Dear Diary,
I feel horrible. Like God wasted his time when he made me. He did.
As much as I love my son, Richmond, I can’t stop the madness going on inside my head. I can’t stop doing everything possible to protect myself from being found out. I even went as low as to pay Kayla’s ex, Carson, to pretend like he’s interested in her, just so she won’t find out about me.
While I don’t have any hard feelings towards Kayla, I know she’s smart. If she sticks around, it’ll only be a matter of time before she realizes that it was me riding in the car with her grandfather the night he got in the car accident. When I’d confided in Leroy about what I did to Salina, he went nuts inside the head. Haywire. He’d gotten so upset, he’d called Kayla, and that’s when I grabbed the wheel and the car slammed into the tree.
Panic stricken, I’d hopped out of the car and had run as fast as I could to his house. Wanting to make my dear friend Leroy Van Buren look like a murderer, I planted Salina’s picture and the syringe in the hidden safe he’d always talked about.
At the sound of the doorbell ringing, Russell lifted his eyes from his diary. The doorbell rang again, verifying he hadn’t been hearing things. Maybe Suade had come by to visit, like he said he would. If Chelsey knew what was good for her, she’d better stay hidden in his bedroom like he’d taught her to do whenever he had a visitor.
Locking the safe with his diary inside, he rehung the picture and made his way to the door. He placed his eyes over the peephole. Seeing Kayla standing on his porch shielding herself with a black umbrella, his chest rattled like he had mucus in his lungs. Dear Lord, could she be there to confront him? The question in his mind stabbed at his heart. For her sake, and his, he prayed not.
Fear knotted Russell’s stomach as he pulled open the front door. “Hi, Kayla. What a mighty nice surprise.”
Kayla’s mouth pulled into a sour grin, like she was sad about something. “Hi, Russell. I’m sorry to come by here without calling, but I really need to speak with you in person.”
“Sure, come right on in.” Kayla lowered her umbrella, stood it in the corner of the porch, then entered his home. Even the muscles in Russell’s back ached as he led her through the foyer, then into his family room. “Have a seat.” He gestured to the sofa.
“Thanks.” Kayla took a seat on the sofa. “You have a beautiful home.”
“Thanks.” Russell sat on the couch across from where Kayla sat and crossed his legs at the knees. “So what brings you by?” His nerves jittered inside his gut. She’s on to me.
Her expression grew more serious. “I need your help, and I have nowhere to turn.”
“What’s going on?”
Kayla reached inside her purse, pulled out a picture, and handed it to Russell. Russell’s chest throbbed as he gazed down at the picture of him and Leroy clutched between his hands. Dear God, she knows. She knows I killed Salina. Bile surged to the top of Russell’s round stomach, and he felt like he’d throw up any minute now. His life as he saw it was over. Doomed. Shot to hell.
Kayla took a deep breath. “You lied to me, Russell. You said you didn’t know my grandfather, and I want to know why.”
Russell swiped his hand down his trembling face. “Oh, this is the Leroy you were talking about," he said, trying to play it off. “Yeah, I know him.” He tapped his finger on Leroy’s face.
Kayla’s arched brows indicated she knew that Russell had known the Leroy she was talking about all along. “I need your help. Without going into detail, I think my grandfather was in trouble the night he died, but I’m not sure. You and he were friends. Do you by any chance have any information about where he was coming from the night he got into the car crash? Or do you by any chance know who he was with the night he died?”
Grief threaded through Russell’s blood like thick yarn threading through a needle, clogging his arteries. Handing the picture back to Kayla, he felt as if she could see straight through him and his lies. For all he knew, she had a wire on her and was recording everything they talked about.
“I’m so sorry, Kayla, but I don’t have any knowledge of what went on with your grandfather the night he died.” Now get the hell out of my house, and don’t ever come back! Carson’s got to get your nosy behind out of here. Like yesterday. Like tonight. You’re nothing but trouble.
Kayla’s squirrel-shaped eyes rounded with sadness. “Thanks for listening to me.” She stood. “If you hear of anything, will you please let me know?”
Russell patted her on the back. “Sure, I will. Does Richmond know you’re here?”
Kayla shook her head. “No. I wasn’t sure if you’d want him to know that you and my grandfather were friends, so I didn’t say anything about coming over here to him.”
Begrudging Richmond’s love interest, Russell laid a heavy hand on Kayla’s shoulders. “I think it’s best if you don’t tell Richmond you paid me a visit. He and I are just getting our relationship back on track. And well, well, if he thinks I’m back to lying all the time again, it’ll stunt the growth of our relationship. By the way, I think you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to my son.” When the words came out of his mouth, he almost choked.
Believing him, Kayla’s mouth eased into the prettiest smile. For a second, he almost felt sorry about what he’d planned on doing to her. “Have a good night.” She pulled open the door, let up her umbrella, then walked outside in the now thundering rain.
Disgruntled, Russell shut the door. Gas-like pains roiled in his gut and shot to his chest. Experiencing chest discomfort, he placed a hand over his heart. Salina’s dead because of me. Leroy is dead because of me. I destroyed Leslie’s life. Destroyed Richmond’s life. Oh God, I destroyed my granddaughter’s life. I had no right to take Isabelle’s mother from her. Had no right to kill…Salina.
A sharp pain stabbed Russell’s chest. Gasping for air, his vision blurred. Feeling like he was having a heart attack, he prayed that if he died, he’d go to Heaven instead of hell. Struggling to breathe, he leaned against the door. He parted his mouth to call for Chelsey, but only a quick breath came out. Death’s coming to get me, and I’m going straight to fucking hell. Riveting in pain, grunting, and unable to move, he squeezed his eyes together.
“Who was at the door?” he heard Chelsey ask, standing behind him. “Russell, are you okay?” She placed her hand on his shoulder. “Russell! Russell!”
Slowly turning to face her, clenching his pained heart, he slumped to the floor and landed on his back. Glaring up at Chelsey’s white, blurry face, the last person on his mind was Salina. Russell inhaled a deep breath. The space around him slowly turned pitch black.