Chapter Thirty-Two - Lisa
When I finally woke up, I was lying in a hospital bed in a quiet room, hurting in every way imaginable. Mind, body, and heart were all shattered. My world was nothing but the depths of bleak devastation, black as the bitterest night.
It was still snowing a little bit, but it was the big flakes that always come near the end, when the storm is almost over. From what I could see, there was only maybe an inch or two on the ground.
Then I turned my head away from the window, and to my utter shock, Cody was there, sitting in the chair beside my bed. He looked careworn and sad, and he was wearing that same old Cowboy for Life t-shirt that he’d worn the first day I went out to see him at Goliad, all those eons and centuries ago. It reminded me of happier days, or at least it would have if Cody hadn’t seemed so sorrowful, like he thought I might never open my eyes again. In a way I think that comforted me just a little bit; when your heart is broken, it’s a comfort to know that your pain isn’t yours alone.
“Cody,” I said, and I was surprised how weak my voice sounded. He stirred, and reached out to clasp my hand. Any other time I wouldn’t have let him do it, but at the moment I needed the touch.
“Hey, Lisa,” he said.
“How did you get here?” I asked.
“Well. . . Mama heard about the wreck on the radio, so I decided to come down here and see if you were all right. It sounded pretty bad, the way they talked about it,” he said, not quite looking at me.
“I’m so sorry,” I told him. I don’t even know why I said it or what I was supposed to be sorry for, but I was such an emotional basket case right then, I might have said just about anything and it would have felt logical. Sorry for lying to him? Sorry for making him have to drive to Longview in the snow? I really had no idea. All I knew was that I felt like I’d let him down, like I’d let everybody down, and Mama most of all. Tears started to run from the corners of my eyes, and he quietly wiped them away with a tissue from the bedside table.
He must have guessed my apology had something to do with the wreck.
“It’s nobody’s fault. The road was bad, and there was nothing anybody could have done different. But the nurse said you lost a lot of blood and they’ve got you on some pretty strong antibiotics, too. You’ve got a bad case of toxoplasmosis. But they say you’ll be fine in a couple days,” he told me.
I’d never heard of toxoplasmosis. I didn’t know where it came from, or how I could have gotten such a thing. But it didn’t matter, anyway.
“What did they do with Mama?” I asked dully.
“Nothing, yet. They wanted me to ask you which funeral home you’d like to use. If you want to, I thought we could bury her at Nebo. Maybe keep y’all from having so many arrangements to make,” he said.
It didn’t surprise me that he’d make such an offer. He was always like that, when he thought nobody was paying attention. But still, I was grateful beyond words for that small act of kindness.
“Thanks,” I said.
“It’s the least I could do,” he said.
“Where’s Marcus?” I asked.
“He got banged up pretty bad, but they think he’ll be okay. He’s down the hall, there,” he said, nodding his head in that direction.
“I’m glad you came,” I told him, truthfully.
“Well. . . I couldn’t pretend I didn’t know,” he said, scuffing his boot on the floor a little bit.
“I’ve really missed you,” I told him, not stopping to think or care how that might sound. He raised an eyebrow at me.
“Still?” he asked.
“Always,” I admitted. It says in Proverbs that an honest answer is like a kiss on the lips, and I guess that’s how my words must have felt for Cody. He was silent for a few minutes, maybe thinking, and then cleared his throat.
“Lisa, I know this is maybe not the time or the place, but I’ve been thinking an awful lot. I really didn’t mean all that stuff I said when you came up to Alaska. I was mostly just mad and hurt, and then later when I found out about you and Marcus getting together, I don’t know, it seemed like it was better to let it alone. Anyway, I know me and you both have done some stupid stuff, but I’d like to try to maybe work things out, if we can,” he finally said.
I wanted to say no. I knew what the price would be if I didn’t. But I was sick and weak and my heart was already broken, and I didn’t have the strength to turn him away. I knew it might be the last chance we ever had together. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make myself do it.
“Yeah, me too,” I agreed softly, and squeezed his hand.
“What about Marcus?” he asked.
I thought about that, but the prospect of explaining to him that I’d never really been with Marcus in the first place was more than I could handle right then. It would drag in the whole mess with Layla and the fake breakup in Alaska and who knew what else, and all of it together was too much.
“Marcus knows how I feel about you. He always has. I’d like to think he’d be happy for me,” I said instead, which was as much of the truth as I knew how to give him at the moment.
“He said he was glad, when I talked to him earlier,” he said.
“You talked to Marcus?” I asked. I couldn’t help wondering what they might have said to each other, and how much information Marcus had let slip.
“Well, yeah. He’s still my best friend, you know. But I told him I was fixin’ to ask you if we could work things out, even if I had to beat him bloody if he didn’t like it, so he gave me his blessing,” he said. I laughed a little, even though it hurt.
“He’s a good man,” I said.
“Yeah, he is,” Cody agreed.
We didn’t say anything else for a while, but at last he took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair.
“I probably better go, Lisa, unless you need me to stay. There are some things I need to do, to get ready for the funeral, you know. I’ll try to call Jenny to come sit with you, if you’ll give me her number,” he said.
“Sure, go ahead. I’ll be all right,” I said, giving him the number. I would have liked him to stay, honestly, but I didn’t feel like I had a right to ask him for anything, yet. Our relationship was still in the eggshell stage, tenuous and fragile.
“Okay, then,” he agreed. Then he kissed me goodbye, just a quick peck, and left the hospital to do what needed to be done.
I watched him leave, and for a little while I slept again until Jenny showed up. I almost would rather have been alone, if the truth be told, but I smiled tiredly and prepared myself for whatever the encounter might bring.
“How are you feeling, sis?” Jenny asked, in a subdued tone.
“I’ve been better. What about you?” I asked.
“I’ll be all right. Mama wouldn’t have liked it if we fell apart, you know,” Jenny said, and in spite of my exhaustion and desolation, I had to smile a little. It was true; that’s exactly what Mama would have said. To be strong and hold it together, no matter what. It surprised me that Jenny had ever paid attention.
“Cody told me not to worry about anything, cause he was taking care of all the funeral arrangements. He said y’all already talked about it. Now, it’s not like I’m not grateful, you know, but what’s he doing here at all?” she asked. I thought wryly that my sister was the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow; always nosy.
“He heard about the wreck, so he came down here to see me, that’s all. He’s only being the way he always is. He didn’t want me to have to deal with all that from a hospital bed,” I said. I didn’t mention the fact that we both knew Jenny couldn’t have handled it period; there was no need to hurt her feelings by saying so.
“Well. . . okay. Just seemed strange that he was the one calling me, that’s all,” she said.
“We’re gonna try to work things out one more time, I think. See what happens. And I don’t want to hear a word about it from you or anybody else
,” I said, a touch severely.
“I won’t. I’m glad for you, that you got him back. I think he really loves you,” she said, and that surprised me almost as much as anything Jenny had ever said.
“You do?” I asked skeptically.
“Yeah. He wouldn’t still be here after all this, if he didn’t. I hope y’all work out this time,” she said.
“Yeah, me too,” I agreed.
This time, in my heart of hearts, I could almost believe we would.
End of Part Two