Rich was standing now, although he couldn’t remember getting to his feet. “No…this is the best way.” He paced back and forth in front of the coffee table. “A baby,” he muttered, needing to hear himself say it aloud. He was trying to assimilate exactly what it was Jamie had suggested. He paused, waiting to be overwhelmed by objections, but apparently he was too numb to think clearly. Not a single protest occurred to him. Not one.
Questions. There were plenty of those. A few doubts and a whole lot of shock, but no real opposition. Although he’d thought there would be. Should be.
“Our baby,” she said, her smile serene—as if she was already pregnant and counting the days before their child’s birth.
Her attitude, the calm way she was watching him, unnerved Rich more than anything. He stalked into the kitchen, emptied his coffee mug and then refilled it. When he returned, he saw that Jamie was studying him closely.
“Say something.” Her confidence seemed to be shaken, and for his own peace of mind, Rich was relieved to see it. She’d been taking this in stride a little too easily.
“I don’t know what to say,” he admitted bluntly.
“It sounds preposterous to you, doesn’t it?”
“Yes,” he nearly shouted. Preposterous was putting it mildly. She was talking about creating a new life, one that would link them forever.
“Why?”
“Why?” He couldn’t believe she’d even ask such a thing. “You want me to father your child. A baby—any baby—is a huge responsibility and—”
“But that responsibility would be mine,” she said quickly, interrupting him. “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t ask for any support, financially or emotionally.”
That didn’t sit well with Rich, either. He put down his coffee, sank into the chair again and leaned forward, pressing his elbows to his knees. He needed to think but couldn’t seem to form a single coherent thought. “Let me see if I understand this correctly,” he said after a moment. “You don’t want anything from me other than a…biological contribution. I’d father your child, and that’s all.”
“For this to work, you’d—we’d both need to separate ourselves emotionally from the procedure. The baby would technically be yours, but only because of his or her genetic makeup. For all intents and purposes, the pregnancy and the child shouldn’t be any different than if I’d gone to a sperm bank.”
“In other words all you really want from me is my genes.”
“Yes,” she said, nodding emphatically. Her eyes briefly met his, and she appeared to have immediate second thoughts. “I know I’m making it all seem so callous, but that’s not my intention. There’s no one I trust more than you, no one else I feel comfortable approaching with this idea. If the doctor were to line up ten guys—ten strangers—and ask me to choose one of them to father my baby, I’d pick you instead. Knowing you and trusting you means so much to me. We’ve been friends since high school and that adds a whole other dimension to this.”
“I don’t know.…”
“I … I considered seducing you.”
This time, Rich was unfortunate enough to be in the process of swallowing a mouthful of coffee. It stuck halfway down his windpipe and completed its course only after a bout of violent coughing.
“Are you all right?” Jamie asked.
“You honestly considered seducing me?” That idea was even more ludicrous than the first one she’d had.
“Briefly,” she admitted. “But sex between us would upset everything, don’t you think? Your friendship’s far too valuable to me to ruin it over something physical.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” So she’d considered luring him into her bed. Jamie Warren was certainly full of surprises this evening.
“I’m…not sure I could’ve done it,” she said as she lowered her gaze to her hands, which were tightly clenched in her lap. “I mean…well, you know what I mean.”
Rich wasn’t convinced he did, but he pretended otherwise and simply nodded.
Jamie reached for her coffee and took one tentative sip. “Do you have any questions? I mean, I’m sure you do, and I want to reassure you in any way I can.”
“Not yet.” He couldn’t seem to think clearly, let alone form sensible questions. “You say you’re not looking for emotional or financial support?”
“Correct.”
“So I’m not supposed to feel anything toward this child?”
Her eyes widened. “I …don’t know. I hadn’t thought about it in those terms. If it would make things easier for you, I could move out of the area after the baby’s born, or…before. Whichever you prefer.”
He didn’t like that strategy at all. “What about our parents?”
“What about them?” She seemed puzzled.
Rich couldn’t speak for Jamie’s mother, but he knew his own, and she’d give him an earful the minute she heard about this craziness. “You don’t expect our parents to accept this sitting down, do you?”
“I don’t plan to tell them.”
He gaped at her. “What do you intend to do? Run off and have the baby and then go home and present our parents with a surprise grandchild?”
“My mother, yes, but not yours. I don’t intend to tell anyone you’re the baby’s father. That’ll be between you and me. No one else needs to know. As far as my mother’s concerned, all I’m going to say is that I was artificially inseminated, but not by whom. That would only complicate matters, don’t you think?”
This didn’t work any better for Rich than Jamie’s other ideas, especially the one about moving away. He rubbed his face, hoping that would help him sort out his thoughts. It didn’t.
“I suppose you’ll want a few days to think this over?” She eyed him speculatively. It was apparent she’d like her answer as quickly as possible, but that was just too bad. This was too important a decision to be made quickly. He needed to weigh all the concerns carefully, think through the pros and cons.
He found the whole situation unsettling. Sure he’d like to be a father, but he’d prefer that it happened in the traditional way. His first instinct was to reject her suggestion outright, but Jamie was staring at him with those big, round eyes of hers, obviously doing her best not to sway him. To his regret, Rich discovered that he couldn’t turn down her request without at least considering it. Their friendship was worth that much.
“Give me a week,” he said after a strained minute or two.
“A week,” she repeated slowly. “Should I call you or will you call me?”
“I’ll call you.”
She nodded and stood up to leave, pausing at the front door. “Before I go, there’s one more thing I’d like to say.”
“Yes?”
“I … I truly believe we’d have a beautiful child, but if it isn’t meant to be, then I can accept your decision. I’m going to have a baby. I’d just rather it was yours than some stranger’s.” With that, she was out the door.
After she’d left, Rich resumed pacing, unable to stand still. His thoughts were a tangle of confused reactions, and part of him was laughing at the absurdity of Jamie’s proposition.
Their baby! Their baby?
They’d never even kissed, and she was proposing they create a child together.
She’d told him she expected nothing from him, other than the pregnancy. Although he was sure she hadn’t meant to sound so cold and calculating, that was exactly what Rich felt. She’d made it seem so…impersonal. Even that parting shot about having a beautiful child got to him. With those hazel-green eyes of hers and his height… He forcefully pushed the idea from his head.
Although he’d asked for time to make his decision, Rich already knew what his answer would be.
He wanted no part of this craziness.
* * *
Jamie made a genuine effort not to think about Rich for the next few days. She’d stated her case, explained what needed to be explained without resorting to emotions.
A hundred times since their talk, she’d thought o
f all the things she might’ve said to get him to agree.…
Her mind was muddled with regrets. Rich was a good friend. Too good to risk ruining their relationship because she was determined to have a child.
She’d insulted him. She’d known, from his stunned look, that his immediate instinct had been to say no. Good grief, who wouldn’t? It was only because of their friendship that he’d been courteous enough to consider her proposal.
Not for the first time, Jamie repressed the urge to call him and withdraw the suggestion. With everything in her, she wished she hadn’t said a word. And in the same instant she prayed with all her heart, with all her being, that he’d say yes.
If only she’d approached him differently.
If only she’d told him how much his child would mean to her, how she’d love that child her whole life.
If only she’d assured him what a good mother she was going to be.
If only…
* * *
Rich had made plans to go to his brother Jason’s apartment on Sunday afternoon to watch the Seahawks football game. Since Rich had given Bill Hastings their fifty-yard-line tickets, the least Rich thought he could do was bring the beer.
Close to one, nearly an hour late, Rich arrived at his brother’s with a six-pack of Jason’s favorite beer in one hand and a sack full of junk food in the other.
“About time you got here,” Jason muttered when he opened the front door. “The kick-off’s in less than five minutes.”
“I brought a peace offering,” Rich announced, holding up the six-pack. It wasn’t like him to be late, and he half expected an interrogation from his brother. He was grateful when it looked as though he was going to escape that. If Jason did grill him, Rich didn’t know what he’d say. Certainly not the truth. That he’d been so consumed with indecision over Jamie’s proposal, he’d lost track of the time.
“It’s going to take a whole lot more than a few beers to make up for the loss of those tickets, little brother,” Jason complained as he led Rich to the sofa. “Last I heard, scalpers were getting three hundred bucks for this game, and my brother gave ours away.” There was more than a touch of sarcasm in Jason’s voice. “I still don’t understand how Bill Hastings ended up getting our tickets.”
Rich had been purposely vague about the exchange. “He did me a favor.”
“You couldn’t have bought him dinner?”
“No.” It wouldn’t help to tell Jason that the big favor Bill was supposed to have done him had fallen through.
Damn, Jamie was stubborn. Stubborn enough to go ahead and have her baby without him.
That stopped him in his tracks. It was her decision. What bothered Rich, what caught him so completely by surprise, was the rush of resentment he felt at the thought of her having another man’s child.
“Hey, you all right?” Jason asked, claiming the seat next to him on the overstuffed sofa.
“Of course I’m all right. Why shouldn’t I be?”
“I don’t know, but you got this funny look all of a sudden.”
Rich dropped his gaze to the can of beer he clutched in his hand. He offered his brother a weak smile and then relaxed on the sofa. It was a few minutes before his heart rate returned to normal. But he kept thinking about Jamie. She’d have a stranger’s child. Yes, she would. She’d do it in a second. More than once Rich had collided with that pride of hers, and there wasn’t a doubt in his mind.
She’d do it!
“You ever thought about being a father?” Rich found himself asking his older brother. He attempted to make the question sound casual but didn’t know if he’d succeeded or not.
“Who, me?” Jason teased. “I’m not even married, and frankly I don’t ever plan to be.”
“Why not?” This was news to Rich. Jason dated as often as Rich did—although, come to think of it, Rich might have implied that his social life was more active than it really was. Jason never seemed to lack for gorgeous women. The only time he’d gotten serious, the relationship had turned out badly, but that was years ago.
“I’m not the marrying kind,” Jason said, tearing open a bag of potato chips with his teeth. “All women think about is reforming me. Hell, if I want to kick off my shoes and watch a football game on a Sunday afternoon, I don’t want to feel guilty about it. Most married men are henpecked. I prefer my freedom.”
“So do I,” Rich agreed. Marriage wasn’t for him, either. Or for Jamie. He valued his independence. So did she. Jason apparently felt the same way—marriage was too much trouble.
“If I want to dry my socks in the microwave, there’s no one around to yell at me,” Jason added, then took a deep swallow of his beer.
“You dried your socks in the microwave?”
Jason shrugged. “I forgot to put the load from the washer into the dryer the night before. I needed a pair for work. So it was either that or pop them in the toaster.”
Rich chuckled. That sounded exactly like something his brother would do. Jason was right: A woman would’ve been horrified had she known about his method of drying socks.
For the next ten minutes they were both engrossed in the game. At the commercial break, Jason propped his ankle on his knee and turned to Rich.
“Why’d you bring up this marriage thing?”
“No reason. I was just wondering.”
“What about you?” Jason asked. “Isn’t it time you thought about settling down and fathering a houseful of kids?”
“Me?” Rich asked.
“Yes, you. Mom knows any future Mannings will have to come from you and Paul. She’s thrown up her hands in disgust at me.”
“I don’t think I’ll get married, either.”
Jason’s eyes widened with disbelief. “Why not?”
“Don’t look so surprised.”
“I am. You, Richard Manning, are definitely the marrying kind. Women flock to you.”
Plainly his older brother had an inflated view of Rich’s sexual prowess, and Rich couldn’t see any reason to disillusion him. “True, but not one of them, in all these years, has appealed to me enough to want to marry her.”
“What about Pamela?”
“That woman’s a—” Rich decided not to say it. “Put it this way. We don’t have much in common.”
“I thought you were still seeing her.”
“I do occasionally.” He took a swig of his beer and set it down, then reached for a bowl of popcorn. Leaning back, he rested his feet on the coffee table, crossing his ankles. “This is the life.” He made a point of changing the subject, growing uncomfortable with the topic of marriage, although he’d been the one foolish enough to introduce it.
“It doesn’t get much better than this,” Jason said enthusiastically.
Once again their attention reverted to the television. The Seattle football team, the Seahawks, was playing the Green Bay Packers in a heated contest for the National Football Conference title. The winner would go on to play in the Super Bowl. All of Seattle was excited about the game.
“What about kids?” Rich wanted to kick himself the instant the question left his lips. What the hell was the matter with him? He’d had no intention of talking to Jason about any of this.
“Children?” Jason’s attention didn’t stray from the game. “What about them?”
“If you don’t plan to marry, how do you feel about not having a child of your own?” This bothered Rich the most. He really would like a son or a daughter. Or both.
Jason took a long time answering, as though the question had caught him unprepared. “I don’t know… I hadn’t given children much thought. I guess I’d like a couple of kids someday, but on the other hand, I don’t want to get married in order to have them. But then—” he hesitated “—there’s no need to marry…not these days. We live in an enlightened age, remember?”
“Not marry the woman pregnant with my child?” Rich gave his brother a sour look. “I don’t care what age we live in. We both know better than that. A word of advice—don
’t let Mom or Dad ever hear you say such a thing.”
Jason exhaled. “You’re right, that was a stupid idea.” He reached over to the bowl of popcorn Rich was holding and grabbed a handful. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”
“Not telling you?”
“Yeah. There’s something on your mind.”
“I’ll tell you what’s on my mind,” Rich said, picking up his beer. “Football. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re down by seven points and Green Bay’s got the ball on the fifteen-yard line.” He laughed, but his brother didn’t.
“You’re sure?” Jason asked a few minutes later. “The score’s the only thing bothering you?”
“Positive,” Rich assured him, feigning a smile. A man didn’t tell his older brother, especially one who assumed women flocked to him, that he was thinking about becoming a sperm donor.
* * *
Six days had passed, and if Rich didn’t call her soon, Jamie was convinced she’d have a nervous breakdown. Every time the phone rang, her heart shot to her throat and she started to tremble like an October leaf.
Rich had made a point of saying he’d be the one to call her, and he’d promised to do so within a week’s time. Nevertheless, the wait was killing her, and each day that passed seemed to increase her anxiety.
She’d just put a casserole in the oven when the doorbell chimed. Jamie’s gaze flew apprehensively toward the door. Even before she answered it, she knew it was Rich.
Inhaling a deep breath, she walked unsteadily across the carpet and opened the door.
“Hello, Jamie.”
“Hi, Rich.”
His eyes refused to meet hers, and her stomach twisted into a tight knot as he entered her home. He removed his coat and hung it in the closet as though he intended to stay for a while. Jamie didn’t know whether she should take encouragement from that or not.
“Dinner’s in the oven. Will you join me?”
He nodded, although she suspected he hadn’t heard what she’d said.