Mapleshade was only dimly aware of hooking her claws into the branch beside her. She felt herself being dragged through the water, and then strong jaws were in her pelt, hauling her onto the stones. Appledusk loomed over her. “What in the name of StarClan are you doing? Where are the kits?”
Two more shapes appeared beside him. “What is a ThunderClan cat doing in the river?” asked one. Mapleshade recognized the voice of Splashfoot, a young tom.
“Is it Mapleshade?” asked his companion.
“I think so, Eeltail,” mewed Splashfoot. He peered closer, his pale gray fur glowing in the failing light.
“My kits,” Mapleshade rasped. “Save . . . my kits . . .”
Appledusk’s face appeared above her, his eyes huge with horror. “Are you telling me the kits are in the river?”
Mapleshade nodded, too weak to speak.
Eeltail was already bounding along the shore. “If kits are in there, they are going to be in big trouble!” she called over her shoulder. Splashfoot raced after her.
Appledusk crouched beside Mapleshade. “I will find them, I promise,” he whispered. Then he raced away from her.
Mapleshade closed her eyes. StarClan, help my kits, she prayed. None of this is their fault. Take me if you must, but please, spare them.
She lay still, feeling the water run off her fur, until she heard paw steps crunching over the stones. She lifted her head and saw Appledusk approaching. In the darkness, she couldn’t see his expression. “Did you find them?”
“Yes,” he meowed. “We found them.”
Mapleshade hauled herself to her paws. “Where are they?”
Wordlessly, Appledusk turned and led her downstream. He pushed his way into a dense clump of reeds and beckoned Mapleshade forward with his tail. Eeltail and Splashfoot were standing over three small dark shapes. Eeltail looked up, her eyes brimming with pity. “I’m so sorry,” she mewed. “We couldn’t save them.”
A ghastly shriek split the air. Mapleshade wondered where the noise was coming from until she realized that her mouth was wide open. She shut her jaws with a snap and took a step toward her kits. Her legs buckled and suddenly she was lying beside them, desperately licking each one in turn.
“Wake up, little ones,” she urged. “We made it across the river. You are safe now!”
But the bodies rolled limply under the strokes of her tongue, and three pairs of eyes stayed closed.
Mapleshade pressed her muzzle against Patchkit’s cold cheek. “You promised you would never leave me,” she whispered. You promised you would keep me safe. His voice echoed inside her head. “I’m sorry!” Mapleshade wailed. “I was trying to find us a new home. I didn’t know where else to go.”
“What are you talking about?” Appledusk sounded stunned. “Do you mean that you deliberately tried to cross the river? In the middle of a flood?”
Mapleshade twisted around to look at him. “ThunderClan threw us out,” she explained. “We had nowhere else to go.”
“I don’t know what’s going on here, but we need to take these kits to Darkstar,” meowed Eeltail. “He needs to know about this.”
For a moment Appledusk looked as if he was going to disagree, then he nodded. “You’re right. Come on, we’ll take one kit each. Mapleshade, follow us.”
The RiverClan warriors gently picked up the drenched little shapes and carried them slowly back along the shore. Mapleshade stumbled behind them, too numb to think clearly. Beside them, the river had calmed and lapped at the shore like a cat’s tongue, making soft, comforting noises in the still air. Mapleshade waited for Appledusk to send the other warriors on ahead, to find some excuse to be alone with her so they could mourn their kits together before facing the rest of his Clan. But he didn’t turn back to look at her. He hasn’t even asked what I named them.
The warriors threaded between tall reeds on a narrow path of dense brown soil. It opened into a clearing which was raised up from the water by heaps of more soil on top of tightly woven branches, like a huge nest. Mapleshade caught the glint of many pairs of eyes watching from among the reeds and her wet fur bristled.
An orange she-cat ran up to Appledusk. Mapleshade recognized her at once; it was Reedshine, the warrior who had been fussing over Appledusk at the Gathering.
“Did someone fall in the river?” Reedshine gasped. “Are you okay?”
The RiverClan warrior set down Petalkit’s body as gently as if she were sleeping, and touched his tail to Reedshine’s flank. “I’m fine. I need to speak with Darkstar.”
Reedshine stayed where she was, her gaze flicking to Mapleshade and back again. “Why is she here? What’s going on, Appledusk?”
There was a stir of movement at the far end of the clearing, and Darkstar stepped out of the reeds. All the cats fell silent.
Appledusk stepped forward. “Three kits have drowned in the river,” he announced.
Ask me their names! Mapleshade screeched silently.
Appledusk looked at his paws. “I . . . I am their father.”
Mapleshade held her breath. This was Appledusk’s chance to plead for mercy on her behalf, to explain that Mapleshade deserved to be given a place in RiverClan because she had borne his kits.
Darkstar’s eyes narrowed to tiny slits. “What do you mean, Appledusk? What are you talking about?”
“I’m so sorry, Reedshine,” Appledusk whispered. “Please forgive me.”
Reedshine twitched the tip of her tail. “Forgive you for what?”
Mapleshade looked at the concern in Reedshine’s eyes and felt something inside her turn to ice. This was not just a Clanmate to Appledusk.
Appledusk bowed his head and went on. “Many moons ago, I met with Mapleshade in secret.”
There was a gasp from his Clanmates, and one of them, a rumpled old tabby, hissed, “Traitor!”
Mapleshade kept her gaze fixed on Darkstar. She has to take pity on me. I have lost my home and my kits. I have nothing left except Appledusk.
“You knew about these kits?” Darkstar asked. The tip of her tail was twitching.
Appledusk nodded, and Reedshine let out a soft wail. “Mapleshade told me she would raise them in ThunderClan,” Appledusk meowed. “I . . . I knew I had made a mistake so I said nothing to my Clanmates.”
A mistake? Mapleshade almost winced at the pain in Appledusk’s pale green eyes. Almost, but not quite. The ice was spreading through her faster than a leaf-bare frost. Soon I won’t be able to feel anything, she thought.
“I should never have betrayed my Clan by meeting with Mapleshade,” Appledusk went on. “I will regret it for the rest of my life, and I can only beg for your forgiveness.”
“What brought these kits here tonight?” Darkstar queried, looking down at the three pitiful shapes.
Mapleshade opened her mouth to explain but Appledusk spoke first. “Mapleshade’s Clanmates learned the truth and she had to leave. The river is flooded and the kits were too young to swim across.” His voice faltered. Mapleshade stared at him. You’re making it sound as if this was my fault!
Darkstar mewed, “The loss of any kits is a loss to all of us. But you broke the warrior code, Appledusk. How can I ever trust you again?”
Reedshine padded forward until she was standing alongside Appledusk with her fur brushing his. “There is no cat more loyal to RiverClan than Appledusk,” she declared. “If I am willing to forgive him for his past mistakes, then so should you, Darkstar.”
There were murmurs from the cats at the edge of the clearing. They sounded impressed by Reedshine’s confidence.
Darkstar waited until the clearing was silent again, then nodded. “This is not the season for losing warriors. Appledusk, I believe that you are sorry for what you did, and that you have been punished enough by the death of your kits. I will allow you to remain in RiverClan—but know that I and the rest of the Clanmates will be watching you. You will have to earn back our trust.”
Appledusk dipped his head so low that his muzzle almost touche
d the reeds beneath his paws. “I will never forget your mercy, Darkstar,” he murmured. “Thank you. I promise my loyalty lies only with RiverClan, and my Clanmates.” He glanced sideways at Reedshine, who blinked at him.
Darkstar gestured with her tail. “Rainfall, help Splashfoot and Eeltail to bury these kits. The accident of their birth is not their fault. They may lie in peace in our territory now.”
Mapleshade struggled to find her voice. “What . . . what about me?” she croaked. “May I stay here with my kits?”
The RiverClan leader stared at her. “No, you may not. You will leave this territory at once and never set foot across the border again. Like Appledusk, I believe that the loss of your kits is punishment enough. Otherwise, rest assured my warriors would have clawed your fur off for what you have done.”
“But night is falling!” Mapleshade protested. “Where will I go? Appledusk, help me!”
The pale brown warrior shook his head. “Why should I? It’s your fault that these kits are dead. I never want to see you again.”
Reedshine pressed herself even closer to Appledusk’s flank. “Go away, Mapleshade,” she hissed. “You have caused enough trouble tonight.”
Mapleshade looked down at her drowned kits. “I cannot leave them,” she whispered. “They are everything to me.”
“And now they are dead,” Appledusk growled. “Be thankful we have shown you some mercy, Mapleshade. Get out, before we make you leave.”
Mapleshade stared at the cat whose face had occupied her mind for so many moons. She thought she had known every swirl of his fur, the angle of every whisker, but now she didn’t recognize him at all. The coldness swelled inside her until she felt it burst out of her eyes, and there was a jolt of satisfaction as Appledusk flinched away from her gaze. “You told me you loved me!” Mapleshade hissed. “I went through the agony of bearing your kits! And now you treat me worse than prey. You will regret this, Appledusk. That is my last promise to you.”
She turned and stumbled out of the clearing, blindly following paths through the reeds until she reached scent markers that suggested she was at the RiverClan boundary. She was dimly aware of crossing hard gray stone, then a massive shape loomed out of the shadows, a sharp-edged Twoleg den of some sort. She found a hole in the wall and slipped through into a musty, hay-scented space. Mapleshade slumped down on a clump of dusty dried stalks and shut her eyes. Sleep dragged her away, and her dreams were filled with the sight of her kits spiraling away from her in churning black water, screeching for help that never came.
CHAPTER 5
Mapleshade fought her way out of sleep, coughing and scorched with fever. Where am I? She struggled out of her prickly nest and looked around. A fresh-killed mouse lay beside her, and Mapleshade’s belly rumbled. She couldn’t remember the last time she had eaten. She bent down to take a bite, then the memory of where she was and what had happened flooded over her and she retched violently. My kits! Appledusk!
“Hello? Are you all right?” An anxious mew made Mapleshade look up. A small black-and-white tom was standing at the foot of the huge stack of hay that filled the den. Daylight filtered through cracks in the wooden walls, highlighting tiny specks of dust that floated in the air.
“Where am I? Who are you?” Mapleshade rasped.
The little cat picked up a bundle of dripping moss that lay at his paws and carried it over to her. “You need to drink,” he urged. “My name is Myler, and this is my barn. You went to sleep so quickly last night that I didn’t have time to introduce myself. How are you feeling?” He peered at her and Mapleshade shied away. “You still look exhausted,” Myler observed. “Eat the mouse, then I’ll let you get some more rest.
“I’m not staying,” Mapleshade hissed. “I don’t want your fresh-kill.”
“But there’s plenty to share,” Myler insisted. “I can catch more for myself, don’t worry.”
Mapleshade staggered forward, almost knocking the tom off his paws. “Leave me alone,” she growled. “I don’t need your help.”
She searched for the gap in the wall where she had come in. Behind her, Myler was meowing something about giving shelter to strangers and having plenty of room in the barn. Mapleshade didn’t bother to listen. What could some kittypet possibly give to her? My life is ruined! I did nothing wrong, and yet I have lost everything! The image of her three dead kits hovered at the edge of her vision, as if she would be able to see them clearly if only she could turn her head fast enough. Mama, help me! they wailed.
“I can’t,” Mapleshade whispered. “Oh my precious loves, I am so sorry.”
Trembling with hunger, Mapleshade plunged into the wispy undergrowth that edged RiverClan’s territory. She stayed well clear of the border as she headed uphill, toward the gorge. She knew there was a wooden Twoleg bridge just below the sheer walls of rock where she would be able to cross back to ThunderClan territory. She felt an irresistible pull inside her, back to the place where she had spent her whole life. There was no solace in the spindly willows of RiverClan, and the vast open moor that stretched up above the gorge made her shudder with fear. Instead she yearned for the denseness of sturdy trees and thick green undergrowth rooting her to the ground, filling her senses with familiar sounds and scents.
Mapleshade reached the wooden bridge and raced across, ears flattened and fur spiked. The noise of the river tumbling below dragged her mind back to the moment she had let go of Patchkit. The water was too strong! It was not my fault that my kits died, she reminded herself. She jumped off the bridge onto dry, sandy ground that sloped up toward Four Trees directly in front of her. If she turned and followed the river downstream, she would be in ThunderClan territory. Trying to ignore the sound of the water, she took a few steps toward the boundary, already tasting the scent markers on the still air.
Then she froze. She could not cross the border. She had been driven out—exiled by her own Clanmates. If she took one step into her former home, she would be treated worse than a rogue. An image swam into Mapleshade’s mind of a small black cat, eyes narrowed with suspicion, spouting words that rang with righteous indignation. Ravenwing! This was all his fault. He had jumped to conclusions, shattered the Clan’s trust in her, forced her Clanmates to judge her for something beyond her control. Because of his actions, Patchkit, Larchkit, and Petalkit had died. Every breath that Ravenwing took was a breath he had denied Mapleshade’s kits.
Rage swelled inside Mapleshade’s head until the sounds of the forest faded away and her vision blurred. She stumbled along the edge of the border, not caring when her claws scraped on stones or brambles dragged at her pelt. Her skin throbbed with heat and she was dimly aware of being thirstier than she had ever been in her life, but even when her paws splashed through a tiny stream, she couldn’t muster the energy to stop and drink. Eventually she could walk no farther, and she flopped down where she was, in a narrow ditch beside a holly bush that smelled of home.
Mapleshade closed her eyes and listened to the thudding of her heart. It seemed to grow louder and louder, until the leaf mulch she was lying on started to quiver. With a jolt she opened her eyes and saw a ginger face staring down at her in dismay.
“Mapleshade!” squeaked Nettlepaw. “You’re not supposed to be here!”
“Then pretend that I’m dead,” Mapleshade growled. “I may as well be.”
Nettlepaw’s gaze darted around the ditch. “Where are the kits?” he whispered. “Are they in RiverClan?”
Mapleshade felt the numbness creeping over her once more. “They drowned in the river.”
“Oh no!” Nettlepaw’s eyes grew huge.
Mapleshade let her cheek rest on the cold dirt. “Leave me alone.”
With a muffled meow, Nettlepaw turned and fled. Mapleshade wondered if she would ever climb out of the ditch. There was another patter of paw steps above her. Mapleshade opened one eye. Nettlepaw was pushing a bundle of herbs down toward her.
“I was collecting these for Ravenwing,” he mewed. “But I think you n
eed them more. You don’t smell good, Mapleshade.” He peered earnestly at her. “Please eat them. I . . . I’m sorry about your kits. Frecklewish saw what happened in the river, but I hoped you made it to the other side.”
Mapleshade sat up with a hiss. “Frecklewish was watching?”
The apprentice looked scared. “Y-yes. She followed you to make sure that you left. She . . . she said you fell off the stepping-stones.”
“And yet she did nothing?” Mapleshade rasped. “Those kits were helpless! How could she watch them drown?”
Nettlepaw started to back away. “I don’t know. She must have thought they were okay. She said there were RiverClan cats on the far shore.”
“They were not okay!” Mapleshade snarled, arching her back and sinking her claws into the mulch.
“Nettlepaw! Where are you?” a cat called from the other side of the holly bush. Nettlepaw let out a whimper and raced away.
Mapleshade sank back down into the ditch. She chewed the leaves without tasting them, feeling a stab of satisfaction that she had taken them from Ravenwing. How could he carry on gathering herbs, treating his Clanmates, as if nothing had happened? Mapleshade burned with the need to see him, to make him regret spilling the secret that was hers, and hers alone. She looked up at the moon, which had appeared in the twilight sky. In one sunrise it would be at its half, when the medicine cats traveled to the Moonstone. Mapleshade might be forbidden from entering ThunderClan’s territory, but no cat could keep her away from the path that led to Mothermouth. Ravenwing would be alone on his journey, unprotected by warriors who were stupid enough to listen to his accusations and doom-mongering.
She felt the herbs working inside her, restoring strength to her legs. With a grunt, she jumped out of the ditch and started trotting away from the border, into the bramble thickets that encircled the hollow at Fourtrees. It wasn’t safe to stay so close to ThunderClan, not when patrols might be looking out for her. She didn’t know if Nettlepaw would keep quiet about finding her, though presumably he wouldn’t admit to giving her the herbs.