there for a few seconds.
“Well, would you?” she asked. I couldn’t understand what her sudden obsession was, but I tried to consider the question seriously, since she seemed so concerned about it. I ran my fingers through her hair absentmindedly, thinking. It was soft and silky, like a baby calf in the springtime. I don’t know if she would’ve liked that comparison or not, but I’ve noticed that occasionally random thoughts like that will pop into your head at the strangest possible times.
“I guess nobody ever knows for sure what he’d do till he’s tested, but I hope I’d still feel just the same. Love is a cheap thing if it won’t stand up under pressure,” I said thoughtfully, choosing my words carefully.
“Fair enough answer, I guess,” she said, sounding moody.
“Oh, come on, Lisa, lighten up; it’s not like you’d ever do anything like that in the first place,” I said, laughing again.
I didn’t know where this dark mood had come from all of a sudden, and I wanted to get rid of it and enjoy the rest of the evening and fall asleep with her in my arms.
Then came the plunger.
“But I did, though,” she said softly, and for a second I felt like the ground had suddenly opened up at my feet.
“Huh?” I asked, thinking I must have misheard her.
“I went to a fish fry with Marcus, only it turned out to be more of a party. Somebody spiked the punch and we both drank it. I got so stoned I couldn’t think straight, and so did he. I never would have done something like that if I hadn’t been high, Cody, I swear to you. I don’t think Marcus would have, either. I’m so sorry. If you don’t want to be with me anymore then I understand, but I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me,” she said, the words tumbling out in a rush.
At first I couldn’t comprehend what she was saying, and even when I did comprehend it I still couldn’t believe it. Lisa and Marcus? There haven’t been too many times in my life when I’ve been struck totally speechless, but that was one of them. In fact, the only thing even more unbelievable than the idea of her doing such a thing in the first place was the notion that she’d tell me a story like that if it wasn’t true.
“I see,” I finally said, when I finally got my voice back. I think I was still in shock; the words sounded dry and factual, almost clinical, even to me. But it was all I could manage to say.
“What are you thinking?” she finally asked, after a long time had passed. At that I started to feel just a little bit of emotion coming back for the first time.
“I’m thinking. . . life really bites right now, if you want me to be honest,” I said bitterly. Bites was a gentle word for it, actually. I felt like my whole life and everything I ever believed and wanted and dreamed of was falling to dust and ashes right around my ears.
“I’m sorry, Cody. I swear I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for any of this to happen,” she said, starting to cry.
I sighed.
“I’m sure you didn’t, Lisa. But now we have to deal with it all the same, don’t we?” I said.
“Yeah,” she whispered.
“I ought to beat Marcus when I get home,” I said venomously, grasping desperately at the only other person I could blame, even though that was hardly any better. Marcus was supposed to be my best friend, the one who always had my back no matter what; even my brother, almost. The fact that it was him of all people hurt almost as much as the fact that it was Lisa. I wanted to kill both of them and I wanted to cry while I did it, and what kind of screwy thinking is that? But what do you do, when suddenly trust can’t be trusted, and you find out that love isn’t love after all?